Educate/raise your child the correct way

[jhonny9546]

How would you educate your child?
Easy, just talk to them, and they’ll listen.


How would you educate your child when they stop listening?
Bribes, spankings, yelling, “If you don’t do this, you won’t get that”… sound familiar?


There are plenty of so-called "relational educators" out there, but we can’t trust them too much, just look at what they do with couples' counseling. They often end up turning men into well-trained puppies for their wives.


In Italy, for example, it’s very common to see these three approaches:

1. Spoiling the child:
   “If you do this, Mommy will buy you that.”
   “If you do your homework, you can play video games for 30 minutes.”
   And so on…
2. Yelling and spanking:
   “Stop doing that!”
   “Stop crying or I’ll spank you!”
3. Blackmailing the child:
   “If you don’t put on your pajamas, Dad won’t drive you to school tomorrow, you’ll have to walk.”
   “If you don’t do your homework, no video games.”
   “If you don’t put your shoes away, I’ll throw them in the yard and the dog will eat them.”
   “If you don’t clean up your toys, we’re not going to the park.”

So what’s the right way to raise a child?
It’s not easy, especially when we’re stressed out by daily life. The best thing is to embody a third person, someone calm and rational, who observes the situation and speaks with the child from a more peaceful, thoughtful place.


P.S. This might also be useful with women.

 

[Scaramouche]

Hi Jhonny,
Like most of life you lead by example and judicious use of both carrot and stick....Getting them away from the TV and the telephone is a must,library visits and regular reading at bedtime,include them in conversation...Both my Daughters did exceptionally well at Uni.they put this down to two factors,I insisted they both learn to touch type,altering an old cardboard box to mask the keys,they got a dollar a day after typing a full page.Secondly after them hitting a log jam with Maths,I engaged an ex Pakistani Female Cop to coach them,she brooked no nonsence,on her approval they each got two dollars after their hour long sessions.

 

[jhonny9546]

Hi Jhonny..

Your story is interesting! Where do you think you fit in? I was thinking about traits 1 and 3.

"Carrot and stick" also work in relationships, but at this point in my life I don't think they would lead to healthy relationships. I'm completely in the grip of passive terror, but I have to admit that I would never use manipulative tools to keep someone close to me. It would be the opposite: I would have to be a person of value to that person, and if that ends, it ends.

In the case of a child, we have to prove ourselves, so using carrots and sticks could be helpful. But I also dream of other ways to do that. For example, if I see the child not responding positively to "Put your toys away, people are coming and the floor needs to be cleared" I might say "What's wrong with doing that? Do you need a hand? You could do it yourself" If he still responds negatively then as a last thing I might say "I see you're tired today so I'll give you a hand, and I expect you'll do it next time" And if I don't do it next time he could say "You didn't put your toys away yesterday. How do you think we can stop this from happening again?"

 

[Scaramouche]

Hi Jhonny,
The soft kind approach works real well on Grandkids you see every couple of weeks,but in general using on a daily basis means inevitably getting walked over,nice goes to the back of the queue....Can't really see much transfer value to relationships,to Dogs yeah....On the Toys on the floor business fine chance of getting them to co-operate...I used a mixture of pragmatism and discipline,Got a Square of Canvas for the Toys to sit on,put brass O rings around the perimeter and threaded a soft draw rope round...So if we needed to tidy they were told chuck all your toys on the canvas,any that don't get on I'll chuck on the Stove,then pull the string Hoopla!...Course a few toys go on the fire but they soon get the message LOL.

 

[Travel memoir21]

Unless they totally did some really bad thing...you should never spank your child. You should also praise your child, play with them and raise their self esteem and encourage them. You should encourage them to pursue the things they're passionate about, let them have a zeal for life and uplift them and also educate them in God Consciousness and many righteous esoteric practices out there.

 

[plumber]

look at other kids/people. see how they are, if you like it then find out what the parents did. going to find things you don't agree with and then you have to think about that.

do you want your son to be a player, or have a HAPPY relationship. How about the girl, should she be a player...

you will find that kids copy you and usually believe in what you believe in, not what you tell them to believe in.

one of the biggest issue, or perhaps the biggest is that you need to spend time with them. they will grow to be like the people they are spending time with. and yes, that last point is also true for women with you.