Dumped by longterm girlfriend

[JacqueDamn!]

Whats up everyone. I am new here, but I hope you will still help me.

A couple of years ago I moved from the eastern midwest to the west coast with my longterm girlfriend. Things were going good for awhile, she was completely in love with me before we moved out here. She didn't really have any girl friends out here, and then she got one.

Next thing I know, she just isn't in love with me anymore.

We are broken up, but that isn't the worst of it. We split months ago. Well, she split with me. We live in the same studio still. There is nearly 2 months left on the lease, and my name is on it, so I can't leave. She is gone all the time, and I am constantly envisioning her with other guys. The other day I checked her voicemail, and there was a message from a guy saying what a great time he has with her.

I know who this guy is, and where to find him, and the other night I was drunk enough to want to go beat his ass. I've been drinking a lot. I am very angry. I know it is over, she wants nothing to do with me.

I am having a hard time here, and I need help.

 

[Radharc]

You leased the place together or its just in your name?

Anyways, to keep living with an ex is allways a bad idea... you need to put beetwen you and her as much distance as you can, only then can you start to heal. Your situation now is about as unhealthy as they get.

If you are stuck with her for 2 months do you have any possibility of getting away for a while? Your focus has to be getting over her, and you cant do that sharing a place with her even if shes not there most of the time.

 

[jophil28]

Why do you allow her to contimue to live in your apartment on your lease ?
She has replaced you.
I would have tossed her, and her stuff out on the lawn or the pavement and then changed the locks.

OH,and forget about beating up the other guy - bad idea.

 

[hithard]

Whats up everyone. I am new here, but I hope you will still help me.

A couple of years ago I moved from the eastern midwest to the west coast with my longterm girlfriend. Things were going good for awhile, she was completely in love with me before we moved out here. She didn't really have any girl friends out here, and then she got one.

Next thing I know, she just isn't in love with me anymore.

We are broken up, but that isn't the worst of it. We split months ago. Well, she split with me. We live in the same studio still. There is nearly 2 months left on the lease, and my name is on it, so I can't leave. She is gone all the time, and I am constantly envisioning her with other guys. The other day I checked her voicemail, and there was a message from a guy saying what a great time he has with her.

I know who this guy is, and where to find him, and the other night I was drunk enough to want to go beat his ass. I've been drinking a lot. I am very angry. I know it is over, she wants nothing to do with me.

I am having a hard time here, and I need help.

She just isn’t worth it champ. Right now you're too focused on what she is doing and who she is banging. Unfortunately she has already gone to c0ck filled pastures and it's time for you to concentrate on moving on.
Getting yourself out of being in contact with her is the main priority. Forcing yourself to accept she is doing the nasty with someone else and moving on is the next. She is the one screwing around, the other guy is just banging ass so lay the blame with her. Stop feeling sorry for yourself and ditch the drinking.

 

[iqqi]

Welcome to the forum, and get ready to do a lot of reading.

Start here: http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=160056

and here: http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=155594

 

[window]

If her name isn't on the lease kick her out. Give her a week to move her stuff. If she is on the lease you just have to grin and bear it. Yes quit drinking dude it will be the end of you. Nothing comes from drinking except wasting your hard earned. Hit the gym, do some yoga, invest in a course on nutrition etc.

 

[Kailex]

Whats up everyone. I am new here, but I hope you will still help me.

Welcome, and as iqqi said: Get ready to start reading.

A couple of years ago I moved from the eastern midwest to the west coast with my longterm girlfriend. Things were going good for awhile, she was completely in love with me before we moved out here. She didn't really have any girl friends out here, and then she got one.

I want to know details. WHY did you two move? Because of you? Because of her? Is she working?

Next thing I know, she just isn't in love with me anymore.

How long did this process take of "next thing I know"?

We are broken up, but that isn't the worst of it. We split months ago. Well, she split with me. We live in the same studio still. There is nearly 2 months left on the lease, and my name is on it, so I can't leave. She is gone all the time, and I am constantly envisioning her with other guys. The other day I checked her voicemail, and there was a message from a guy saying what a great time he has with her.

Important: Answer the question everyone has been asking - Who is OFFICIALLY on that lease? Is it just you? Because if it is, you kick her out TODAY. Not a week, not a day. You box her stuff up FOR HER while she's out and then you tell her it's time to go. When you let someone linger in your apartment with YOUR name on the lease and her isn't and you give her a deadline, you are running the risk of her having access to destroy stuff in your apartment or worse yet, cost you a security deposit. She could easily plug holes into the wall and guess what: YOUR name is on the lease.

It is not your job to house an EX. I just pray it's YOUR name on the lease and not the two of you.

I know who this guy is, and where to find him, and the other night I was drunk enough to want to go beat his ass. I've been drinking a lot. I am very angry. I know it is over, she wants nothing to do with me.

Good news: She wants nothing to do with you.
That means you can begin to move on internally. Don't beat this guy's ass. You should internally THANK HIM. Why? Because he has officially taken a burden off of your hands and he doesn't know what he's in for yet.

Answer a few of my questions and it'll shed a better light on the situation.

 

[JacqueDamn!]

I want to know details. WHY did you two move? Because of you? Because of her? Is she working?

How long did this process take of "next thing I know"?

Important: Answer the question everyone has been asking - Who is OFFICIALLY on that lease? Is it just you? Because if it is, you kick her out TODAY. Not a week, not a day. You box her stuff up FOR HER while she's out and then you tell her it's time to go. When you let someone linger in your apartment with YOUR name on the lease and her isn't and you give her a deadline, you are running the risk of her having access to destroy stuff in your apartment or worse yet, cost you a security deposit. She could easily plug holes into the wall and guess what: YOUR name is on the lease.

It is not your job to house an EX. I just pray it's YOUR name on the lease and not the two of you.

Why? Because he has officially taken a burden off of your hands and he doesn't know what he's in for yet.

To answer some of yours and everyone else's questions.

We moved out here for a change of scenery, and to try out some of the art schools.

I guess I seen it coming, her falling out of love with me. But it really accelerated when she got her new girl friend, who I think gave her a lot of confidence.

We are both on the lease. We have been together for five years, and living together for almost all of that time. It's like we were married, but without the paper.

I don't understand some of the negativity towards her. Yeah, she dumped me. But she is a great person. Maybe it is my fault. She is a great girl, and as far as "he doesn't know what he is in for yet", he is in for taking my great girl from me. I am very upset, but there is nothing I can do. She is not attracted to me anymore. I tried to take her out on a date to get the spark back when this first started, and nothing.

 

[justkyle]

You dont understand the negitvity towards her???
Simple.
BROS BEFORE HO3S!
We are all here on your side buddy.

 

[Bible_Belt]

On a side note about throwing someone out of your home - if they slept there last night, then the house is their legal residence. To legally evict an unwanted house guest, you have to go through the formal legal process of eviction, where they are served with court papers and given the opportunity to have a day in court...even if the unwanted person was never on a lease.

Men tend to think that if a live-in girlfriend is not on the lease, then they can just grab her by the hair and throw her out the door at any time. It doesn't work that way, at least not if the woman understands the law. She'll come back with the police, who will break down your door to let her in if you are not home, and also a restraining order against you, which means that you have to leave your own house immediately. She might even have her new boyfriend with her at the time and be making fun of you for taking your house - that would be irrelevant to any legal issue. And then if you were unreasonable enough to get angry about any of this and act on that anger, the police she brought with her will be very happy to take you to jail.

 

[Radharc]

I don't understand some of the negativity towards her. Yeah, she dumped me. But she is a great person. Maybe it is my fault. She is a great girl, and as far as "he doesn't know what he is in for yet", he is in for taking my great girl from me. I am very upset, but there is nothing I can do. She is not attracted to me anymore. I tried to take her out on a date to get the spark back when this first started, and nothing.

Dude, you need to get over her, and to do that two things are necessary, distance between you and her and you starting to get some new girls.

Yeah, five years is a long time, it fvcking hurts, especially for the dumpee, its adding insult to injury. But you need to get your sh1t together. She isn´t coming back (even if she was, if the reasons she broke up with you in the first place are still there it wouldnt last).
Start looking for the future, the past has its place, you should do your "mourning" but you need to get into a mind frame of moving on. Self-pity and self-destruction wont get you the life you want to live.

Check the movie Swingers, it would probably shed some light into your current situation.

Now, if in any form you can start getting her out of your life, negotiate your way out of the lease, go away to some friends place or family for a while, something along those lines, do it, its your top priority now, to remove her from your daily life.

 

[Radharc]

On a side note about throwing someone out of your home - if they slept there last night, then the house is their legal residence. To legally evict an unwanted house guest, you have to go through the formal legal process of eviction, where they are served with court papers and given the opportunity to have a day in court...even if the unwanted person was never on a lease.

Men tend to think that if a live-in girlfriend is not on the lease, then they can just grab her by the hair and throw her out the door at any time. It doesn't work that way, at least not if the woman understands the law. She'll come back with the police, who will break down your door to let her in if you are not home, and also a restraining order against you, which means that you have to leave your own house immediately. She might even have her new boyfriend with her at the time and be making fun of you for taking your house - that would be irrelevant to any legal issue. And then if you were unreasonable enough to get angry about any of this and act on that anger, the police she brought with her will be very happy to take you to jail.

You kidding right? In the U.S. some random ONS I met 10 hours before can evict me from my place and take it over for her own use?

 

[logic1]

Go out and hook up with another girl. If any way possible find one you can take back to your apartment and blank the blank out of her.

Make sure your ex is going to be coming home about the time you are getting ready to explode. At least make sure she hears the head board banging the wall.

This will be good for you and do wonders on your ex. Your single! What are you waiting on?

 

[Bible_Belt]

You kidding right? In the U.S. some random ONS I met 10 hours before can evict me from my place and take it over for her own use?

It is possible. You would of course get the house back after the eviction proceeding had completed, but that could take anywhere from a week to a couple of months.

 

[jophil28]

On a side note about throwing someone out of your home - if they slept there last night, then the house is their legal residence. To legally evict an unwanted house guest, you have to go through the formal legal process of eviction, where they are served with court papers and given the opportunity to have a day in court...even if the unwanted person was never on a lease.

Men tend to think that if a live-in girlfriend is not on the lease, then they can just grab her by the hair and throw her out the door at any time. It doesn't work that way, at least not if the woman understands the law. She'll come back with the police, who will break down your door to let her in if you are not home, and also a restraining order against you, which means that you have to leave your own house immediately. She might even have her new boyfriend with her at the time and be making fun of you for taking your house - that would be irrelevant to any legal issue. And then if you were unreasonable enough to get angry about any of this and act on that anger, the police she brought with her will be very happy to take you to jail.

What !! Down here, a guy can toss his wife out and change the locks and she has no IMMEDIATE legal recourse available to her . IF she wishes to challenge his actions she is obligated to do so in a Family Court hearing which will take at least several months to be heard .
The cops do not want to know about these sorts of "domestic issues" and will avoid attending if they can unless there is evidence of violence.

 

[hithard]

To answer some of yours and everyone else's questions.

We moved out here for a change of scenery, and to try out some of the art schools.

I guess I seen it coming, her falling out of love with me. But it really accelerated when she got her new girl friend, who I think gave her a lot of confidence.

We are both on the lease. We have been together for five years, and living together for almost all of that time. It's like we were married, but without the paper.

I don't understand some of the negativity towards her. Yeah, she dumped me. But she is a great person. Maybe it is my fault. She is a great girl, and as far as "he doesn't know what he is in for yet", he is in for taking my great girl from me. I am very upset, but there is nothing I can do. She is not attracted to me anymore. I tried to take her out on a date to get the spark back when this first started, and nothing.

You are trying to hold onto something that isn't there. Do any of these apply:
Do you lay awake at night wondering where she is?
Snooping into her private life for details on what she is doing?
Trying to stay in her life in the hope you can get her back again?

All your effort at the moment is like the final clingy death grasp of a man blinded by oneitis. Take a deep breath accept it for what it is and let go. You are missing out on your own life by worrying what she is up to. How many months are you going to waste on stress?
Harden the f.uck up, do what you know you should be doing and create some distance. Your mind will eventually stop focusing on her and switch back to you. No space means you will feel like crap for as long as you cling on.

 

[backbreaker]

there are no bad situations, just bad outlooks.

you are 30, single, no kids. you were lucky enough to not get married and have her steal have your **** for falling out of love with you. you are a blessed man.

 

[yaynyppys!]

JacqueDamn!,

So I hardly ever post, but I've been through the same kinda **** you have, except maybe not as bad. Anyway the biggest and most useful piece of advice I've ever gotten out of these forums is to really question the point of your existence when you're thinking about that girl with some other dude.

Really.. is your purpose to think about that girl with some other dude? If you saw the dude on the street and you didn't know he was ****in her, would you give two ****s? Probably not. If you didn't know her at all, would you give two ****s about who she was ****in? Probably not. That's pretty much sums it up.

You feel the way you feel because of attachment to one girl. But there's tons of girls.. many of them are hotter or otherwise better than the one you're currently with. So move on, man. You're a ****in man. No matter what, you can deal with your bad situation and rise above it. It's the most important ability you have. More important than any girl.

Develop that ability and the girl won't matter. Nothing else really will. And life will have a better purpose.

Edit: I should add that I've felt a lot better when I didn't worry about womens' attitude towards me. It's irrelevant. You were put on Earth to conquer it, not to dance to the whims of.. yea, you know what I'm tlaking about man. Go run some km's if you ever think about your ex-gf and you will get fitter + more attractive. And oh yea, you're stuck in the lease right? Kick the biatch out and tell her to move on. Then enjoy your place. to its fullest

 

[Zarky]

OP: Shake it off, start dating MULTIPLE women and keep dating MULTIPLE women for the rest of your life.