I've been stuck on this as well.
On the one hand, you want to be a sexual being to set you apart from all the genderless, sexless males that approach her and get the cold shoulder or, worse, the friends spiel. To do this, you have to convey that yes you are indeed interested in sex, as it is an activity you enjoy greatly and one she would most likely enjoy with you.
On the other hand, you don't want to be the guy that's always spouting sexual innuendo. Even a little bit goes a long way. You want to convey that while you are a sexual being, sex with her isn't all that big of a priority, as you have other, more important things in your life that concern you, and she'll have to earn the priviledge of sharing a bed with you.
What caught me is that the advice I always received is one of the two extremes. Either you want to put yourself into a sexual state, convey your sexuality, kino her, let her really have it in mind that you are someone to have sex with, or you want to downplay your interest, keep her frustrated and wanting you badly, keeping a tight leash on your sexuality so she knows you have a more important life than just boffing the hell out of her. Every post I read is always one of the two.
It's finding that balance that's the tricky part. Letting on that you are a very sexual person, but for the time being there's more important things than being sexual with her. That you are very much a male with all the male bits she'll enjoy, but you don't let just anyone enjoy them.
The way I see it, when you approach a girl, you should act like it's a regular occurence (because it damn well should be). Have a normal, brief conversation, avoid anything immediately and overtly sexual (as you are a man whose worth is more than just what he can do in bed, and besides, it's never as effective as being strong, confident, and dominant), establish something somewhat unique and memorable about your talk, then bust out with requesting her number in whatever fashion you like. Regardless of the conversation she'll know. Actions speak louder than words. The act of boldly and confidently getting her number will do much more than trying to talk your way into coming off as a sexual person. If you're relaxed about it, ask for it as calm and collected as can be, she'll get the message, and you won't have to do anything more.
And the best balance, I think, would be to keep from talking all that much for the first few dates. Action dates where you're leading her and asserting your dominance in the situation would do much, much more to place yourself as an attractive, sexual being in her mind than simply maneuvering any conversation, regardless of context, into something focused beneath the sheets. It's one thing to talk about how sexual you are, to use words to put her into a sexual mindset, or hell, even testing her interest level by making a move or two yourself. It's something else entirely to show yourself to be a strong, confident man who is a master of his own life and dominates his surroundings almost immediately, and from there make your moves boldly and decisively, not hesitating to test the waters or wait for signs from her to move ahead. I'm not saying go full-bore into trying to have sex with her; I'm saying if you really are that much of an alpha male, you wouldn't want to just have sex with her until she's proven herself a bit. You act like the man you are, and if and when she really is attracted to you, she'll put the moves on you. And then you'll have the leisure of choosing when and where, and even if, you want to move things forward.
So I guess the compromise boils down to revealing yourself to be sexual by being truly confident, so much so that you don't shy away from sexual talk but you don't dive in head-first to try and force her into a sexual state as well. Guys get into the friends zone because they shy away from doing what they want to do because they think it'll offend the person they're with. The manly types we all aspire to be avoid the friends zone not because they act sexual around a girl, but because they convey the type of person a girl wants to be sexual with. You can talk about great legs and back massages all day long, but it's not going to do you a lick of good if you have ulterior motives aside from just because you felt like bringing it up. If you stay true to what you really want overall, and avoid doing things to please what you want immediately ("I just gotta make a move on this girl!" when really you don't have to do anything, and in any other situation you wouldn't give two sh*ts about her anyway) or to artificially inflate your own sense of self-worth, then you'll do fine.
The real key then, I guess, would be to do what you really want, within reason and context. When I approach girls, I make an honest decision about whether or not I really want their number. I make damn sure to realize whether this is a person I really want to talk to, or I just want the number in order to boost my self-esteem a little bit for that day. Personally, I love meeting new people, so I usually end up with numbers regardless, and they're not always used for getting dates. But if I went after a girl's number just to validate my own sense of self-worth, either to give myself the personal victory of getting a number or, even further, actually getting a date and thinking "hell yeah, I did it, I'm worth something!", then at some point things are going to break down. If I were truly confident in myself, would I really need to get the number just to confirm that? I could be the best actor in the world, hide my true intentions as much as I want, and she'll believe I'm incredibly confident and bold and dashing, but at some level things really will break down at some point.
If I really want to be truly happy, then I won't need to act, or lie, or deceive. I will go for things that I truly want and need, not things just to validate my ego. It is this act of staying true to myself that will ultimately convey my sexuality to women. That I'm confident and in control of my life, that I don't let my self-esteem's constant need of confirmation rule my actions, that I am not swayed by whims or inhibitions. This pure dominance is incredibly attractive to women, because they see that my life is my own and I am confident enough to fully grasp that fact, and if they want me to want them they're going to have to earn it.
The essence of sexuality, then, is staying true to oneself. Have sex to have fun, yeah, but have sex to have fun. Not to boost your self-esteem, not to up your numbers, not for anything else but the experience itself, should you so want it and deem your partner worthy of your time. There is nothing more powerfully attractive than being in command of one's own sexuality, and conquering it, as well as all other aspects of your life, will do way more for you than joking about breasts and hugging ever will. Inserting sexual talk and actions into your conversations, no matter how smoothly you do it, will reveal even minute holes in your confidence at some point. But doing such things naturally, when appropriate and in the context of your personal style, is definitely the way to go. It'll take time to judge between the two, but once you start looking for the reasons why you're hesitating or forcing certain actions, you'll quickly be able to tell whether you're doing something because it's something you'd really do, or it's something you're forcing. I'm still working on that, and I probably for a long long time.
But anyway, the compromise I've found between being sexual and being reserved it to be true. At least, that's my take on it.
