downgraded from provider to friend rather than lover?

[big weezy]

ok so i met up with that woman i mentioned:

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=189184

I played it cool for the first 10 mins but because I talk a lot naturally it was hard to keep it up, but it did throw her off a bit especially at dinner cos i did not kino her at all but she did have defensive body language.

Then walking from the restaurant to the bar same thing, literally i held out for about 2 hours not making a move (we've already gotten naked before) and when i finally put my arms around and turned to her and leant forward she moved in to kiss me, it was like she was waiting for me to do that all night.

anyway, she sees me as a provider with long term potential BUT, there's a lot of aspects where we're not compatible and it wont work out long term, so i get the dreaded 'friends' speech.. however whenever we meet up me hook up make out, it's so annoying cos her friend is staying over who was suppose to leave yesterday but missed her flight is leaving today.. I was guaranteed to sleep with her if she wasn't there so was unable to go into her apartment.

it just shows you that in the moment, regardless what she is feeling tomorrow next week or whatever if the moment is right and she is h0rny you can make it happen, i feel so angry that i spent money on dinner and didn't get to bang her when all it was literally a logistic issue with a friend overstaying her welcome. F'ing c0ckblocked me.

the issue is that she always saw me as potentially long term material, but i'm at that stage where it's pretty clear i dont pass all the necessary requirements for that.. but why is it i am being downgraded to a 'friend'?

i asked her yesterday about guys in general and she mentioned she has been seeing younger guys before she started going out with me and that 'it's just 2 attractive people who find each other attractive enjoying each other's company and you know..just having fun' basically she is just having fun casual sex with guys she sees no long term potential in.

for me i have no idea if she finds me attractive or not BUT i dont understand why am i not downgraded to lover status and not friendzone?

i assume she finds me attractive if we're hooking up BUT it's like i've been bracketed into this long term provider material (i should mention she's an independent woman who pays for herself and doesn't expect me to provider for her financially, she pays for me always except for dinner) how do I switch from being provider to lover??

unless she means 'friends' as in friends with benefits until she finds a guy she likes long term.

 

[big weezy]

I'm so f'ing annoyed, I was guaranteed to have sex with her last night if the f'ing friend wasn't still there. Now i reckon it's over, now she has time to deal with her 'feelings' or lack of them for me.

It doesn't help either she seems to think i might be the jealous type later on in a relationship.. if she needs any reason not to continue it then that's it... plus we had some stupid argument in the bar about what i said and how i was 'judging' her for her past.

I spent a lot of money last night and annoyed about it, not cos i just spent the money i'd been happy to do that IF i also got to sleep with her. I knew from the start of the night it wasn't going to happen cos her friend still hadn't left yet.

Is it worth just being opportunistic and hanging out as 'friends'? it seems liek when theres a little liquor involved she's more than willing to make out and fool around with me and invite me back to hers (this was on assumption we were seeing each other.. i dont know if her 'friends' is code for friends with benefits though.. i should have clarified that last night when she said to me 'im not the 1 who was talking about options..' i was like 'well you're the 1 who said she wanted to be friends ')

 

[Link]

THIS IS WHY WOMEN ARE NOT WORTH IT ANYMORE

Step one: Don't let your ego control you
Step two: Buy a 10 ranked escort.
Step three: Have fun

All this PUA BS is NOT worth the trouble. Don't be suckered into believing in Alpha/beta rank bs. Just buy escort or move overseas. Having to be a woman's entertainment-center isn't fun once you realize you have to do this with every god damn female.

 

[Holden Caulfield]

In my opinion, you are giving this woman too much head space. You are allowing her to live rent free in your mind. Not good. Take a step back from this and ask your self what you would tell someone else who is asking the same questions, and/or responding to your same comments. Need to reset. Most often you will find that you already know the answers, they are really rather simple, and that you tend to make them more complex than what they are and what reality dictates.

Several additional thoughts:

1) You appear to be looking for affirmation from others that it is okay to sacrifice yourself for the off chance that you may get laid one day, when dirnking is involved, by just waiting around to hang out as a friend. Won't work. Plays right into the AW's game. You may quite possible find yourself payig her rent for her one day. If you give up who you are for a piece of azz, who is to say how far you are willing to go, on the off chance... Be true to yourself.

2) You are annoyed = frusutration, which shows itself one way or the other. Women are intuituive when it comes to these things, and it is not easily hidden from them; they always manifest themselves in one way or the other. They interpret this as desperation. Let go of the outcome.

3) You must realize that if a woman finds you attractive and wants to be with you, there is little that will stand in her way. She will make the situation right to get what SHE wants. I.e Friends will not be "missing their flight" or will be somewhere else. They conspire with one another to help perpetuate the other's outcome. So if her firend was "still there", rest assured it was intentional, whether true or not that she was actually "still there". Actions speak louder than words.

4) Last thought... People come and go from our lives. Forever is a misconception, as we all die anyway. So be open to other possibilities and know that this may have just been a teachable moment for you to help you grow into a better man. Not every gril is a keeper. Keep the emotional investment at a minimum until she (or any other) has some investment in you. Getting naked with someone is not considered an investment, but rather an enticement. Dangling bait, if you will. See it as just that. Be indifferent.

 

[floydb25]

I don't know why you are still wasting time with this girl. She's probably using you until something better comes along. But you keep allowing it to happen, so that's on you.

 

[Demonpenz]

I like the game. It is fun at times. yeah if I wanted to get out the game I could just buy escorts

 

[Jeffst1980]

it just shows you that in the moment, regardless what she is feeling tomorrow next week or whatever if the moment is right and she is h0rny you can make it happen, i feel so angry that i spent money on dinner and didn't get to bang her when all it was literally a logistic issue with a friend overstaying her welcome. F'ing c0ckblocked me.

You weren't going to get to bang her; that was a convenient excuse of hers. If she wanted to have sex with you, she would've found a way to do so.

Your laid-back attitude on this date was MUCH better, but you're still supplicating to her, and that's what has turned her off. You shouldn't have dropped all that money on dinner- she doesn't deserve that!! She can sense that you're trying WAY too hard with her, and that's what is communicating a lack of options.

You don't get "downgraded" from an LTR to a lover- it doesn't work that way. You must become a lover FIRST-- if you don't, it's friendzone every time.

Stop contacting her and straight up ignore her for awhile. You need to show her that you aren't some chump that will buy her dinner just to be her "friend."

 

[big weezy]

You weren't going to get to bang her; that was a convenient excuse of hers. If she wanted to have sex with you, she would've found a way to do so.

Your laid-back attitude on this date was MUCH better, but you're still supplicating to her, and that's what has turned her off. You shouldn't have dropped all that money on dinner- she doesn't deserve that!! She can sense that you're trying WAY too hard with her, and that's what is communicating a lack of options.

You don't get "downgraded" from an LTR to a lover- it doesn't work that way. You must become a lover FIRST-- if you don't, it's friendzone every time.

Stop contacting her and straight up ignore her for awhile. You need to show her that you aren't some chump that will buy her dinner just to be her "friend."

are u sure it was an excuse? cos she spent the whole time complaining about her friend how she's incompetent and told her that her flight was on Sat, unless she's deceiving me with some really really elaborate story and that she didn't want to go home yet cos her friend may still be up and it'd p1ss her off.. if she did then she's a sociopathic compulsive liar.

but true, if she wanted sex it woulda happened.. what i mean is.. IF her friend wasn't there i woulda gone back to her place talked, escalated and had sex.

she doens't expect me to buy dinner, i felt i needed to do that to make it look like i was LTR material after our 1st couple dates cos she lost interest cos i DLV'd myself about my job etc. thing is the dinner we had last week i was BS. i'll try what you said.