doubting the cold approach...

[djinhell]

Hey Guys

I have been thinking about the cold approach a lot lately, and I honestly feel the guy is always doomed. I mean, I feel that we are immediately giving the woman power once we approach, because they know they have something that we want...and also even if it does appear that we succeed initially, often it turns out that we fail.

I've been clubbing and going to bars quite a lot lately, but I just cant be dealing with all the attention *****s in that scene. I'd much rather meet a girl in the real world, but surely theres another way than just cold direct approaches!?!?

sorry, I dont even know if that made sense...more rambling than a question

 

[Vypros]

Sure there is.

Because you are looking for more than just a piece of a$$, then you need to change the way you are dealing with women. The stuff here only really works well with guys who want just sex.

If you're more of a relationship kind of guy, then you want to be meeting your women at places besides bars and night clubs. Places such as clubs (school or community) and community functions, etc. Stuff like that.

And you don't have to cold approach in those situations. Most of the time you are able to be alongside some people with whom you can start normall conversations with and end it with asking them for their number for more one on one time.

 

[LostAndConfused]

You do give her power. However, how much power you give is up to how you play the situation. I've dated girls I met from cold approaches.

At clubs you can start dancing with the chick without saying a word, then you can see if you can spark up a conversation. if not, go to the next girl.

But man you are absolutely right, I'd say 95% or even more of the guys a girl dates are within some sort of social circle. (ie same university, same group of friends, same workplace, friend of a friend, etc). Why not be in the 5%?

Join groups. Thats really the best solution. Meet people. Talk to people, establish rapport with MALES. THe more people you meet the more value you get (i'm an RSDfag, I know) and the more women are attracted to you.

 

[everywomanshero]

Cold approaches work, of course. What percentage of those turn out varies wildly from one guy to the next... but in essence they will work for any guy if he is persistent, probably even some biggin who stinks to high heaven. For me it's just a matter of approaching with a pleasant conversation in mind. Back when I still dated single women, one of my favorite places was the mall food court. You can get 2-3 approaches there. Don't just go up and get the number, that's going to be a dud most of the time. Makeout with them right there in the foodcourt or at least hold hands. If you cannot do that, then IMO it's likely a NOGO anyway. There is more risk from being too passive than too assertive. The other place I liked to approach was at clubs. Despite what others say I've rarely had trouble finding a woman alone at clubs. I always seem to find one hottie by herself during an evening, maybe even two. Granted that's not many, but if you're good at interacting with women you don't need many opportunities. Otherwise I'd look for small groups of 2-3 women. Again, I don't run in, spew a few lines and try to get a phone number. I am going to dance with her and make out and close the club down with her or extract her from the club (sometimes this happens in like 10 minutes, I've had chichs tell me Im cute and ask me to leave with them, you just never know). I could run around like a chicken with its head cut off but at the end of the night I'd probably be no better off, so I get in with one chick and close the deal right away. Perhaps the problem is your thinking, maybe you've become one of those running around like a mad man guys who doesn't try to close the deal that same night or at least close the club down with her so the number might work I'd rather have some ***** than 15 numbers personally.. remember too that different pubs/clubs/bars tend to draw different crowds.. If you don't like the crowds at the venues you're going to now, why don;t you try somewhere different? Most cities have a free newspaper that should give you clues or ask the kind of people you'd like to meet where they go out to.. chances are similar others will be there.

 

[djinhell]

Hmmm, I see what you say everywomanshero. I think thats a big problem actually, Doing a cold approach and not making it clear what your intentions are...I guess I will try to make it clearer initially that I find the girl sexy and want to take her out or whatever...The problem with that though, is that its difficult for a woman to not think your only after one thing..I mean, the only reason your talking to her in the first place is because of what she looks like rite?

I think im at the stage where im thinking about too much theory. Every situation is different...Im just gonna not be afraid of those situations...not be afraid to smile at a girl, to check a girl out, to say more than "Hi" "Bye" and "Thanks" to girls I see out and about. Its just figuring out a way to ask for a number casually without it seeming desperate, which is what I struggle with most...Im thinking maybe do it in a C&F way, rather than too serious, like:-
"I'll make things easy on you and ask for your number"

good, bad? I dont friggin know lol

 

[everywomanshero]

Well in my case I am only after one thing: Some fun. That includes laughs, drinks, lots of sex, and wherever the path of life takes us... right now just sex though can't do and even discuss doing traveling, road trips, etc. I can see another mental barrier here, that all women are looking for relationships. This is one that just might take some time to get past.

It's both.. looking for a conversation just to see where things would go and directing the traffic to the right place at the same time.

1. You need to start a conversation with someone, dance with them, talk with them, etc.

2. You need to find out if they are even remotely interested. If they won't hold hands or kiss you, then chances are they are not even remotely interested or something is going on that I don't recommend trying to figure out. Getting a phone number doesn't mean much, you need something more solid than that. You need a connection.

3. Ultimately you need to end up in private with her alone (OK if you can swing a three some or public sex, go for it but let's learn to crawl before we walk here!). It could be done the same night by extracting them from the club or leaving with them as the club closes or you could do one last makeout and get the # in the parking lot or whatever after the club closes. If everything has went right up til this point, there is a good chance it will work so it's worth taking. If she's the type who only goes out twice a year, call her to "make sure she made it home". Yea it creeps me out too, but those kind tend to think it means you're genuine. Otherwise, just call her the next night and talk and toward the end of the convo figure out a time to meet up again. If you've done all of this, you should have sex the next time you meet. Follow Brent's advice regarding what to do once she comes over (find the DYD advanced interview somewhere if you don't have it).

There willl be a day where you'll feel like you couldn't even mess this up if you tried. I don't know how long it will take you to get to that point, the more you resist and persist in trying to control situations rather than just seizing what the moment brings you, the longer I think you'll be waiting so One last thing, as far as being all macho and telling women "I only want one thing..." and that kind of thing, I don't do that either. I just like to let things ride and see where they go. I find it equally counterproductive to either highly crass or highly clingy. I'm honest with women that I cannot have a full on relationship with them but they are not just sex objects either so I don't need to be crass with them regarding our relationships however odd they may be.

 

[Tha Realnezz]

CAs are for pervets and desperate men in the eyes of woman.

No chic wants to be approached in public unless the guy is cute in her op or has money...or she's horny.

I dont even bother unless the chic is giving me signals or the chic is very attractive.

Work smarter not harder.

 

[j0n024]

CAs are for pervets and desperate men in the eyes of woman.

No chic wants to be approached in public unless the guy is cute in her op or has money...or she's horny.

I dont even bother unless the chic is giving me signals or the chic is very attractive.

Work smarter not harder.

lol...you've been here how long and you still pigeon-hole Cold approaching...wow.

I'm not going to say anything about your narrow-mindedness but it's pretty funny to be honest.

I've cold aprroached lots of women and I'm not going to say its all fun and games, I HAVE been rejected a lot but so what...who gives a sh1t , I dont . IF I go up to a girl and she rejects me I'm not going to be like the majority IE: Razz...and say

"Fvck this cold approaching doest work and I'm going to bash the sh1t out of it all the time and only rely on social circles!"

NOOO all I say to myself is her loss and move on...why should I think twice about it?

Cold approaching WORKS let me repeat that it W O R K S .....as long as you know how to use it .

 

[DonJoseCantosie]

Ahhh lets see here....

The Realnezz says:

CAs are for pervets and desperate men in the eyes of woman.

No chic wants to be approached in public unless the guy is cute in her op or has money...or she's horny.

I dont even bother unless the chic is giving me signals or the chic is very attractive.

Work smarter not harder.

:nono: Thats completely wrong. This is the main reason why guys are scared ****less to after a woman they randomly see. To been seen as such. Its much creepier to look at a woman but not be able to do anything. Women LOVE being swept off their feet randomly in the day, especially the really hot ones. Why else would they respond so well to it, especially if its direct?

Jon024 says:
lol...you've been here how long and you still pigeon-hole Cold approaching...wow.

I'm not going to say anything about your narrow-mindedness but it's pretty funny to be honest.

Agreed!

I've cold aprroached lots of women and I'm not going to say its all fun and games, I HAVE been rejected a lot but so what...who gives a sh1t , I dont . IF I go up to a girl and she rejects me I'm not going to be like the majority IE: Razz...and say

Jon....the thought of u ever being the majority who get affected by it like this overall should be immediately banned in life. To address the noobs and naysayers, Even if she rejects u...u made a huge impression on her and she'll remember it...even if she might not act like it at first. Hell, some of them most likely changed their minds but its too late...since they missed out. U've become as good as u are cuz of cold approaching. Ur one of the best here, easily.

"Fvck this cold approaching doest work and I'm going to bash the sh1t out of it all the time and only rely on social circles!"

NOOO all I say to myself is her loss and move on...why should I think twice about it?

Exactly...to where its funny...cuz some women who reject us, we can't even remember.

Cold approaching WORKS let me repeat that it W O R K S .....as long as you know how to use it .

And to know how to use it....you must do it for yourself

 

[DonJoseCantosie]

Hey Guys

I have been thinking about the cold approach a lot lately, and I honestly feel the guy is always doomed. I mean, I feel that we are immediately giving the woman power once we approach, because they know they have something that we want...and also even if it does appear that we succeed initially, often it turns out that we fail.

I'm glad ur addressing this. Ur putting out ur limiting beliefs out there. Time for them to be destroyed! B) Now....the guy is only doomed if he lets himself be as such. Women have power, they have their own power. You going up to her is powerful and doesn't give urs to her. Ur putting ur ego on the line. When a woman says, "not interested" how is she getting power? She's only using the power she only has...of herself. If u cold approach her like she's a goddess then yes...she will have more power. But if u go up to her, in a manner of...ur after her but u dont' need her...that would make u more powerful because if u don't like her, u can walk away but if she likes u, she'll be drawn to ur frame. About them knowing they have something we want, yes...they know we want their *****...the key is that u won't play by her stupid rules, so how will she used that to her advantage? She can't....thats all she can do. Plus, if u get rejected or she starts to lose interest...ur not failing...its a learning experience. Failure is when u let her walk over u, or u flat out give up.

I've been clubbing and going to bars quite a lot lately, but I just cant be dealing with all the attention *****s in that scene. I'd much rather meet a girl in the real world, but surely theres another way than just cold direct approaches!?!?

Yep, Social Circles. I bet they're great and all, considering u get introduced to girls and can have an active social life. The problem is, it can be a ***** to maintain and u might not be introduced to the hotties u truly want...only limited to the ones given to u. I wouldn't give up cold approaching yet. The Club and bar, i wouldn't give it up quite yet....a few new beliefs and u prolly will be roaring to tackle it again. IT can be frustrating, i agree man...but don't forget....its a joke in some regards....how women are in there...to where u can only laugh at how much validation those attention *****s seek in that area.

sorry, I dont even know if that made sense...more rambling than a question

But now u know what to fix.

 

[DonJoseCantosie]

Everywomanshero...pretty good advice man...