Don't know what to do

[LITTup]

Hi all,

I'm seeking some help in what is a difficult situation for me. This story dates back 3 years so ill sum it up as simple as possible.

Met a girl 3 years ago, hit it off, talked for a few months, got jealous when I found out she was talking to another kid at the same time (AFC move I know). She winds up dating the kid, we stop talking.

Fast forward a year, she breaks up, we wind up talking after we ran into each other as we have mutual friends. Talk again, she gets back with the kid, we stop talking once again.

Fast forward to a month ago. They once again broke up and now we are talking again but im sensing that she is playing the same games once again. So you may ask yourself what's the problem here? Just stop talking to her. There enlies my issue.

Allow me to fill a few blanks. During all these years I've been with plenty of other girls, I'm talking 10-15. Not with one of these girls have I gotten the feelings that I get when I'm with this one particular one. So while I know she is no good for me, she's what I want.

Everytime we start talking again we have a talk where she apologizes and says how sorry she is blah blah. She texts me first alot but when I ask to hang out its like pulling teeth before she says yes and then even after saying yes she cancels half the time. This is throughout the last 3 years, not jus recently.

So my question is what is my move here?

 

[El Payaso]

Some people say one strike rule. Others say two strikes. You're just weird. A chick has flaked on you for THREE years yet you're still rationalizing her behavior.

 

[LITTup]

Some people say one strike rule. Others say two strikes. You're just weird. A chick has flaked on you for THREE years yet you're still rationalizing her behavior.

Trust me I know. I wish I wouldn't but no matter how much I tell myself no I can't fight it. I'm talking to 3 other girls currently not including her and yet I still can't get my mind off of her

 

[hudpes]

So because I know she is no good for me, she's what I want.

Fixed.


Seldom does life write itself like a Hollywood story involving years of desire and failed attempts of getting together with someone, then finally hitting it off and heavenly gates open.

You have classical oneitis, I prescribe moving on and I'm sure others will concur. She was toxic to your other relationships, because you compared this puffed up illusion of her, while feeling of deep desire for her, to other girls, which could never match that. You need to go not only NC, but disappear, ignore her attempts at contacting you and if you run into her, talk normally and just say you were busy, keep it short. Maybe you need to be alone for a while to get rid of the residue she left in you, before you go after someone else.

 

[LITTup]

Fixed.


Seldom does life write itself like a Hollywood story involving years of desire and failed attempts of getting together with someone, then finally hitting it off and heavenly gates open.

You have classical oneitis, I prescribe moving on and I'm sure others will concur. She was toxic to your other relationships, because you compared this puffed up illusion of her, while feeling of deep desire for her, to other girls, which could never match that. You need to go not only NC, but disappear, ignore her attempts at contacting you and if you run into her, talk normally and just say you were busy, keep it short. Maybe you need to be alone for a while to get rid of the residue she left in you, before you go after someone else.

I've tried this approach before and I just find it extremely difficult to stop thinking about her. With that said, what you said does make sense. Maybe I just created this illusion of her that I need to make myself realize.

 

[Ruleit]

Met a girl 3 years ago, hit it off, talked for a few months, got jealous when I found out she was talking to another kid at the same time

There in lies the problem. You were too much of a nice guy and that's embedded in her brain. A few months talking and not making a move... bored her enough to look for someone else. I'm not blaming you, just pointing out where it went wrong. Her brain is now wired to view you as unworthy. Doesn't matter how many chicks you've had afterwards. Once a woman's mind is made up only a nuclear bomb can get her to change it -- and even then it might not.

Maybe I just created this illusion of her that I need to make myself realize.

Yup. She's your one-itis that got away. The one that you want to correct your mistake with... to do things right... to get her... because ... well... just because you've decided it like that.

You need to reframe her in your mind. Get it in your head that she is used goods. How would you feel if you got her and bumped into the other guy? Especially when he laughs at you and says, "How are you enjoying my leftovers? Tell me does she still scrunch up when you do an@l?" Imagine how special your snowflake is now?

It's all in your head. You learn from your mistakes and move on. Don't blame the girl in this case. Chalk it up to your inexperience and thank her for the lesson (mentally not in person.)

 

[mrRuckus]

Her being "the one you want" is what's in your head, not reality.

I can think of like half a dozen girls like this in my life and years later they all mean nothing to me now, even when they are the ones now coming after me. Trust me, she's not special.

 

[hudpes]

Trust me, she's not special.

And nobody is.

I and a friend of mine had the same disease, except my friend still has it. His girlfriend of almost 3 years left him for no apparent reason and there was no closure, never said I'm breaking up with you or nothing. Now, he's a clever guy, one of the most girl-smart guys I know, he wouldn't learn much new here on SoSuave, yet he cannot help himself. A good year and a half later, he's still not over her. The problem is in the mind, of course - once it decides that she's it it's very hard to back away.

OP, same as my friend you need to realize that he alone has to create closure for himself. And that there is no future with this girl, at all. It might seem she's just within reach, but she really isn't and won't be, look at it from a distant perspective... and stay there.

The way I see it, she is unable to see the attraction towards you because of the way you handled things in the past. If you go ghost and take time to evolve and become true DJ, you might have a chance with her, but at that point, I promise you, you won't be interested in her anymore. So let the hamster go, the wheel is squeaking anyway and it's annoying...

 

[Tictac]

Be the yo-yo to her string.

She likely thinks that's just perfect!

 

[The_411]

It's called intermittent reinforcement. You keep hitting the button because you think the reward will come. So she might give you nibbles suggests that it could happen and you keep hitting the button hoping that the reward will come.

Meanwhile you're missing out on women who with a little interaction might just hit your button.

 

[Thorninmyside]

You're Forrest, she's Jenny. By the time you actually get her she'll have aids and hit the wall. "The one" is such a trick. I promise you, your own head is doing a number on you. But it can be overcome.

 

[Albatross953]

She's feeding you the same drip feed a lot of wives do with sex. Boy, she sounds like just the type to screw somebody over later in life.

 

[LITTup]

Thanks guys. Some great stuff on these posts. I know i need to just work on getting out of my own head because I honestly think that's what the issue is. She's definitely my one it is but I'm finding extremely difficult to let her go. I'll just keep working at it.

After reading all of these responses I feel clear headed but after a while that fizzles down and I go back to thinking about it so maybe I just need to keep reading some inspirational **** until I can shake it.