"Don´t fall in love with me"

[Blue Phoenix]

"Don´t fall in love with me"

Guys, I´ve got a big one for you.

I met a girl what was married for 4 years. However she said she wanted her husband to officialize her divorce (he didn´t want to). According to her he never worked, used to do drugs. - This is the background

What happened?

Knowing that she was "divorced" and hadn´t seen him for 1 year I felt it would be ok to go out with her. We had a "relationship" for about 3 months. She was the "agressor", always calling me, never broke a date, and was very giving. She lives alone so everytime I go there we have sex. Everything was going fine until one day when she received an email from her ex. She was torn and didn´t know what to do. I was taken aback because I thought her ex was buried in the past. Then the drama began.

All in all, I got very sad and couldn´t even eat! She saw that and felt "remorse", she said it would be better if we stayed friends, and bla bla bla. I said I wanted some time to myself and didn´t talk to her anymore. Guess what happened? She went bersek! She went to my work after me (she was pissed!!), and somehow she discovered my home phone number. She sent an email telling me she wanted me and not her ex. :rockon:

However I felt her hesitant, she was doing it out of despair because I´m sure this was the first time she was stood up by a man.

Now the scary part

We got back and as soon I arrived we had some wild sex and she said she didn´t want to lose me. While we were having sex her ex called her 4 times but she didn´t answer his calls!
What´s strange is that she buys things to me, and after sex she always brings water to me because she knows I´m tired!!! WTF is this?

Bottom line

She said "Carlos" don´t fall in love with me!
What do you think about Jane (one of our colleages)? She would make a great GF for you.
Although I´m with you, I want to sort my things out with my ex. I might go back to him but I don´t know. When I left her house that day, she was all wet and didn´t let me leave her.

After I left her, I sent a message to her cell asking her not to call me everyday because that´s not cool! Then she said she would not call me anymore, and that I should call her when I felt like it.

Holy Sh!t I don´t know what to do! My desire for her diminished because of this mess!

"Don´t fall in love with me" / "She will make a great GF to you". This really freaked me out! :woo:

 

[KontrollerX]

Welcome back Blue Phoenix.

Always cool to see a legendary poster return heh heh.

Sorry you ran into another wacko though.

Oh well run, run, run or try and have some more fun lol.

 

[KarmaSutra]

She's giving you the Red Light / Green Light lesson. Internalize it because this is a very common tactic with women who want affirmation and attention from a man without having to commit herself legally.

Men do this also.

My advice is to take her up on it. Go out with Jane. Give her the best experience she's ever had and then parlay that with Jane's girlfriend and so on and so on . . .

You had to know what you were getting into with this woman by her leaving her "divorce" up to her husband.

 

[Bussey]

Hahaha I don't even know what to make of it man... I don't let my relationships with women get to the point where she freaks me out with something she said....

Me in your situation.... I'd stay friends and maybe a benefit or two... but I'm not wasting any emotional energy on that.

 

[tick37]

She's telling you what you should do. If she had any respect for you and saw you as the catch, she wouldn't risk it. Her husband has the upper hand in this situation. She's using you just in case things don't work out with him. Respect yourself and put your foot down. Do a 180 from what you usually do.

 

[DonGorgon]

dont let her tell you what to do or who to date... let her know that is she cant handle you then she needs to move on but you will not wait around for her to finish being confused

 

[Blue Phoenix]

I feel like **** man.

I feel really bad because she complained that I was looking at other girls, that I should get more involved with her, that I should be exclusive with her. She even invited me to go with her and help her select her new house and new car.

What I get pissed is that she told me her business with her ex was over. Then, as soon as I get more involved and two days later she receives the dam email from him she bursted into tears

**** man!!

What really hurts me is that I don´t know how to react. She even had the courage to keep calling me. What the fuk man.

To tell you the truth, I´ve never really been in LTR because of this. You may laugh at it, but 3 months was the longest period of time I´ve ever been involved with a woman, so in a way or another she was my "first GF".

 

[Señor Fingers]

Hey BP! Long time no see. Let's take a look at what u been up to

I met a girl

Ok

was married for 4 years

Aww crud..

he wanted her husband to officialize her divorce (he didn´t want to). According to her he never worked, used to do drugs

*slaps forehead but continues reading*

She was the "agressor", always calling me, never broke a date

Umm, can you say Flag Day in China?

She went bersek! She went to my work after me (she was pissed!!), and somehow she discovered my home phone number.

Yikes!

Now the scary part

You gotta be fukking kidding me.

"Don´t fall in love with me" / "She will make a great GF to you".

LoL!

What I find genuinely scary is the fact that you let yourself fall for such an obvious head case. She has been showing you signs all along that she is damaged goods and not suitable LTR material, yet the poon was good so you stuck around. (or was it for the free water? Im not sure)

Either way, I think you already know what needs to be done. It starts with the letter N and ends with an EXT!!!!

C'mon guy, you deserve way better than this!

 

[Blue Phoenix]

What should I do now? If I see her? If she calls me?

Damn. I was at the top of my game!!

 

[Interceptor]

You're still not that emotionally strong.

This is a good lesson for you.
Since this is a problem with your Personal Boundary, this incident is forcing you to look at the HOLE in the boundary.
This is where your resources and masculinity are leaking out...


Now you know one of your major weaknesses.

If you had to step back, outside of your life, and took a look at yourself in this situaion.

...what ADVICE and RESOURCES would you give to that guy who is having this issue with this woman?

What does that guy need in order to make this better?

Finally, I always have to ask this, but DO you have a Mission in Life?
Do you have DIRECTION?

 

[Señor Fingers]

Nice Interception there ^^

One more thing that I'm almost afraid to ask, but I must.....

Do you love her?

 

[Blue Phoenix]

Interceptor thanks for your input man! I´m sure you´ve read about System OS (Deangelo´s friend whose name I can´t recall).

You´re right! That´s why I came back here, It´s funny how "overconfidence"/Naivete can really mess up your game. I need external input now because I´m emotionally charged up and my reasoning is completely clouded.

However, I know I did many things right. A lot of men flirted with her like crazy and I was just craking up at the whole scene. Another time she asked me to go to her house the day she wanted and I said NO. She asked me to change my Christmas plan to stay with her and I said NO. I told her not to call me so much because I would feel suffocated. And lastly, when she said it was over, I really started shaking BUT I didn´t beg to go back, I didn´t call her like a desperate man. I left and didn´t talk to her anymore, that was the point she asked me to go back!

In the past I begged, I said I "loved" a woman, I sent many messages to her, I would lose my cool when a man flirted with her, in other words I used to freak out. (2 years ago)

I DON´T do that anymore. It´s becoming an automatic response, not a trick anymore. I tried to drop this one now but she went back to me and I accepted, although I knew it was her ego and not her love for me.

This was the lesson. If you can point out more flaws please let me know.

 

[flexion_]

Hopefully this makes sense... Forget what she is saying - it means nothing. Her actions should tell you what is going on. You keep focusing on every word she says like likes some legal entity - its not so forget it.

Judge the situation by her actions not by her words. You clearly experienced drama - what you can expect is more drama - take it or leave it.

 

[Blue Phoenix]

Fingers! No, I don´t love her! I made the mistake of telling her I liked her (if it was) then she asked me if I was in love and I said "no", then she asked if it was love then I said "that´s a very strong word to say, that´s too much, no!" Then she proceeded to ask if it was pre-love and I said "I don´t know"!

Guys don´t underestimate me, I´m not that naive!

Flexion, when we were talking about her desire for me to take her back I said I found her hesitant, then she said "I´m here in bed with you, so?"

 

[DJDamage]

Hey welcome back Blue Pheonix! seems you run into crazy b1tches all the time! don't worry it happens to the best of us.

3 months is not enough to know someone. It is why you need to date other women once you do start dating so in case you discovered some crazy sh1t you don't like about one girl, you drop her and go with another. As a result of being with one girl, you let your guard down and got oneitis and now she is getting away with sh1t.

"All in all, I got very sad and couldn´t even eat! She saw that and felt "remorse", she said it would be better if we stayed friends, and bla bla bla. :

Never show weakness in front of your woman. A woman should see her man like a rock, he could take anything or handle anything. Otherwise if she sees you are feeling sad because of HER, she will know that she can manipulate you farther.

We got back and as soon I arrived we had some wild sex and she said she didn´t want to lose me. While we were having sex her ex called her 4 times but she didn´t answer his calls!

Crazy ex on drugs with no job is all of the sudden calling all the time?! why is he all of the sudden calling all the time? because she has already talked to him and is reeling him in.

Although I´m with you, I want to sort my things out with my ex. I might go back to him but I don´t know.

In a situation like this if she can't make a decision for herself, you make a decision for her. She clearly choose to hang you out to dry while she tries to reconnect back with her druggy ex and if things don't work out, then she can always get back to you. She is clearly at the advantage in this situation because its a win-win for her.

I suggest you drop her for good. Having oneitis and dealing with a chick like that is not going to end well. If you didn't have oneitis it would be a different story.

 

[Blue Phoenix]

DJ damage and Kontroll X, It´s nice to get your feedback guys!

I don´t think she was talking to him all this time. Thre reason of the break up was HIM coming back.

I know that "demonstrating" me "shaking" in front of her must have freaked her out. I´m sorry guys but I didn´t see it coming. That was the only moment I let my guard down 100%. This is something I have to re-evaluate about myself.

I´ve watched many movies that is related to this whole situation like "butterfly effect", "Vanilla Sky", "The machinist". They really showed me the way.

I really freaked out because my life was going so well I couldn´t believe it. The fear of loss made me lose control.

*I feel I´m getting stronger. I say this because of my actions when I faced that crazy situation. I´m recovering pretty fast (especially now talking to you about this). In the past I used to spend 3 months to get over. Now it´s taking about 3 weeks.

Besides everthing, it´s burning inside! I felt like I wanted to puke.

 

[Señor Fingers]

Okay.. just checking bro. I know you are smarter than that, but then again I thought you were too smart to get worked up over a divorcee with control issues and a druggie ex-husband.

Your problem right now is that you were getting comfortable with her. And now that you realize that this ain't working out it's created a vacuum in your life.. you are forced to face this emptiness that you forgot even existed because you've been distracted by psycho-sex (it can be the most distracting kind)

In a sense this whole experience is clearly illustrating that there is a part of you that still needs a lot of work. If you really were "at the top of your game", you wouldn't even break a sweat thinking about this chick or her problems. It would just be raw sex and you wouldn't let yourself get attached. The moment she suggested you get with someone else, you woulda just done it without thinking.

But since it obviously freaked you out, that shows that you saw her as something more than a sex toy, and THAT's where you fell off. Hoes do not make good housewives, no matter how great your DJ skills are.

If everything I have said is true, then you need to break contact with her. Go cold turkey on that ass and all the drama that comes with it. Normally I would suggest you date other chicks, but to me it sounds like this is a perfect time to retreat to the bat cave and really think about what you are doing with your energy and time.

 

[Blue Phoenix]

Yeah fingers, you got it. I even considered that all she wanted from me was sex. But I need to get things straight. Maybe if I continue the sex with her it may mess my head even more. At this point I feel all she wants is sex. I don´t know if it´s worth the hassle. Suggestion?

She said I was not corrupted by the system. Crazy uh?

 

[Señor Fingers]

Definitely NOT worth the hassle. Zip up those pants and move on! I can't make it any clearer than that.

You've been warned!

 

[Blue Phoenix]

Ok I trust you my "friend"!!

*Curious, what would happen if I proceeded? haha (I´m not going there believe me).