Does your women want you to be controlling?

[Pandora]

I have a friend that is very controlling of the females that he gets into relationships with. He makes them erase the guys on her facebook that want to fu&& her, and he makes her erase their phone numbers. He also is very restrictive on her social life and who she can hang out with. Normally i would say that this behavior was counterproductive. I used to believe that this insecure behavior will propel a girl to cheat faster. Contrary to what i thought, the girls often really appreciated this controlling behavior. Both of them later thanked him for doing that. Its almost like it took the burden away from them. They did not have to deal with the temptation of cheating.

Im starting to wonder if controlling guys get cheated on less. If women somehow want a man to almost forcefully curb their hypergamous behavior. I think women need structure. They want a man to say no you are not going to be an attention *****. They need that fear. It can be physical fear of getting abused or psychological fear of losing that man. They just need it in order t stay faithful.

I know a girl that cheated on her boyfriend and then justified it by saying that he did not control her enough. The guy would never get jealous of her going out and partying. So she cheated on him and justified it by saying she needs a guy that can set boundaries for her more. This chick has major issues but thats another story.

Now my friend does not get violent with them in any way. He just states that if they want to be with him that they have to abide by his rules or they can leave.
Some of the rules are:
1.) erase facebook guys
2.) erase guys "friends" from phone
3.) no excessive partying and drug use when going out with her friends
4.) no flirting with other guys...etc

 

[Malcontent]

I did all that stuff with my ex but I got tired of being her father. When I got tired of being her father and thought "I've made what I want clear, I shouldn't have to constantly be an authority figure, so now I can step off a little bit" -- that's when she started acting like a b!tch. So, maybe it is necessary, but I guess it's more effort than I'm willing to put in. I would think a higher quality woman wouldn't need that.

 

[Tictac]

Who would want a woman to be that compliant?

I like my women to be vertebrates.

 

[Alvafe]

is not be controlling, he just states his will if she want anything serious from him and she have to comply or he will walk, more like boundarys when she have a High IL on him.

he don't ahve to do anything else, and as long he keep his word and if she break his rules he walks, she will be in fear to lose him and that is good

also make me wonder why you think putting a boundary on what you want from a LTR controlling?

 

[guru1000]

We all euphemize "control," whether its overt control guised as "laws" and "currency"--or covert control guised as "conditioning," "conventions," "indoctrinated belief systems."

Control--uneuphemized--unless infringing on the welfare of its constituents, is necessary for structure within government, robust corporations, and relationships.

 

[Colossus]

My girl has openly told me multiple times she appreciates and NEEDS a man to set boundaries for her. She could not fully respect a man who just let her do whatever she pleased.

Granted, she is submissive by nature, I am her first real boyfriend, lover, etc. So the frame is natural. I don't have to tell her not to hang out with other guys, go out partying, etc. But I do have to set certain expectations like checking in with me before she makes certain plans, being on time, that sort of thing.

It's not so much an issue of compliance or control as it is respect. We have an agreement: I provide her with fair, consistent leadership and understanding love, and she in turn is obedient, respectful, and helpful to me.

I know some guys like a girl with a little more sass or rebelliousness, but I've been with b!tches like that and it just ain't my thing. Two dominant personalities rarely work well together.

 

[dasein]

As long as they don't chew through the gag and make a bunch of noise or pick the lock on the shackle, I don't really give a f what they do.

 

[Who Dares Win]

I did the same exact thing with my gf, first thing first deleting from her phone any number of guy with reputation of being "don juan", no matter if she has their numbers cause they let her and her friends for free in clubs or give free ice creams.

She also tell me about any message she gets from guys on facebook and we review them togheter as long as its not work stuff or from friendzoned guys or boyfriends of her friends which I know.

Call me sexist, patriarch, insecure whatever but If I have to quit banging other girls and keep the flirting at the minimum my conditions are those.

I dont see it as tyranny but more as a mutual agreement of loyality, honestly no matter how often I read here about guy suggesting to "being cool and let her have her life" its not gonna make any difference, I feel its against nature to be in a long term and give a free card to facilitate cheating.

She also asked me to delete a girl from facebook cause she know that I had records with that girl and it was fair, anyway Im given a certain amount of freedom much more than her cause I explained her that if I touch some girl ass its not gonna be to her the same damage to me than a guy touching her since the man is the active part.

 

[In2theGame]

Good topic that needs more discussion IMO because we've all seen the various threads referring to "Not being insecure" or "Letting your GF/Wife hang out with whoever she wants" or just flat out acting like your dont care. I have lived this and experienced this with multiple women and have seen it with some friends. Setting authority on your Woman is a natural manly trait and IS necessary. I have been on both sides of the coin, My very first LTR i was very loose with things and of course i didnt know any better, I got cheated on badly. I learned my lesson the hard way and when i met my second serious LTR, I was extremely stern in what i accepted and what i did not. I set the fvcking authority on what went on and you know what? She loved me for it and did everything i asked of her. The relationship was in top shape because I was the authority on things and if she ever stepped out of line.. I would let it be known as clear as day that i would walk the fvck out on her. fast forward couple of years and i admit i turned into a "beta" so to speak and let sh*t slide much more because i felt i already "had" her... Little by little i slipped and eventually she cheated on me , left for another man.

Since then i have dated many beautiful women and you can imagine... after getting burned twice, i was naturally an "azzhole" meaning i didnt put up with anything and again,... set the boundaries on her,... Almost all of them admitted at one point or another straight from their mouths that they "Really like how i put them in their place" or "How manly they think i am when i tell them WHAT TO DO". I'm not talking trashy women here, im talking beautiful women that work in high professions. Maybe my physical build has something to do with it also but when i spoke up sternly on something i did not like, they would seriously look at me with a look as to say "im sorry daddy" LMAO! im laughing but im dead serious. This goes to show you that, Men need to screw their balls back on and set the tone of who is in charge. We didnt make the rules, God did. Man > Woman, Testosterone > Estrogen. Its the way thing are regardless of desperately this society tries to push "equality". We Men have a penis, this representing the thruster so to speak, the "penetration" side of things, Women have a vagina, a receiver, the submissive side of things. Women are naturally to be led by Men and thus receive direction and authority.

This is also why Women run all over guys in the end who "accept" whatever they want to do. its been spoken about many times how Women will try to control you and eventually leave you if you show signs of weakness and submissiveness. Sure, the guy dressed up nicely with docker pants and nice collar shirt holding a rose in his hand telling his GF how incredible she and how perfect she is, ...She will smile and say "OMG thank you! honey" with a peck on the lips and big hug........... Then walks by the tall good looking chiseled jaw, ripped muscular low Body fat guy in just jeans and fitted t shirt that doesnt smile much and looks abusive in strength. That first guy will be planting that rose in his azz in no time because his girl is too busy eye fvcking the other guy, ready "receive" his "strength" if u know what i mean and willingly ready to get authority from him. Will she act on it.... hard to say given certain circumstances however she will almost surely be thinking it. Just look at the other thread made by a poster who discovered his GF writing in her secret diary about how she would love a Godzilla sized c0ck but yet acts lovey dovey to his face.

 

[sodbuster]

ANY woman in my life will be submissive to me. Control or be controlled.... and none of the women I know are smart enough to lead me.....

 

[PokerStar]

when should you apply these boundaries?

Right away? a couple of months into the relationship? or do you apply as you go along?

maybe thats why i have been having these short term relationships as of late is because I dont lay down these rules.

 

[( . )( . )]

Funny enough I had my woman sh!t test me a few months back by calling me "controlling" when she was dragging her heels in the childlike manner they do. I can't remember what it was over but I gave her the "are you fvckin serious" look and said "You know where the door is". Never heard another peep about it.

Who would want a woman to be that compliant?

Anyone with testosterone levels higher than a court eunuch.

If you need emotionally driven creatures who are naturally submissive and who have an inherent need to be led to "challenge" you you're doing it wrong.

 

[Stagger Lee]

I think this is the best way to keep a girl faithful and from leaving. It is also a good screening tool. If she accepts your conditions then proceed with her. I don't think the theory of showing her "how you are secure and not jealous" and letting her do whatever she wants ever works out.

 

[Sik]

Men need to screw their balls back on and set the tone of who is in charge.

Quoted for truth.

Always set the frame for her to work in. It's like an engineer designing an aircraft. It has to work inside a specified design envelope - if it exits, it crashes.

 

[Scaramouche]

Hi Pandora,
There is a significant minority of People,both Men and Women who are very indecisive...They really want to hand the whole decision making aspect of their being to others...Laziness?...A controlling other in their past?...who knows?...With such people should they for example get up in the morning and say "what shall I wear today"...you must be decisive,go to the Wardrobe select something,anything,and without prolonging the decision making process just tell them this is the best for today...The problem can be,that such people often guided by others can actually condemn you for being controlling!...You can't Pvee against the Wind LOL.

 

[zekko]

My girl has openly told me multiple times she appreciates and NEEDS a man to set boundaries for her.

This is something Atom Smasher says a lot also, that girls tell him they WANT the guy to set boundaries for them. This makes sense, because as I have always set, women take their cues from their men. If they are under YOUR frame, then to a large extent they are adopting your philosophies and attitudes. Think about it, the word "frame" - a "frame" literally describes a set of boundaries. The four boundaries that a picture lies within.

If you get a girl who complains about her guy being controlling, she is probably low interest with him. Or she is a low quality brazen ho.

Of course, a man who sets boundaries should set them fairly.

 

[Colossus]

I also think it's important pointing out that you can try to "control" out of insecurity. Women will see right through that. You have to LEAD---meaning calling most of the shots, setting boundaries, etc---out of a place of self-respect and fearlessness. If she cant abide by your rules then the consequence is her not getting a strong man, not you not getting a proper girl. She selected herself out.

 

[zekko]

I also think it's important pointing out that you can try to "control" out of insecurity. Women will see right through that.

That's true. I've often said here that I have a boundary that my girlfriend does not hang out with another man one on one. And she is well aware of it. But at the same time, I often get complaints that I don't get jealolus.

I think that's a pretty good balancing act, considering that some guys here say that you can't set such boundaries without looking insecure. But I set my frame out of strength, not weakness. It's about having high standards.

 

[sodbuster]

I had a discussion about a friend of mine and what his girlfriend was putting him through with my staff. One of the married women said "he needs to grow some ba11s".... so yes they want control,even if they ***** abut it...

 

[Stagger Lee]

I had a discussion about a friend of mine and what his girlfriend was putting him through with my staff. One of the married women said "he needs to grow some ba11s".... so yes they want control,even if they ***** abut it...

See, that's the problem with the "show her how secure you are and not jealous by letting her do whatever she wants" theory. It's not interpreted by the women as secure, but spineless and ball-less.

Female usually interpret things that don't favor their position (not even being worth being jealous for) in a way that's less flattering of the male and more flattering of them. If a girl won't allow you to set boundaries or a girl you have to give no contact to increase her interest, then she is screened out as not having high enough interest.