I know people who are far more experienced than me and far more bangs under their belt who claim what you say matters. they spend hours trying to figure out what they can say to turn on a woman. they practice things like alliteration and rhyming. I am of the belief that what you say doesn't matter. either she is attracted to you or she is not. these days I literally don't know what I am going to say until I have said hi to her.
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does what you say matter?
- Thread starter espanish
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Serenity
Moderator
How you say something matters a lot particularly in relation to being liked or disliked. The spoken words often conveys very little emotional information, your tone of voice, facial expression and body movement will contain a lot more emotional communication.
Irony and sarcasm are great examples of this, you say one thing, but mean something else and it's entirely non-verbal communication that reveals to the other person that it's ironic or sarcastic. This is why, without really exaggerating something, it's hard to tell when someone is being ironic/sarcastic when communication is limited to text.
Obsessing about what to say is generally pointless when it comes to attraction and it's not universally transferable experience. Say you get advice about what to say to woman, he testifies that it works great for him, but when you say the exact same words it just doesn't work for you. The reason would be that the most important part of the communication got lost, how he said it. One guy can tell a joke and make a room full of people laugh hysterically, but when another guy presents the same joke word for word in a different way he could be met with everyone rolling their eyes. The presentation makes a huge difference, the how matters a lot more than the what.
You're closer to it than the people you know who spend hours nitpicking on their lines. It could very well be that they incorrectly attribute their successes to all the effort they spent smithing words, when in fact it's actually that their non-verbal communication just happens to be on point. This is bad because they're wasting their time trying to improve the wrong thing, so they don't really improve much at all.
What you say isn't entirely irrelevant, so the answer to your question isn't a blanket no, but if you want to improve with women it's not what you should focus on.
Irony and sarcasm are great examples of this, you say one thing, but mean something else and it's entirely non-verbal communication that reveals to the other person that it's ironic or sarcastic. This is why, without really exaggerating something, it's hard to tell when someone is being ironic/sarcastic when communication is limited to text.
Obsessing about what to say is generally pointless when it comes to attraction and it's not universally transferable experience. Say you get advice about what to say to woman, he testifies that it works great for him, but when you say the exact same words it just doesn't work for you. The reason would be that the most important part of the communication got lost, how he said it. One guy can tell a joke and make a room full of people laugh hysterically, but when another guy presents the same joke word for word in a different way he could be met with everyone rolling their eyes. The presentation makes a huge difference, the how matters a lot more than the what.
You're closer to it than the people you know who spend hours nitpicking on their lines. It could very well be that they incorrectly attribute their successes to all the effort they spent smithing words, when in fact it's actually that their non-verbal communication just happens to be on point. This is bad because they're wasting their time trying to improve the wrong thing, so they don't really improve much at all.
What you say isn't entirely irrelevant, so the answer to your question isn't a blanket no, but if you want to improve with women it's not what you should focus on.
FlexpertHamilton
Master Don Juan
Yes, what you say matters.
The idea that communication is 90% nonverbal is actually a myth, and if you think about that for even a second it's patently absurd. The reality is that 90% of emotionality is communicated nonverbally.
Words convey intention, meaning, expression, ideas, stories, and much more.
What you say matters. How you say it also matters. Certainly not 90-10. It's probably closer to 50-50. I can attest to this also because I have a fairly monotone voice but I don't find it hard to keep women engaged in me just be saying things that are actually interesting and well thought out.
The idea that communication is 90% nonverbal is actually a myth, and if you think about that for even a second it's patently absurd. The reality is that 90% of emotionality is communicated nonverbally.
Words convey intention, meaning, expression, ideas, stories, and much more.
What you say matters. How you say it also matters. Certainly not 90-10. It's probably closer to 50-50. I can attest to this also because I have a fairly monotone voice but I don't find it hard to keep women engaged in me just be saying things that are actually interesting and well thought out.