Does this make me an AFC?

[SweetSassyMalasy]

Ok here is the deal guys. I've been seeing this girl for a 3 weeks or so and I can tell she likes me a lot and I like her and everything. We've already fooled around a couple of times.

So yesturday night I tell her I want to ask you something and she stops me and tells me "don't ask. I know what you are about to ask and I will say no. She's like "I don't want to rush into a relationship." I call her back later that night after our date which ended pretty late and tell her that " If you're just f'ing around with me than I don't want to keep seeing you cuz I don't wanna get attached, I can get random play else where. She says that, "no i'm not f'ing around with you I just don't wanna rush into things, just to be in relationship."

Like WTF, should I next her, or what's my move now, you know. I feel like I lost control of the whole thing cuz now she knows I like her enough to want her to be my gf. I think that was an AFC thing to do but the girl has showed so much interest in me for the past 3 weeks that I am surprised by her response. Any advice?

 

[Gonzalo]

Never be the first to suggest jumping into a relationship. When she knows she has you, she loses the thrill of the chase. Check out the DJ bible and Doc Love articles if you haven't already done so.

 

[SweetSassyMalasy]

yeah you're right i think i blew it.

 

[comic_relief]

just because of one fvck up doesn't mean that you blew it. Just play it off as nothing and continue to go out with her.

I did a lot of things wrong in my current LDLTR but you know what. We are still together. As long as she has interest in you, you will still be going out.

Its not over yet.

 

[\O/]

It was clearly AFC, but that doesn't mean you blew it. I've done the exact same thing in the past.. It might lead to you being ljbf'ed but you CAN save the situation. As Gonzalo said, you should not be the first to admit to your "feelings" for her telling her you want to take things further. Not unless you are really sure that she feels the same way.. Then she "has" you which means she can keep her options open and keep you in the back..

Also you should never give a girl an ultimatum like you did. If she calls you on your bluff, and you still keep seing her, she will not take your words seriously. It will give her yet another advantage and she'll feel like she has you in her pocket no matter what..

Keep seeing her, but be a bit more "cold". Tell her that you have thought things over and that you are actually glad that you are just going to be friends. Tell her you like to keep your options open and that you also have some other girls that you like to get to know a bit better before getting involved in a serious relationship. Start teasing her and just play with her, without actually "hitting" on her. Just flirt, but don't make any obvious moves. This should, if she truly is interested, make her a bit more aggressive and possesive towards you. She might try to regain her "control" over you. Don't give in to it right of the bat, 'cause then you're back in the same position all over again. This may lead to her actually wanting to keep you for herself and suggest that you SHOULD be exclusive afterall...Although it's a lot of work and you have to be patient, it might be worth it if you really like her. If she doesn't come around, next her. It just wasn't meant to be..

Good luck

 

[joekerr31]

i think he blew it. she knows he wants a relationship now and she thinks he wants one badly "stop f*cking around with me" type statements scream commitment.

stop calling her. stop thinking about her. act as though you've moved on.

dont engage in any dates or conversations with her unless she is basically begging you to go out with her.

she's goign to forget about you for at least a month. after that though she'll wonder why you have moved on and will check you out. then you can start over with the ball in your court.

J

 

[\O/]

Originally posted by joekerr31
i think he blew it. she knows he wants a relationship now and she thinks he wants one badly "stop f*cking around with me" type statements scream commitment.

stop calling her. stop thinking about her. act as though you've moved on.

dont engage in any dates or conversations with her unless she is basically begging you to go out with her.

she's goign to forget about you for at least a month. after that though she'll wonder why you have moved on and will check you out. then you can start over with the ball in your court.

J

This is clearly a risky way to go about it. I've done both in the past, and had more success with the one I wrote in my previous post. If you simply next her and ignores her, there is a chance that she'll miss you if she is interested, but not interested ENOUGH yet to be in a comitted relationship with you. However, if here interest-level is low, then she won't even care if you stop contacting her, and she'll just move on as well, forgetting about your little fling. I think sometimes that making her see what she's missing out on is more powerful that not seeing it. If you just get out of her way and she stops thinking of you, she is left with a weak impression of you. She won't feel she's missing out, cause she remembers you as someone she didn't want at that point.
3 weeks in not a long time dating-wise. There are probably many great sides of you that you haven't showed her yet. Just don't act desperate and don't act like you need her...

But..All girls are different and joekerr31's advice might be the one that will work with this girl. I've tried both. I got the girl i kept seeing but stopped hitting on, and lost the girl I cut contact with. She just never came back around..

 

[flexion_]

Yes it was an AFC move. I'd just ignore that whole situation. Its only 3 weeks after all.
Thats probably what she was thinking.

Don't bring it up again.

 

[avrilishot]

hang around with her for a couple of months then ask her that question. if she still acts funny move on dont waste more of your time.

 

[Freeman]

Originally posted by SweetSassyMalasy
Ok here is the deal guys. I've been seeing this girl for a 3 weeks or so and I can tell she likes me a lot and I like her and everything. We've already fooled around a couple of times.

So yesturday night I tell her I want to ask you something and she stops me and tells me "don't ask. I know what you are about to ask and I will say no. She's like "I don't want to rush into a relationship." I call her back later that night after our date which ended pretty late and tell her that " If you're just f'ing around with me than I don't want to keep seeing you cuz I don't wanna get attached, I can get random play else where. She says that, "no i'm not f'ing around with you I just don't wanna rush into things, just to be in relationship."

Like WTF, should I next her, or what's my move now, you know. I feel like I lost control of the whole thing cuz now she knows I like her enough to want her to be my gf. I think that was an AFC thing to do but the girl has showed so much interest in me for the past 3 weeks that I am surprised by her response. Any advice?

What are you dumb? Of course you should "NEXT" her! Go out there and find some other as*! No second thoughts! Just do it man!


"Turn Fear Into Curiosity"

 

[Socialreject]

Yah that was definitly an AFC move to make...

some clarifications...

- You never HAD control to start with. Do not assume that just because things are going well, you have gained any control over her or the interaction. You only control yourself, remember that and USE it.

- There is no point in you suggesting a relationship. Do not talk the talk, walk the walk, period. Women have a knack for automatically going into relationship mode if they like you enough. So there is no point in you 'rushing' anything or suggesting anything. Just keep courting her and at some point she will simply decide that the two of you are in a relationship. She may even bring up an 'exclusive' talk with you.

The reason you are prying these question is that you are needy and need reasurance from her that she likes you asmuch as you think. STAY in control of yourself. Do not dose off and fast forward a couple months, years, decades later. Stay on top of the situation and in the moment. What you have now is what you get untill further notice! You don't NEED anything from her, you like her, that's it... that's your mindset for now, everything else is fast forwarding to something that isn't there... yet.

You may have very well blown this thing, but if you still want to recover it and if it's even possible; Don't do any more stuff like that, convey your interest and keep turning up the heat, if she gets flakey, move on. Do not bring this up again... EVER.

Emotional attachement is NEVER a good idea. You must always be prepared to walk away from something, if you are not, you're setting yourself up for pain.

 

[Freeman]

Originally posted by Socialreject
Yah that was definitly an AFC move to make...

some clarifications...

- You never HAD control to start with. Do not assume that just because things are going well, you have gained any control over her or the interaction. You only control yourself, remember that and USE it.

- There is no point in you suggesting a relationship. Do not talk the talk, walk the walk, period. Women have a knack for automatically going into relationship mode if they like you enough. So there is no point in you 'rushing' anything or suggesting anything. Just keep courting her and at some point she will simply decide that the two of you are in a relationship. She may even bring up an 'exclusive' talk with you.

The reason you are prying these question is that you are needy and need reasurance from her that she likes you asmuch as you think. STAY in control of yourself. Do not dose off and fast forward a couple months, years, decades later. Stay on top of the situation and in the moment. What you have now is what you get untill further notice! You don't NEED anything from her, you like her, that's it... that's your mindset for now, everything else is fast forwarding to something that isn't there... yet.

You may have very well blown this thing, but if you still want to recover it and if it's even possible; Don't do any more stuff like that, convey your interest and keep turning up the heat, if she gets flakey, move on. Do not bring this up again... EVER.

Emotional attachement is NEVER a good idea. You must always be prepared to walk away from something, if you are not, you're setting yourself up for pain.

See man...you are right I give you that-but what this guy needs is a stiff kick in the as*! Words wont help this guy-he has to experience this...

 

[DonJuanMonk]

"She's like "I don't want to rush into a relationship.""

-- There's your answer bro, she doesn't want to be your girlfriend.

OH, but the AFCs who are giving you the advice in this very thread are saying "Oh don't worry, just keep dating her" wtf kinda answer is that?

That's like calling and showing up at a company that rejected you from getting a job there.

And the dude that's in a LDLTR (long distance long term relationship) : you're a tool!

 

[( . )( . )]

Originally posted by SweetSassyMalasy

So yesturday night I tell her I want to ask you something and she stops me and tells me "don't ask. I know what you are about to ask and I will say no.

Ghu...Uhg..b..B..BLAUGGHHHHHHHHHHH! There goes my lunch.

Did I just witness a complete gender role reversal where the GUY is busting the b!tches balls to have a "relationship"? .

How can you possibly be so socially inept that you cant even tell when a chick isnt even considering you for a "relationship"? This is just sad. A b!tches interest level is easier to read than the funny pages yet you fvcked even that no brainer up.

And the dude that's in a LDLTR (long distance long term relationship) : you're a tool!

I'm hearin ya monkey, there was a time I can remember if you had the balls to even post "LDLTR" or any of its homo cousins you would have been laughed off the board. Now we actually entertain this sh!t.