OnTheWayUp
Senior Don Juan
- Joined
- Oct 13, 2010
- Messages
- 321
- Reaction score
- 9
Open question to everyone in the light of family reunions at Christmas. All responses are welcome.
My take on this is as follows (as a 20 year old living away from home):
Like most of the posters on this site, I imagine, I was raised to be a nice guy. My dad is a classic beta who pretty much does whatever my mum wants him to. My mum was his first serious relationship, and he popped the question after 2 months of dating. Hmm. My mum controls everything in my childhood home, and has done for as long as I can remember: the food, the cleaning, when/ where people go out, how long they stay out for, what my dad does in the evenings etc. I would be shocked if my parents were still having sex (in their early fifties).
My parents' initial reaction to me learning game was good. When I told my parents about 4 months ago that, as a guy who has never had a long-term gf, I was suddenly dating multiple women, they were really pleased for me.
Having returned home for the Christmas break, I have noticed slightly different reactions to the new me. I always got on well with my brother, my cousins and my aunt, and this has been amplified since my discovery of game. My fifteen year old (female) cousin in particular reacted very positively to being teased over Christmas, being called a mobile phone addict, etc. My dad still treats me in the way he always has: he lets me have my own space, respects my individuality and my ability to make decisions for myself, and is there to provide advice if I need him. Although the advice he gives is not necessarily always his own ideas (mum...), our relationship is generally very good.
My mum's reaction to my coming home, putting aside the tears when she first saw me, has been quite different. I used to be like my dad and give in to my mum in virtually everything if she made a fuss. If we were in town, for example, and she wanted to go into a shop in which I had absolutely no interest, I used to follow her around like a beta rather than go and do my own thing. This has changed since my discovery of game: I am far more given to standing up for myself. She has not responded well to me manning up- I have been called arrogant, selfish etc for busting her balls and doing what suits me rather than deferring to her the whole time.
I have also noticed a shift in my mum's reaction towards my dating multiple girls. When I told her how pleased I was I had dated somewhere around 20 girls in 4 months, her reaction was no longer pleased, but rather a moody "I'll be impressed if you can hang on to one for 6 months." I find it sad that my mum seems to prefer the old beta me who used to get praise from his dad for "treating girls like a gentleman" (read: spineless, asexual nice guy) and had a couple of unrequited crushes in school and nothing more.
By contrast, my granddad's reaction to discovering my flourishing dating life was something along the lines of "go get 'em, the more the merrier!" What a legend!
In all seriousness though, whilst I'm delighted with the effect that learning game has had on my personality, my outlook on life and my success with women, and have no intention of changing back, it frustrates me that my mum continues to remain negative and tries to be controlling. Much as I love my mum, I honestly think that if I showed my dad this site and he discovered the extent to which he has been pussified (when he was first married he completely gave up a sport in which he was near national standard for the sake of the relationship), he would consider divorce.
Questions relating to my situation:
1) Is ignorance bliss? Or should I let my dad know the extent to which he is being controlled and tell him to stand up for himself more?
2) How does a DJ treat a mum like mine who is constantly negative and controlling?
All comments are welcome, and I look forward to reading about other people's situations.
My take on this is as follows (as a 20 year old living away from home):
Like most of the posters on this site, I imagine, I was raised to be a nice guy. My dad is a classic beta who pretty much does whatever my mum wants him to. My mum was his first serious relationship, and he popped the question after 2 months of dating. Hmm. My mum controls everything in my childhood home, and has done for as long as I can remember: the food, the cleaning, when/ where people go out, how long they stay out for, what my dad does in the evenings etc. I would be shocked if my parents were still having sex (in their early fifties).
My parents' initial reaction to me learning game was good. When I told my parents about 4 months ago that, as a guy who has never had a long-term gf, I was suddenly dating multiple women, they were really pleased for me.
Having returned home for the Christmas break, I have noticed slightly different reactions to the new me. I always got on well with my brother, my cousins and my aunt, and this has been amplified since my discovery of game. My fifteen year old (female) cousin in particular reacted very positively to being teased over Christmas, being called a mobile phone addict, etc. My dad still treats me in the way he always has: he lets me have my own space, respects my individuality and my ability to make decisions for myself, and is there to provide advice if I need him. Although the advice he gives is not necessarily always his own ideas (mum...), our relationship is generally very good.
My mum's reaction to my coming home, putting aside the tears when she first saw me, has been quite different. I used to be like my dad and give in to my mum in virtually everything if she made a fuss. If we were in town, for example, and she wanted to go into a shop in which I had absolutely no interest, I used to follow her around like a beta rather than go and do my own thing. This has changed since my discovery of game: I am far more given to standing up for myself. She has not responded well to me manning up- I have been called arrogant, selfish etc for busting her balls and doing what suits me rather than deferring to her the whole time.
I have also noticed a shift in my mum's reaction towards my dating multiple girls. When I told her how pleased I was I had dated somewhere around 20 girls in 4 months, her reaction was no longer pleased, but rather a moody "I'll be impressed if you can hang on to one for 6 months." I find it sad that my mum seems to prefer the old beta me who used to get praise from his dad for "treating girls like a gentleman" (read: spineless, asexual nice guy) and had a couple of unrequited crushes in school and nothing more.
By contrast, my granddad's reaction to discovering my flourishing dating life was something along the lines of "go get 'em, the more the merrier!" What a legend!
In all seriousness though, whilst I'm delighted with the effect that learning game has had on my personality, my outlook on life and my success with women, and have no intention of changing back, it frustrates me that my mum continues to remain negative and tries to be controlling. Much as I love my mum, I honestly think that if I showed my dad this site and he discovered the extent to which he has been pussified (when he was first married he completely gave up a sport in which he was near national standard for the sake of the relationship), he would consider divorce.
Questions relating to my situation:
1) Is ignorance bliss? Or should I let my dad know the extent to which he is being controlled and tell him to stand up for himself more?
2) How does a DJ treat a mum like mine who is constantly negative and controlling?
All comments are welcome, and I look forward to reading about other people's situations.