Does having a job at 21 matter?

[OC Speedball]

I'm 21 and I currently do not have a job (times are tough for white males, know what I'm saying? ). I get awesome initial interest with girls but when they get to know me they seem to fall off the radar.

When they ask me where I work and I nonchalantly say, "I don't have a job right now", I can see their interest just drop. The conversation sometimes gets dull or the contact dies out.

I do about 20-30 hours of schoolwork a week right now, but I will be getting a job this summer. So anyways, do you guys think it matters at my age that I don't have a job? Or is something else causing the girls to lose interest?

 

[Kenny Powers]

I assume your a college student, in which case its perfectly normal to not have a job. I once told my parents i was considering getting a job while in college and they told me not to bother since I should be focusing on my schoolwork (your GPA will stay with you your entire life) and having fun. As they pointed out and as I would later learn, life after college revolves around work so you shouldn't be in any rush to enter the workforce prior to graduation. I had some part-time internships to gain experience in my field but never anything overly demanding of my time.

If a girl asks what you do, say your a student and turn the focus to what your studying and what you hope to do with your degree. A 21-year-old guy bettering himself now by going to school to achieve his high-reaching career aspirations is much more impressive than some guy waiting tables. If anyone gives you a hard time, just tell them you want to focus on your schoolwork and pretty much what I discussed earlier.

Remember though, as we talk about a lot on this site, its important to not get too caught up in trying to impress a girl. If you get the impression she doesn't understand why you don't have a job, turn it around and openly challenge her for not appreciating the importance of an education and focusing on you schoolwork. Trust me, if you still don't have a job after graduating the last thing you'll be worrying about is what girls will think.

 

[SgtSplacker]

Screw that, i'd try to pick up a part time somewhere. Of course girls are going to loose interest, all you can do with them is bone in your dorm room. They can do that anywhere...

 

[Masculinity]

Well said, Kenny; I agree. Austin: What do your tone and body language tell the girl when you say "I don't have a job right now?" We, human beings are extremely complex and sensitive to another person's non-verbals; we are literally machine-like beings with elaborate thinking and processing, so let me take this gem and try to explain it.

Correct me if I'm wrong, but it appears to me that on the back of your head you actually see not having a job as having serious baggage. The way you structure your wording and your questions along, projected onto me as something along the lines of self-conciousness--and this is the first time I read this thread. Consequently, you may have behaved awkwardly while out with or simply remained silent after you told Channelle your stiuation, acting in accordance with your belief. The end result is a self-fulfilling prophecy, in which mental self-doubt overruns your personality and makes you seem boring and weak in the eyes of the girl. Austin, you are my dawg and we never have a dull moment.

However, the women you are meeting practically don't know you, so they rely on you to estimate how they should be reacting. You probably already know this by heart, but let me put a label on it for you. In social psychology, we call this effect Reciprocal Mimicry. And in the field, it is responsible for a lot of flakes, silence, awkwardness, girl walking away from you, and what not (note that this happens when you are nervous, which causes your target to mirror your emotions (also related to empathy)) and feel there is legitimate reason to repeal from you. Evolutionarily, we are wired to "trust our gut," so listen when it speaks to you because chances are he will be right. During primitive times, making inferences based on another person's verbal and non-verbal cues must have been crucial in keeping people away from danger. Hence, we are--at a subconscious level--literally socialized to be comfortable in response to a person who behaves comfortably and nervous in response to a person who behaves nervously; it is almost like having those mini angel and devil versions of yourself that float and influence your decisions on what you should do, haha.

In conclusion, don't put so much weight on not having a job. I know how you feel because I have been broke and unemployed myself, but don't allow it to ****block your own game. Kenny has some very good insight; I second what he said. Just relax and realize how being unemployed is actually benefiting you. Your GPA is on the rise and you are getting "A's" in 80%--if not all-- of your classes this semester; your success rate and your level of interest sparked in women are on the rise. You are--literally and figuratively--doing your homework. Don't be so tough on yourself and give yourself a pat on the back dude; you deserve it. And yeah, I am writing this at 3 in the morning cause you remind me of myself. Alright, alright and maybe a little because I love you, man (no homo).

Keep being money,

-Mister Mista

 

[OC Speedball]

Awww yeah Robyn, you are my boy! None of my other friends reply to my threads on sosuave at 3 am! Insomniacs for the win. That's what's up! Shows true friendship, haha. I just got done watching Crazy, Stupid, Love by the way. Thought I'd check sosuave before I went to sleep to see if remotecontrol was making any more dumb posts . Ryan Gosling's game sucks in that movie but the way he dresses is money and I couldn't stop thinking about getting a BJ from the babysitter.

Anyways, I can see both sides to this. I'm 21 and I am fortunate to be able to go to school without needing a job. However, every girl I know has a job. I can sometimes literally see their interest level drop before my eyes when I tell them I'm unemployed. So what I'm saying is, it makes me look "beta" to her.

My game is the best it has ever been right now due to my dedication (as is yours; or at least, it's the best I've ever seen it). I am getting great initial interest, but that's all I'm getting- initial interest and dates.

I will come back and post more tomorrow. I am tired from all these girls that keep blowing up my phone (not serious...............maybe serious).





Edit: Ok, let me respond to what you said. I was really tired when I wrote the first part of this post last night ^

Correct me if I'm wrong, but it appears to me that on the back of your head you actually see not having a job as having serious baggage.

Absolutely. I've found a correlation with telling girls I'm unemployed and them losing interest.

The way you structure your wording and your questions along, projected onto me as something along the lines of self-conciousness--and this is the first time I read this thread. Consequently, you may have behaved awkwardly while out with or simply remained silent after you told Channelle your stiuation, acting in accordance with your belief.

Actually, Chanelle already knew I didn't have a job, but we started talking about it again. She also told me she was 25, which threw my game off. Now I know stuff like that shouldn't be throwing me off, but I thought she was younger. So in my head I'm thinking, "She's 4 years older than me and I don't even have a job." Usually when a girl asks me about my job situation I say, "Are you kidding me? Of course I don't have job. I'm a white male!" (Implying that it's hard to get a job if you don't have titties and you are white). So essentially, I play it off and they always laugh about it. But I don't think they're laughing in their mind...

However, the women you are meeting practically don't know you, so they rely on you to estimate how they should be reacting. You probably already know this by heart, but let me put a label on it for you. In social psychology, we call this effect Reciprocal Mimicry. And in the field, it is responsible for a lot of flakes, silence, awkwardness, girl walking away from you, and what not (note that this happens when you are nervous, which causes your target to mirror your emotions (also related to empathy)) and feel there is legitimate reason to repeal from you...Hence, we are--at a subconscious level--literally socialized to be comfortable in response to a person who behaves comfortably and nervous in response to a person who behaves nervously...

Good stuff, man. I already knew that people mirror your actions in social situations, but I didn't know what it was called. So thanks for mentioning it. You learn something new every day.

This is why girls will high five you and smile as long as you go up to them with a fun, energetic vibe. So to answer your question- do I lose energy and become slightly more awkward or uncomfortable after I've told the girl I don't work? Maybe. There have been two situations I can recall where I remember feeling "off" after I told the girl; especially when that girl asked me in her brand new twin turbo BMW where I work.

In conclusion, don't put so much weight on not having a job. I know how you feel because I have been broke and unemployed myself, but don't allow it to ****block your own game. Kenny has some very good insight; I second what he said. Just relax and realize how being unemployed is actually benefiting you. Your GPA is on the rise...

Honestly, this is the first time it's really bugged me. I guess I'm realizing that I'm 21 and if I'm going to continue spinning plates then I need a job. I'm sick of not having money to go out, and I'm sick of girls doing stuff like paying for parking or spotting me money because I don't have any.

And going back to the other side- maybe when I transfer in the fall to the university girls won't care. Maybe they will just want to "bang in my dorm room." We'll see.

 

[WORKEROUTER]

One of the biggest pimps I ever knew in my life lived out of his van. He had a whole shagging wagin thing set up..carpet, bed, shades, everything in there. Routinely fukked new girls in there pretty much anytime he wanted.

Point is you need to get over this whole mentality of HER losing interest or should you do something for her. That's what NEARLY EVERY GUY thinks. You need to start focusing on doing what's best for you and not give a flying fukk about what some chick thinks.

About the guy who posted that chicks don't want to bone in the dorm room, BULLSH*T. Chicks will fukk you nearly anywhere as long you have big balls and are doing what YOU want to do. And I'm not just talking about the "skanks" either. It's phenomenal how many good girls will fukk you literally in the public bathroom should you have the requisite game.

The independence DOING WHAT YOU WANT AND NOT GIVING A FUKK exudes from that seduces them and they will literally follow you.

So the question is: does having a job at 21 matter TO YOU? Do you think you can better yourself with one? Or do you think that you should be focusing solely on school right now? Think hard abou that, make a decision, and own your decision.

Then when some chick asks you the question, you won't need to feel the need to respond in that lame way of "No, I don't have a job." Who the fukk wants a J-O-B anyway? Tell her you're doing what you love doing, or your following your passions, etc., but take it in a different direction than a "job."

Usually if the chick is asking you this it means that she just views you as some chump or office poindexter who is a good meal ticket. If you're exciting her passions enough, the conversation will not go into this kind of territory.

 

[corrector]

I assume your a college student, in which case its perfectly normal to not have a job.

Especially since jobs can't pay for skyrocketing tuition costs.

I once told my parents i was considering getting a job while in college and they told me not to bother since I should be focusing on my schoolwork (your GPA will stay with you your entire life) and having fun. As they pointed out and as I would later learn, life after college revolves around work so you shouldn't be in any rush to enter the workforce prior to graduation. I had some part-time internships to gain experience in my field but never anything overly demanding of my time.

How much college debt do you have, or how did you pay for college?

If a girl asks what you do, say your a student and turn the focus to what your studying and what you hope to do with your degree. A 21-year-old guy bettering himself now by going to school to achieve his high-reaching career aspirations is much more impressive than some guy waiting tables. If anyone gives you a hard time, just tell them you want to focus on your schoolwork and pretty much what I discussed earlier.

Yeah, but a job adds purpose to your life and makes you look responsible with a girl. These days, maybe not in your case, but in many cases, going to school just means going into debt. The reason people do not work before going to school is the tuition is too high and they need a loan. When they are out of school, they just have a huge loan they can't pay back and internships (most of which simply don't hire you and will look for more free labour) can't help with such loans.

This girl would probably think "boy, this guy is going to have allot of student debt and is a liability, and is owned by JP Morgan or Fannie May, I better run before I have to pay his student loans. He doesn't even have a job now....yaaaaa!"

Remember though, as we talk about a lot on this site, its important to not get too caught up in trying to impress a girl. If you get the impression she doesn't understand why you don't have a job, turn it around and openly challenge her for not appreciating the importance of an education and focusing on you schoolwork. Trust me, if you still don't have a job after graduating the last thing you'll be worrying about is what girls will think.

Of course because you have all that student debt. Most of the manufacturing jobs have been shipped to China and India and a service economy is not sustainable in the long-term especially when most people are underemployed or working part-time lower wage jobs.

 

[corrector]

One of the biggest pimps I ever knew in my life lived out of his van. He had a whole shagging wagin thing set up..carpet, bed, shades, everything in there. Routinely fukked new girls in there pretty much anytime he wanted.

So what aren't you saying? His looks are probably a 7/10 or higher to pull this off. Maybe he really is a bad boy rather than a college book nerd.
Apples to oranges in this situation.

 

[ilikecharlene]

Surely depends on the reason, does it not?

Just say "I'm in college, I don't have a job as studies are most important now".

 

[omega05]

at 21 i was in college with a job in the dining hall. I think chicks at that age would be more understanding if you didnt have a job (assuming you are in school)