Does Being A Rockstar in Bed Hold Little Value?

[Pandora]

I have experienced and wondered about the exact same thing, and all that I can conclude is that a woman's pride AND attention from other men beats great sex.

@FMCSMT - can you share some more details about your divorce? Who instigated it? What was the reason?

Exactly bro. My and my friend where talking about this not too long ago. These days great sex dont mean sh*t. Its not the 90s or the early 2000s anymore. Women get off more on attention from their "limitless" options. Back in the day you would hulk smash a girl and you were sure she would fall in love with you. Nowadays, you could rock her world and she will still not bond with you. She might even barely return your text. Its insane man. It hurts too. I am not going to lie. Its very frustrating. You can do everything right but you can not compete with a sick society.

My sister said it the best. If a girl doesnt bond with you after sex then she is a hoe. Its really that simple. If a man putting his penis inside of your body, risking pregnancy, making you orgasm, and then making you laugh after the orgasm isnt enough to keep you around for atleast a couple months..........then you have serious issues. Most city girls are like this. The ones that can bond after great sex are found in smaller towns and more traditional societys. Or they are still virgins.

Two theories about this:

1.) I think that once a girl ****s more than two guys, then her bonding mechanism is broken. That first cut is the deepest. Girls have told me that once the first guy they had sex with and fell in love with didnt stick around, then that caused them to be dissillusioned with the whole thing. All bets are off after that.

2.) Or it could be that maybe sex is not a sacred thing to women after all. Maybe they are naturally *****s and the job of a father is to program her to feel guilt about her *****dom. I have met relatively stable women who straight up told me that they didnt take their first sexual experience as anything special. It is what it is. It was not sacred.

 

[FMCSMT]

My ex and I had great sex. He was very attentive to me in bed. We weren't lacking there.

My issues with him was that he didn't hesitate to hurt my feelings if he was upset with me, and he would get upset with me out of the blue. In public, in private. I never knew when it was coming, or why.

I spoke with him about this for a year. Letting him know that I couldn't see myself with someone that treated me this way long term. I really tried to express myself not confrontationally on the subject because I wanted it to work out and I thought eventually he might decide he cared enough about me to not want to hurt me.

In the end he angrily told me he was who he was and saw no issue with himself. We broke up and now my life is peaceful. And we still chat every now and then because I manged to maintain and be civil thru the whole process.

From what I read on these boards, men find value in themselves via sex. If they are getting it, if they are giving it well, they see value in that, they feel value/valuable.

My own personal opinion is that I also see value in sex, but it's only party of an overall package. My value in sex is defined by something that is more along the lines of the intimacy I share with the man I choose to be with. I am giving myself to him and we are giving each other pleasure. However, i do give a lot of weight, more weight, to the dynamics of the relationship outside of the bedroom.

The way he treats me outside of the bedroom is what I have to live with for the rest of my life, in theory. If the relationship as a whole is lacking, great sex isn't going to be a factor in my decision to stay or go.

I was good to her. Her husband was calling her every name in the book and physically abusing her (never around me).

I did what she asked. Went to family functions as she stressed this was important to her and they loved me.

We also did tons of fun things and she mentioned that she hasn't seen this much stability in a guy.

I mentioned in another post that she was a recovering meth user. Her husband currently used and her family members were supplying. She used daily for 3 years. She was 2 months into recovery.

Never dealt with a meth or any type of drug user before. Not sure if that plays a role or not. I'm still very uneducated of the meth culture

 

[sazc]

I was good to her. Her husband was calling her every name in the book and physically abusing her (never around me).

I did what she asked. Went to family functions as she stressed this was important to her and they loved me.

We also did tons of fun things and she mentioned that she hasn't seen this much stability in a guy.

I mentioned in another post that she was a recovering meth user. Her husband currently used and her family members were supplying. She used daily for 3 years. She was 2 months into recovery.

Never dealt with a meth or any type of drug user before. Not sure if that plays a role or not. I'm still very uneducated of the meth culture

Omg, only 2 months sober?! Yea, that played a huge role in her decision. She still had baggage she hadn't dealt with.

Then you come along and actually give her what she is asking for and that is going to cause anxiety because now she has to decide if she is going to let you in and get vulnerable - and now she doesn't have the meth (any drug) to numb herself.

Stop wondering if you did anything wrong. She was still broken when you get to her. Probably the only dude she wouldn't have run from was one who made her feel okay about using, and used with her.

 

[sazc]

Steer clear of recovering addicts.

I really feel they should be 3 years sober, preferably 5 years sober, before you can be certain that they have chosen a different lifestyle for certain. They should also be willing, and know, to discuss with you WHY they got addicted to drugs/made drugs a large party of their life. And they should know, be able to tell you, the steps they took to remedy that initial issue.

They need to have thoughtful insight and wisdom about themselves for me to consider investing my time in them.

 

[btownbuck2012]

Exactly bro. My and my friend where talking about this not too long ago. These days great sex dont mean sh*t. Its not the 90s or the early 2000s anymore. Women get off more on attention from their "limitless" options. Back in the day you would hulk smash a girl and you were sure she would fall in love with you. Nowadays, you could rock her world and she will still not bond with you. She might even barely return your text. Its insane man. It hurts too. I am not going to lie. Its very frustrating. You can do everything right but you can not compete with a sick society.

My sister said it the best. If a girl doesnt bond with you after sex then she is a hoe. Its really that simple. If a man putting his penis inside of your body, risking pregnancy, making you orgasm, and then making you laugh after the orgasm isnt enough to keep you around for atleast a couple months..........then you have serious issues. Most city girls are like this. The ones that can bond after great sex are found in smaller towns and more traditional societys. Or they are still virgins.
.

Great post.

I guess I'm still a chump because this really hits me hard when it happens. The reason being is because some of these girls seem so sweet and innocent. Then you bang them and they either ghost you or if you don't smother them with attention they simply move on. That's when you realize who they truly are. They do this ALL THE TIME and have become immune to it. Sex means nothing, attention means everything. That's why you can f*ck them so well and they will leave you for some guy who fits the role they have for men in their mind better. They want to be in control. For the life of me I can't understand how they're happy living like this.

Being alpha doesn't mean sh*t. I'll throw this out there: In terms of KEEPING a woman I would almost say that being beta is a better long term strategy. Again, that's if you want to KEEP her. She'll leave the guy who f*cks her better out of spite, control, psychological issues, etc. But long term being beta, you'll still get physically or emotionally cheating on from time to time. You CANNOT win with most of these women. You just simply can't.

 

[marmel75]

Great post.

I guess I'm still a chump because this really hits me hard when it happens. The reason being is because some of these girls seem so sweet and innocent. Then you bang them and they either ghost you or if you don't smother them with attention they simply move on. That's when you realize who they truly are. They do this ALL THE TIME and have become immune to it. Sex means nothing, attention means everything. That's why you can f*ck them so well and they will leave you for some guy who fits the role they have for men in their mind better. They want to be in control. For the life of me I can't understand how they're happy living like this.

Being alpha doesn't mean sh*t. I'll throw this out there: In terms of KEEPING a woman I would almost say that being beta is a better long term strategy. Again, that's if you want to KEEP her. She'll leave the guy who f*cks her better out of spite, control, psychological issues, etc. But long term being beta, you'll still get physically or emotionally cheating on from time to time. You CANNOT win with most of these women. You just simply can't.

Another thing to consider is that guys greatly overestimate their abilities in the bedroom a lot of times...a guy might think he fvcked the life out of her, but she might be like...meh...it was OK....or maybe you didn't do enough of what raelly gets her off, etc... never assume you have fvcked her better than she ever has gotten fvcked before...you likely haven't.

What she says while you are still naked with her is irrelevant---a lot of that is done to boost guys egos. If she is still saying how amazing you were the next day and continues to talk about it when you get together, etc THEN you likely are...

 

[FMCSMT]

Great post.

I guess I'm still a chump because this really hits me hard when it happens. The reason being is because some of these girls seem so sweet and innocent. Then you bang them and they either ghost you or if you don't smother them with attention they simply move on. That's when you realize who they truly are. They do this ALL THE TIME and have become immune to it. Sex means nothing, attention means everything. That's why you can f*ck them so well and they will leave you for some guy who fits the role they have for men in their mind better. They want to be in control. For the life of me I can't understand how they're happy living like this.

Being alpha doesn't mean sh*t. I'll throw this out there: In terms of KEEPING a woman I would almost say that being beta is a better long term strategy. Again, that's if you want to KEEP her. She'll leave the guy who f*cks her better out of spite, control, psychological issues, etc. But long term being beta, you'll still get physically or emotionally cheating on from time to time. You CANNOT win with most of these women. You just simply can't.

And there's where my frustration lies.

I feel like there is always a way to win, indefinitely.

But when one encompasses the full scope of this...wow...impossible comes to mind...and it's not like me to accept it for what it is. Not when we are the prize. I mean I have a nice home and career and and beginning the process of building a new home. A brand new house! Are ya kidding?! That's a huge dream for me but a woman knowing these things, along with sex and security just walks away? Wow. Good for them then I guess. Not sure what they're trying to attempt to prove but ok.

 

[FMCSMT]

Another thing to consider is that guys greatly overestimate their abilities in the bedroom a lot of times...a guy might think he fvcked the life out of her, but she might be like...meh...it was OK....or maybe you didn't do enough of what raelly gets her off, etc... never assume you have fvcked her better than she ever has gotten fvcked before...you likely haven't.

What she says while you are still naked with her is irrelevant---a lot of that is done to boost guys egos. If she is still saying how amazing you were the next day and continues to talk about it when you get together, etc THEN you likely are...

Well, with this last one, I can't say that she ever mentioned anything about how amazing the sex was, ever that I can recall. And I never brought it up like "wow wasn't that good?". She did tell me that she told some of her close family about it. I told her that I was beginning to believe that she was a sex robot. That's the only next day or so convo that I can recall.

However, her behavior was that I could barely have a convo with her when I arrived or she came over. She initiated soon after we seen each other I would say almost every visit.

There were many times that we met to go out - zip lining - amusement park - water park - nature center - volleyball tournament, to name a few - where we didn't bang right away. Which was fine of course I wouldn't expect that.

I would say that they do cling more when you're at least higher up on the sexual performance board of their experience. She definitely clinged.

What I did notice about her was that she always got me a small gift. I've had others do this too. Buying my love? I don't know... I was always grateful and often returned a gift (I'm sure these types of things are written in love language books). But I noticed that the gifts stopped at the end.. Maybe a week or two before the demise of the relationship.

Really liked her though...

Thank you for all the insight.

 

[Pandora]

Great post.

I guess I'm still a chump because this really hits me hard when it happens. The reason being is because some of these girls seem so sweet and innocent. Then you bang them and they either ghost you or if you don't smother them with attention they simply move on. That's when you realize who they truly are. They do this ALL THE TIME and have become immune to it. Sex means nothing, attention means everything. That's why you can f*ck them so well and they will leave you for some guy who fits the role they have for men in their mind better. They want to be in control. For the life of me I can't understand how they're happy living like this.

Being alpha doesn't mean sh*t. I'll throw this out there: In terms of KEEPING a woman I would almost say that being beta is a better long term strategy. Again, that's if you want to KEEP her. She'll leave the guy who f*cks her better out of spite, control, psychological issues, etc. But long term being beta, you'll still get physically or emotionally cheating on from time to time. You CANNOT win with most of these women. You just simply can't.

This is the truth. These girls believe that cawwk is abundant and low value. Here is this wretched article https://medium.com/matter/the-****onomics-of-tinder-b14956c0c2c7 . Some chick sent that article stating that **** was abudant and low value. My slutty friend told me that she doesnt mind giving up on good sex becuase qoute " there will always be another". Can you believe that. The abundance mentality is so high that they dont care about good sex. They can be picky enough to get exactly the guy that fits the role in their mind ( they think they can get him). It is difficult for a man to imagine the adundance a decent looking girl has. Its staggerring. Online dating apps make it ten times worse.

Many slutty city girls dont want to be with alpha. They want to have sex with alpha but be with beta. This is why they can leave us. You are very right bro. If you want to keep her its better to be beta. But to get her wet its better to be alpha. This is why they ghost you over the phone but when you run into them in public they are all over you. If you saw these girls everyday, they would not be able to deny their pirmal attraction for you. But once they get away from you and stare at their smart phone for long enough, they can dilute their attraction for you.

Another thing we are forgetting is that many girls are actually very insecure. They dont really want a guy that is better than them. They will always **** a guy better, but they will not stay around him. They are not used to being the less intelligent one and it hurts them. Many young men are beta losers, so women are used to being around guys that they are intellectual superior to. Once she gets around a smart man that is in decent physical shape, its messes with their head.

Its the lack of physical proximity and the smart phone that causes them to be able to ghost us. Btownbuck2012, I can promise you that if you saw them everyday, like at work or something they would not be able to deny their attraction for you. They would bond after sex. But that cell phone and not seeing you makes it easy for them to deny their urges. Many of them do not want to settle down. They want to hold out for the exact man that they want.

My friend told me some wise ****. He said never care about how a girl acts over the phone. What matters is how she acts when she sees you in person. I have had the same girls that ghost me after great sex, run into me in public, take me home and then we have sex again. Then they later tell me that they were glad that we had sex again ( even though it would not have happened if I didnt run into her) lol. Its insanity and its the smart phones fault.

 

[btownbuck2012]

Another thing to consider is that guys greatly overestimate their abilities in the bedroom a lot of times...a guy might think he fvcked the life out of her, but she might be like...meh...it was OK....or maybe you didn't do enough of what raelly gets her off, etc... never assume you have fvcked her better than she ever has gotten fvcked before...you likely haven't.

What she says while you are still naked with her is irrelevant---a lot of that is done to boost guys egos. If she is still saying how amazing you were the next day and continues to talk about it when you get together, etc THEN you likely are...

I don't believe that is what OP is referring to. We're not talking about women who drop you after a few lays. We're talking about women who stay with you for months, years, etc. only to leave and not look back. It's often novelty and attention from other men OR built up resentment towards you that trumps great sex. At least this has been my experience.

Control, pride and constant, never ending NEW male attention will always trump great sex.

 

[BeExcellent]

i agree with everything @sazc shared both about addicts and about the state of the relationship outside sex being very important.

A guy gets blood flow & he is focused on sex, period.

A woman has great sex with a guy who is inconsiderate (in her case) or got fat & lazy (in my case) & then a woman goes..."Gee. He is taking me for granted/treating me poorly. This feels bad. The great sex just isn't worth it"

 

[Julian]

I was good to her. Her husband was calling her every name in the book and physically abusing her (never around me).

I did what she asked. Went to family functions as she stressed this was important to her and they loved me.

We also did tons of fun things and she mentioned that she hasn't seen this much stability in a guy.

I mentioned in another post that she was a recovering meth user. Her husband currently used and her family members were supplying. She used daily for 3 years. She was 2 months into recovery.

Never dealt with a meth or any type of drug user before. Not sure if that plays a role or not. I'm still very uneducated of the meth culture

We're gaming meth heads now boys? What a time to be alive.

 

[Julian]

Its easy bro. They aint never satisfied period. A chick gets off more on getting 100 likes on a pic then she does gettin smashed

 

[sazc]

We're gaming meth heads now boys? What a time to be alive.

That's the root of the issue. She's an addict. It pains me that he cant step outside of himself, and blaming himself, to see that the real issue was that SHE has issues. She has issues from BEFORE he was on scene. The only way she would have stuck around is if he always had meth and made it okay (enabled) for her to use with him, or around him. Sheesh people

 

[skinnyguy]

Women care more if you make them laugh than if you make them cvm.

 

[marmel75]

Women care more if you make them laugh than if you make them cvm.

Definitely not true unless they are faking orgasms.

 

[The Duke]

The last girl I had told me I was the best she ever had and went on and on about how great I was. I'd give her multiple orgasms every time and we did some really freaky stuff all the time. She was my #1 as well. However, after I got tired of her antics, I quit calling her and doing things with her other than having sechs with her. It lasted about 6weeks before she got pissed and cut me off from the "free" no strings attached pu$$y.

They are modern day women....they always want it all. You have to be rich, funny, charming, romantic, strong, sensitive, and give her multiple orgasms every time. ;-)

 

[lizardking82]

Being great in bed technically has good value, but I will stretch this a bit further for you based on my own personal experiences: a woman usually wants to feel wrapped up in your emotional sheets of security, sweetness and manliness. She wants to feel you are secure and centered in your manly energy and that relaxes her and turns her on at the same time.

Two things turn women on: your perceived or real value in their eyes and assemblences to their father in looks/behaviour. Men get turned on by simply seeing a beautiful AKA fertile woman as that translates into "strong, healthy kids" in our reptilian brain. We're different, we love in different ways, but do not think that being good in bed will save your ass if you're not transmitting an overall strong, manly presence.

 

[FMCSMT]

Women care more if you make them laugh than if you make them cvm.

Made her laugh a lot.

 

[FMCSMT]

Being great in bed technically has good value, but I will stretch this a bit further for you based on my own personal experiences: a woman usually wants to feel wrapped up in your emotional sheets of security, sweetness and manliness. She wants to feel you are secure and centered in your manly energy and that relaxes her and turns her on at the same time.

Two things turn women on: your perceived or real value in their eyes and assemblences to their father in looks/behaviour. Men get turned on by simply seeing a beautiful AKA fertile woman as that translates into "strong, healthy kids" in our reptilian brain. We're different, we love in different ways, but do not think that being good in bed will save your ass if you're not transmitting an overall strong, manly presence.

Very good advice. I could actually reword what you just wrote, use it in message and get her back, but it would only be for one more bang and as you all know, runnin away is the only option. Excellent advice nonetheless.