Does anyone else have a mother like this?

[mahon83050]

I have a mom, while not mean or malicious, who is VERY negative about everything and HAS NEVER had any faith in her two kids (my sister and I) in anything. I actually get the worst of it. My sister and I are smart, respectful, never got into drugs and both have masters degree's. Yet, almost every decision in our lives is the wrong choice (including going to grad school) I cannot tell you how many times I have been told, "You can't do anything right" or "you should of done this" (mostly pertaining to me not folding or hanging up my clothes correctly (which was out of laziness)

Ever since I was young, I was always told by my mother, what I AM NOT good at as opposed to what I WAS good at. You are not good at doing word math problems, etc, etc. Her theory is this, "She does not want us to get our hopes up and get dissapointed." Basically, NEVER take any risks.

Unfortunately after finishing grad school I had to move back home with my parents because of no job in my field and loads of debt. and it is killing me (I am 30).

One therapist stated this and I think this is true. She said my mother suffers from low self esteem and since I came from her, I must be just as worthless. And NO, my mother DOES NOT SEEM DEPRESSED.

 

[Phyzzle]

Yet, almost every decision in our lives is the wrong choice (including going to grad school)

after finishing grad school I had to move back home with my parents because of no job in my field and loads of debt.

Sounds like she had a good point there . . .

And shirts do last longer if you hang them separately. Maybe she's right about everything and you're wrong?

 

[penkitten]

is your momma the kind of person that sees the glass half empty?

i believe in the era that our parents were raised in, they were conditioned to think and feel like this.

i am not saying its wrong or right, let me say that now. i would never bag on someone's momma, i am just giving my opinion.

my mother was raised this way, and after 30 years, i still am working on this woman. i love her, god bless her, but some things that come out of her mouth have just been low cuts to me over the years.

i do not tend to bring it up, because my feelings are mine and not something i would like for everyone to talk about at family functions, however out of us 4 kids, i was the only girl and had the wrath of mother on me the most.

my brothers could do anything, and she would speak to them in a manner that i would love to have been spoken to, but since i was the girl , i had it the hardest.

all my childhood, i was told that i didn't do this right, i should have done things this way, etc etc...

looking back now, as a mother myself, i see that i turned out differently. i never tell my kids that they are bad, i tell them the behavior was bad during yada yada... i always let them know that i love them and respect them, and they know i expect the best of them. if a c is truly the best they can do in math, i understand.. but if they could make a b, we try to re-evaluate things to get that b.

my mother did not mean to ever intentionally hurt my feelings growing up, but she did, and my life choices were poor at a young age, because it did not seem to matter what i chose, it was considered wrong. i had to grow up and realize this, and then just grow from it.

now as an adult, i see that my grandmother treated her kids worse than this and that her mother was even worse at negativity.

we have to evolve from glass half empty to glass just half/half (it is what it is) to pursue ourselves as glass half full people.

we try to make our children better people than we are the only way we know how.

make dinner for your mom, tell her you did it because you wanted to show her how much you love her, tell her that you are working your personal and financial problems out, and give her a big kiss. if she has anything negative to say about that, let it roll off your back because you just have to take things one day at a time.

 

[Interceptor]

Penkitten,

Talk to me about things and circumstances between daughters, and overbearing judgemental mothers please.
If you don't mind, what should a guy have to know about a woman's less than pleasant mother?

I got an upcoming situation here...

Thanks.

 

[penkitten]

Penkitten,

Talk to me about things and circumstances between daughters, and overbearing judgemental mothers please.
If you don't mind, what should a guy have to know about a woman's less than pleasant mother?

I got an upcoming situation here...

Thanks.

oh let's see...
every guy she brings home to meet the family, the mother won't like.
not good enough for a daughter she never seems happy with...
and she will marry one of them because that is how it works...
still not good enough for the mother...
then they will divorce and the mother will say "i told you so"
and continue to say nasty things about him for the rest of her life..

oh wait, that was my first marriage... lol

it really is weird how i did not turn out to be cold hearted, but i think i have finally mellowed mother out a bit.

she seems to genuinely care about my new husband gio.
perhaps she was right all along?

 

[Nighthawk]

9/10 women have issues with their mothers. Just something I noticed over the years.

mahon, you need to move out asap.

 

[ChrizZ]

I have a mom, while not mean or malicious, who is VERY negative about everything and HAS NEVER had any faith in her two kids (my sister and I) in anything. I actually get the worst of it. My sister and I are smart, respectful, never got into drugs and both have masters degree's. Yet, almost every decision in our lives is the wrong choice (including going to grad school) I cannot tell you how many times I have been told, "You can't do anything right" or "you should of done this" (mostly pertaining to me not folding or hanging up my clothes correctly (which was out of laziness)

Ever since I was young, I was always told by my mother, what I AM NOT good at as opposed to what I WAS good at. You are not good at doing word math problems, etc, etc. Her theory is this, "She does not want us to get our hopes up and get dissapointed." Basically, NEVER take any risks.

Unfortunately after finishing grad school I had to move back home with my parents because of no job in my field and loads of debt. and it is killing me (I am 30).

One therapist stated this and I think this is true. She said my mother suffers from low self esteem and since I came from her, I must be just as worthless. And NO, my mother DOES NOT SEEM DEPRESSED.

You just described my father 100% except that he is always depressed and used to beat me into hospital when I was a little kid. I forgive him though cuz his father was the same. My mom is the exact opposite. She can´t say "no" to anything. She used to buy me everything I wanted. However she was scared of everything and didn´t allow me to do stuff that involved just a little risk.

If I didn´t find this site I´d be a shy loser with low self esteem. However I turned out as a winner despite of my weird family.