I got tired of this girl's excuses to why she can't hang out. They're probably real but I think it's bs that she has absolutely no time to hang out. So I just told her that I'm not wasting my time any longer by asking her out (probably shouldn't have said that) but she can call me when she's free and I'll be more than happy to do something. I think that it's bs because when she talks to me on the phone she seemed interested, she's said she likes me but then she pulls this crap when I ask her out. Anyway, before you say something, I do care about this, I actually like this girl (which is unusual, usually I'll only go after a girl because she's hot). We click on a few levels but I don't want to put up with this ****, all I want is her to make some time to go out with me or tell me no. ****ing *****, gah!!!!!!!!!!!!
Do you guys think it's alright to tell a girl to call you if she wants to chill?
- Thread starter Kal0051
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you know what this is. She likes the convo and attention you give her. She's not interested in more. Don't give ultimatums...just go silent and move on to other women. be nonchalant and unemotional and move forward. good luck.
hard to be unemotional when I actually like her. Not really giving on ultimatum, just don't want to waste my time. And I am pursuing other women, I just like this one a hell of a lot more than the others (it's not about looks btw).
Igetit!
Moderator
First off,I agree with Warrior74.
You got emotions invested in her,and you two aren't even in a relationship.
Also,by telling her that she can call you when she's free just made it seem as if she was the only woman you have an interest in and you have no other options,and also that you have nothing else going on in your life,like you're sitting around the house with nothing to do waiting for her to call. It's like you put her in control of your happiness.
Now,she's going to take you for granted. She going to feel like she can just call you whenever she feels like it,because YOU TOLD HER she could call you whevever she's free.
In the end,you just need to do what Warrior74 said.
I don't believe her excuses are real. And even if they are,then tell me this: once you ask her out and she gives you some excuse as to why she can't see you,does she make a counter offer? Does she say,"Well,I can't because (I have to do this or that),but I'll be free on this day or that day?Kal0051 said:
Yeah,this was a mistake. You telling her that you weren't going to "waste you time" on her showed her that you had some emotion invested in her.Kal0051 said:
You got emotions invested in her,and you two aren't even in a relationship.
Also,by telling her that she can call you when she's free just made it seem as if she was the only woman you have an interest in and you have no other options,and also that you have nothing else going on in your life,like you're sitting around the house with nothing to do waiting for her to call. It's like you put her in control of your happiness.
Now,she's going to take you for granted. She going to feel like she can just call you whenever she feels like it,because YOU TOLD HER she could call you whevever she's free.
Question:When you two talk on the phone,what do you talk about,how often do you talk,and how long do you two talk each time you call her or she calls you?Kal0051 said:
In the end,you just need to do what Warrior74 said.
Men frequently err by talking too much. They often monopolize conversations, droning on and on about topics that bore women to tears. They think they're impressing the women when, in reality, they're depressing the women.
Quote taken from The SoSuave Guide to Women and Dating, which you can read for FREE.
I already deleted all her contact info, nothing more I can do. And I didn't tell her to call whenever she's free, all I said was if she wanted to chill in the future give me a call. I doubt I'll hear from her, unless it's her asking me why I'm acting strange.
As for your other questions, we usually talk for a half hour at a time, about nothing in particular just whatever comes to mind. We usually talk every couple of days, used to be more a few weeks ago. And it's usually 50/50 on who contacts the other.
As for your other questions, we usually talk for a half hour at a time, about nothing in particular just whatever comes to mind. We usually talk every couple of days, used to be more a few weeks ago. And it's usually 50/50 on who contacts the other.
I think that both you and the girl ended up perceiving you as low value. Don't get me wrong with this, you're probably a cool person but it seems like you say the neediest things. What you need to do is to forget about this ***** and start focusing on other girls. A very wise individual in these very boards once said that 98% of our girl problems would be solved if we spun more plates and I think that he's absolutely right and I'm also tempted to believe that your situation would be solved if you did this. Good luck with it, man.
The Comeback Kid
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I've been through this bs before, and I agree with the others who have replied. If you ask a girl to hang out and she says no WITHOUT a counter, leave it at that. While it might initially feel good to let things off your chest, it's not needed - it just shows that she has some sort of power over you. Also, I wouldn't say "I would definitely hang out if you call," because then it makes it all too easy for her. There's no fun in that.
All you need to do is say, "alright cool" and go about your business. If she's interested, she will call. If not, then be happy you did not waste any more time with this attention-wh0re.
All you need to do is say, "alright cool" and go about your business. If she's interested, she will call. If not, then be happy you did not waste any more time with this attention-wh0re.
well she never straight out said no, that's part of the problem. She either gave some excuse why she couldn't go or would cancel the day of (now, this didn't happen always but a good portion of the time where it became annoying). I wish she would have said she didn't want to go out with me, that would have told me her intentions. But instead every time I got "Sorry I can't go out that day. I want to, I like you but (insert excuse)". For whatever reason that combined with our conversations led me to believe that she actually liked me. I just think it's funny because this was a girl that at one time told me that she doesn't play games, lol, guess she's a liar too.The Comeback Kid said:
The Comeback Kid
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Maybe we know the same girl. :crazy:Kal0051 said:
There was a girl months back who was just like this. When I met her, I thought to myself, "nah, she doesn't play games. She's mature and won't put me through any bs." WRONG. I asked her out on a date, and got a "yes," so I was feeling pretty good. The next day, she calls and sounds VERY sick. I figured that was legit, and later we made plans for the following week. The night before, she claims she forgot she had a doctor's appt the next day and had to cancel.
This alibi tipped me off. I knew it was fake. Unfortunately, the other users here and a friend in a class of hers hinted that her first excuse may have been fabricated too (about her being sick). My friend said she seemed just fine in class, no signs of sickness. :cuss:
Using the two strike rule, she was out! I tried establishing contact once more a few weeks later (just a "hey what's up" sorta thing) and got nothing. What I see in your case is that this girl is deathly afraid of confrontation. The two-strike rule is gold here. If she cancels twice without a counter-offer...NEXT!
yeah, I guess that's what I'll do. Still, it sucks because I actually liked this one which is rare. Most of the time I don't like most girls for anything more than their bodies so when I met her and got to know her a bit I thought I might have found a girl I would like to have a relationship with. And I thought that she wanted the same thing by how she spoke. Whatever, at least now I don't have to deal with her friend who's secretly trying to **** her, 'cause that was annoying.
apparently she now wants to see if we could do something in a week or so. Whatever, IF she ends up trying to plan something (and it will be her to choose the day, I'm not trying anymore) I'm not sure if I should just cancel on her or something.
Igetit!
Moderator
I know what i'd do if I were you. I'd flake on her. I'd respond with something like,"Uhh...well I don't know what all I'll have planned for next week,so maybe I'll just call you and let you know if I'll be free. Then I'd hang up the phone. This way,she'd "sense" that you're NOT needy,that if you're willing to put her on the backburner,then you obviuosly have other options,and she'd also feel like you might be losing interest in her.Kal0051 said:
I guarantee you she'd be calling you to see if you're free or not,and this time she wouldn't flake. If you just call her and agree to seeing her on whatever day she chooses,my guess is that she'll just flake again because each time she contacts you and you show her that you're ready and willing to see her,that all she has to do is give you the green light and you'll be there,she gets an ego boost. She gets her ego stroked and she feels good from the phonecall/texts themselves. She doesn't actually have to meet up with you,she can just get her fix from calling you and you automatically saying yes to her each time.
I'd flip the script on her and take control myself. Instead of "supposedly" meeting up on her schedule,I'd make her meet up with me on mine.
In order to get a woman,you have to be willing to risk losing her. If not,even if you do get a date with her,when she senses that you're not willing to walk away from her,she'll lose attraction for you,start to avoid you,and /or turn attention WH0RE.
that was pretty much my response (not in those exact words, but more or less the same idea). Mind you its the truth, I don't know what my schedule is next week. I was prepared to walk away, that's probably the only reason she even contacted me.Igetit! said:
A girl will always pick the better option where it is more interesting for her and she does the least amount of work to achieve it. Thus the guy that she is interested in the most and the guy that would call her are the best options for her.
If she is mildley intersted in you and you are asking her to call you, she will probably not call you unless she has nothing better to do.
If she is mildley intersted in you and you are asking her to call you, she will probably not call you unless she has nothing better to do.
yeah, I know what you mean. The reason I told her to call me was I was hoping she's get the hint that I'm not gonna try with her anymore unless she does a bit of work (I'll still talk to her once in a while, just not gonna go out of my way to ask her out).DJDamage said:
I don't really care if I do something with her, it would be nice, but I always try to have other options (though I'm only mildly interested in my current other options).
DonGorgon
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she wont call unless she like u alot but she will have so many other men calling her that she may not bother to call you unless you are brad pitt