Do you ever feel like being on this forum is DEstructive to your "game"?

[squirrels]

This isn't a bash or put-down...there seem to have been a lot of them flying around lately.

Lately, I feel as though being on this forum feels more like dragging an anchor than getting a boost-up. I've been sitting here reading these threads and finding I know all the "right answers" from the DJ Bible and articles and all this crap, often before I even see the replies.

Thing is, I'm still a virgin.

I think I'm too deep into the philosophy/psychology of attraction. The more people discuss here, the more I start to form these grand theories which help me make sense of the male-female dynamic, but do NOTHING to make me a part of it. I've "thought myself into a cage," and I feel like I'm sacrificing the primal experience in favor of a rational understanding of it...a rational understanding which can never be complete because many of the dynamics of attraction and sexuality are beyond rational explanation.

Reason is born of instinct, not vice-versa. Thinking and philosophy are powerful tools, but when you use them, you limit yourself. You give up the freedom to act as you are driven to. The AFC "philosophy" is the one that most come here with and they're quick to shed it, but rather than experience the freedom, they quickly build a new philosophy, a "DJ Philosophy", in its place to protect them from the scary uncertainty of reality.

I've done this. I've shed the AFC way of thinking and built a new Don-Juan manly philosophy in my head. And I see myself looking at this wonder I've constructed and saying, "now what?"

I need to quiet the voices in my head...to start using reason to complement my instincts rather than fight them. Unfortunately, the only way I can do this is STILL alcohol. When I drink, and I can't think straight, I am fun, entertaining, carefree, and sensual. When I am sober, I am rational, worrying, careful, and androgenous.

Sometimes I honestly don't know whether this forum is helping or hurting me in that regard. On one hand, it clears up many misconceptions that people have. On the other hand, it leads them to engage in further philosophy in order to compensate for and protect them from their free, instinctual nature.

Thomas Jefferson once said, "those Who Desire To Give Up Freedom In Order To Gain Security, Will Not Have, Nor Do They Deserve, Either One." Sometimes I feel like by getting on this forum and discussing concepts like attraction and desire and building these little philosophies to control how I interpret them is akin to giving up my freedom to act as an instinctual male in order to find security in understanding my nature.

I know now what Pook was talking about. I never read this article all the way through because he babbles for a good long while, but this is really one of the better pieces from the DJ Bible:
http://www.sosuave.com/vBulletin/showthread.php?s=&threadid=17008

Nature: I wonder if you would talk then till doomsday? Your followers, your philosophers, lawyers, academics, prattle and rattle on just like you! You are completely unaware of the seasons of life that color and sparkle the world. But I hesitate!

Mind: Like the flow and ebb of the moon.

Nature: Quiet you! Weineger and others of his ilk made good attempts at trying to discover my secrets. They tried to 'pop' themselves out of my earthly cycle and peer upon my work with the eyes of a god. Melancholy is my vengeance. Nieztche and Keirkegard, I drove those two mad. For Weineger I made his life so unpleasant that he had to shoot himself.

I'm not sure what to do...lately I've been depressed, felt a lot weaker, a lot less motivated. I wonder if it'd be a good idea to just take a break.

 

[Knicknack]

by all means take a break from the forum and go practice some of the things people have been posting about. go cold approach a few hb's just for the hell of it. do something...

 

[Oscar Wilde]

You're probably not going to fully appreciate this place until it gets you laid. To do that, you need to be real active. Everyone starts from a different position so it takes some longer than others. Don't worry about it, just chill & go with the flow. Get out and field test.

Osc.

 

[violator]

The problem is that this site for many has become somewhat of a security blanket. No doubt there are many who spend hours and hours absorbing every tidbit of information trying to find the answers to there problems with women and relationships.

Eventually you are going to have to practice what you have learned here. That means approaching women in all types of venues and learning from your mistakes when you get rejected; and unless you are a rock star, there will be many rejections.

This site is only a guide. True knowledge will be gained only by
getting your feet wet out in the street so to speak.

 

[laydee1]

Well I suppose there is the risk of this

http://www.onlinesexaddict.com/osaq.html

But seriously...if you take away positivity from the site, it's a great benefit

But if it's all about how "I'm not going to let some woman overpower me and all defensive"...you're kind of missing the point.

A lot of people on here are.

 

[bugsquish]

I feel like I'm sacrificing the primal experience in favor of a rational understanding of it...

From what I can see you have constructed a new excuse for yourself to not approach women... You only feel that way because you haven't been putting your knowledge into practise.

You are one of the most intelligent DJs on this site. Just think how good you will be with everything you know. How many guys have you helped to get laid with your advice? I'm one of them as you know. Just believe in your ability.

I hear you on the alcohol issue, I can only DJ when I'm drunk. But so what? I'm screwing 2 quality chicks even though I'm pretty withdrawn in everyday life. Neither of them have seen me much when I'm sober.

I agree that taking a break from the site is a great idea, because it is a kind of "quick fix" that distracts from the bigger picture. I have never (and I suspect you neither) carried out a boot camp, instead relying on frequent visits to this site, and short term successes on the alcohol. Maybe we should both print out the boot camp, leave the site for a few months, cut back on the booze and get out there building our skills.

But whatever you do, don't blame the site for a lack of action. The excuse itself is the thing holding you back, wherever the excuse comes from. A number one AFC trait is making excuses not to approach, right?

 

[squirrels]

Originally posted by bugsquish
But whatever you do, don't blame the site for a lack of action. The excuse itself is the thing holding you back, wherever the excuse comes from. A number one AFC trait is making excuses not to approach, right?

Believe me, I take full responsibility for it. It's MY OWN fault for falling into this trap of overanalysis.

I think I'm still putting too much emphasis on sex as a prize to be won, instead of actually EXPERIENCING the interaction and enjoying it.

Only now, I'm trying to win it with DJ tactics and the "DJ attitude" instead of just living the "DJ attitude" for its own sake and letting sex present itself. Cuz when you come right down to it, we're all sexually worthy creatures.

It's really a zen thing...you can't understand how, or why, or when sex or attraction will occur...you just know that it will because you're a MAN, and sex with women is something you've been hardwired to do since birth. Any kind of reasoning or bartering or anything you do to try to understand or control it merely restricts it and cuts off your connection to it.

All you can do is just believe in it and, from there, be it. And soon you'll become it.

You understand, this drives me crazy, because I want to put it down on paper and do the math and understand it, but it's completely outside the bounds of the reason I've become addicted to. Not stupid or crazy, just senseless and unreasonable. That's what humans are in their natural state. And this is NORMAL.

I find myself wanting to continue this post, to say the same things over and over again hoping for an insight that will never present itself...but I've said enough. Nothing I say here is going to get me any closer to freedom from my "thought cage."

Best tip I can give to any rAFC or DJ: when you get into a situation, and start thinking, "Should I do this? Will she like this? Or will that give me her attention?", close your eyes, and clear all the words out of your head. Then just have FUN. Your life is about YOU and no one else. ENJOY it...everything else will unfold as it should.

 

[bugsquish]

I'm not defending the site, and trying to divert blame elsewhere! All I'm saying is that deducing a reason (any reason) for lack of success with women, is only a self fulfilling prophecy. An excuse for lack of action removes motivation.

It's really a zen thing...you can't understand how, or why, or when sex or attraction will occur...you just know that it will because you're a MAN, and sex with women is something you've been hardwired to do since birth. Any kind of reasoning or bartering or anything you do to try to understand or control it merely restricts it and cuts off your connection to it.

This is entirely true. I have had successes in the past with no knowledge of the DJ lifestyle. But the frustrating thing was always not knowing why one thing worked and another didn't. And WHY. If things screwed up, I was pretty clueless why. I guess I still go into my approach with women in the same way I always did, but now I have this background knowledge that fuels the fire. I don't go out concentrating on "being a DJ", it just kind of fits itself into place subconsicously once you get comfortable with the playing field.

What you, I and everyone on this site has to do (especially in the beginning) is forget the concepts altogether. Banish them from our conscious mind completely. We just need to get comfortable talking to women. It's as simple as that, and it only comes with practise. It doesn't even matter what you say, or if you "are on top of your game". All that matters is that you can interact in a relaxed way. And this only come with practise, practise, practise. Boot camp anyone? Once you are relaxed doing this, the things you know from this site will guide you without even having to think about it.

You're not in a trap of overanalysis. Just accept that you're making excuses for yourself and get out there meeting women. Once you get comfortable Squirrels, you are better off than 99.9% of the guys out there and probably 80% of people on this site.

 

[es_mer8]

The DJ Bible and even this forum is a great tool to get women but its meaningless if its not in the right hands. What I found is that sometimes every once in a while you need to take a break from this site. Take this time to take that DJ knowledge and try to mold it to what you want it to be. Hell, its not the end of the world if you are a virgin.

If I were you, I'd take a month off this site. Just concentrate on you. Yes, I know that that is why you are here but just take a month to work on your hobbies, lift weights and start to see some results at the end of the month, and not worry about getting women.

Its so frustrating to see so many people here getting women and you are just up sh1t's creek without a paddle. Its happened to me.

Just keep your head up is the main thing

 

[NewMan]

Oh my....

I think perhaps Squirrels is over thinking all of this - and taking the things he reads here to literal.

This site should really be used as a self help guide - it's a pick me up for us guys thats have been or are going through a tough time.

The DJ bible is a little mis-represented. I'm reading it for sure, but it's more about getting confidence and belief in myself than anything else. Realise that this site should be used to help you through whatever it is your going through - perhaps in your case Squirrels, it's the fact that your having problems meeting women? or perhaps it's because your not closing the deal? - not sure.

Anyway, it sounds like you are putting to much emphasis on s#x. S#x is what we as men want, but we must enjoy the now, the moment. If we meet women and are constantly thinking about s#x, we are not going to come across as a strong, confident man. There's nothing we can do to guarantee sucess with women - what we can do though is get out there and set ourselves apart from everyone else - by being confident - and not just thinking about the end result - getting into her panties. S#x will come.

Get out the Squirrles, do force things to much - just go with the flow and let things unfold. Keep your eyes open for oportunities and take some chances when they arise.

 

[Don Ronny]

You should do what jwhite is doing.

Take action and post a journal of cold approaches here. Simply the best way to improve IMO. Less talk, more walk.

 

[squirrels]

Originally posted by es_mer8
If I were you, I'd take a month off this site. Just concentrate on you. Yes, I know that that is why you are here but just take a month to work on your hobbies, lift weights and start to see some results at the end of the month, and not worry about getting women.

LOL...I go to the gym just about every day. Have been doing so for like 5 years. Also, I've been doing a lot of indoor rock-climbing and am just getting the money again to work on my car. I'm also starting to get into the market for a new house.

Originally posted by NewMan
Anyway, it sounds like you are putting to much emphasis on s#x. S#x is what we as men want, but we must enjoy the now, the moment. If we meet women and are constantly thinking about s#x, we are not going to come across as a strong, confident man. There's nothing we can do to guarantee sucess with women - what we can do though is get out there and set ourselves apart from everyone else - by being confident - and not just thinking about the end result - getting into her panties. S#x will come.

You're probably right. I'm looking at life, and women, as a destination rather than a journey.

It's hard though...I live at home, I work in an IT job in a secure building with nothing else around, I'm not really "close" to anything where people are. I go out to club and bars and stuff, but that's hit-or-miss.

I know...those are just excuses. I'm just going to have to work on it.

Originally posted by Don Ronny
You should do what jwhite is doing.

Take action and post a journal of cold approaches here. Simply the best way to improve IMO. Less talk, more walk.

There have been a few times when I've almost posted field reports...started them, but just seemed to come off like I was bragging or trying to win attention from people on here. I just don't feel comfortable with it.

 

[Matt ala Casanova]

You haven't truly shed your AFC ways until you get some poot & nani! Not unless you want to wait until marraige, but even then, are you getting everything else?

This site is a godsend for most and a joke for others. Trust me, I am living proof this site works.

M.A.C.

 

[squirrels]

Originally posted by Matt ala Casanova
You haven't truly shed your AFC ways until you get some poot & nani! Not unless you want to wait until marraige, but even then, are you getting everything else?

But you can't get some poot & nani until you shed your AFC ways. LOL...what a paradox.

 

[Blaaaaat]

I'm also the proof that it works. I honestly believe I still would be a virgin if i didn't found this site. Only 3 months after finding the bible and putting the princples in practise, I got laid.... and that with a girl that LJBF'd me big time trust me, it works!!!

 

[princelydeeds]

Re: Oh my....

Originally posted by NewMan
I think perhaps Squirrels is over thinking all of this - and taking the things he reads here to literal.

This site should really be used as a self help guide - it's a pick me up for us guys thats have been or are going through a tough time.

The DJ bible is a little mis-represented. I'm reading it for sure, but it's more about getting confidence and belief in myself than anything else. Realise that this site should be used to help you through whatever it is your going through - perhaps in your case Squirrels, it's the fact that your having problems meeting women? or perhaps it's because your not closing the deal? - not sure.

Squirrels, New Man has it right. You must use the bible as a guide but not as a quick fix. I was in your city this past weekend (Baltimore) got the numebr of a truely hot lawyer (Didn't screw but she is definitely worth the 3.5 hour drive back) and hooked up with this chick I went to College with. The point is simple, if I can come to your town and meet two fabulous women (plus bone one of them) in such a short time you can do it too.

I don't know what you're doing wrong but you have to get out and experience life. I don't think i'm an AFC, im not a DJ either but I know for sure I'm trying my best to get there. I tried to talk to several other women this weekend, got nowhere, and got flat out rejected by some others. It happens to all of us. But that doesn't mean you quit or give up. I think it takes some serious introspection, maybe you need to talk to someone who is very honest. You have to find out what you are doing wrong. What is it about you that turns women off? Are your standards unreasonably high? Maybe you should get comfortable talking to fat ugly chicks before you move up to top notch babes.

I do think that you are thinking too much and acting too little. if you go to talk to a chick and 100 rules flash through your head, you are suffering from the paralysis of analysis. You must be fluid in your approach you must practice selling yourself till selling yourself becomes second nature. I don't think it is the board, I think its you thinking and trying too hard. Life is short this is one big game. Remeber its supposed to be fun and enjoyable. If you're stressed out step away from the game. RElax but whatever you do don't quit.

 

[squirrels]

Re: Re: Oh my....

Originally posted by princelydeeds
I don't know what you're doing wrong but you have to get out and experience life. I don't think i'm an AFC, im not a DJ either but I know for sure I'm trying my best to get there. I tried to talk to several other women this weekend, got nowhere, and got flat out rejected by some others. It happens to all of us. But that doesn't mean you quit or give up. I think it takes some serious introspection, maybe you need to talk to someone who is very honest. You have to find out what you are doing wrong. What is it about you that turns women off? Are your standards unreasonably high? Maybe you should get comfortable talking to fat ugly chicks before you move up to top notch babes.

LOL...I didn't think there WERE good looking women in Baltimore.

It's not like I'm not getting anywhere. Last weekend, I went to a bar feeling kinda run-down and still this one girl started talking to me (a 6, probably)...I got her phone number, but she was boring (and drunk off her ass) so I never called her. Didn't feel like wasting the time. I made eye contact with her friend a few times before she introduced herself, but I never talked to her (feeling run-down).

The week before that, I was chilling at a local sports bar when some guy is like, "my friend wants to meet you"...turns out his friend was a hottie...high 8 at least. Got her number too, but never called her either. Although her friends swore she liked me, I just didn't get any kind of physical response from her, not to mention that she seemed air-headed and I didn't feel like spending time with her, either.

Then the week before that was the whole debacle where I got that stripper's number. She was a flake, plus I think my attitude on the phone sucked...but I honestly feel that if I had driven to the strip club instead of rode up there with my friends, I could've taken her home that night. Odd situation, but this isn't my imagination running away with me, trust me.

It's just after a while, I wonder why I'm doing this. I wonder why, if I can't bang a girl on the first night, I even bother getting the phone number, because it just means I have to spend time with her/put up with her/work on her, and that's no fun. I've got other things to do that are more interesting. There's so much emphasis on "getting the number" on this site, as if once you've got that, the rest is a lock..and it's NOT. A phone number doesn't seem to mean d!ck in this day and age.

And these girls...they're all great, but they're just not SEXUAL.

I dunno...part of me says I need to work harder at it, but part of me says that that's contrary to the "take it easy and relax" approach.

 

[princelydeeds]

Ok see now we're getting somewhere. The number one problem is you. Its not teh board its you. You're thinking waaaay tooo much. You get the numbers then say I can't call and come up with 100 reasons not to call. Stop thinking so much and get the hell out of your own way. Call the boring chick. Boring chicks like to screw, she might be the best fukk you ever have in life. Some of my best FB's wer the lamest chicks I know. But when the panties drop and the sex gets hot and sweaty who cares?

When you're booking numbers call teh women. The bible is getting you opportunites, but your not making the most of those opportunities. You expect to get laid first night with these chicks even though you've never gotten ladi before? You have to crawl before you can walk. Take baby steps then grow into the master DJ. How can you get laid if you never call? Why blame the board when you're the one not closing the deal? You gotta close the deal. Not to be funny, but a very serious question, are you afraid to call? Still sounds like you're afraid of rejection.

 

[squirrels]

Originally posted by princelydeeds
Ok see now we're getting somewhere. The number one problem is you. Its not teh board its you. You're thinking waaaay tooo much. You get the numbers then say I can't call and come up with 100 reasons not to call. Stop thinking so much and get the hell out of your own way. Call the boring chick. Boring chicks like to screw, she might be the best fukk you ever have in life. Some of my best FB's wer the lamest chicks I know. But when the panties drop and the sex gets hot and sweaty who cares?

When you're booking numbers call teh women. The bible is getting you opportunites, but your not making the most of those opportunities. You expect to get laid first night with these chicks even though you've never gotten ladi before? You have to crawl before you can walk. Take baby steps then grow into the master DJ. How can you get laid if you never call? Why blame the board when you're the one not closing the deal? You gotta close the deal. Not to be funny, but a very serious question, are you afraid to call? Still sounds like you're afraid of rejection.

Maybe a little...but the whole idea is to relax and have fun and be natural. I feel like if I waste more time trying to seduce these girls, or even have them along as company to something *I* enjoy when they're really not good company anyway, is not HAVING FUN on my part.

I'm not enjoying myself wasting my time with "dates". Women just aren't fun to be around unless there's a real possibility of sexual contact THAT NIGHT, or unless they're at least somewhat engaging in other ways.

 

[Oscar Wilde]

Dude, drive up to Mass & go out with drex and MAC next time


Seriously.


Oscar.