Do you consider ONS-Girls to be LTR Material?

[davelmn2003]

If a girl agrees to have a one night stand with you, would you consider her a (potential) long-term relationship material? Or would you think she's too loose and puts her out of the LTR radar screen?

Conversely, if you go for a ONS with a girl--regardless of whether she agrees to it or not--would she think that you're a boyfriend material? (since you would push for a ONS with her, why wouldn't you push for the same thing with other women, she might reason).

Thus, if you want to find a relationship and not just a ONS, how long would you wait AND if you wait, how would you NOT appear to be one who is without sexual desire (something some of you have said is what women are looking for in a man--that sensual/sexual side of a man).

There seems to be a dilemma here: how to show her (sexual) interest without appearing loose and thus, a playboy who is not boyfriend material??

 

[drixsa]

ok generally when girls commit to a one nite stand that is all they are looking for

and in my vast experience the girls that want more will try to come after u to get it

with girls, one nite stands can be the test to see if u r "good enuf" that they want u over and over again

if u go even slightly outta your way to try to pursue her she will prolly know what u r lookin for

jus the next time u see her initiate conversation and see how it goes

be concentrating on the vibes u get to determine whether she wants more than just a nite with u

 

[Bonhomme]

Absolutely!

If she's LTR material, she's LTR material.

Whether or not I bed her on the first meeting is irrelevant. I don't really go for the whole "slut" vs. "good girl" sterotypes. If a gal is open with her sexuality and goes for it when she wants it, bully for her !

But it's almost always true that gals who think *you* are LTR material won't go all the way when you just met them. C'est la vie!

 

[Cool As Ice]

Great question

My opinion is this.

If a girl sleeps with you on the first night, although I like to say it was my charm and confidence that got her in the sack I got wonder how many other guys she has done this with. I also got wonder how much I can trust her not to do the same thing with some other guy if I am in a LTR with her if we have a fight or disagreement.

I wouldn't worry about a how long you should wait, if you push on her and she ain't willing to give it up that ain't necesarly a bad thing, if you get the right signs she is interested but just wants to wait a little I just think that means you don't have a girl that will sleep with a guy right away (and from a diease perspective that ain't a bad thing) Is like Slim Shady, how can I trust you, I just meet you and F#cked you.

 

[TheDoppler]

ooooh boy....

OK, it's going to come down to how good you are with communicating, your ability to intuitively read her, and how secure you are in her faithfulness once you begin. If any of these are lacking then you're setting yourself up to either get cheated on or have her drift apart.

Even though you were both hot for each other and enjoyed (assuming here) yourselves the first date, it does send the signal to each other that perhaps this isn't the first ONS for each of you. Which is going to make each of you jealous very quickly if either of you gets caught looking at someone else because the fears come up that you're thinking about slipping that other person away for a quickie before returning to the woman you walked in with.

I'm not saying "don't" I'm saying be careful if you proceed. Try being (can I say this on here?) "****-buddies". That means you get together for a date and sex as often as you're both comfortable with until you get to know each other well enough to make the LTR leap/conclusion. Ease into the idea with her that you want to go exclusive and are hoping she feels the same way about seeing only you.

But since a ONS-loving person enjoys the spontaneous sex and the rush, keeping their interest (or yours even) might be difficult down the road. You'll have to satisfy as well as provide her with plenty of rushes to substitute be it blowing her away with your emotions (once you know she's open to that) or doing a lot of wild things together either in your sexlife or out on wild dates.

Only you will be able to guage for yourself how things are panning out and finding out she's got a track record for ONS's and it wasn't just the magic of you on that night...well don't go digging for what you don't want to find.

Rich

 

[TheDoppler]

Ummmm...maybe...MAYBE...tell her that you're considering seeing her more. This gives her the impression that you're not just going to disappear on her and yet doesn't make her feel restricted about seeing other people if that really is her thing. The reason I suggest easing into things is because a person who regularly has ONS's might get freaked out by the thought of having to kick the habit or will be freaked out by the thought of intimacy.

I admit I've never had an ONS, I'm an LTR through and through, but I've made several attempts to sustain and LTR with ONS-loving ladies and in my own past they've only lasted between 3 to 6 months...but at least the sex was satisfying and nightly. I guarantee if you get in tight with her she will give you a lot of booty calls...even at like 2a.m. you'll get a call to come over and satisfy her sudden craving for sex...or a craving for you specifically.

Play safe,
Rich

 

[Oscar Wilde]

Yeah, I did (have LTR w/ originally ONS).

I think it's hypocritical of a guy to have a personal rule "if she sleeps with me the first night then she aint LTR material", considering the amount of effort the guy puts in to get the ONS in the first place.

It worked out great in my experience cos she was hooked on me after that night (spent the week with me). Our LTR lasted a year, and I'm glad it happened, and that I don't have some hard and fast rule against such things.

Then again, a friend of mine believes that she is lowering your IL by giving alway "all her secrets" (corny, I know) on the first night...

Any girls gonna comment?

Oscar.

 

[princelydeeds]

ONS

Wow I really love this site. Been lurking for a while, but now Ill finally post on this one. Wish I had known all this info, you guys are getting now, years ago. I finally came into understanding these same principles on my own about 2 or 3 years ago.

My take on a one night stand is this, the worst thing you can possibly say about her is that she liked you enough to sleep with you. If thats such a bad thing, does that say more about you or her? My Grandfatehr gave me a useful piece of advice as a kid and only now, at 29, do I truly understand it. he said
"A woman is to be enjoyed but never understood, the minute you try to understand her you are going to find yourself in a very bad place. The minute you stop enjoying her let her go"

At 29, I finally get what he meant. There are a million different reasons why a woman would sleep with you on a first date. She might be promiscuous but what if she hasn't had sex in 6 months (or whatever is a long time to her) and is just flat out horny? You may have the good fortune of being her best available option, does that make her a ho?

My point is simple, just enjoy your good fortune. Stop thinking too much and enjoy the situation. So what if she has slept with a bunch of guys (provided she is free of diseases)? You will be the beneficiary of all her experience. The past is the past, we are who we are because of where and who we've been. She might have done some bad things and realised that she doesnt like that stuff and might be a completely different person now. Trust me I know women like this. Thats why I never ask questions I may not wanna know the answer too (i.e. how many men have you slept with, no matter what the number is its gonna be too many).

But it sounds like you are over analyzing the situation. Take it easy, take it where it goes. She might be a cool chick to hang out with and screw on the regular or she could be your wife, you never know. Just have fun and enjoy her. Take it whereever it goes, but remove the pressure of deciding what shes gonna be in the future cause honestly you don't know until she reveals herself.

I've got two women, in my life, that started off just like her. Both would do anything for me, we go out sometimes and we just have fun. I could call anytime of the day or night and they would do anything for me cook, clean, do my laundry, even give me money (if I asked, which I don't), not to mention I get the sex whenever I want it. Take it where it goes, relax, even if its not true love you could still be "friends."