Do men require Intimacy?

[backbreaker]

I mean I like sex just as much as the next guy does. Sex is awesome. But I won't die if I didn't get laid for the next year or 5 honestly. i don't' know about 5 lol but you get my point.


But what really kills me is just the intimacy that you have with a woman more than the actual sex.


My wife left to go out of town earlier today to take our daughter over the pond to see her grandparents. She goes there every year to visit home and because I got **** to do and my son is in summer camp and stuff I decided it would be best if I stayed back.


And I mean, when she gets back we're going to pork lol. We're going to seriously pork, but that's not what I really miss.. I just miss..her. Talking to her, how she puts her feet on my lap when we watch TV, how she always rubs my back when I'm done working, how she is always dancing around the house when I wake up in the morning, how she cuddles up to me in the bed. I miss just having her around


It got me thinking on a grander scale of things. Do men need intimacy? And I'm just asking this out of pure curiosity more than anything, like with the MGOTW movement, I can honestly see how men would want to go their own way and the benefits of it and not being married and all that. And I like to think that I have my **** together and I have the frame in my relationship and all that jazz.. But I still very much cherish the intimacy that my wife and I have on a day to day basis.


How as a man who has decided he wants no part of women at all, deal with this problem? When I was 21 years old i had just came out of a 3 year women drought and I ****ing bitter and I was kinda messed up mentally in regards to women, and I was just 21. I can't imagine being.. 35 years old and not having dated in 7 years and all the emotional scares that would come about by not having women in my life AT ALL.


Maybe it's just me. But is female intimacy something that is necessary for a man to be sane, normal?


I'm curious as to what others think about this

 

[Die Hard]

Deep down, this is the stuff that I want most. That does have a lot to do with not getting any love or physical intimacy from my parents as a child, which created a gap inside of me, and it needs to be filled...

It's also the stuff that makes me bond with chicks, though. So there's the dilemma: I have a big craving for this sh!t but at the same time, I know if I give into that stuff too much, it will make me get emotionally attached to the girl. And that's often a recipe for disaster....

But that's why we gotta spin plates and screen women, make them earn OUR intimacy etc. Takes discipline though....

 

[Lozboss]

All Humans need intimacy- if you don't you're generally sociopathic or mentally different.

However- missing people is okay but the above sounds dangerous.

I know you're in love but this doesn't seem to be you holding in your frame.

Sorry to say it mate but it seems you've become too used to having your wife in your life that you're not not doing enough things alone.

 

[glass half full]

Yes, I need that. I know that women claim we don't, just sex. That's bull**** and they know it.

A relationship without that (been there) is empty and dead.

 

[JohnyTheArrow]

Sex without love is like hamburgers, sex with love is like best steak.The problem is ... women most of the time doesnt see you as precious as you see them.

 

[Die Hard]

They see you as precious as long as you don't give them their intimacy. Once they get what they want, they don't appreciate it anymore and start misbehaving... Seriously, when you show a woman your "vulnerable" side and they see you also like to cuddle and stuff, then you're not "tough and manly" anymore and her interest level drops, she begins to take you for granted.

Then she meets a new dude who hasn't shown her that vulnerable side yet and he becomes more interesting than you. Then she cheats...then you realize what a fool you've been to become intimate with her...then you go back to spinning plates....then you start craving the intimacy again. Cycle repeats, new threads on SoSuave follow, meh....

 

[Fruitbat]

Would love to have this, every relationship I've had has just been hard work with very occasional spotlights of intimacy.

Never giving up, sounds great OP, enjoy what you have.

 

[MOTU]

I am definitely an "affection wh0re". I enjoy the intimacy almost more than the seks. I like her rolling over into my arms while we sleep, scratching my back, holding hands in the car...

I don't think this is an attraction killer if you have plenty of alpha traits as well, and maintain your frame. Well, at least not with a woman who has gotten off the carousel.

I am a big fan of Athol Kay's earlier work in this regard. You CAN have balance. Be strong: physically, mentally, emotionally; show leadership; be successful. Fvck her like a caveman. Then lay her head on your chest and stroke her hair all you want.

 

[zekko]

Seriously, when you show a woman your "vulnerable" side and they see you also like to cuddle and stuff, then you're not "tough and manly" anymore and her interest level drops, she begins to take you for granted.QUOTE]
I don't believe in showing a vulnerable side, you should always be strong around your woman. However, I don't consider cuddling a sign of weakness, I've never gotten into trouble with a woman or have her think less of me because I cuddled with her. I think some guys here are under the impression that you have to act like a c0cky funny hard @ss jerkoff all the time, or you will lose attraction, and that simply isn't so. Just be a man, guys, it's not that complicated.

Anyway, I agree with BB that it is the little things that you really appreciate in a relationship. I, for one, appreciate intimacy, but if you read this forum, you would have to think that some guys not only don't need intimacy, they would do anything they could to avoid it. But if you want to bone some new drunken club slut every few days, that's considered manly and acceptable.

 

[backbreaker]

rollo has a post on his blog, or maybe even here where he says that men are the real romantics and that's true


I think the real sign of a woman you can settle down with is one that you do not have to play hard to get all the time. I'm well, well past playing games with my wife. Part of it is my job in the sense that i dont' have to play busy I AM busy all the time and don't smother her with attention but still. i'm well past the point of having to watch what i show her. she's seen the best and the worst of me

 

[nismo-4]

All men need imtimacy.

Acting aloof only works when the girl already likes you.

 

[BetterCallSaul]

Yes, otherwise a person will become hardened potentially beyond repair. This goes for both men and women. Hell just take a look at the thread in the regular DJ forum from user Fred complaining of being a 40 year old virgin then lashing out at everyone trying to help. Look at fat middle aged women ready to scream rape or denounce men everywhere, blaming them for every single problem in her life.

 

[G_Govan]

Nothing wrong with enjoying "intimate" moments with your woman, but it's a slippery slope if you indulge in this thinking too much.

Men are the romantics, not women. Women are quite "pragmatic" in their relationships.

Tread carefully.

 

[ubercat]

Couple of thoughts. Heheh don't know jack about pick up but boy have I had a lot of LTRs.

Don't cuddle with a new plate - she ll run away fast. I know context was ltr but I guarantee somebody will read this and try. And yes I have personaly made this mistake in my stupid AFC days enough to prove the theory.

Make it a ritual. Say every couple of weeks u luv her up on a Sunday morning and give her brekky in bed read the Sunday papers to her - whatever Nothing wrong with that. Now u ve got yr excuse to spoon all u like and its one of yr couple things.But don't do it the rest of the time.

Now if she s behaving badly u can stop giving that experience. Also of course shake it up. Some Sundays drag the family out of bed early and take them on an adventure.

Life s tuff enough guys - u don't always need to be tormenting yr woman to prove yr alpha. Most of the time keeping her up to the mark sure. Heheh sure Espi will tear me a new one for this post.

 

[backbreaker]

Sunday is generally our kick it day. I don't work, she doesnt' workout, son is usually outside terrorizing the neighborhood. We generally just sit back and watch TV / movies all day long unless some good horse racing is on

 

[zekko]

There's the saying that men are the true romantics, and I can certainly see that. But how does that square with the idea that women seek relationships while men seek to spread their seed around? Those two concepts don't quite jibe.

 

[zekko]

i know you hate all the "alpha/beta" jive zekko

Not at all, although I do think it tends to get misused.
And I didn't really have a point, I was asking a question.

 

[zekko]

I do not challenge "all" the PUA ideology, only the parts that I find questionable. Usually the problem I find with PUA dogma is that they overstate their case.

For example, they will take a situation that happens 20% of the time, and present it like it happens 100% of the time. Whenever you read the words "Women ALWAYS...", you should get suspicious.

Anytime somebody, anybody wants to indoctrinate me with their point of view, I immediately get skeptical. You get fooled less that way.

 

[piranha45]

This man requires intimacy.

 

[Zunder]

Well, as crazy as I am and as nuts as all the relationships I have been in have been, as much fvkcing as I have done I will never forget this one little incident with an ex-girlfriend going back some 12 years ago now. I had known her 5 weeks or so, and we had been fvkcing like rabbits, but then one Sunday morning I am sitting on the sofa having a cup of coffee she made me, and she just comes up behind me and wraps her arms around me, tight around my chest, and brings her face in close against my stubble and just holds me like that for a good thirty seconds.
Funny that aye. All the boning I have done, and a non-sex moment is the most majic moment for me in my memory with a woman.
Go figure.