Do I date her or not?

[nosexbox]

OK, newbie here looking for some advice.

I'm 31, and a pretty bad AFC. I'm pretty good looking, but skinny and currently a grad student without a lot of money. I haven't had much dating experience because of my lack of self-esteem when it comes to women... I have a very hard time making any kind of moves (whether asking out, or if there's an awknowledgement of attraction, moving towards any kind of physicality).

Anyhow, I met this girl lately... she's 21 and pretty cute. When I first met her I was in a bad state (bad case of oneitis from 3 year non-relationship) and she was like a beacon of light. But, as soon as I realized she was into me, VERY into me, I have started to become less interested. I want to know if you guys think I should go for it.

Positive factors:
-I could really use the experience, in all facets of the game
-I'd like to give my friends (and a couple of girls I like and hang out with) the impression that I actually can date
-I could definitely use the self-confidence
-

Negative factors:
-I'm worried that if we start dating I'll get all confident and dump her quick... we have mutual friends and mutual hangouts, too
-it does feel like I'm sort of dating "below my station"... she's attractive enough, I guess, but I'm not that hot for her
-I get the feeling we'd be better friends than lovers (she's fun to hang with, she has a lot of friends)

I'm kind of stuck between "just do it, it will be fun and you'll feel better" and "you're too good for her, move on". Ideally, I guess the best would be to date her just for the heck of it and hope to exit cleanly and with the least amount of drama.

Maybe you guys don't have enough info to contribute but give it a shot...

 

[TooColdUlrick]

fvck her.

 

[( . )( . )]

Why do you have to "date" her? Your making a huge conundrum out of this for no reason.

Your 31 and shes 21 which means you dont "date" her anyway, you fvck her and thats it.

At the age of 21 shes only a fraction more useful to you than a chimpanzee by default so forget all this "pros and cons" and over analysing crap.

Just fvck her.

 

[nosexbox]

Um, OK.

So sex is the only possible thing to come out of this, from what I can tell from your oh so expressive comments. Right?

 

[TooColdUlrick]

^^^^ yes.

 

[SAYNO]

Ditto!

Tear that ass up man and keep steping!

Sayno'

 

[NewMan]

-I'm worried that if we start dating I'll get all confident and dump her quick... we have mutual friends and mutual hangouts, too

This is not a negative. From what I can see, you don't have the b#lls to get a woman - so how are you so confident you'll find another? Don't run before you can walk.

-it does feel like I'm sort of dating "below my station"... she's attractive enough, I guess, but I'm not that hot for her

Again, how are you dating below your station? you've not dated in what 3 yrs? this is only a negative if it's true - and from what I've read it isn't.

I get the feeling we'd be better friends than lovers (she's fun to hang with, she has a lot of friends)

So fvck her - have fun - and don't get into a relationship with her. Turn he into your fvck buddy.



your over thinking everything... just do it.

 

[iveyleeger]

stop worrying about yourself. think of this poor girl. she wants you. she made it clear. she's waiting for you to do... something ;-)

"fvck her" is not useful advice for your situation, though. one step at a time.

first, setup a non-date. that is just a "hey, let's do x" that doesn't involve anyone else. during non-date, apply kino. that is just a simple touching her accidentally on purpose, putting your arm around her, hand on shoulder, etc. not a big deal. at the end of the non-date, if she gives you signs, kiss her.

then come back here for step 2 and don't contact her in between.

oh yeah, consider renting "Hitch" and watching "The 40 Year Old Virgin". One will inspire you into action, the other terrify you into action.

finally, don't underestimate how good she will look (and feel) naked in your bed after a couple drinks. avg. chicks can turn into dynamite

 

[nosexbox]

Oh, we've had lots of physical contact. Lots of cuddling, that kind of thing. There's been a couple of times where I could have kissed her but held back.

Tonight is the first time we're going to hang out without anyone else around... video night. I can see that, no matter what angle you're coming from, you all agree I might as well go for it.

Thanks guys.

 

[penkitten]

what is it you want from her?

 

[nosexbox]

Woah, that was fast.

At this point? Sex. It's been a long time and anything would not only be fun but a learning experience. Experience in simply being with a girl is good too.

I know that the last time I dated someone I started off all excited but after a while my confidence went up and I realized I could do better. I was moving too so it was a perfect excuse to let her go. My confidence was good for a few months but then a complete ***** fvcked me over and screwed me up.

I don't think it could be a long term thing with this one. She's fun and we can hang out but I am really too old for a LTR with her. As much as women are, according to many on here, just to be used, I'd like for it to go easy.

 

[penkitten]

Originally posted by nosexbox
Woah, that was fast.

At this point? Sex. It's been a long time and anything would not only be fun but a learning experience. Experience in simply being with a girl is good too.

I know that the last time I dated someone I started off all excited but after a while my confidence went up and I realized I could do better. I was moving too so it was a perfect excuse to let her go. My confidence was good for a few months but then a complete ***** fvcked me over and screwed me up.

I don't think it could be a long term thing with this one. She's fun and we can hang out but I am really too old for a LTR with her. As much as women are, according to many on here, just to be used, I'd like for it to go easy.

then go have sex with her.

what if she asks where its heading? if you are honest , she may respect that, or it might piss her off.
perhaps you should say "lets see where it takes us"
and in a few weeks come back and tell her you just arent ready for a ltr?

 

[nosexbox]

Yep, that's the plan pretty much. From what I can tell she's not much of a traditional girly girl (i.e. "I want a relationship") anyhow. Bonus for me.

 

[iveyleeger]

don't forget the alcohol