Ditch the date before you turn into a puppy

[Straydog]

This post may have some whining in it but the whining itself is not the reason I’m writing it. Mostly I post this as both a warning and a tip for any of you guys who may end up in a similar situation in the future.

Good luck!

This night I went out to see a girl whom I’ve known for some time and lately I’ve seen my IL in her kind of sky-rocketing.
The reason for that is
A) She extremely good looking
B) She gave me all kinds of buying-signals last week but because none of us had time I couldn’t do anything about it.

..- So tonight we agreed to see eachother and I went past her house. Condoms in my pocket.

ShocK: I find her sitting there with two of her friends! (girls).

Her: ” Hi... my two friends would just love to go with us is that ok?”
Me: Ummm.. yeah okay....... Come along then.

So we went to see a band play and at no time did she show any interest.
Thanks to everything I’ve absorbed at SoSuave I didn’t try desperately to get her attention but it took all my skills as an actor to come across with enthusiasm and friendliness towards all three girls. ( I’m not an actor – I’m a medic).
When the band was done playing and another one entered stage I got my jacket and left. I just said goodbye and didn’t wait around.

Bottom line is that it was a sh1t date but at least I felt that I still had my dignity by leaving prematurely.

This is what I have learned from the night:

Dignity comes first. Chance of getting laid comes second.
If you see that your chances with the girl is approaching zero then leave before your presence becomes too pathetic.
You’re not there FOR her. You’re (supposed to) be there WITH her. If that ain’t happening, then you shouldn’t be there at all.

If you find yourself in a such no win situation like the above just concentrate at holding your head up high, try and have some fun if possible. When it’s over and you come home emptyhanded you’ll feel better than if you had acted all frustrated wimpy in the face of yoyr girl. (And we don’t want to give her that satisfaction do we??


Well, from here on it’s all ”Ganji”....

 

[johnny_chase]

ugh, why does everyone overthink everything.

Okay, did it ever occur to you that maybe she wanted to watch the band play? She didnt pay for tickets to see some band to have YOU entertain her all night, what were you planning on doing, yelling over the speakers trying to make convo? A "date",man do i hate that word, implies so many expectations, is a one on one activity. If you asked her to go for coffee, she cant bring her friends.

If she was sending signals all last week, do you think they dissapeared that quick? C'mon man, get with it. Went by her house with condoms? I hope with no expectations other than precaution in mind.

If you dont expect anything to happen (ie SEX, physicality, finding out she wants you really bad), when they do happen it's really really good. That, and there isnt any performance anxiety, trying to be nice, maintain "dignity". It's easier to go with the flow when things dont go your way, because you shouldnt have a way you want them to go, go with the flow.


This sh*t takes time, it's not just magic pixie fairy cocaine dust. It's not like: oh, i'll kino you a little, oh, there go your pants! It's a slow progression, like cooking a really good meat roast. Slow, and low.

MAKE THE BEST OUT OF EVERY SITUATION, period. Every situation has a good side and a bad. Look on the good side, and twist it to your advantage.

 

[Wiesman44]

Just b/c she brought friends doesn't mean she doesn't like you. There's plenty of reasons why she did that. If she was showing buying signals, chances are she's still interested.

Why were u being such a jerk by leaving ? Why couldnt you have at least tried to have fun ? C'mon man. Your at a bar w/ a band playing, and you're with 3 women, 2 of which you dont know. How do you not make the most of it ?

Well, you definitely screwed yourself over on that one. All you cared about was a quick fu#K, and she definitely didn't. We all want a quickie, but b/c you expected it to happen, you screwed up the night.

Your post is not a warning. Do not classify it as one. Any dj who finds himself on a date with 2 other women finds it as a chance to increase his social circle, and maybe get dates from those girls or friends of theirs.

 

[johnny_chase]

HAHAHAHA, Wiesman, that's exactly what i wanted to say!

That's the good side to it! You were out with three chicks man, THREE GIRLS ALL TO YOURSELF, ahahahahahahah. Rub salt in the wound, learn your lesson, and now remember: Unless there is a ring on your finger(even then, unless she's a really good chick), game every single girl you meet! Every single one is a potential hookup! Dont get the tunnel vision!

I can assure you, i dont know what part of the world you're in, but where i am i'm pretty sure all the girls have all the same parts, and they work in sort of the same way.

Dont expect to get sex. That way,when you do, it's good.

 

[sybertiger]

Yo, don't listen to these two.

Bottom line - you had a date and she brought ****blocks right from the start.

While I agree you need to make the best out every situation, and that you probably shouldn't go in expecting sex, I think you handled the situtation alright.

Heck, I don't think I would've even gone out with the broads. Depending if you're locked in with the tickets already or not, I wouldn't have just said "actually I just came by to catch you for 5 minutes before the show. Turns out I can't make it/I double booked a date tonight/I have to wash my baseboards tonight", and gone out with somebody who actually likes you!

REMEMBER people this is not you out with three chicks, this is you out with a date that hates you/has no manners and her two **** block friends. These two guys are talking like there was going to be a foursome that night. Ha!

 

[Double]

you should always expect to get what you want. expect nothing what is that for an attidude towards life? having patience and self-control is another thing.

you handled the situation well, but for me maybe I would have done the same or just left and said something like "if u would have told me that you bring your friends along everything would be fine, but
I am not a fool. Have a nice evening and maybe we will go out another time." remember it ends how you begin it - and when you let yourself be disrespected right from the start(would you bring along 2 dudes without telling a girl you really like? I know I wouldn't), than what kind of relationship do you expect? if you just want to bone her than thats another story

 

[Straydog]

To Johnny-Chase and Wiesmann44

I don’t need to expand my social circle as if it was a buisness enterprize. I choose my friends from those people that I like seeing – not just random people who happen to be around me.

I have no problem going to a bar with a girl to see a band play (which btw was free). But when I go out with someone I don’t go out with her friends and it’s really just an idiotic setting this 1 guy 3 girls. Maybe you think its cool to listen to all their girly-gossip – I don’t.

And yes this is warning: Don’t get into this situation. Avoid it like the plaugue. Cause you know what: ”It really SUKS!!”.
I know that on paper it looks really cool with 1 guy and 3 girls. But in the real world these girls are not gonna hit on you and get you girlfriends. Instead there’re gonna team up on you ’cause there afraid to get jealous if you should score with one of them.

Another thing: This post is intended for ordinary people who are open to improve in the dating game. I don’t try to come across like a master pimp. Keep that in mind whenever you critisize the experience of others for while it’s very easy to say what they should have done according to the bible...well take reality into account sometimes.

To the rest:

It’s cool

 

[DeathDealer]

well I generally don't have a problem with being the guy with 2-3 girls. But if the girl who I'm interested in is talking to the girls and not on me then I know which zone I'm in.

 

[TillTheEndOfTime]

Originally posted by Wiesman44
Just b/c she brought friends doesn't mean she doesn't like you. There's plenty of reasons why she did that. If she was showing buying signals, chances are she's still interested.

Why were u being such a jerk by leaving ? Why couldnt you have at least tried to have fun ? C'mon man. Your at a bar w/ a band playing, and you're with 3 women, 2 of which you dont know. How do you not make the most of it ?

Well, you definitely screwed yourself over on that one. All you cared about was a quick fu#K, and she definitely didn't. We all want a quickie, but b/c you expected it to happen, you screwed up the night.

Your post is not a warning. Do not classify it as one. Any dj who finds himself on a date with 2 other women finds it as a chance to increase his social circle, and maybe get dates from those girls or friends of theirs.

I generally agree, but strongly disagree with "try to have fun." If you have to try, it's not worth your time. It should come naturally. He doesn't owe her anything to sit there bored "trying" to have fun with her girlfriends.

 

[johnny_chase]

Okay, i understand. I know i might have come off a little like an a$$, but i have to listen to my friends complain about the same sh*t all day long.

You never mentioned they sat there and girly gossiped all night long. Anyways, instead of leaving, why didnt you go chat up some other hotties? All i'm saying is that instead of letting it sour your night, turn it into something good. I am sure there were some other hotties there.

It's just in your original post it sounded like you kind of just gave up, pussed out. If she has the audacity to bring some chicks along on your "date" (was she clear on the fact that it was a date?), then you have the right to go find some other chicks to talk to.

And about the expect nothing deal, it isnt towards life. I expect to graduate from university, i expect to get a good job, i expect to have good kids and great sex.

What i mean is, if you didnt get it around the first time: when you first meet a girl, dont expect her to be anything to you. dont expect her to be this great LTR, dont expect her to have sex with you, dont go over to her place thinking you're going to bone her, prepare for it, but dont expect it. You see, that way when it happens, it's good

*oh, as a note, i never take girls on a date to a bar, or any party situation. That is "going out with people", not dating. Maybe after we've had dinner, movie, played pool, whatever, will we go get a quick drink before we go do something else, but the bar is never the main course.

 

[MetalFortress]

HEY STRAYDOG

I TOOK THIS FROM YOUR POST

Her: ” Hi... my two friends would just love to go with us is that ok?”
Me: Ummm.. yeah okay....... Come along then.

So quit whining, especially if you agreed to it.

 

[Straydog]

This is not about whining or expecting sex from a date.

And I guess you could argue all day whether it was wise or stupid to let the other girls come along but it's not the point. (though it was stupid come to think of it...)

DeathDealer well I generally don't have a problem with being the guy with 2-3 girls. But if the girl who I'm interested in is talking to the girls and not on me then I know which zone I'm in.

This guy hits the spot right on the mark. We're talking friendzone here, and how to avoid it.
You see, most guys I know would probably have tagged along all night, always hoping to start a convo with the girl, dance, whatever. But in her mind the girl has already nexted you so the more you try the more you fall into the friendszone.

What I am saying then is that the least you can do is just cut your losses and get out of there while you still have your pride.

Don't hang on to the date like some clingy puppy (Hence the title).
Leave the show - be jerk-like about it. Hell I'm not gonna see the girl again so there is no need to be diplomatic about it.

In the end this question about when to break off a date is a matter of self-esteem and courage.

 

[MetalFortress]

Are you even paying attention? You could have avoided all this by saying "no" when she asked if she could bring her two friends along! It's you're OWN FAULT that it happened!

 

[Don Juanabbe]

Dear lord!

Someone isn't generating enough attraction.

Straydog, can you do me a favour?

Could you rewind a little and give us some details of your interactions with this girl prior to this 'date'?

I want to know how long you've known her, where from, and what your interactions with this girl have been like. How much have you been phoning her, how much have you been gaming her?

You really didn't need to up and leave like that. If she wasn't paying enough attention to you then you should've been gaming her two friends, not to mention every other woman in the bar that you could get near that night.

I think you're letting your ego rule you with this one. I'm not trying to slag you, because I've been guilty of this too.

You're on the right track though with not taking any crap, but you shouldn't have taken it so personally, you should have continued having a good time like you didn't give a crap.

 

[Nightspark]

wow it's like 2 sides to everything and both of them prove to be good points...

on one side you have the argument that expecting shiznit is bad especially when u dont get it... yep been there done that so many times even when it's got nothing to do with girls (ie job interviews). IF you expect nothing then yes it'll be a nice surprise when u get it. It's like going somewhere half asleep and not realising urr pulling the right moves...

another point is the leaving with dignity! This brings me to a post inthe DJ BIBLE that quoted somewhere along the lines of.... " when you go to a bar or club and you're not having fun, try to lighten up! If that doesnt seem to be working it is best you leave becasue you're wasting your time! " Leaving the place early was a good move since you were not enjoying yourself and it wouldve got you frustrated and you coudlve done some wierd a$s stunt on her... then i heard when i was being trained by sales people in sales, is that the worst thing that you can do is let the people get to you, and you need to maintain your attitude! There are a lot of articles in hte DJB that go indepth about that aswell... when you lose or being to lose the attitude either u build it back up, or you unfortunantly cut your losses and leave before you do any damage...

lol one last thing! okay you did say that u agreed into taking her friends along as well... which is a b!tch when they do that in the last minute, which is why it's agood thing to EMPHASISE that what you're doing with the girl on that night is a Date between yous two only... that message wouldve gotten lost somewhers....... and yeah 1 guy and 2 chicks or 3 even is not what it's all cracked up to be since all they talk about is girly gossip crap.... ive been there (like 2 weeks ago) and i spent most of the night dancin away when i ddnt see that i was gonna get any conversation with them....

this is a warning! and yes it takes some self-esteem and confidence to say....u know what girl, im bored and leaving... see ya!


Dignity, Respect always comes frist dude... urr right about that!

- Nightspark

 

[Don Juanabbe]

I have a feeling that straydog might have messed this one up long before the actual date though.

 

[ScrewIt]

hmm this is a tough one.
she brought her friends along, possibly a sign of insecurity and needed her friends to be there.

you let them come along, in the end you just bounced without giving a reason.

you leaving so soon probably gave her the indication that youre not interested in her.

i do agree with you that leaving does show you dont neeed to stick around and be a afc, and makes her wonder why you left.

instead of saying goodbye, yet keep your cool and keep her guessing you shouldve said something along the lines of:

(take a look at your watch)
you: i'd love to stay, but unfortunately ladies i've gotta get going. (grab your jacket and storm outta there as if you had something urgent to do)

And if her IL is high enough, she'll give you a call that nite or day after to find out where you went.

there was one time i was out with 2 girls and a guy friend, we went to check out stuff around the stores after a pool game. well i went my separate way and bounced before they did , had to go buy somet stuff. well her IL was high enough that she called my cell immediately.

remember with girls, its best to understay your welcome

 

[A-Unit]

Re:

As an example...I was invited to a gala event @ the museum of fine arts in Boston. It was a drinking shindig with lots of fine paintings and fine women. The gal I went with , aged 34, invited 2 other girls, but hadn't told me.

When I arrived, she was attentive and interested. We bounced to a bar we she asked...

"You're not mad my friends are here, are you?"

Of course not. Who cares?

Moments later, we proceed to screw in the Ladies bathroom, and I had no protection. So talking about expectations...


If a girl does that to you, it isn't about faking emotions, or anger, you don't get angry. Life throws these things at you; you have to know how to work with them not against them.


I've taken girls out on New Year's, spend 100's of bucks on them, and been lucky to get that kiss at midnight, only to have her 'feel bad' and do stuff weeks or months later.


I love listening to the "shark" cd b/c he pointed out this quick sited behavior of 'nexting' a chick w/out consideration or thought. To me, it's such an ego trip. It's as if she's insulting you, and then a guy gets all protective of himself. It's one thing if the date was one on one coffee...but I didn't see enough info here to indicate much evidence of sh!t testing.

How did you meet?
Have you dated before? If so, where?
Have you kissed?
Did you pick her up at her place?
Where was the show?
Was it free?

The amount of questions could be endless...as is the miscommunication. If you were really upset about the occurrence, pull her to the carpet in front of her friends before going out. Playfully suave her into what you wanted to do...

"That's great ladies...but I had a special night planned for us. You're welcome to accompany, but afterwards we have other plans."

It also seems to indicate...what happened prior to this date to set up such circumstances for this to occur? If you had a good date before, a girl will want one on one time.

Here this...

I got the "I have my period" crap, and it could have been the tail end of it, but it was defense against sex. THEN...I heard "I was waiting to take my panties off." So does it matter? They sh!t test to test masculinity...




A-Unit

 

[myfriendblu]

Originally posted by sybertiger
Yo, don't listen to these two.

Bottom line - you had a date and she brought ****blocks right from the start.

REMEMBER people this is not you out with three chicks, this is you out with a date that hates you/has no manners and her two **** block friends. These two guys are talking like there was going to be a foursome that night. Ha!

Dude your so money - spot on....EXACTLY right. Ahhhh I have had this happen to me a many of time.

Do you guys know why girls do this? I will tell you EXACTLY why. Its low IL. You see, she brought her cokblocking friends for a reason - she didnt wannna be on a "date" with you that particular night, and brought them along to make it look like a group affair, basically a ploy to stroke her ego and not give you the time of day.

Group dates are always, always, always a bad bad bad idea. Say no to them right away off the start. Only when you have been seeing a girl for awile and are having regular sex with her should you consent to a group date.

 

[Straydog]

I didn’t write this post to ask advice about a girl. Have I written anything that goes like"Girl flaked on me what do I do?" or " Help me land this x chick" or "What did I do wrong how can I make up for it?".
And I'm not interested in knowing from you guys if I did the right thing or if it's my fault if she doesn't see me again. And while I do appreciate all your comments (they are all helpful and interesting), I already KNOW that in this situation bouncing was the best choice to make.
If my goal had been your advice on this situation then I would probably have given you more background info.

To Don Juannabbe:
You're right I did make my ego rule that night. Is that bad? Maybe it is 'cause it makes us demand too much of ourselves and it makes us prone to dissappointment. On the other hand we do need ego to motivate us and push us to our limits. The key is to find balance I reckon.

I will rewind for you how I came to know her:
- I've known her for six months. She's one semester below me.
- I've always been friendly to her but I didn't spend any time with her outside university. We’ve both seen other people during that time.
- Three weeks ago while studying for exams we incidently ended up in the same lecturehall and we began to spend our pauses together. Good convo, flirty eyecontact, kino...
- After exams she called me up and asked if she could see me some days during our vacation. I said "sure" but I had some stuff to attend to in another city for the next five days.
- I came home, called her up and invited her to see the band. You know the rest of the story.

She must have gotten cold feet while I was away

To A-unit:
She wasn’t sh1t-testing. She just wasn’t interested. So it cannot be compared to the time when you got laid at bathroom at a gala event.
And while I did feel insulted (or rather my ego), I don’t resent her for it. Talking about dealing with what life throws at you it’s okay to get mad and insulted. What matters is how you deal with it and how to learn from it.

Another thing: I didn’t leave early because I had a wish for hurting the girls feelings or to make her feel guilty. I left because it didn’t make sense to stay anymore

But the fact that I’m (still) having to justify my original post tells me that it has gone off track...

If you guys want to then feel free to start debating whether it was wise to leave early or if I should have rejected her friends coming along or why I didn’t screw her in the bathroom and whether I was being ****y and funny enough. And so on and so on.
But the answer for these things are up to the individual depending on age, education, character, situation etc. - I'm sure time is better spent reading the bible than debating it here.

What would be alot more interesting would be some of your own accounts when you let your ego rule you and when you yourself left early from a date.
What are your personal experiences about it?