Disrespect, eject button?

[SecondHalf]

I've been dating this woman for a while and it was going OK (few games), but last night ran into a snag and didn't handle it properly at the time.
Later it pissed me off and my ... AFC side wants to just be rid of her.
I found this old thread, and it was informative, basically stating what I knew. However, it doesn't speak much to recovery.

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=184662

I'll point form the relationship / sequence of events as I prefer short to the point posts ...
- 6 years younger
- petite, pretty, shapely
- great in the sack
- too quiet
- wants to move ahead very quickly (i.e. travel - rejected that).
- was upset when I had plans for the week last week and didn't consider her before making them (all business too).
- made a statement that I can use my son as a cancellation ticket anytime.
- told me a couple times, she doesn't feel a priority
NOTE: there are positives too, but more negatives are coming to mind...
- I turned up the heat and the communication a little (yep, mistake) and we got close again.
- last night she tells me that she's going out with a male friend (first invite) on the first night that I have no kid at home for 2 weeks.

So, that's the summary.

She's been trying very hard since last night to change me back to ... doting (I suppose), but not doing the proper thing that would reflect interest and respect.

My gut tells me that I should just dump her tonight and ignore.
Normally I would, but my readings from this site tell me that this would be the AFC way to handle things.
What would a DJ do (not that he would be in this situation in the first place).

My questions are
Does it matter?
Should I even bother to turn it around?
Could I if I even considered it?
If I could, how might I (personally, I think I'm flogging a dead horse already).

Thanks,

SH

 

[Purefilth]

My gut tells me that I should just dump her tonight and ignore.

Nuff said.

 

[pdx1138]

I've been in a similar situation as yours, in this case she was 8 yrs younger.

You probably need to drop her (thats what I did)

It will be repeated, trust me.

 

[SecondHalf]

I'm more pissed off at myself at this point.
Should have known better.

I will cut her loose.
Don't think it's worth trying to figure out, game her back on track (if possible by me anyway).

Bummer, she lived close and had potential to keep me warm through the winter.

SH

 

[Atom Smasher]

Get a dog.

 

[Who Dares Win]

Man the reason why you should strongly consider to drop her is not because you want her to punish for he behaviour by withdrawing your attention.

The reason why you should dump her is because nothing is coming out of the interaction with her, given that interested girls will do anything possible to stay with you and dont piss you off while doing their best to not confuse or hurt you, this girl clearly show that she is a losing bet for you.

 

[GotED?]

Sorry mate, you don't sound like you are all that INTO her for a LTR type while she definitely was in the beginning but now is swinging branches.

The DJ thing to do is exactly what you proposed - dump her and move on to greener pastures. You are actually looking for an AFC way alternative.

Cheers.

 

[SecondHalf]

... given that interested girls will do anything possible to stay with you and dont piss you off while doing their best to not confuse or hurt you, this girl clearly show that she is a losing bet for you.

Yup!
After she informed me, then dribbled in additional information, she started to question whether she would go ... "maybe I won't go" and "you're going to meet them eventually".

I gave her a bit of space to retract the outing as it's pretty early, but it never came.

Thanks,

SH

 

[SecondHalf]

Sorry mate, you don't sound like you are all that INTO her for a LTR type while she definitely was in the beginning but now is swinging branches.

Cheers.

The opposite I think (initially slow, but was accepting the idea).
But now ... fishing she is ... so be it.
Annoys me that she's still bugging me to vacation south Jan 1st week.
My first Romanian woman. I typically steer away from the Eastern Europeans, but this one seemed ... reasonable.

SH

 

[Desdinova]

- made a statement that I can use my son as a cancellation ticket anytime.
- told me a couple times, she doesn't feel a priority

That would be an instant NEXT for me, especially if your son is under 18. My gf is half the age of yours and completely respects my responsibility as a parent.

 

[GotED?]

Having a child myself, it is imperative that you filter out women who are not child friendly for a LTR - this wouldn't be much of an issue if you are just interested in short term bang.

With that said, I am a LTR type of guy - and so far in my past 4 GF's, only 1 really SINCERELY cares about my time being spent with my child and while other 'fake' it that they care a sh!t about your loved ones, until you dump them because fake sincerity can be spotted a mile away.


There are single childless women who are interested in men with children - although it is a tougher hill to climb, if you have all your ducks lined up and game perfect, there will be women always wet for you. You have to exert your strength and experience that you are a proven father and responsible, experienced with the love for a child and that is very much a turn-on for LTR focused women (though not Capt-Save-A-HoHoHo type women).

Good luck,

With respect

Exodus

 

[SecondHalf]

Agreed and agreed.

She has a kid, but she's grown up and moved out.
As I think about it more, I open my eyes to her being a very controlling woman anyway. I knew she was quiet and a little insecure, but I thought that may be a positive attribute.

Whatever ... gone.

I've been prepared to walk away for disrespect, but I think I need to raise the bar a bit on what I consider disrespectful.

Think I need to read anti-dumps threads again ...

SH

 

[Colossus]

Second Half-

The 1 Strike Rule

You made the right call. It sounds like more of a power play on her part to pull you into committing to her. Taking the bait would be chumpish at best. Don't beat yourself up too bad, you nipped it in the bud.

 

[Die Hard]

Low self esteem...easily offended/hurt...afraid to be offended/hurt...focused on preventing herself from getting offended/hurt...putting unreasonable expectations on you not to offend/hurt her.

You can’t win with these girls, coz you can’t possible meet those unreasonable expectations. She will feel offended/hurt by some of your behavior anyway, there’s no preventing it...even if you don’t mean to offend/hurt her and your actions are reasonable (like spending time with your kid, which is totally reasonable! But she feels offended/hurt by it anyway). And as soon as she feels offended/hurt, she’s gonna decide it’s neccesary to offend/hurt you back.

It’s a mistake to convince yourself that you shouldn’t be bothered by that (“a real DJ doesn’t let her games get to him blah blah blah”). She NEEDS to make you feel offended/hurt, she experiences great anxiety until then, and this is the only way she can alleviate her anxiety. So when she notices that you are unfazed by her current attempt to offend/hurt you, she will do something WORSE, and see if that gets to you. She will keep this up until she finds something that DOES offend/hurt you! Then her anxiety goes away and she will behave nice again....until thenext moment where she feels offended/hurt by your behavior. And you can’t prevent it.....her self esteem is so low that she will feel offended/hurt very easily.

Sums up what Cluster B/BPD/evil witches etc. are all about...

Every woman throws sh!t tests at you, every woman is unreasonable, every woman will sometimes feel offended by your behavior and try to get back at you, every woman plays mindgames... If you want to deal with woman, you will have to deal with this stuff!

And as a general rule, you should not let this stuff get to you. That’s how you show her you’re not a chump, it earns her respect and she will want to stay with you. But one must recognize that there are limits to this dynamic! Coz certain women take this behavior too far and with those women, there is nothing to gain, even if you keep your back straight and try to stay unfazed by her behavior. On the contrary, you only have something to LOSE with these women.

That’s why the common advice with psycho bytches like these, is: “RUN FORREST RUN!!”

It doesn’t matter what you call them, cluster B, BPD, whatever. The underlying dynamic is:

* she has low self esteem, therefor you can’t prevent her from feeling offended/hurt by some of your behavior.
* she will always try to get back at you when she feels offended/hurt, and she will take her attempts as far as neccesary.

The only way you can win with these women, is by not playing. You have to NEXT them! With the average woman, that would be AFC of you, yes... Coz you didn’t have what it takes, you weren’t able to stay unfazed by her behavior etc. But with the average woman, it pays off to stay unfazed by her behavior! The average woman will see that as prove that you’re alpha enough, then she will fall in line and behave normal again. That’s not the case with these low esteem psycho bytches, though! They will only amp up their games until they DO hurt you, no matter what it takes! To them, it is all about getting even with you, no matter what it takes. And no matter how hard you try to stay unfazed, they will eventually get to you, coz they will stop at nothing. What, you’re gonna stay unfazed even when she cheats on you or when she starts gossiping bad things about you to your social circle? She WILL find a way to hurt you and won't stop until she does. It’s not about TESTING your limits, as with the “average” woman. Hell no, she’s all about BREAKING your limits!

With these women, staying in a relationship is the AFC thing to do, and NEXTING them is the DJ thing to do. Whereas, with the “average” woman, it is the other way around. Don’t get these mixed up!!

 

[SecondHalf]

Great posts.

Die Hard, that nails her.

I was aware of the potential dark side of her insecurity, but didn't pay attention to it initially. I've had a histrionic narcissist, but that was a whole different thing. Not like this. Now I get the sex. She was petite, I'm not and I could not slam her hard enough!

I don't worry about myself that often anymore as I'm not sure I can ever get very serious again (certainly not so far as to live together), but I do have to pay attention to who meets the kid in case he gets to attached.

SH