Disinhibition

[dice]

I've been lost for years. In High School I would always sit in my chair and DREAD being called on. I wouldn't even speak to my classmates because I was so afraid. I was constantly trying to BE SOMEBODY, say the perfect thing, make no mistakes, be the coolest dude around, that guy who gets any chick he wants. My overpassionate desire to be the best was my downfall, and I just came off weird and eventually completely inhibited myself. I would go to parties and social situations, including working in various restaurants knowing it would be awkward sitting there like a moron while everyone expressed themselves and had fun, but i just had to find my personality and I could be like them.

Anyway I could go on and on about my adventures trying to be a social god but I want to get to the point of my post.

I think I've found the cure to my inhibition and warped sense of humor. I found it in a book that is very much praised on this site, Psychocybernetics, specifically a chapter called "Unlock Your Real Personality." In this chapter the cure is said to be Disinhibition, which is summarized as:

- Acting first and asking questions later; speaking before you think, putting no thought towards what you are saying
- letting your tongue go, just keep yourself talking and learn through trial and error and eventually you will be creative and interesting
- Completely blocking out any criticism, self and peer, even subconcious criticism
- Never consciously wonder "what is this person thinking of me or what I just said"

I'm just wondering what your guys thoughts are on this as I trust your opinions over any relative, as you are what I want to be someday. Especially, if you've read the book and know what im talking about, or better yet have practiced disinhibition, please reply with something, my inhibition is THE reason I can't get girls. Thanks in advance.

 

[ethnomethodologist]

The more I hear of this book, the more I think it gives out knowledge that is mainstream.

You could do a search on the internet for scared and come up with a million ways to be scared, to make people scared, and to become unscared. Do a search in a dictionary and it will give you a definition of scared, than a thesaurus will tell you the opposite. Look up the word with the opposing meaning, and if that's not you, and you WANT that to be you, than you have to do it.

Blocking criticism is why people get depressed, telling you now. Don't block out criticism, you either accept or deny it, the answer is in the bible already. It says be confident, if you know they are wrong, than they are wrong, no second guess about that. If you THINK they are wrong, than you may be thinking wrong. Criticism isn't a godsend, and it's not a curse either. It's something you have to learn to deal with, and ignorance is not the answer. If somebody decided to beat up your brother everyday, would you ignore it? No, because it's not criticism. Criticism is literally, "disapproval expressed by pointing out faults or shortcomings," read the faults and shortcomings part over a few times.

With that said, your not fighting inhibition, you are fighting fear.

What do YOU fear? I can hear it screaming from your written words. You fear criticism, that's why the page even struck you so hard.

As for the solution, trial and error is exactly where you need to go, you've got a long way to go. criticism is needed, and you must immediately act upon the criticism, trial and error again, eventually criticism won't bother you. You will become cool and collected. Social proof will ensue if you can continuously create arguments against all of the criticism you get, people's judgements of you however, will depend on how they believe you handled it. You won't get as much criticism if they believe you don't need to be criticised.

Next point is that with practice you will be able to develop abilities, you won't suddenly gain them. If speech and creating conversations is your problem, than of course constant speech will help. To practice something you must know what to practice though, so you are here, on this site learning. Take mental notes about what to practice, and as soon as you see the opportunity to go through with something you need to get a handle on, just do it.

I just hope somebody who reads the book, and understand can help you out.

Beware the KBJ.

 

[ethnomethodologist]

If you want to become socially apt, you have to become AWARE of all the signals people are sending out each and every day.

Also become aware of your own body signals. Chances are that if you have 'social anxiety' your body language and overall way you move threw lifes isn't the most sociable and representable. I know what i'm talking about...

Without awareness, no control. First figure out what is important, than you can control it to something more positive.

Here are just some ideas to become aware of:

Eye-contact amounts
Body orientation
Everything that has to do with body language basically...
Voice tone
Different types of humor, how people laugh
Social status, who's the leader, who's not?
Conversation dynamics; who talks the most? What do people talk about? How do fun and cool people sound? How much do they talk, and how much do they listen? Etc.
Do you try to debate all the time, or try to have simply pleasant conversation? Do you always want to be RIGHT all the time, or do you take step back from your 'treasured' beliefs and let the conversation just flow and be fun...?
Etc. Etc.

Raise your social awareness. There are probably a hundred, if not more, social dynamics going on, and many people simply miss them.

A big challenge to overcome is your own self-image. Many people who consider themselfs 'shy' belief other people think so too. This is mostly not true. Most of the time other people think of you as arrogant or self-absorbed. It's your twisted self-image, your belief system, that is convincing you otherwise. A challenging obstacle to overcome.
QUOTE]

Sazuki wrote this. I think it'll help you out.