Hey guys, posted this thread here: http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=163553
But reposting here because i think it is more of a mature man situation. Mods feel free to delete if this is against the rules or in poor taste
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Hey everyone,
Been reading the forums for the past week and I've learned a lot. A lot of the stuff is gold. One trend of advice I saw was that we should not "rescue" women. Unfortunately I have something of a rescue complex. I go weak for girls who need rescuing. To put a definition on that, I mean girls who are messed up by previous relationships, or girls who are currently emotionally messed up because of her environment (work, family, etc.)
If you're not supposed to rescue/save a woman whos misdirected/messed up, what should you do instead? Its hard for me to see someone who's messed up, that I'm attracted to, and not do anything about it. At the very least, I want to pump some self-confidence into these women.
Any advice is very high appreciated.
EDIT: Background information. Let me say that I live in Shanghai, China. The city where most foreign men are users and sharks, and where a lot of Chinese men have no game, are judgmental and cheat on their wives with prostitutes. Recently I caught feelings for the girl I'm currently with. She does not have low self-esteem and she is very balanced in the other areas of her life. From what she tells me, I INFER that she is a victim. She doesn't tell me she's a victim. I know, I know. Maybe shes just painting a picture. But let me share the situations so you can come to your own opinions:
She got in an LTR with a guy and was very attracted to him. She was still very young and naive. The guy liked to make her seduce other guys, and fvck them afterwards. He also liked to watch her fvck other guys, and asked her to fvck his friends. That episode drastically changed her personality and background into a darker one. You guys know this as well as I do. When a woman is attracted to you, she'll do anything to please you. What happened to her, my friends, is manipulation.
Another, she got in a relationship with a guy who told her sweet nothings (I like you, a lot. You're my only one, etc. etc.) She believed him. But then he ended up just calling her when he wanted to fvck. I could tell that both incidents affected her and made her a victim. I don't believe she makes herself a victim by intent. She's incredibly smart, sexy and very talented.
She's got a history of guys not caring about her, guys using her, guys lying to her. She's become a cynic. Why? Like I said, most guys in this city are bastards. There are probably a ton of other reasons. She probably takes relationships too seriously for her own good, especially in this city. As for me, I can say no (this is in reference to VU's quote about what you can't say no to you are its slave.) I can walk away if I need to. I'm no average frustrated chump. She is not someone I'm attracted to simply because they are a victim, but someone I admire and like (but has been hurt in the past), who I would like to help by setting a good example.
But reposting here because i think it is more of a mature man situation. Mods feel free to delete if this is against the rules or in poor taste
--
Hey everyone,
Been reading the forums for the past week and I've learned a lot. A lot of the stuff is gold. One trend of advice I saw was that we should not "rescue" women. Unfortunately I have something of a rescue complex. I go weak for girls who need rescuing. To put a definition on that, I mean girls who are messed up by previous relationships, or girls who are currently emotionally messed up because of her environment (work, family, etc.)
If you're not supposed to rescue/save a woman whos misdirected/messed up, what should you do instead? Its hard for me to see someone who's messed up, that I'm attracted to, and not do anything about it. At the very least, I want to pump some self-confidence into these women.
Any advice is very high appreciated.
EDIT: Background information. Let me say that I live in Shanghai, China. The city where most foreign men are users and sharks, and where a lot of Chinese men have no game, are judgmental and cheat on their wives with prostitutes. Recently I caught feelings for the girl I'm currently with. She does not have low self-esteem and she is very balanced in the other areas of her life. From what she tells me, I INFER that she is a victim. She doesn't tell me she's a victim. I know, I know. Maybe shes just painting a picture. But let me share the situations so you can come to your own opinions:
She got in an LTR with a guy and was very attracted to him. She was still very young and naive. The guy liked to make her seduce other guys, and fvck them afterwards. He also liked to watch her fvck other guys, and asked her to fvck his friends. That episode drastically changed her personality and background into a darker one. You guys know this as well as I do. When a woman is attracted to you, she'll do anything to please you. What happened to her, my friends, is manipulation.
Another, she got in a relationship with a guy who told her sweet nothings (I like you, a lot. You're my only one, etc. etc.) She believed him. But then he ended up just calling her when he wanted to fvck. I could tell that both incidents affected her and made her a victim. I don't believe she makes herself a victim by intent. She's incredibly smart, sexy and very talented.
She's got a history of guys not caring about her, guys using her, guys lying to her. She's become a cynic. Why? Like I said, most guys in this city are bastards. There are probably a ton of other reasons. She probably takes relationships too seriously for her own good, especially in this city. As for me, I can say no (this is in reference to VU's quote about what you can't say no to you are its slave.) I can walk away if I need to. I'm no average frustrated chump. She is not someone I'm attracted to simply because they are a victim, but someone I admire and like (but has been hurt in the past), who I would like to help by setting a good example.