Didn’t escalate...

[bat soup]

Had a day date doing an outdoor activity with a smoking hot personal trainer. This was our second time - the first date was 2 months ago doing the same activity and she declined anything after where I could escalate. This time she reached out, suggested we go again, but added "or get drinks sometime" to it. The activity was something I’m an expert at, in fact part of what I do for a living, and she’s getting into the sport, so I have good frame there...
Towards the end of the day I suggested a few drinks and a hot tub session at a local resort. She was very compliant and enthusiastic about it. Spent about 2 hours there and this was where I envisioned escalating but didn’t do it. Then I suggested we get take out food and go back to my place and she said “maybe, I’m waiting to hear from a client if I have to train early in the morning”. I asked again as we were leaving and she said she was going to play it safe and go to bed early. I got a hug and went home kicking myself because she made everything else that day easy and there were lots of signs of interest.

Tips for escalation besides just growing a pair. Also, any way to recover going into a third date? She said to let her know this week if I’m free.

Are you sure that this kind of activity counts as a date?

Generally I think you want to avoid putting yourself in a situation where you're spending time with a woman or giving her any kind of attention when whilst she's more than 50cm away from you.

You need to be able to sit/stand close to her, put your arm around her etc. If you're both doing pushups I can't see that happening.

 

[ThisIsSparta]

Today's convo:

Her: Is it possible to be hungover from 1.5 margs?
Me: Haha. It might be possible for you I'm guessing
Her: I'm sore too. How was dinner
Me: I'm feeling it a little too. It was good, Thai hit the spot last night
Her: Sounded so good lol I had a piece of toast and passed out

That was 3 hours ago. I'm waiting to see what nights another fukk buddy will be available this week then jump on this and schedule dinner at my place.

"How does Wednesday sound for a more proper dinner at my place. "

Was that the whole convo?

She reached out, you talked about food and it went nowhere.
Looks like another missed opportunity.

I would have seksualized the convo.

f.e.

"Her: Is it possible to be hungover from 1.5 margs?
You: Haha. It might be possible for you I'm guessing
Her: I'm sore too. How was dinner"

Me: I have an oil for that. Come over and i give you a rub....... etc.etc.

Steering a text-convo into seks is easy compared to talking face to face. You should have done that.

Most likely she wouldnt have come over but from that point she would at least know you are interested in laying your hands on her.
If she hadnt jumped on the seksualization chat, id invited her straight in the face to dinner on day X and by then you would have known if she is interested in fvcking you or not.

Instead, you say you will wait until another pvssy is telling you when she is availlable.

Dude...... strike when the iron is hot or dont strike at all.

 

[SW15]

Had a day date doing an outdoor activity with a smoking hot personal trainer. This was our second time - the first date was 2 months ago doing the same activity and she declined anything after where I could escalate. This time she reached out, suggested we go again, but added "or get drinks sometime" to it. The activity was something I’m an expert at, in fact part of what I do for a living, and she’s getting into the sport, so I have good frame there...

There is no escalation with this girl because she has low interest level. If you were pre-selected by her it wouldn’t take two months for a second date. She’s wasting your time. Move on.

OP is the backup plan. Doesn’t mean he did anything wrong, but that’s where he stands. And if her #1 calls up, she will flake on OP.

First off, it is totally awesome to get a date with a hot personal trainer. The 2 month gap between a first and second date is unusual. I've never had it happen to me. The longest I've gone between dates 1 and 2 is around 2 weeks. Beyond one week has been rare. If I went more than a week between a first and second date, the woman usually had some sort of pre-planned business trip or vacation scheduled. It's good that COVID has reduced women's travel schedules. Women who are quite interested won't make a man wait. They are motivated. Motivated women will usually see a man for a second date within a week, sex or no sex on the first date, if the man offers.

I agree the deck is stacked against him here and that he is a backup.

 

[lost_blackbird]

In a hot tub.....drinking......for 2 hours and didnt escalate? Ouch.

I agree with others......invite her to your place to make dinner asap. Once you are settled in with her, start escalating. If you dont, she will start to see you as a gay friend.

I've been here plenty of times. I never escalate mainly because I don't know what it is I'm expected to do and am not biologically
compelled to do so in any case. I guess I prefer the comfort of non-engagement and having no intimacy in my life than the discomfort
and confusion putting myself out there and actively going after females. I guess this is to be my lot in life.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

I've been here plenty of times. I never escalate mainly because I don't know what it is I'm expected to do and am not biologically
compelled to do so in any case. I guess I prefer the comfort of non-engagement and having no intimacy in my life than the discomfort
and confusion putting myself out there and actively going after females. I guess this is to be my lot in life.

No it is your choice to live that way because you aren't motivated enough to change it. There are no lots in life. You choose your own path.

 

[christie]

I've been here plenty of times. I never escalate mainly because I don't know what it is I'm expected to do and am not biologically
compelled to do so in any case. I guess I prefer the comfort of non-engagement and having no intimacy in my life than the discomfort
and confusion putting myself out there and actively going after females. I guess this is to be my lot in life.

you're alright. Research on aven and do some meetups for your area.
I went from demi to a gray ace just by being open to learning and talking more.

 

[Glassguy]

I've been here plenty of times. I never escalate mainly because I don't know what it is I'm expected to do and am not biologically
compelled to do so in any case. I guess I prefer the comfort of non-engagement and having no intimacy in my life than the discomfort
and confusion putting myself out there and actively going after females. I guess this is to be my lot in life.

If youre not willing to change it, why are you going on dates? Your non escalation will blow up in your face every time

 

[bat soup]

One thing that jumps out at me is the TWO MONTHS that passed between the first and second so-called dates.

Someone that is excited to see you doesn't make you wait two months. It sounds to me like you might have put yourself in the "fitness trainer zone"

 

[Lookatu]

If she is willing to give you a third date and over at your place, nonetheless, it's only for you to not fvck up. She's basically giving you the ultimate opportunity.

Suggestion: Don't cook or eat anything that will make either of you bloated. Or eat later and start off with wine and conversation on the sofa and try to escalate. I sometimes smirk and ask a plate if she wants to build up an appetite or work it off.

Live up to your name and keep us updated.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

One thing that jumps out at me is the TWO MONTHS that passed between the first and second so-called dates.

Someone that is excited to see you doesn't make you wait two months. It sounds to me like you might have put yourself in the "fitness trainer zone"

If you read the thread she had started dating someone at the time they met. Kind of exactly as I had thought. Things didn't work out with that guy and she initiated with him.

 

[Modern Man Advice]

Ok, I'm gonna need an example of this game.

No problem man! So again, make sure she is 100% free and alone. If she is distracted and/or with people then it won't work.

Having said that, it's best to make sure it's rapid-fire. Meaning, you have her undivided attention and she is responding to your word right away. So for example, you text "tent", she has to reply with one word that comes to her mind when she thinks about the word "tent", so perhaps she replies "fire", you then can either continue with that momentum (preferable) or change it up.

• If you decide to keep the momentum, you would text something like "hot", then she replies with one word that she associates with the word "hot", hopefully, that should be something sensual/sexual. If not, you keep the momentum and drive the game towards sensual/sexual words.
• If you decide to change it up, you would simply text something different such as "tan".

The idea is to start very casually (don't start hot and heavy as Seinfeld calls it) and ideally draw a scenario for her in her mind. So in this case, camping would be a theme and where can you lead a camping situation to some type of fantasy for her. It depends from girl to girl, some like nature, some like travel, some like the beach, etc, etc. It's up to you to lead, remember that.

Important: Keep these two words in mind: fantasy and imagination

This game is rather simple and a fast way to escalate through text so that you are not the "nice", "innocent" and "gentle" guy she might view you as now.

We've had girls get so worked up that they literally (not sh**ing you) reply with "I'm so turned on right now, can I come over?".


Hope this helps mate!

Modern Man Advice

 

[RickPound]

Here's an update guys. Texted her yesterday afternoon...

Me:How about a proper dinner at my place tomorrow night?
Her: Does that count as a date?
Me: Yep, but you can call it whatever you want
Her: I don't know if that the bessst thing for me right now so I'm just going to call it dinner, but sounds great so I'm in (blush face emoji). What can I bring?
Me: Great, bring some wine. 6pm work for you?
Her: Ok, see you then!

I'd say whatever she had going on the last 2 months didn't work out. She also told me she paused her social media accounts the other day to "take a break". All signs point to something happening with another dude. Anyway, my friend zone radar is going off with her reply but she's coming over tonight and I might have my work cut out for me.

 

[Lookatu]

Anyway, my friend zone radar is going off with her reply but she's coming over tonight and I might have my work cut out for me.

Buy more wine. Alcohol is the equalizer. You may only get her once but hey, better than nothing.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Here's an update guys. Texted her yesterday afternoon...

Me:How about a proper dinner at my place tomorrow night?
Her: Does that count as a date?
Me: Yep, but you can call it whatever you want
Her: I don't know if that the bessst thing for me right now so I'm just going to call it dinner, but sounds great so I'm in (blush face emoji). What can I bring?
Me: Great, bring some wine. 6pm work for you?
Her: Ok, see you then!

I'd say whatever she had going on the last 2 months didn't work out. She also told me she paused her social media accounts the other day to "take a break". All signs point to something happening with another dude. Anyway, my friend zone radar is going off with her reply but she's coming over tonight and I might have my work cut out for me.

No woman puts herself alone in a man's house with alcohol involved after they have already met if she isn't green lighting you to bang.

Her words are meaningless. If she comes over it's your job to close the deal. Women WANT guys who know how to close the deal.

 

[Toddz]

I assume attraction while being conscious of their body language. Women will give off numerous signals to give you the green light.

Just make a move and don't overthink it.

 

[RickPound]

Update:

She texted me three times on her way giving me updates (I'm at the store, I'm almost there...). Started out with a tour of my new place, a glass of wine, then started making dinner. I could tell she took time on her appearance for the night which I took as a good sign. Anyway, good conversation about all kinds of things; she asked me about relationships etc and talked about hers a bit and if I like doing hobbies with girlfriends or keep my hobbies for myself.

After dinner I moved it to the couch, turned on the fireplace and some music. We started comparing playlists, me teasing her favorite songs, and then I turned the convo seksual by finding a playlist of hers and asking if it was her seks playlist. She said "no, but I guess it could be". I played her my "seks playlist" and kept it on this playful topic. At one point she said "is this going to be your new seks playlist" and I said "no, it's ours" and she said "I set you up for that one".

Anyway

Kept moving closer, there was some light touching of my arm, me of her lower back. Sitting close as we were looking at each others phones. She was playing with her hair a lot facing me. As I was turning it on more she suddenly said it was getting late and started her truck (remote starter) and said she had to train early in the morning.

Then it fizzled out. Serious LMR. Rolled with it and stayed chill, got the same hug as the end of the last date at my door. I kept it clear that I'm sexually interested with the tone of the conversations all night, but honestly it's hard to escalate without the right vibe from her. I'm not going to reach out or pursue as I'm sure that was my last chance. If she does it'll be interesting to see her tone.

Sorry bros, didn't live up to my name with this one.

 

[Lookatu]

As I was turning it on more she suddenly said it was getting late and started her truck (remote starter) and said she had to train early in the morning.

Then it fizzled out. Serious LMR. Rolled with it and stayed chill, got the same hug as the end of the last date at my door.

Sorry bros, didn't live up to my name with this one.

Live and Learn Bro, that's all we can do.

Generally if I don't kiss on the first date, it never goes anywhere. This has happened 100% of the time to me. I realize everyone's situation is different but this can potentially be a good indicator so you're not wasting your time or raising your expectations unnecessarily.

Even with a "hardcore christian" gal that only had 2 partners and was just divorced even kissed me on the first date and even though she said she would have to be engaged to have seks, she eventually came around. LOL

Also another indicator is if a girl has time constraints. Most girls that are into you will easily overlook getting an extra hour or so sleep and extend their time to be with you. One of the indicators I go by is if the girl cuts the date short unexpectedly without letting me know in advance. This signals low interest or faded interest during the date.

I suspect she wasn't sure how she felt about you and didn't wanna make any harsh decisions, hence the third date. She wanted to feel you out more and see if her emotions would change or her desire would go up. In this case, it didn't.

There's nothing more you could've done here. This is dating. You win some and you lose some.

Time to get out and find some more.

 

[ThisIsSparta]

Update:

Thanks for the updates on how this turned out.

Had something similar with a girl. 3 dates, no kiss..... hell she even slept in the same bed with me! It just made no sense to me that she would go through 3 dates and sleeping next to me but had no interrest in the exchange of bodyfluids.

What i learned rom my story: No kiss on second date, she isnt interested -> NEXT

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Update:

She texted me three times on her way giving me updates (I'm at the store, I'm almost there...). Started out with a tour of my new place, a glass of wine, then started making dinner. I could tell she took time on her appearance for the night which I took as a good sign. Anyway, good conversation about all kinds of things; she asked me about relationships etc and talked about hers a bit and if I like doing hobbies with girlfriends or keep my hobbies for myself.

After dinner I moved it to the couch, turned on the fireplace and some music. We started comparing playlists, me teasing her favorite songs, and then I turned the convo seksual by finding a playlist of hers and asking if it was her seks playlist. She said "no, but I guess it could be". I played her my "seks playlist" and kept it on this playful topic. At one point she said "is this going to be your new seks playlist" and I said "no, it's ours" and she said "I set you up for that one".

Anyway

Kept moving closer, there was some light touching of my arm, me of her lower back. Sitting close as we were looking at each others phones. She was playing with her hair a lot facing me. As I was turning it on more she suddenly said it was getting late and started her truck (remote starter) and said she had to train early in the morning.

Then it fizzled out. Serious LMR. Rolled with it and stayed chill, got the same hug as the end of the last date at my door. I kept it clear that I'm sexually interested with the tone of the conversations all night, but honestly it's hard to escalate without the right vibe from her. I'm not going to reach out or pursue as I'm sure that was my last chance. If she does it'll be interesting to see her tone.

Sorry bros, didn't live up to my name with this one.

I'd say this one is done. She gave you the opportunity and time to handle your business and you again didn't. All you can do is simply learn from this and not make the same mistakes with the next one.

It's not up to her to give you a vibe it is up to you to create the vibe. I'm pretty sure she was disappointed it turned out that way as well.

 

[2Rocky]

So no Kitchen dancing to the playlists? That probably would have been my route. Spin and a dip and a peck on the lips....

I also seed the physical greeting ahead of time..."I'm a hugger, bring it in..."

But I think she already kinda doomed her interest with her "is this a date?". She seems to be emotionally unavailable

It was a good try but I think the deck was stacked against you. Don't initiate contact. If she contacts you tease her that you are" gonna play hard to get and she's gonna have to work hard to seduce you." If she wants to do dinner again just say "you are just going to try to get in my pants aren't you? " This will either blow her out, or make her chase. It should clarify a response.