Did She CHEAT or Not? Are Women Like This?

[DonJuan02]

I just need some validation if this is considered cheating or not. So I was in a relationship for about a year and 3 months. My girlfriend (now-ex), slept with one of my best friends. They had sex twice, unprotected. She told her friends (after calling a mutual friend, but more of her's), we broke up a long time ago. And of course all her friends will side with her, but they don't know the entire story and she believes that she didn't cheat. Her myspace blog says that "He's also claimed that I've been unfaithful, twice...which is not the case." Then immediately writes on why she hates me. Funny, it never talks about "did she sleep with my best friend."

I say she did cheat. So my proof that she was still my girlfriend at the time: 1) I saw the text message she sent to my best friend, "(John Doe, me) said it is okay for you to hang out and stay at my place tonight." He was visiting the town that day and wanted to party since he was overseas for over a year. To me, if she is telling him, "John Doe says it's okay," Obviously then we are together. Furthermore, I never gave any approval. She never wants a girl staying at my place, why can she have a guy? 2) We went on a cruise a week later (she still hasn't said anything) and she introduced me to several people on the ship as her boyfriend. Clearly to me, I'm still with her, and of course we slept together on the cruise several times.

The following week, we break up, but she hasn't told me she slept with my best friend yet until the phone calls start flying back and fort how much we hate each other . So what do you guys think? She has sex with me, then him, then me. If I knew she slept with him, I wouldn't have taken her on the cruise and would have broken this off for good. I feel used!

I do know that women become emotionally detached from their partner when there are fights, but does it give her the right to sleep with my friend? Do fights give women a "get free d*ck card?" If things are rocky and there is no defined agreement, "hey we are fighting a lot, it's okay to see other people" then it is implied that we are still together?

FYI, she told my best friend that "(John Doe, me) and I were over." So of course, he jumped in and slept with her. What's messed up was that she told him, "don't tell (me) anything what happened" when my best friend was leaving town the next day to visit me to party for a few days where I lived. What's crazy too was she didn't want me to go out with him to go to clubs and bars and she said, "stop living the bachelor life." My friend never told me what he did when he visited me, but the cat came out the bag when we had our BIG fight (which happened Sunday). Before she hung up, she said, "you should call your (best friend), something happened. <click>" So I called my best friend and he confessed everything. After hearing what my best friend did, I haven't talked to her since. I don't think she knows what I know. I feel like I need closure and need to tell it to her face and ask why are you telling everyone that "you didn't cheat." Her friends are acquaintances of mine as well, but since they live in the same town with her, they have more of a relationship with her. I just wish they can hear my side of the story.

I am so ANGRY. When we first set the rules of being in a relationship, she specfically said numerous times, "EVERY BOYFRIEND I HAD HAS CHEATED ON ME. I HATE CHEATERS. I WILL LEAVE YOU AND NEVER GIVE YOU A CHANCE IF I CATCH YOU CHEATING." I thought she was the most faithful person in the world on how passionate she was with this. I am just angry that her friends are dogging me out, that her family thinks of me as a horrible person (of course she would tell her side of the story), and she just plain cheated and with my now ex-best friend. Even her blog embellishes the truth about what happened. Slander? She's even stated legal action (harassment) if I contact her. I feel like I'm on a Jerry Springer show.

My questions. 1) Did she cheat or not? 2) What should I do? I haven't talked to her since the break-up and I don't think she knows what I know. Should I write her a letter, call her? Call her mom? Tell her friends? Blog it? 3) What if I catch anything from her when she had sex with my best friend? I did get checked after I found out she cheated on me. I'm clean, but there are those that STDs that takes years to show up. If I do get something what do you do? Retaliate? She has put my life in jeopardy. 4) How do you get over someone and move on? This is my second relationship ever and I thought I was going to marry her. I didn't gain anything, just lost her and my best friend in the process.

I know I should just take the high road and just move on, but right now, I'm just devastated.

 

[KontrollerX]

Listen to free podcasts of the Tom Leykis show.

It will take the edge off of all this crap with humour and also giving you the valueable advice that in this day and age getting into relationships and getting married is foolish.

That crap is for women and in our modern feminized culture they are very prone to screw you over when someone presses the right buttons or a perceived big and better deal comes along so just live Leykis 101 and hook up with these ho's and avoid getting into the relationship or marriage trap with them.

You dodged two bullets by getting rid of this skank and getting rid of a weak male as a friend.

You're doing awesome right now my friend.

I'm just sorry you feel like sh!t at the moment.

 

[SmoothTalker]

Yes, she did cheat. And she will lie to everyone guilt free to appear like the victim because that's the kind of ***** she is. Sorry man.

I've been in a very similar boat. After an ex and I broke up EVERYONE that knew her before me started hating me. Some of the people had never even met me! "Gee, I wonder if they have any idea about what REALLY happened", since I had not done any major **** against the ex.

Anyway, for future reference, here's a little something that took me a while to figure out, but I now use as almost foolproof intuition. Whenever a girl seems REALLY passionate about something, be suspicious. Women that say things about hating cheating, how disguasting cheating is, how they would never do it or put up with you doing it, are most likely cheaters. Women that say they don't play games, probably do. If she suddenly starts thinking that you are doing something really bad to her, its because she's doing it to you, etc. This is ESPECIALLY true if it starts suddenly.

If you're dating a girl and one day out of nowhere she develops a strong position AGAINST cheating and cheaters, dump the cheating ho right there and then. Trust me, I learned the hard way.

 

[Jitterbug]

Women would rather die before they admit that they're accountable for their actions. Playing the victim is their trump card. You're the man so you'll have to be made the villain.

Cut all contacts with that cheating ho and that so-called best friend - with friends like him, who needs enemies?

Anyway, for future reference, here's a little something that took me a while to figure out, but I now use as almost foolproof intuition. Whenever a girl seems REALLY passionate about something, be suspicious. Women that say things about hating cheating, how disguasting cheating is, how they would never do it or put up with you doing it, are most likely cheaters. Women that say they don't play games, probably do. If she suddenly starts thinking that you are doing something really bad to her, its because she's doing it to you, etc. This is ESPECIALLY true if it starts suddenly.

If you're dating a girl and one day out of nowhere she develops a strong position AGAINST cheating and cheaters, dump the cheating ho right there and then. Trust me, I learned the hard way.

THAT is so very true!

Pretty much every guy knows that the girls who say they'd never go for players and bad boys are the very ones who hop from one bad boy's **** to another.

 

[theunflushables]

I know how you must be feeling man, we all do. It sucks, it really does. If, you want vengence, retalliaton, here is the best thing you can do. Nothing. Thats right, nothing. Do not call her, do not write her, do not blog or twitter or whatever the cool kids are doing about now a days. Her and your former best friend are dead to you. Better yet they've never existed. She cleary wants to get under your skin, and by reacting the terrorists win (umm...I mean she wins.)

It sucks, I know. You probably have rage running through you and you may even be so angry you turn green and speak in fractured sentences, but do not let her or your former friend or anybody in the same social circle see that anger.

 

[SmoothTalker]

Lol that reminds me of another example I was going to include in that list.

Any girl that says she wouldn't date a player, will.

Often girls that say the would never have a one night stand, will.

Hell sex is opening up a can of worms. I'm suspicious of girls that make a huge fuss about how they ALWAYS make guys wear condoms so you don't have to worry about STDs, especially if they're then willing to do it with you without a condom.

Another compounding factor is peer influence. In the right group of friends, most girls will go against anything they say, including personal preferences about drinking/drugs/smoking/sex/kissing girls, etc.

Damn man, just don't trust them in general!

Lol but no seriously, its something to keep in the back of your mind.

 

[Jeffst1980]

She cheats on you AND writes blogs that portray you in a derogatory manner??? Good lord...what a messed up b!tch.

Unfortunately, theunflushables is right. There is NOTHING you can do without it reflecting badly on you.

If you write passive aggressive blogs (??) about it, you'll be playing into her little soap opera and will only come off as whiny. Same goes for if you complain to her friends/family. Above all, don't bother calling her trying to convince her that she's a bad person. She'll spin it to make you look like a crazed stalker.

It's hard, but the best thing you can do is cut her and your former best friend out of your life. If they confront you as to why you won't talk to them, calmly tell them you don't let dishonest, untrustworthy people into your life, end of story. Don't get mad. Be accepting of the situation.

Think of this as a true test of what you read about on this site. This is probably the worst thing that can happen in a relationship--if you can move on and not let this get to you, you can handle anything. The last thing you want is to have a terrible ex girlfriend continue to inflict pain on your life after you've broken up.

 

[Bluesteak]

I tune in to The Tom Leykis Show everyday, every bit of advice he gives is spot on.

 

[jmchavz]

and she just plain cheated and with my now ex-best friend. Even her blog embellishes the truth about what happened. Slander? She's even stated legal action (harassment) if I contact her. I feel like I'm on a Jerry Springer show.

My questions. 1) Did she cheat or not? 2) What should I do? I haven't talked to her since the break-up and I don't think she knows what I know. Should I write her a letter, call her? Call her mom? Tell her friends? Blog it? 3) What if I catch anything from her when she had sex with my best friend? I did get checked after I found out she cheated on me. I'm clean, but there are those that STDs that takes years to show up. If I do get something what do you do? Retaliate? She has put my life in jeopardy. 4) How do you get over someone and move on? This is my second relationship ever and I thought I was going to marry her. I didn't gain anything, just lost her and my best friend in the process.

Are you f ing kidding, DUDE????? call her MOM??? why not call Sanra Claus to see if he can help... about the std's you gotta take responsability for getting it on without the rubber, dogg... How do you get over someone and MOVE ON??? you just answered your own question: MOVE ON

don't be a whiny lil biatch... you did not LOSE, but GAINED all the oportunities to meet someone better

JERRY!!! JERRY!!! JERRY!!! JERRY!!! JERRY!!! JERRY!!! JERRY!!!

 

[jmchavz]

i meant SANTA CLAUS!!!! DAMN TYPO!!!!

 

[DonJuan02]

I just woke up and read everyone's responses. Thanks, I needed to see this. I will take the high road. Right now, I'm still having a hard time not contacting her, but your responses and support has helped me out. Man, it's just so hard to not let her know how much she screwed up. I guess all I can do is learn from this and move on.

As per this chick, I did some research last night about Red Flag Women by Leykis 101. I knew she was one and people told me she was a "project." But as my second girl ever, I thought she would change. Out of 32 Red Flag bullets, she had 18 of them, that's more than half. Damnit, I want to let her know how f*c#!ed up she is and show her this list. If I did, I guess it would be more fuel on the fire.

http://www.tenetsofleykis.com/women_red_flags.php

 

[young_gun]

I didn't have to read past the first 2 sentences to know that you were dealing with some insecure, messed-up, crack wh0re of a girlfriend.

Yes, she definitely cheated on you. Just because you two aren't on the best of terms doesn't give her any right to go branch swinging and sleep with someone else, ESPECIALLY your best friend. A relationship isn't perfect, but you work out your differences. If you can't work things out, you break up, and then you're free to do whatever you want.

Don't worry about who she, and her family, are making you out to be. You didn't do anything wrong. These people obviously have no conscience, and it sure shows by how they raised their daughter to be an unfaithful, lying slvt. What they don't realize is how truly ridiculous they're making themselves out to be, and how their reputation is forever in the sh!tter.

By the way, that person you called your BEST FRIEND is no friend to you at all. If one of my best friends tried to pull this crap on me, I'd beat the living crap out of him (I recommend you do the same), and then I would never talk to him again. There are things you just don't do in life, and that is one of them.

 

[guywhoneedshelp]

Here's what you do.

Borrow a friends cell phone. A number that she has never ever seen before.

Send her a text message, "hey baby"

she'll say something like "who's this"

respond with the last name of the person she cheated on you with.

she'll say "whos phone is this?"

tell her it's someones phone, just pick a random name. be like "this girl jessicas. i cant phone my phone."

now the one thing you have to watch out for is she might call the guy right now to see if he really lost his phone. so it helps to do this while he is sleeping, or you're hanging out with him, whatever.

she'll respond and say something like "i dunno who that is but ok"

say "whats good? I have a question"

she'll say "ok ...wut?"

say "i have this situation...theres a friend of mine who just met an old girl of his...they want eachother. but he doesn't want to cheat...did you feel guilty when you cheated on [ur name]"

she'll respond. you have now gotten to the bottom of this.

NOTE: you can also do this with AIM

BTW - I have done this, with text messages. My friend left his phone in my car when I did it. I did it because this girl I knew said that my girl had cheated on me with a certain kid. I pretended to be the kid and said something like "when we ****ed that was the best sex ever" she responded and said "umm..we never even ****ed... are you drunk?" then I could of said "yea well when we hooked up i meant, it was so good" then she could say "we never even hooked up either"

she eventually found out I did it but at least I got the answer and my curiosity and anxiety was helped.

 

[guywhoneedshelp]

her family thinks of me as a horrible person (of course she would tell her side of the story), and she just plain cheated and with my now ex-best friend.

I've had all of this happen to me. I feel your pain.

 

[GuanYu]

this is one of the reasons I keep my friends and chicks seperate for the most part.

You'll never see me hanging out with the boys alongside with one of my gf's because crap like this is inevitable. It's certainly not the case with all women, I know, but it's simply my mindset.

Anyways to the OP, yeah your girl cheated. Time to move on. Typical wh0re this one is for sure.

 

[slickaz]

yes She cheated.

Funny thing is, you can tell shes guilty concious.

i think its killing her inside, so shes out there trying to convince everyone else that shes innocent and hence maybe it will convince her that she didnt do it.

your best move:
Drop it, move on.

You said you were in another city? well then even better! find a chic in your city with a BRAIN! and some ETHICS and stick with her.

Ive been in a worse situation, the girl cheated on me, then felt guilty concious so she convinced everybody i was abusing her physically atleast 2wice a week..
Shed throw herself at the walls, try to burn herself and smack herself with her belts etc, then go out and tell everyone i assautled her.

Her mother found out and called the police, who were filing a case against me etc..

Luckyly for me her 'best' friend had feelings for me and one time recorded a conversation on her mobile phone secretly that she had with this retard.
where the retard was a little tipsy and mentioned that all the scars were from herself vs wall, vs belt vs hot oven railings etc...
she also mentioned the other guy and how bad he was at F*ing but had a lot of $$ to spend on her..


I took the best friend on a long vacation, paid for by me..great s3x.. she was a great girl..but had to move due to work...

But What im saying is....women are messed in the head...
DONT RETALIATE! YOU ARE A MAN!

the more you fire back, the more you look guilty, drop it and bounce to the next chic

 

[guywhoneedshelp]

I think the poster knows she cheated, he just needs to find out for sure to help him move on. Use the above method I posted.

 

[nando]

she cheated on you bro, there's no other explanation, ignore her and move on.

 

[Alphamale1821]

damn man thats some serious **** you've got to deal with. All i can advise is you cut them both out of your life and simply try to move on. I would just start gaming new chicks like crazy not caring about that slutty cheatin ass gf of yours. As for you ex best friend i wouldn't beat his ass because it's not worth the legal trouble just forget about him to. Though supposely your ex gf said they were broken up still ur ex BF shouldn't have even crossed the line without talking to you first. What a fuucked up situation. I haven't expereinced anything like this as of yet in my life...But just thinking about it now pisses me off.

 

[aix237]

I went through something similar except we werent labeled bf and gf despite us haning out everyday and me sleepoing in her bed like 5 times a week. We fvcked a couple times then she got all nuts. She was begging me to be her bf. I said chill out ive known for like 2 months. Go fvck someone else. One day i introduced her to my friend who lived 2 houses down from her. I was sleeping in her fvckin bed and woke up she was no where to be seen. THen she gets home early in the morning and she ended up fvcking my friend. not the same but still a fvcked up girl.