Did my first cold approach today

[Konada]

Took me long enough to finally grab my balls and do it. Went out with a friend today to cold approach, but we picked a crappy venue and barely any attractive girls. I spot this HB7 Thai girl and hesitated, luckily I had my friend to push me to approach her. I realized as I committed my first step to approach her my mind totally shut down, both a good and bad thing. In the end I went up to her:

Me: Excuse me, do you speak english? (I was ****ing nervous at this point)
Thai: Yes
Me: I just wanted to say you look really nice
Thai: Thank you (smiling)
Me: Have a nice day (I ****ing chickened out)

Could say it was a hit and run. I could have approached more women but my head starts to get in the way and comes up with bullsh!t excuses to stop me. All it took for that split second of hesitation to stop me in my tracks. Planning to hit up a different venue to day game again next week, hopefully this time I will be able to approach more and carry on an actual conversation. Advice is welcome on how I can get over this hurdle fast, I think my biggest fear is people judging me for approaching women in public areas.

 

[sage'sproduct]

Congratulations on making the first approach.

Cold approaching repeatedly is the single most dramatic step a man can take to improve his inner confidence and dating skills.

I wouldn't even worry about the approach at this point. The first hurdle is making the approach itself, and incorporating it as a habit into your lifestyle.

 

[Konada]

Fvcking great stuff.



You did great.

You stopped her, taking her attention from whatever she was doing and made sure it was on you. And then you opened.

You need to "stack" into a conversation. Otherwise, the girl just accepts the compliment, and you have nowhere else to go.

Initially, you have to be the one to invest, to get the ball moving. All it takes is to make a statement about her. Can be about anything.

"I like the leather jacket. You must be a punk-rocker, or something..."

"You look very Russian in that fur-coat."

"You looked far too relaxed for a Monday morning"

Basically just poke her with a stick, and get her to start opening up.



Go easy on yourself. Daygame is fvcking tough.

Personally, public areas are fine. The woman can just make an excuse and walk away, if she isn't interested.

Far more difficult are supermarkets, coffee shops, and the like.

As for other people? If we let their judgments stop us from behaving naturally, then we start sharing the same gay frame that they do.

It's the fact that they don't have the balls to do what you just did that separates the wheat from the chaff.

If you haven't already, check out the London Daygame stuff. It takes a fair number of approaches just to start being comfortable enough in set to know exactly where you are, and think properly.

Yeah I was watching the youtube videos on the Daygame model. I know the procedures, just a matter of putting them into practice. Right now I'm so energized in set that all my sensory receptors fly out the window, part of the game I guess. Need a couple more approaches to calm myself down before I actually start observing stuff in set.

 

[Mr Wright]

Congrats, getting the first one done is hard. It'll take ages to get even half good at talking to strangers so don't quit at the first sign of resistance. Look up a guy called Krauser.

 

[Tenacity]

Took me long enough to finally grab my balls and do it. Went out with a friend today to cold approach, but we picked a crappy venue and barely any attractive girls. I spot this HB7 Thai girl and hesitated, luckily I had my friend to push me to approach her. I realized as I committed my first step to approach her my mind totally shut down, both a good and bad thing. In the end I went up to her:

Me: Excuse me, do you speak english? (I was ****ing nervous at this point)
Thai: Yes
Me: I just wanted to say you look really nice
Thai: Thank you (smiling)
Me: Have a nice day (I ****ing chickened out)

Could say it was a hit and run. I could have approached more women but my head starts to get in the way and comes up with bullsh!t excuses to stop me. All it took for that split second of hesitation to stop me in my tracks. Planning to hit up a different venue to day game again next week, hopefully this time I will be able to approach more and carry on an actual conversation. Advice is welcome on how I can get over this hurdle fast, I think my biggest fear is people judging me for approaching women in public areas.

Konada,

Listen, you are putting too much pressure on yourself. Here's how Tenacity does a "cold approach", which I don't even refer to it as that BTW.

- Tenacity enters Borders Bookstore

- Tenacity goes to Finance section

- Tenacity sees a chick standing by the books

- Tenacity says, "Hi (smiles) so I wanted to get your opinion (still smiling at the chick)....which author do you think is better for personal finance, Dave Ramsey or Suze Orman?"

- Usually the chick will smile back and then a CONVO starts. BOOM. From there, just keep the convo going, look to number close (I usually give them my number or exchange right there), and go back to doing what you came over there to do...which was look for a personal finance book.

- If the bytch is rude and ignores me or blows me off, fvck it....keep looking for the book you came over there to look for. When the next chick comes over, do the same thing because remember....you DO want to know which is better, Ramsey or Orman, don't you? So you have an actual "purpose" in talking to her.

That's it Konada. Don't even think about it as a "cold approach", just start a conversation. There should be something in the area that you can talk about. You might be at the airport waiting for a shuttle to come and get you or something, start up a convo about the airport, how late everything is, and the city you are about to go to.

Just have a convo brother.....that's it......no pressure. If the convo is going good, seek to number close her. If it's going bad or she blows you off/is ignoring you, then fvck that "rude" bytch lol.

 

[fastlife]

Bro you have no idea how pumped this thread made me. Cold approach will drastically change your life--and I don't just mean getting you laid (though that will eventually happen to)--but it prioritizes you to go after what you want, to act instead of being passive, to learn how to reframe rejection (until it doesn't affect you), to embrace acting in the face of fear and anxiety (until it isn't there anymore), to meet new people you wouldn't have previously, and to test the ranges of your personality in a way you can't or shouldn't with people you already know and already have a codified 'rules of engagement' with. This stuff will carry into all aspects of your life.

BUT getting good at is was by far one of the most painful things I've ever done--but I also had a huge ego (based on all the success I'd had with women through social circle) that would take a hit every time I got rejected.

You just have to stick with it--and trust the process, because there'll be sh1tty sets, sh1tty nights, sh1tty months (for me at least), before you start getting consistently good results.

I can give you a loose timeline of what the process looked like for me. I'd done some cold approaches throughout my life, with varying results & varying stages of sobriety, but none of these were really conscious cold approaches and they were done haphazardly over the course of years. I think it was almost exactly a year ago that I committed myself to getting good at cold approach & made a conscious effort, so that's where I'll start the timeline:

January-February: Went out maybe once a week solo. Could only open the easiest sets--guys who were obviously there by themselves, older people, people who happened to walk by. Had a girl or two open me. Some nights where I felt paralyzed and couldn't approach at all.

March-April: Went out 2-4 times a week. Had a couple wings that would come out. Started opening sets of girls but it usually felt like jumping off a cliff--and some nights I couldn't do it at all. Had a couple good convos that didn't really go anywhere. A lot of girls would ignore me when I opened them, which SUCKED. Guys would tool me from time to time. Had one or two really, really good nights. Pulled a ONS with a waitress at a bar. Couple make outs. Got a couple girls to meet up for Day 2's.

June-July: Went out 2-4 times a week. Could pretty much open every set. Did a couple really off the wall ones--like walking through a crowded restaurant to open a table full of 8 girls or going up to girls . Had a couple really epic nights. Had fewer really bad ones. Made 3 different girls bust out crying lol--wasn't always calibrated. Got cursed out a couple times. Got a lot of numbers, a lot of make outs, a few day 2's, a handful of almost-pulls that fell apart at the last minute. The younger girls would sh1t test me HARD about my age or if I was a player or whatever. But guys would generally recognize that I was kinda entitled to their girls--a lot of them started trying to kind of offer girls to me in exchange for approval.

August-November: Went out 1-2 times a week. Sometimes alone, sometimes with groups. On a good night, I could crush it--literally felt like a rockstar and would have the whole venue reacting to me. Think I had 2 or 3 SNL's & kept one of them as a regular for a month or so. Girls started opening me pretty consistently--just the vibe I gave off. Invited to several apartments. A lot of near misses and LMR/ASD. Started being singled out by owners of clubs, bartenders & bouncers, who would try to befriend me.

December-Now: Go out 1-2 times a week. If I meet a girl I like, even if she's in a group, I can pretty much guarantee that I can get her to move locations with me a couple times and pull (unless logistics suck). Almost all of my sets are good--but I've kind of come full circle and my game is a lot more under the radar. So many girls have seen me leaving the bar with other girls that they're usually super receptive. My reaction time's a lot better & I'm able to stay pretty calibrated. I don't do/or say as much crazy sh1t (which was fun lol) since usually I get full attention of the girls with much less effort.

So that's about 12 months. I've probably been rejected, ignored, cursed out, had girls run away ~300x? Something like that. But in the process I've developed ungodly confidence--I've dealt with every awkward situation so many times they aren't even awkward anymore; I have a much better idea of who I am. It's literally the best thing I've ever done for myself. But don't let anyone sugarcoat this--the first 4 months are BAD. Any insecurities you have will be thrown in your face. You'll get oneitis for girls who give you good reactions since you'll crave the comfort of not having to do this anymore. Then you'll get little glimpses of what's on the other side; then you'll realize commonalities about the good experiences and be able to replicate them. At this point, I love the game & once it's easier to go out and find a new girl than to put up with any bullsh1t and you know what true freedom, abundance, & self-reliance feels like there is no going back

 

[Tenacity]

Same. I started out with @Tenacity's suggestion of the indirect approach.

It fvcking sucks. That isn't my nature at all, and it felt creepy.

Moved over to the direct approach, and haven't looked back since.

Actually YOUR way is creepy lol.

- My way just looks like a guy in a book store speaking with various people, having a normal conversation.

- Your way looks like a thirsty fool running from woman to woman "hitting on them".

Plus what happens when you do your "direct way" and the girl rejects you? The women around you just seen you get rejected, which not only zaps a lot of your confidence, but it also makes them more likely to reject you as well as your thirsty tail now leaves ONE GIRL and goes to hit on the next girl. Plus, it could get you kicked out of the store if women start complaining.

My way is to just to have a normal, regular, conversation with HER like you would with ANYBODY. From that conversation you and her are having, if you start to feel "flirty vibes" or when you flirt with her she responds positively to it....then you just proceed from there.

If she isn't as talkative when you mention "the Ramsey v.s. Orman" book choice, then there's no harm nor foul. You didn't get "rejected", maybe she just doesn't feel like being bothered, isn't social, is on a period, is in a rush, or a variety of ANYTHING ELSE.

Note, this is the same approach I use for what I call Extended Social Circles, such as being a part of a large church and meeting new women after church in the lobby. Same situation, you go up to the girl (smiling):

- "So did you like Pastor's sermon today (smiling)? I feel so blessed, the part when he said (insert here) was so powerful OMG."

- Her: "Yes, it was so good (smiling and touches my shoulder)....what did you think about when he said (insert part of sermon).

BAM....now you are in conversation. So as long as the conversation continues to go good, begin to add some flirty stuff in there, then do the number exchange to "hang out later after church" or something like that.

This approach also doesn't make you come off like you are HITTING on her, which if you do that she might automatically put her SHIELD up.

 

[devilkingx2]

good work, as a first approach you did fantastic 10/10 even. Objectively, you've got a lot to learn, but you're off to the best possible start.

my normal cold approach goes like this:

1. I come up with a routine of sorts (usually with an interesting gimmick to keep myself entertained, like one time i approached girls with "hello, do you have a moment to hear about our lord and savior?" and another time I went with "hey you, do you think I'm good looking?") and memorize the "script" for it. (remember, the script is just to try and get the conversation going, DO NOT stick to it rigidly and forget how to have a conversation normally otherwise)

2. I go up to any girl I see who is alone and doesn't look busy, and begin.

3A. if I make it to the end of the "script" in a short time, then I tell her goodbye and go off and do something else or find another girl to repeat step 2

3B. if the conversation goes completely away from the "script" and we just start talking, if the conversation goes well I get her number (this part is important: a number means next to nothing, do not be surprised or upset if you can't get her to go out with you, or if she's flakey or if she doesn't even respond, etc.) and then we part ways,

side note: i've been hearing that it may be better to not focus on the number and just ask her to hang out with you sometime and if she's even considering it she'll give you her number if she says yes

3C. if anything happens that doesn't allow me to deliver the "script", then chances are something went wrong or got in the way so I couldn't get the girl and so it's back to step 2

4. eventually I either get bored of the "script" or grow dissatisfied with its results or something (usually after getting a bunch of numbers and doing like a dozen approaches with it), so I either take a break from cold approaching, or I go back to step 1

but that's just how I do things

 

[daddymonsterpoodle]

How do you eat an elephant?
One bite at a time.

Don't sweat it.

 

[Tenacity]

good work, as a first approach you did fantastic 10/10 even. Objectively, you've got a lot to learn, but you're off to the best possible start.

my normal cold approach goes like this:

1. I come up with a routine of sorts (usually with an interesting gimmick to keep myself entertained, like one time i approached girls with "hello, do you have a moment to hear about our lord and savior?" and another time I went with "hey you, do you think I'm good looking?") and memorize the "script" for it. (remember, the script is just to try and get the conversation going, DO NOT stick to it rigidly and forget how to have a conversation normally otherwise)

2. I go up to any girl I see who is alone and doesn't look busy, and begin.

3A. if I make it to the end of the "script" in a short time, then I tell her goodbye and go off and do something else or find another girl to repeat step 2

3B. if the conversation goes completely away from the "script" and we just start talking, if the conversation goes well I get her number (this part is important: a number means next to nothing, do not be surprised or upset if you can't get her to go out with you, or if she's flakey or if she doesn't even respond, etc.) and then we part ways,

side note: i've been hearing that it may be better to not focus on the number and just ask her to hang out with you sometime and if she's even considering it she'll give you her number if she says yes

3C. if anything happens that doesn't allow me to deliver the "script", then chances are something went wrong or got in the way so I couldn't get the girl and so it's back to step 2

4. eventually I either get bored of the "script" or grow dissatisfied with its results or something (usually after getting a bunch of numbers and doing like a dozen approaches with it), so I either take a break from cold approaching, or I go back to step 1

but that's just how I do things

I don't understand why you guys can't just have a NORMAL conversation with the damn woman lol? Bro you are really using scripts and shyt lol?

 

[devilkingx2]

I don't understand why you guys can't just have a NORMAL conversation with the damn woman lol? Bro you are really using scripts and shyt lol?

well you see, I don't actually like talking to them, so the point of the routine is to entertain me. but I only call it a script, in truth I just plan it out in my mind, memorize the words and optimize the routine after every approach

like, some of them weren't even meant to be for cold approaching, some of them were me just making a joke so I could tell my friends a story later, it's only because they practically challenged me to try and get a girl's number with it that I even bothered with some of those approaches, and it turns out that challenge was really easy

I do agree with you that in day game it's better to be indirect until she seems interested

That's the problem...

have you ever heard of Roosh V?

well in his book day bang, he points out that one of the differences between day game and night game is that indirect game is much better during the day and direct game tends to fall flat compared to night game

 

[devilkingx2]

You think I haven't read "day-bang"?

I am a connoisseur of this sh*t.

He's talking bollocks where day game is concerned.

I'm telling you that I tried that stuff, and immediately switched to direct day-game. And never seen any reason to switch back.

hm, well it did sound like a more direct game is better for filtering for high interest in the girls you approach, meaning it'll give you less of the "successful" approaches (quantity), but more-successful approaches (quality), but someone with really good game wouldn't need the girl to be initially high interest to secure a lay later on, so they wouldn't necessarily benefit from less, but on the flip side, those of us who haven't mastered the game should go for quality

I suppose a better way of putting it is to find out if she's even receptive to being talked to before you go in direct, however, I guess it depends on how your game works, some people are more suited to certain kinds of game after all.

I should try some more direct game sometime.

 

[raider87]

It's also natural that you go over and tell her that you find her attractive. That is natural and masculine

Could you share with me a brief example of how you approach?

 

[Tenacity]

You are talking to her because you find her attractive. Be honest about it from the beginning, and it goes better.

Don't pretend to be looking for directions, or an opinion.

Doing it your way comes off very thirsty. When I'm on a dating site I'll be more direct, even on Facebook I'll be more direct, because those are the proper mediums for that more "direct approach".

But when a chick is out at the grocery store, when she's at church, when she's at the gym, etc., she didn't SIGN UP to be hit on (per say), doesn't mean she doesn't want to be hit on by a GOOD LOOKING GUY, but there's a particular WAY you need to go about it.

What happens is that I usually walk away, sit and smoke for about 5 minutes, and then continue on.

What the fvck did you think happens? That the world falls apart or something?

Okay well, guys reading this can decide for themselves which "way" would work for them. Either my regular/everyday/indirect way, or Deesade's THIRST bucket way.

You really get rejected by one chick in the bookstore, go have a smoke, then go BACK in the book store 5 minutes later to hit on another chick? And you don't think that makes you come off like a THIRST bucket creep?

 

[Tenacity]

I follow the London Daygame model, but with tweaks for my own personality.

Consider this:

It's a great example of daygame, in my opinion. Simply top-class game.

You have GOT to be kidding me dude? This dude is really chasing after a chick down the street? Then when he stops her, he says THAT bullshyt??

Only in the fake, cartoon, internet world does THAT shyt work

 

[9Volt]

@deesade what is your approach to success ratio with direct cold approach? As in dates / lays. Not just banter.

 

[kenpiffyjr]

Good job bro

 

[devilkingx2]

You see a woman with a tight arse, long brunette hair... and you think "I fvcking want that". That is a natural reaction. It's normal.

It's also natural that you go over and tell her that you find her attractive. That is natural and masculine.

betas do that all the time, isn't being like every other loser drooling over a pretty girl definitely not what we're going for?

I will say that I agree that it's much more natural for some people, however being really direct doesn't come naturally to others, like me (but we can learn, of course.)

Says the guy that never had the balls to try it.

You know what? I'm actually getting fed up with you calling my sh*t "fake" or whatever.

I have posted pictures on here of plates that you wouldn't even be good enough to be an orbiter with your faggot attitude.

I have posted picture of myself on here too.

You wouldn't know game, if it came and slapped you in the face.

That guy is on a different level to me. And therefore in a different universe to someone like you.

Notice how the woman gives him a boyfriend rejection in the first 10 seconds. That makes the entire set an excerice in ploughing.

And look at how he does it. It's awesome.

You don't understand the nuance, because you are an imbecile that never done it.

I think you got annoyed at tenacity too easily to give him a good rundown of your style of game imo

 

[Floydispink01]

Nice job OP.

A thread specifically on Cold approaching and field reporting would be cool.

May inspire more on here to do it.

 

[Tenacity]

Says the guy that never had the balls to try it.

Try what? Chase a chick down the street and when I stop her, say some bullshyt about how tall she is and how nice her legs are? No thanks

You know what? I'm actually getting fed up with you calling my sh*t "fake" or whatever.

Like your homie Poon King, I'm starting to believe you are just as much as a troll/fraud.

- For one, you reference a video from Tom Torero who is already known as a FAKE PUA scam artist

- It's so easy to create a fake Youtube video with actresses to sell your B.S. Pickup Artist shyt, which is exactly what "Tom Torero" does.

- Common god damn sense says that the video you posted is fake and the situation of the woman reacting like that is FAKE. The bytch in the video is CLEARLY acting.

I have posted pictures on here of plates that you wouldn't even be good enough to be an orbiter with your faggot attitude.

And like Poon King, when someone disagrees with Deesade, they all of a sudden become a fag.got

I missed the thread when you posted pics, could you shoot me that link sir?

That guy is on a different level to me.

Tom Torero is a scam and a fraud.