Did I screw this up? Now what ?

[8ball]

I had a date arranged from an online personals site over the weekend. It went great, she's super hot, and I want to see her again. After the initial meeting ended, I brought up the subject of going out again and trying this new restaurant that just opened. She said she would definitlely want to go.

Anyway, I've been studying up on how to do well with women from a variety of sources. In the book 'Mars & Venus on a Date' they author states that most men make the mistake of waiting a couple of days after a first date to call the woman so they don't appear desparate. The author goes on to say that the best way a man can play it, is to give her a very short phone call the night of the first date and let her know you had a nice time. ( That is, if its the truth. )

Well, I didn't call her. But I DID email her w/ a very short email. This is the email:

Thanks for a nice time! Have a great night!

She emailed me back:

I had a nice time too! Thanks.

Ugh. Brief and direct, but her email makes it impossible to gauge interest level. My plan now is to wait about 3 days and then call her and make plans for a second date.

Any tips on how I could have played this better? I don't see where I did anything wrong, but there's always room for improvement.

I know I may be over-analyzing things a bit, but this is the FIRST time I've had any kind of success from a date in a long time. I've been through a rough divorce and only recently my confidence began to creep back.

 

[Ronin I]

The author goes on to say that the best way a man can play it, is to give her a very short phone call the night of the first date and let her know you had a nice time.

This is bullsh!t as far as I'm concerned.
It is best to leave her wondering.

I don't think you screwed up though. I mean a short email isn't going to tilt the scales either way.

Ugh. Brief and direct, but her email makes it impossible to gauge interest level. My plan now is to wait about 3 days and then call her and make plans for a second date.

Of course. She gave back what she got. Your plan sounds good to me.

Did you kiss close at the end of the date?

 

[Bonhomme]

You didn't necessarily blow it

But next time don't say "thanks" for a good time. Somehow it's perceived as a lack of confidence, as if she didn't want to. Thank her if she buys you something, runs an errand, or something like that right when she's done it.

It's definitely good you're finally getting some success.

 

[8ball]

Hmm..

No..I certainly didn't kiss close. I had never even seen her until I met her over the weekend in person. Kiss closing w/ someone you met an hour ago is a level of DJ-ing I'm sure I won't aspire to for quite some time.

I mean, if this was Star Wars, I'm just learning to turn-on on my lightsaber and kiss-closing an hour after meeting someone is like shooting electricity from your hands. I gots a long ways to go!

This is bullsh!t as far as I'm concerned.

Yes, it does go against the general convention of this board. But, the author makes a fairly logical, coherent argument for it. I felt that I couldn't go wrong w/ a very short email. Time will tell if that's the case.

I don't know about the 'thanks' wording. I suppose it could be construed as lack of confidence. I guess I should have just said,"Hey, I had a nice time. Have a great night'.

Oh..during the date, she made it a point to bring up how this other guy liked her and how she didn't like him, wasn't interested, and just wanted to be 'friends' w/ him. I blew off the subject, but she really made an effort to talk about this.

Was this a test of some sort? Is so, what was she testing?

 

[Bonhomme]

"Hey, I had a nice time. Have a great night"

Yeah, that's better.

I don't think it's very important when you call after a date,
unless you have sex. Then you must call the next day -- or later on in the day if she leaves in the morning. At least if she's a LTR prospect.

*************

As for the bit about the other "just be friends" guy, you were right to blow off the subject. I've no idea why she brought it up and kept harping on it. But at least it gave you a chance to get some direct insight into what doesn't turn her on.

 

[8ball]

Thanks for the input guys!

Ok. Here's my plan:

1. No contact whatsoever for three days. I want her to wonder if I am going to call. Wednesday, I'll her and set up a date for the weekend. (This is the ONLY time I'm available. ) This will be a good way to gauge interest level. If she is interested at all, she will agree to the date and bend/break any previous plans. If not, then she'll say she has plans, either way, at least I know what's going on.

2. If the date does happen, hang out at a restaurant maybe have a couple of beers and some appetizers. ( No dinner yet, only second date. ) Depending on how that goes, we might go play mini-golf afterwards. I'll attempt some kino, but I'm not going to try to hang all over her.

3. If date goes well, I'll finish by saying 'We'll talk soon.' ( Credit: Anti-Dump ) and leave it that. I won't set up a third until I call. I won't attempt kiss close.

4. I'm not going to try to gonzo dress up for the second date. On the first date ( unlike my previous first dates ) I didn't bother to dress up. I wore tennis shoes ( no socks ) , jean shorts, baseball hat, and shirt w/ sleaves cut off. I'll dress a little nicer this time, but the look I want to project is: 'Not trying too hard. '.

Anyone see any potential flaws or pitfalls here? I'll be sure to give a field report on the results.

 

[Bonhomme]

Regarding the kiss close

I'd say go for the kiss close if the date goes well. Just sort of get close to her and let the vibe draw you together. Usually if she's not going to want to kiss by the second date, nothing's gonna happen.

Hell, most of my first dates within the last year have ended up in bed. Believe me, a kiss close is no biggie.

Dress however comes natural to you that's appropriate for the surroundings. You may have under-dressed for the first date, but it seems to have come out OK.

 

[WatchMeWalk]

Dr. Grey is a closet homosexual who believes men should change for the sake of women. Don't believe a word he writes.

 

[8ball]

Well, damn!

So I came across as a no-life loser when I emailed her the same night as per Dr. Grey's council?

Man, that sux bro.

I should have just let her hang cold and then call her 4 days later as most of the material on this site suggests.

 

[krd]

Dr. Grey, have you ever seen that guy? If not, you'll probably end up seeing him on Oprah at some point. Although he is well-spoken and somewhat charasmatic (like a cheesy motivational speaker), his voice is really high and feminine. Watch this guy for some good examples of how not to present yourself around women.

I can't say I've read this guy's books, but my impression is that a lot of these relationship "experts'" teachings are geared toward long-time marriages, or those on the brink of falling apart. I'd say the dating world is not this guy's forte, especially with people in the 18-30 age range. I don't know, maybe his advice would work on women in their thirties and forties, who have already been dragged through several unsuccessful relationships, and have decided they just want a "nice" guy. I guess it depends on the situation. How old is this woman, anyway?

 

[icehot]

Yup, I agree. Calling a girl the next day after a date is totally bullsh!t.
I've never done it and have gotten lots of second dates. Its not a deal breaker.

Do not under any circumstances listen to that Dr. Grey. Take any of his advise and you'll get LJBF from every hot chick so fast, it'll make your head spin.

On your next date, if you're not up to the kiss close, try some kino-- a hug and a purposeful kiss on the cheek or neck. Avoid the "good-night handshake"


-iceH

 

[8ball]

Current status..

I haven't called her yet. Tomorrow is the three day mark. I plan to call her tomorrow night.

However, I did see her online today. ( She is ALWAYS on during the day. ) I was bored at work so I sent her a brief IM:

Me: Hey! What's up? Shouldn't you be working?

< 15 minutes later...>

Her:Yes I should! What about you? How is your day going?

<20 minutes later>

Me: Ok. Working w/ some side issues w/ a client. How about you?

<10 minutes later>

Me: I gotta run & I'm sure your busy too. Have a good day. We'll talk soon.

<15 minutes later>

Her: My day is going slow. I'm thinking about leaving early. By the
way..I like your new line! ( The 'tag line' or 'intro' a lot of personal sites have besides your profile pic. )

<end conversation>

Ok..coupla quick things:

Any IL here? Or just being polite?

Was I stupid to IM her?

Anyway, I DO plan on calling her tomorrow evening. However, I am trying to apply the knowledge I learn here. One of the best posts I've read ( ever ) was a posting by Sisonpyh. Brilliant material..I'm sure most are familiar with this post..one of the greatest of all time IMO. Sisonpyh says that with particularly HOT women he hangs back on the kino and almost goes out of his way not to touch them. As this women is particularly hot, I'm sure she's used to men pawing at her. Therefore, given that a second date will occur..should I go for the kiss close, hug close, or just blow off any physical contact whatsoever?

I'm confused about this and want to play it right. ( No more listening to Dr. Grey. )

 

[OddTech]

Re: Current status..

Originally posted by 8ball

Was I stupid to IM her?

Yes, you were. Click here: here .

 

[8ball]

Sorry..link works now < edited >

Ok..I've read this..but this was on IM native to the dating service site.

I've been on a date w/ her before and she's drop dead fine.

I don't use any of the mainstream IM applications.

I think it may have been an unwise move, but not in the way that your link implies.