Did I NEXT this girl too soon?

[Chewy Bagel]

I had been talking with a hot girl at the gym for 6 weeks. Almost every day, we chat away while doing cardio next to each other. She knows I have a girlfriend but says things to me like "why are you still with her if you don't love her?"

My bad for not doing any KENO and basically sticking in the Friendzone. I didn't think of it as the friend zone as this girl was so hot that she would have known that I would ask her out -- especially the way she chatted with me.

She left the gym (without me) and I followed her out to her car where I asked her to go to coffee that night. She initially said she didn't have plans that night, but then said she had to run errands. She did also say "Don't you have a girlfriend?" but in a playful way. I got her digits and she said for me to call her this weekend (it was a thursday that I asked her out). I wasn't thinking DJ at the time b/c I hadn't found this site. Well, I called on Friday - no answer and I left a message that I'd call her again. Saturday - no answer - I left another message and said I'd talk with her later.

Now, at the gym I don't talk with her or look at her. She doesn't talk to me either. We haven't talked since I asked her out.

Bottom line question: Should I have tried to chat with her at the gym after that to find out what the problem was or was I right in just NEXTing her?

 

[icehot]

It looks like she NEXTED you.

The question is, what do you want? Do you want to just be friends or are you hoping to slap that a ss?

If you're hoping to slap it, then you should have kept your mouth shut about your girlfriend. Why would you tell her that? Like its been said a billion times...no self respecting girl would get involved with a guy with a g/f .

Second mistake is that you called her way too many time. Yup. 2 day in a row -- and on a Friday & Sat. off all days (I hope you didn't call her at night). Also keep in mind that a HB is almost always booked on these prime nights.

So how do you pull this out of the fire, not sure. But for me, if all elses fails I try C/F. So try being majorly C/F next time you're at the gym. Something like "Hey, i know i'm sweating hard and stinking up the joint but you don't have to stand that far away". I'm sure you can think of something that fits the situation.
This should get the ball rolling...

Not sure how you'll get her to forget about your g/f though??

-iceH

 

[The Real Deal]

" I got her digits and she said for me to call her this weekend
(it was a thursday that I asked her out). "


" Well, I called on Friday - no answer and I left a message that I'd call her again. Saturday - no answer - I left another message and said I'd talk with her later. "






Ummm, you next'd her?

 

[Chewy Bagel]

IceH - I should have lied about it, but I wasn't thinking. Besides, I have had a few girls ask me out after they found out that I had a G/F. I just figured she'd be down. I like your C/F approach. I do sweat alot, so I'll try that line. Thanks.

Real Deal - She pissed me off when she turned me down for Thursay and didn't answer her phone on Friday or Saturday. If she wanted to talk with me, then she would have made herself available (in my opinion).

 

[The Real Deal]

" If she wanted to talk with me, then she would have made herself available (in my opinion). "


I agree, so I still ask the question, who NEXT'D who? Could've been cause you have a GF maybe?


" She knows I have a girlfriend but says things to me like "why are you still with her if you don't love her?" "


What did you say to her question?
Why should she bother with someone with a GF?
Why do you want someone when you have someone?
Is she better than your girl, if so dump her.
If not, why are you even asking anything?

 

[Chewy Bagel]

-I agree, so I still ask the question, who NEXT'D who? Could've been cause you have a GF maybe?


It's very possible she NEXT'd me first. I sure felt like it when she didn't answer my calls and didn't go out with me.

" She knows I have a girlfriend but says things to me like "why are you still with her if you don't love her?" "


-What did you say to her question?

I told her that I was going to do it soon.

-Why should she bother with someone with a GF?

I forgot to mention that she told me she was the "worlds worst homewreaker". This told me that she liked hooking up with taken guys.

-Why do you want someone when you have someone?

I've been w/ the same girl for 5 years and we have no plans on marriage. NEXT!

-Is she better than your girl, if so dump her.

This chick is a hot, tight, 21yo and my gf is a cute, slightly flabby 34yo. I'd like to trade her in on a model that is 13 years newer.

I like the sex and the comfort of her for now. Yes, I'm a ****. I want to grab hold of another vine before I leap from this one...

 

[Anson]

Chewy Bagel - here's the deal. You've done everything you could. If she doesn't contact you or even talk to you now, that means that she is NOT INTERRESTED. You might have nexted her, but like so many people have pointed out, she nexted you first. You can of course try to talk to her in the gym if a week or two go by, but I've got a feeling that she's really not into you.

Also, a little advice on the etchics department: I really don't see why a DJ would want to switch women if he was happy with his current one. I mean, if you don't like your current one then just NEXT her... but trying to go on two relationships is a bit questionable. Of course it is a lot of fun, but the price - the fact that you are braking another human's heart - is a bit questionable to say the least. And if that's not enough, I can tell you from my own experience that it might lead YOU into serious trouble. Angry ex's who've been cheated on might appear to be surprisingly vengeful...

EDIT: I hadn't seen your newest reply, which kinda answers to the quesiton of cheating... but still, my advice to you would be not to be with someone you don't want to be. It's not a good call, better women (like the one on the gym) might NEXT you only because you have a gf.

 

[Slickster]

Hey Chewy,

Why the hell do you have a girlfriend anyway?

If you're going to screw other women just have the balls to be single and do your thing.

Quit f*cking with peoples heads.

This whole "I want to grab onto this vine before I let go of the other one" screams weakness, fear, and tells me that you're a selfish chickensh*t. I know thats harsh but thats not a great way to treat someone you've spent 5 years with.

 

[violator]

Most hot girls, especially if they are 21, are flakey as hell. I won't be surprised if she was just trying to lead you on. If I was in your shoes, I would not give her that much attention. Maybe a polite hello, but that is it.


Yes, you kind of blew it by calling her two days in a row over the weekend (no challenge). If she is interested, she will come to you The ball is in her court now. Don't make things worse by acting like 90% of all the other guys who would try even harder to get her.

Women are like cats. If you chase them, you will only scare them away. But, if you sit calmly, they will eventually come to you.

 

[The Real Deal]

Ouch Slick,

I do agree though. I always thought it was a woman who never left a lover till they found another. Maybe there is a new breed of manwomen out there.

 

[Slickster]

Yes I know that was too harsh.

Sorry Chewy. I've just been discussing cheating on another thread and was a little worked up.

It just pisses me off that people just can't be honest with themselves and their desires.

I've cheated a few times in my past and its always caused me more pain in the long run than the people I've cheated on. I've learned my lesson(s) and hope to pass on what I've learned.

Once again Chewy, That was the wrong way to give advice. Sorry.