Did I make the right decision?

[neobrood]

Just recently, I told this girl to simply cut off all contact with me if she got a problem with me touching her hands and shoulders...

And then I followed that up by returning the magazines that I borrowed from her.

She was shocked. Her voice was in a sad tone. It was shaking. And then I took her outside to give her room to cry... cuz I dont wanna attract attention in the cafeteria.

"I don't wanna lose a friend..." she kept on reiterating that point...

"What is it in me that you like so much? Why dont you wanna let me go?" I said.

And then she told me that I am the only person she can open up to and talk to... and the only one who listens to her... and that we have a lot of things in common.

"Don't you have other friends? Can't anybody replace me?" And then I mentioned her close friends by name... one by one. After every name, she mentioned that she can only open up some things to them... and sometimes they wont listen... and all that... "... so I'm irreplacable then..."

"That's ridiculous! There is no such thing as replacing friends! I DONT WANNA LOSE A FRIEND!!!"

***And then the talk went around and around in circles... She was crying... Until it was decided that I would only stop for ONE MONTH. And one month later, she said that she will call me up again or drop me an email.

===========

CONCLUSION? What do you think? What should I do next?

- She HAS feelings for me but she isnt really comfortable yet with telling them to me. If she is really uncomfortable with me touching her, she could simply RUN AWAY FROM ME!!! Why did she have to cry when I told her that?

- She has messed up definitions in her head...

- I am just a doormat to her and it isnt the right time to DISPOSE of me. Once she finds Mr. Right, its time to throw away the doormat (me).

- none of the above... maybe you have more intelligent advice...

 

[PuertoRican_Lover]

Simply put, if you like this girl in a romantic way then don't become her 'friend' - tell her this.

 

[noseguard20]

No, don't cut off contact with her! well, Since you already decided a month, wait to see if she calls again. If she does continue being a friend. Talk to other girls too!!!

you won't fall into friend zone if you already told her you want her in a romantic way. As long as she knows you want her romantically.

 

[AlwaysExcel]

I'm tripping on the fact that she has a problem with you "touching her hands and shoulders." How were you touching them? Were you ONLY touching her hands and shoulders?? Getting into a big sob fest about friendship because you touched her "hands and shoulders" seems very weird. And setting a month long sabbatical from touching her hands and shoulders seems even weirder.

You could've responded with humour and said "alright I won't touch you hands and shoulders"....and then grabbed a big handful of her azz.

If you still want to mess around with this ridiculous girl, just ignore her until she can't take it anymore. Isn't she supposed to contact you after the month anyway??
When she comes back, immediately grab her and start massaging her hands and shoulders, moaning "oh these hands! oh these shoulders!" If she talks about missing you or asks if you missed her, tell her that you only missed her hands and shoulders and wink. Make fun of the whole silly thing.

 

[WaterTiger]

I agree with AlwaysExcel, this chick is wierd. The whole situation is weird. You're 20 years old and you're playing these very childish games with her. How old is she anyway?

I think this month long break should last a life time.

 

[neobrood]

You could've responded with humour and said "alright I won't touch you hands and shoulders"....and then grabbed a big handful of her azz.

Yo... I'm not really a serious freak person... I have a sense of humour too...

anyway, I ALREADY DID THAT. I grabbed a handful of her ass... but THE MORE SHE HAD A PROBLEM WITH THAT...

"It's inappropriate to do that. You're not supposed to touch my hands or shoulders or my a$$ or anything..."

you won't fall into friend zone if you already told her you want her in a romantic way. As long as she knows you want her romantically.

I told her that... I want her in a romantic way. And she kept on insisting that we be "just friends". Or maybe I told her that too soon or too late? Lemme see... I met her in September 2003, and on November, I was falling for her... but I HESITATED to move forward.

In fact, I was even AVOIDING her and letting her chase me instead. She was chasing me. Heck... she even changed her timetable subjects just to be around me. In the classroom, she always kept on sticking on me. She was smiling and all... the tone of her voice was different when she was speaking to me.

I told her about my feelings around March of 2004. She said that she is only interested in friends and not in boyfriend-girlfriend. "I don't wanna mislead you," she said.

I kept on trying to win her until around May... but I cannot no matter what I do. And I'm tellin ya... I AM NOT PUTTING UP A "WUSSY-KISS@$$" BEHAVIOR...

When she comes back, immediately grab her and start massaging her hands and shoulders, moaning "oh these hands! oh these shoulders!" If she talks about missing you or asks if you missed her, tell her that you only missed her hands and shoulders and wink. Make fun of the whole silly thing.

... knowing her personality, that action would freak her out. Knowing her personality, she WILL talk about missing me. Knowing her personality, if I make fun of the whole thing, that wouldnt be "silly" or "fun" to her at all.

Her motto: "I don't wanna lose a friend. Friends are the most important things in life. BF-GF relationships end but Friends last forever"

So my plan: act like a friend again and then inch up little by little.

And at the same time, I'd try chasing other girls too...

You're 20 years old and you're playing these very childish games with her. How old is she anyway?

19 going 20. Why? Whatya think? I'm chasing after a 15 year old or younger?

=====================

***Anyway guys, Thanks all for your replies. I appreciate your help.

 

[AlwaysExcel]

I think that the real problem is that you are telling her your intentions and then listening to the ******** she spews. The plan to be friends and then "inch up" will fail man. I've been there and done that. I say leave her alone.

 

[neobrood]

I say leave her alone.

... even if she cries? Even if she desperately comes back to me? No matter what, leave her alone and shift target?

I think that the real problem is that you are telling her your intentions and then listening to the ******** she spews.

so... what do you advice me to do next time?

Thanks...

 

[Dirtheart]

Forget her. Judging by my own experiences she's trying to guilt trip you, and maybe string you along to make her feel good, but you said it yourself: the moment she meets another guy, you'll be thrown aside.

I've heard these exact same lines a number of times (+ "you mean everything to me", "I value our friendship" etc) and being a naive fool at that time, I trusted them.

I made an effort to sustain these "friendships" and ended up being ignored and made to feel like some obsessive stalker.

... even if she cries? Even if she desperately comes back to me? No matter what, leave her alone and shift target?

YES!!!!! Crying is all part of the act. She's trying to turn the situation against you. Don't get sucked into her drama.

Basically, if you want to be more than a friend, you need to stop acting like one!

 

[rjherche]

I've been in a situation like that. A girl rejects you as far as dating goes, then throws a fit when you don't want to be friends, telling you how much you mean to her. So you're good friends for a while and then she finds another dude and gradually backs away from you, eventually blowing you off half the time. Don't fall into it. She just can't stand the fact that she lost control of the situation.

 

[neobrood]

She just can't stand the fact that she lost control of the situation.

Yeah... kinda true...

When we first met, first sem of college... I WAS BEHAVING LIKE A WUSS... and COMING OFF LIKE A NEEDY B@ST3RD...

At that time... I was fresh outta high school... I had a lot of that highschool self in me -- Angsty, suicide freak kinda guy. Loner, fond of listening to rock music, dress in black, you get the idea...

And then she came to me... I bet she got attracted to me because girls have a tendency to chase after men who were like their ex boyfriends. Her bf before me was a suicide freak who would paper cut his wrists.

Then, I was doin everything for her... Carrying her stuff, waiting for her class to end, helping her with her homework even if it means me spending money on something, etc... etc... etc... Basically, I was followin her like a DOG.

Being a suicide angsty freak meant that I didnt have any friends. It was only her. She prolly knew that I'm a guy without friends and then she's the only person who is my first and last fallback. Hmmm... This guy can make a pet dog... and a good source of attention...

YES!!!!! Crying is all part of the act. She's trying to turn the situation against you. Don't get sucked into her drama.

Basically, if you want to be more than a friend, you need to stop acting like one!

When I stopped acting like a friend, when I decided to be MORE SOCIABLE, when I changed, she said that "it freaks her out".

"I thought you said you dont have friends?!? Why are you goin to so many parties these days?!? wtf is that?!? You lyin or wat?!?"

"I did not lie... That was a thing of the past. I've changed now..."

"I dont like the new (*insert my real first name here*)... I like the (*insert name*) better... I like the (*insert name*) whom I can talk about anything... I like the (*insert name*) who was a good friend to me. The new (*insert name*) freaks me out."

====================

***Then came the drama about her being sick and tired of losing friends... Then she talked about when she moved from her old apartment to her new house... how those ppl she used to know would ignore her as if she did not exist anymore... And then that her parents are strict as in dictator types... and then her brother wouldnt understand and listen to her... and her other friends just wont understand and cannot listen to her completely...

=====================

***When I confronted her about me being just a doormat who she would throw away, she gave off some drama about SHE NEVER THROWS AWAY FRIENDS...

Then she kept on crying... "I'm 19 and I still dont understand human behavior... Why do I make things worse?!?"

 

[Coolage]

stop acting like a chick. You are no shoulder to cry on. at this point i would chock this up to experience. Stop making yourself available to her

 

[am4591]

Usually if you hear the word "friend", you might as well kiss her a$$ goodbye. You fukked up when you started doing things for her--and listening to her problems or whatever.

Just cheerfully tell her that you don't do that "just friends" stuff, then turn around and walk off.

 

[neobrood]

so there's no hope in winning her back then? As in even if I approach her 1 month later as a PERFECT DON JUAN? Yes or no?

Anyway, at least she was the chick who opened my eyes to the Don Juan universe...

At least I learned A LOT of my mistakes...

 

[AlwaysExcel]

Neobrood,
next time you don't take what a girl says at face value. For example, her being tired of losing friends means that she doesn't want to lose this convenient male girlfriend/puppy dog relationship that she has developed with you. Do a search for "********" on here.

Also, you don't want to tell women what your game is or what you want out of the relationship. Let them get so worked up over you over a period of time that THEY ask where the relationship is going. And being all serious, especially early on, is a turn off. Be direct and show her you want to pursue her with your actions not with a discussion about it. Don't tell her that you really want to take her on dates and that you are a romantic guy. ASK her on dates and BE the romantic guy. It should be obvious without talking about it.

 

[neobrood]

For example, her being tired of losing friends means that she doesn't want to lose this convenient male girlfriend/puppy dog relationship that she has developed with you.

that also applies to no matter how INNOCENT they are? No matter what their personality?

Um... childish girl... in to things like yugi oh and beyblade... a lot of her friends are 15 year olds...

Or is that the perfect disguise? Is that innocence part of her game of deception? So that I would think that she is incapable of this kinds of thinking and manipulation?

I swear... she IS difficult. And she even admitted herself proudly: I AM WEIRD!!! I AM NOT LIKE NORMAL HUMAN BEINGS!!!

 

[PuertoRican_Lover]

Originally posted by PuertoRican_Lover
Simply put, if you like this girl in a romantic way then don't become her 'friend' - tell her this.

Do what PR_L said - leave her alone!

 

[Big-J]

Originally posted by PuertoRican_Lover
Do what PR_L said - leave her alone!

I was just about to post that too, with another spiel, then the browser crashed and I said F*ck it.

DO WHAT PR_L SAYS!

Then start reading the bible, practicing it out in the field and then putting it to good use.

If you think this whole thing is a quick-fix thing that can be done in a short amount of time, WAKE UP! THIS TAKES TIME WORK AND EFFORT!

You WILL gain from it, but first do like PRL said and dump this broken luggage.

 

[Dirtheart]

her being tired of losing friends means that she doesn't want to lose this convenient male girlfriend/puppy dog relationship that she has developed with you.

This is exactly right. No matter how innocent or sweet she might seem to you, don't fall into this trap, for your own sake.

If you do decide to be friends with her, I guarantee you won't make it 3 weeks before she asks you for a favour (the first of many).

 

[dietzcoi]

No offense but you really need to read the bible. You sound like me 20 years ago... pure 100% AFC. All your comments are AFC and you won't listen to reason.

She is manipulating you. You know it. We know it. It is hopeless and you are acting AFC. Yet you refuse to listen and come back with excuses about her crying, etc. It is all BS

I guess you want to ride this one all the way to the crash landing. OK, go ahead. you'll learn from it.

Dietzcoi