Did I handle this correctly, will I handle the rest correctly?

[Shivastorm_88]

I had a quite big event organized with a girl (girl A) I've been pursuing for a while (chick broke up with her boyfriend of 4 year 2 months ago, she had told me before she wasn't ready for anything new), and she asked me to promise her I wouldn't pull a move to that event in question.

I replied: It's not a promise I can make, so I guess we will have to cancel it.

Should I have reacted another way towards this?



And now, I'll go with another girl (girl B) instead, and I know for a fact A will know, since I will definitely take pictures (I'm a big fan of photography) and A stalks my Facebook regularly, apparently. I was wondering though, should I mention in some way that I'm going with someone else, show her I'm not phased by her request and me having to cancel on her because of it?

Edit: I know common logic would dictate me to get over that girl, and I really wish I could, but **** this isn't easy at all

 

[3countriesPlan]

You are doing things correct. If she can't produce find someone who will. When she realizes she has to work for you (seeing how mackish you are while she facebook stalks you and looks at all your pictures with hotties who can produce) then she will either put in some effort or if she has no talent she will just fade away.

Either way, you win because she will be the one having to make decisions while you go on with your life living it how YOU WANT.

 

[Shivastorm_88]

You are doing things correct. If she can't produce find someone who will. When she realizes she has to work for you (seeing how mackish you are while she facebook stalks you and looks at all your pictures with hotties who can produce) then she will either put in some effort or if she has no talent she will just fade away.

Either way, you win because she will be the one having to make decisions while you go on with your life living it how YOU WANT.

Heh yeah, although right now I wish I could be thinking "I win!"

 

[Racecar]

Well played all around.

I don't have much to add except this: women want men wanted by other women.

Jon Sinn once said the most uncomfortable way for a woman to find out she is attracted to someone is through jealousy. Dress accordingly then go to this event with girl B and have a great time. (Smile in those Facebook pictures!)

There is no reason to inform girl A that you're going to this event with girl B. You don't owe that to her UNLESS you two planned on going to this thing together.

If dating girl A is the end result, behave in that context. Create ATTRACTION. Demonstrate VALUE. You are a desirable man. Through your actions, let her know that if she doesn't move quickly, you will move on to someone better than her!

 

[Shivastorm_88]

Well played all around.

I don't have much to add except this: women want men wanted by other women.

Jon Sinn once said the most uncomfortable way for a woman to find out she is attracted to someone is through jealousy. Dress accordingly then go to this event with girl B and have a great time. (Smile in those Facebook pictures!)

There is no reason to inform girl A that you're going to this event with girl B. You don't owe that to her UNLESS you two planned on going to this thing together.

If dating girl A is the end result, behave in that context. Create ATTRACTION. Demonstrate VALUE. You are a desirable man. Through your actions, let her know that if she doesn't move quickly, you will move on to someone better than her!

Sounds good! And do you think no contact in this situation would be beneficial?

The problem with no contact is she's my main climbing partner, and doing it means no more climbing, which I don't want too happen! I've already cut down all other activities that I used to do with her (hiking and yoga... well except this hike that was planned), would that be enough?

Right now we climb twice a week, and that's all... I don't want to do a no-contact forever, although I could easily tell her I need some time off from climbing and take roughly a month off, problem is if I do that I'm scared she won't get back into it. As much as I care about her, I care about climbing and if I can't have her, at least I want to keep her as a climbing partner!

 

[Johnny Danger]

Did you already promise to take A to the "event" -- this is a tough one. I don't think you owe A anything, but you don't want to come off like you're blatantly trying to make her jealous while hurting her feelings in the process.

I would suggest sitting A down and being nice and asking her if she'd mind maybe doing something low-key on another day. You were looking forward to the "event" and you've got a girl that's in a better place emotionally right now, someone whose companionship is more conducive to this particular outing. Maybe you can think of better words to use. This really does sound tough.

Then, perhaps, in that same conversation offer to do something casual and low-key with A afterwards, a hike maybe (ya'll are outdoors types yes) keep your hands-off and, very subtly, adopt the aloof but caring attitude of a physical therapist rehabbing an injured patient.

Afterwards, don't hang out too much, but I wouldn't necessarily go NC. Maybe limit the rock climbing to twice a month, find a new partner, alternate.

Paint a picture and BECOME a prime-time man, and support her emotional rehabilitation, but do so at a distance, this will motivate her to heal quickly and when she's ready, she will come to you.

 

[Shivastorm_88]

Ok well it seems pretty unanimous... Give her space, she clearly knows my interest for her... In the meantime, keep browsing around, let her know that as much as I'm willing to give her time, I'm also dating around so she can't keep this up indefinitely...

What I wonder is should I try to force things in a few months time, or play it by the ear and if I see a spark of interest on her part, go for it?