did i do somethin wrong?

[tony-montana]

so on my first date i gave her a back rub. she loved it. i figured since then and now i been too nice and boring... so today when she msg me on msn i turned up the volume on myself. in the middle of the conversation it went like this;

me: aww you been cleaning all day. you need another nice long back rub.
her: i wont say no to that
me: ever had a tit massage?
her: is being groped counted?
me: haha, no cause thats not pro style.
her: lol, then no i havent.
me: if i dont get distracted and focus hard enough. i give good ones.
her: haha no complaints on that either.
me: lol. if you is a good girl i give you a sample next time. back rubs can be a bit boring.
her: haha its ok.. you dont have to.
me: oh but i insist!
her: im sure all males would
me: yeah but those males just grope.
her: haha, yeah i guess.

then she set herself away after a couple of minutes. what gives? too perverted? i was being mr nice guy on the first date, and didnt talk like this.. i figured it was boring her.. so i tried changing it up a lil?

we are still talking though atm. just .. not that topic anymore cause she didnt talk after that lol.

we were talking about dancing and i said

me: whys that. do your boobs bounce too much when you dance and you get embaressed?
her : wahts with the boob obsession, lol
her: no its got nothing to do with it
her: anyway. im off. ttyl.

i didnt reply cause i wasnt at the pc. man whats up with that. i seen her talk a bit naughty to ppl on chat. like "hehe *touches ur bum* to some other guy. FUking chicks.

oh yeah shes chatting to other ppl after she said she was going. obviously i fuked up.

 

[Igetit!]

Did you do something wrong? Well that's a tough one,but I'm going to have to with a "yes".

You asked her if she ever had a "tit massage"?

Umm..Tony...umm...what's wrong with you? Are you crazy?

Why would you say something like that?

While I applaud your efforts to not be "Mr.Nice Guy" and be boring,you went to the other extreme of being vulgar and profane.

You didn't treat her like a person. Instead of looking at her as a woman,you made her feel like a pair of boobs with legs.

A woman wants to be seen as a WHOLE PERSON,but just body parts.

Tit massage. That's one for the ages.

I have no idea what you were hoping her reaction would be.

I think you creeped her out. No,scratch that. I KNOW you creeped her out.


Where did you get this idea from...and don't say from me. I said to stimulate her emotions,not be vulgar.

You asked if you were "too perverted". You're not supposed to be perverted at all.

What you said wasn't even sexual. It was objectifying.

I don't think women have a problem with a guy being sexual (as long as there's some comfort built first),but viewing her as an object...that's a no-no,a BIG NO-NO.

Well,it is what it is. You'll just have to deal with the situation as best you can.

 

[tony-montana]

man thats bs. why when you talk to them they are all innocent n sh1t. but when you get them in bed they're the dirtiest things on earth. acts like a saint when i mention boobs n stuff.

 

[Igetit!]

man thats bs. why when you talk to them they are all innocent n sh1t. but when you get them in bed they're the dirtiest things on earth.

Flat out ridiculous.

I can't believe you've been a member here as long as you have and you still haven't figured this one out.

Of course they're going to be innocent when you first talk to them...they don't want you to think they're a slvt. And as far as them being "dirty in bed",well of course they are.

You ever heard of the saying,"A lady on the street,but a freak in the sheets"?

Out in public women are going to be "all innocent". Certain behaviors are only appropiate in specific situations.

What,you expect a woman to be all innocent in the bedroom and "the dirtiest thing on earth" out in public? In the mall? Supermarkets? At the DMV?

I agree that women become "dirty" when in bed,but this "tit massage" conversation you had with this girl,where did it take place?

Were you two in bed together? Because then it would be appropiate,right? Since that's were women become "dirty".


No,you weren't in bed with her. Therefore,it wasn't time for her to become "dirty" yet.

And another thing:Women generally become "dirty" in relationships where comfort has already been established,not with some guy who's "trying" still to date her.


I go by results. You talked to her about massaging her tits.

Well,are you happy with the results of saying that?

The way things are now,is this what you were hoping for?

acts like a saint when i mention boobs n stuff.

I don't understand why you can't just be honest.

You were trying to not be boring,not be a "nice guy",and you made a mistake. You became vulgar,not on purpose,but that's what happened.

Just learn from it and move on.

Edit: Right on,Zekko.

Have some class man. You don't have to be vulgar to be sexual.

 

[zekko]

I think you should act like you've seen a boob before. Because the way you were going on about it, it didn't sound like it.

 

[tony-montana]

mmm true. makes sense. i fuked up. but what do i do about tuesday. apparently we are meant to go to the cinema but im thinking about cancelling. she lives very far. to go see the movie id have to take two trains n a bus. bout n hour and more travelling. i usually cant be stuffed travelling that far for a chick. not to mention i dont even live in this state. im on holidays.

 

[Ease]

ok the problem here is the difference between dirty and creepy. Dirty in a funny sense, because being just plain dirty randomly in normal conversation is creepy.

Being dirty in a not-entirely-serious manner is probably what you wanted to do. Its useful if you want to set up a sexual frame in the conversation and move away from being boring/nice guy but the key thing is HUMOUR. without humour, its vulgur.

me: aww you been cleaning all day. you need another nice long back rub.
her: i wont say no to that
me: ever had a tit massage?
her: is being groped counted?
me: haha, no cause thats not pro style.
her: lol, then no i havent.
me: if i dont get distracted and focus hard enough. i give good ones. (wtf does this mean btw??)
her: haha no complaints on that either.
me: lol. if you is a good girl i give you a sample next time. back rubs can be a bit boring.
her: haha its ok.. you dont have to.
me: oh but i insist!
her: im sure all males would
me: yeah but those males just grope.
her: haha, yeah i guess.

Now in general, first thing i wana comment on is that asking if she wants a 'tit massage' is pretty weird. It just sounds stupid. You could have just suggested that it 'works a lot better without any clothes on' etc. You get the idea.

Its alright if you want to be a little dirty with your flirting, you can get away with it if its funny. It works for some people, it works for me. But even with the 'tit massage' conversation, there was still hope in saving it untill the bold part^. Thats when things got weird.

See until the bold part she was still playing along, 'i wudnt say no'. But then, the 'i dont want to be a slut/go too far' factor came in and she pulled back saying 'no its ok u dont have to'. At this point make a joke or let it go, 'ok your loss' or 'oh fine ok then ill just have to find someone else for my "tit massage"' (please dont use tit massage again). This is push and pull, you pulled her in by flirting with her and sayig that you wanted to give her a massage, then push by taking it away.

Key thing with this is humour, you werent joking in your conversation.

An even bigger key thing is that this MUST BE CONGRUENT TO YOUR PERSONALITY. If its not going to be natural if you say stuff like this, then dont do it. It will not work.

 

[pua1989]

Hahahahah Wow Are You Serious?????!

 

[909pua]

i am learning that action speaks louder than words. if you are gonna say something about "groping her", you shouldn't say it in text, but rather in your actions. have you boned her yet?

 

[scrouds]

I'll tell you a joke that I use to ratchet up the sex vibe.

Little red riding hood is walking through the forest to her grandmother's house. The big bag wolf jumps out and says "I've got you now, little red riding hood, and i'm going to eat you!"

"Eat, eat, eat!" Little red riding hood said angrily. "Damnit doesn't anybody **** anymore!?"


It may not work for everyone, and certaianly you have to pick your backdrop carefully, but if you normally like off the wall humor like me, well I like to pull it out.

Note that the big bad wold didn't offer a tit massage. ha!