Did I blow it with her?

Wayward_wanderer

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Hey all, former lurker, and thanks to many good reads/posts here, now a forum poster! I figure this is a good place to ask for advice on this matter.

Long story short, I met a chick through OLD about a month ago. Her interest level seemed high enough (she asked me out for the first date), and things seemed to be going pretty well - We went on a few dates in that time frame - Mutual attraction/interest seemed to be there, physical contact progressed to at least making out, she'd tell me how she enjoys seeing me/wants to see me again very soon, etc, etc. No red flags to speak of.

Now, here's where I fear I screwed up - Talking to her too much between dates. Sometimes she'd initiate contact, but we'd often end up sending texts to each other every few days, and sometimes they'd turn into conversations that should probably have been saved for the actual dates. I won't lie, my interest in the girl is more than just a fb/quick fling, and I caught a bit of oneitis with this one, since I wasn't seeing anyone else.

Of course, the communication began to decline between us, and she seemed a bit less interested/distant than before. I decided to reciprocate, and back off a bit on reaching out to her - Not getting into conversations and such. Not sure if it helped me or not though.

I asked her out on another date about a week ago (the date was supposed to be yesterday), and she said yes/seemed excited, so all seemed well. I decided to lay low communication-wise until then. Come yesterday, she ended up cancelling on me at the last minute w/a total BS excuse (Way too hungover/feeling sick), saying she's sorry, and that we should reschedule. Knowing things weren't looking good, I did my best to play it cool instead of flip out on her/look butthurt, and just responded with "We'll just shoot for another time then" (Leaving the ball in her court to reschedule). No response.

For now, I'm just choosing to move on to other girls instead and invest more effort there, but I'm curious if the communication between dates with this chick was too much/I killed the challenge? (I ask, because I realize an ex/other guy, or a million other scenarios can cause a chick to go cold too) Also, if the situation is at all salvageable, how long should I wait before contacting her again (or should I leave it up to her?). My plan was to go into radio silence for a week or two and see what she does.

Thanks in advance for any advice!
 

Maximus Rex

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GS750

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More than likely its not something you did, its the online dating. I've had this happen to me, its been discussed at length here on the forum. Girls who online date have a infinite amount of options. So the flake ratio is high. Most likely its another guy...or guys. She cancelled on you, with a BS excuse which you know was weak. No offer to reschedule. Disrespect. I'd leave it alone and see if she reaches out. If a week or so goes by of radio silence, you could try one last time. You will get varying opinions on that. The last two times it's happened to me I regretted calling/texting "one last time" because in my gut I knew it was a lost cause. Good luck.
 

Yewki

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Wayward_wanderer said:
Long story short, I met a chick through OLD about a month ago. Her interest level seemed high enough (she asked me out for the first date), and things seemed to be going pretty well - We went on a few dates in that time frame - Mutual attraction/interest seemed to be there, physical contact progressed to at least making out, she'd tell me how she enjoys seeing me/wants to see me again very soon, etc, etc. No red flags to speak of.
The only red flag is that you didn't bang after a month and several dates. This is not a huge deal, but indicates she's not especially interested in and/or you didn't make the right moves. You mentioned you had a make out session which is good but not enough to seal the deal.

She likely will not follow up, like GS750 said she's like a kid in the candy store... she probably has people messaging her daily who are "hotter" than you. I think you should try again after waiting, she mentioned you should reschedule after flaking the first time anyways. Try once more before forgetting about her.
 

TheCWord

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On the bright side, OP, after you were overcommunicating you recognized this and promptly backed off. Then when she flaked on you, you played it cool and I think sent her a perfect response back.

For someone making their first post, you certainly seem far ahead.
 

Well I'm here to tell you there is such a magic wand. Something that will make you almost completely irresistible to any woman you "point it" at. Something guaranteed to fill your life with love, romance, and excitement.

Quote taken from The SoSuave Guide to Women and Dating, which you can read for FREE.

Lotus Effect

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You can never say a chick is a goner, even though most situations like this they are!

The advice Maximus gave is excellent. You should log onto Harry's website and listen to those podcasts. I just did it, and I'm very thankfull I've done it!

Anyway, you seem to get your sh*t straight, so the best course of action is the default. Spin some other plates!

As Tyler from RSD said, if you start digging a chick, go and hook up with other chicks to put things onto perspective, and depedestalize said chick!

I had similar situation happening to me in the beggining of this year. It was a chick I had history, so things were going good, but eventually I've got too available and so she flaked on me with some BS! I played it cool, she reschedulet it, and flaked. Again.
So I left as that.

Two weeks went by, and I had my show coming up (I'm a singer in a band) so, as I was invinting all my cellphone contacts, and as 2 weeks went by, I invited her as well. There was nothing to loose, and I was already going out with two other chicks, so there were no more 'feelings' as one might call it!

She was very happy with the invitation, said she could not make it, and she was totally into going out with me someday the following week, if I was not pissed at her because of her flakiness. I simply responded 'Hey, no worries. And there is always more shows to come'. And then Radio silenced her!

Next thing you now, this girl call me on a saturday evening asking me to go out with her. I kind of played a**hole, and told her she had to call me before, 'cause now I wouldn't have a name on the guest list. Guess what..? She putted my name on the guest list before calling me!

We went out, made out, grinded, and I've never spoke to her again! Win Win!

Bottomline, play it cool. Live your reallity!
 

Wayward_wanderer

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Great information in the podcasts, and everyone's responses - thanks again! Still working on learning to keep that inner wuss in check! :p

Only real question I still have on this particular chick, is on the off-chance she does decide to get ahold of me again after some time, or if I decide to give it one final shot for sh*ts and giggles, how should I go about it? If she were to mention trying to get together again, should I reject an initial offer w/some vague excuse of "being busy" whatever time she'd suggest, (And do I suggest an alternate time if she doesn't?), regardless of if I actually am or not?

And if I were to make the first contact in time and she actually responds, I'm guessing keep it ****y + funny? Maybe tease her about her excuse? We were supposed to go to an arcade (then other things) - maybe joke about how she was too afraid of how badly I'd embarrass her/kick her @$$ at everything in her condition that day to see me? What if she tries apologizing again?

I realize it's an uphill battle at this point, and spinning plates is the best course of action (and the main plan!), but just curious for a bit more advice on how to handle it if she does pop up? Your own opinion, or more podcasts? either is welcome!
 

Lotus Effect

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Wayward_wanderer said:
or if I decide to give it one final shot for sh*ts and giggles, how should I go about it?
You know it would not be for sh*ts and giggles man!

You are still asking about this girl for one reason alone. You have feelings towards her!

And no, it is not a problem to have feelings for a girl. But it is a problem when they are not reciprocated. Forget about this one mate! For real1
 

MOTU

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So let me add another thought. GS750 and others point out that OLD gives women many many options. However, most of the men turn out to be tools or betas or keyboard jockeys, so the women can become dissallutioned pretty quickly.

So you could consider being cool and not staying too close but staying in the picture. I do this texting the occasional (every couple of weeks) picture but no convo with it, so it requires no response. If they don't respond, or respond with a haha, fine, try again in 3 or so weeks with another funny pic. If they do strike up a convo, keep it brief and end it on a high point.

I am keeping a prospect whom I think is very hot but that I think was gonna FZ me on the hook like this while I lose a few more pounds and am ready to make my move. Sometimes I'll go a month without contact and about half the time she replies with a "how have you been we need to get together again" kind of deal. Sometimes I don't answer her reply, but when I do I keep it short "livin the dream baby, how is the biz?" then don't answer that reply.
 
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