Dichotomy

[satelliteparties]

I'm posting this in this forum and not in the general forum because first I'm 25, second most guys in the general forum are concerned with hookups with "really hot girls."

There seems to be a dichotomy with me where visually and hormonally I'm drawn to certain women but I know deep down most of them aren't good for me and mentally I know what's really important...the emotional connection.

I talked to an obese girl on plentyoffish (she was just big in her pof pics, but obese in her facebook pics) and she was really nice, down to earth, quick, funny, etc., and we talked for a few hours. But once I saw her pics and saw that she wasn't just fat, but obese, I was totally turned off.

Lately I seem to be noticing the self-absorbed sex and the city girly girl types that I normally wouldn't notice...and I know deep down they aren't good for me and I'm hearing on here that sex with them isn't some great thing either.

I'm trying to find a balance where I can find someone that is fairly attractive to me and I enjoy talking to...but it seems to be one or the other where I live...unattractive nice women, or douchey girly girls.

Is it that hard to find a "cute" girl, in shape (meaning no curves in the wrong places) that has a fat girl type personality? I've dated a couple, but it took a long time to find them.

 

[Knight's Cross]

Running Clubs. Join on. Start doing some 5 k's. That's where you'll find the one you are talking about. In shape, but usually not high MX. They don't care if you see them sweat = at ease with themselves. A stretch would be rock climbing gyms. Although these girls tend to be more neurotic on weight/ climbing = feminist you go girl. Usually running is better for the average girl that just wants to stay in shape.
KC

 

[bugsquish]

I have dated some HBs who are really nice people and I get on well with them, but still get grief from jealousy and high maintenance etc. But then I have been with some slightly less attractive girls who seem much easier to get on with because I feel less pressure, and I guess they don't give you so much of a headache because they don't have such a high opinion of themselves.

I think there is an element of taking the 'easy option' here - easier to succeed and an easier life afterwards. It's a shame I'm quite shallow and looks are really important to me or my life would be much more simple

 

[KarmaSutra]

I'm a believer that you must seek out your opposite Temperament, that's what we yearn in a potential mate. You also have to be content and happy as a single man, before you can be a contributing half of a happy couple.

Opposites attract has been proven true, in my relationship experiences, vastly more than not. Not opposite personalities though; opposite Temperaments.

I'm a Magickian Temperament. My girlfriend (yes, I'm down to one and it's working out beautifully), is a Queen Temperament. She's nurturing and kind, yet decisive when called for.

I'm a bastard. A humorous bastard, to be true, but a bastard nonetheless. We learn to build each other's Temperaments as a unified duality.

My advice to you Brother: Be content with who you are. Then you can appreciate a good woman when your peripheral vision is opened.

 

[Rollo Tomassi]

OP, put an age on your profile.

Read the MM forum rules.
http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=127221

That said, spin more plates. You're 25, you SHOULD be interested in hot women. Your testosterone is NOT a poison. And you are NOT a bastard or 'shallow' for embracing and accepting that hot women are not only arousing, but preferable.

 

[The_411]

It's important that you can recognize which women are good for you and which aren't because most everyone here has gotten invovled with a woman or two who wasn't good for them and hurt them badly.

My suggestion is to internalize what value a woman has meaning

Is she a FWB type a FB type, LTR material, one night stand material etc.
One of the reasons why the divorce rate is so high is that guys marry someone who isn't LTR but they're too afraid because "vested".

Guess what if you learn to pull the cord when you have those red flags in your face you'll stay away from vesting into a black hole relationship.

Some women are easy to determine which category they fit into. Others take more time or conceal better.

At 25 you should be sowing your wild oats and not even contemplating marriage until 30.

 

[Scaramouche]

Dear SP,
real good advice here...I go indoor rock climbing....I think unless you take your own Babe,it is not really a pick up joint,if it were the experts would grab all the talent anyway...
There are a few studies that suggest a Woman finds sharing mutually dangerous pastimes a turn on,I can vouch for this...but no it is really activities like Dancing,Yoga,cooking classes that are the most effective,as much as anything because the distaste most Males show to these activities,skews the gender balance your way.

 

[satelliteparties]

I've only been in the dating scene for a couple years and briefly dated two nice, above average looking yet low maintenance women...but it took a long, long time to find them.

I didn't have intercourse with either...with the first one did everything else...made out, played with her breasts a bunch of times...got several blow jobs, fingered her etc. . It's actually a blessing in disguise that we didn't go all the way because I had strong feelings for her and for her I was just the cute guy she was dating at the moment. The other one...we only went on 3 dates and made out.

Anyway, the foreplay is good stuff...but it wasn't what I'd been building it up to be all of my single/dateless years. It's kind of like what people say on here about sex...you miss it more when it's been a while since you got it.

I was in bed once with the first girl...her down to her panties (she was on her period...we broke up a week later over generic fighting about other stuff which is why it didn't get to the sex point.) Anyway, it wasn't at all what i was expecting. She would rank easily an 8 to most guys on this site, and i was really into her...but it wasn't how society and guys on this site make it out to be...that you'd put up with so much b.s. to get it.

I guess I just want to go all the way with at least a 6, just to see what it's like...but I haven't had any luck finding a partner. I dated the last girl in January and have been on a horrible date with someone else from pof since.

If it turns out I have some sex and it isn't a big deal for me, even better. I'd just like to know if it's worth pursuing the way guys on here and guys in general pursue it.