Dichotomy - Cold Approaches

[balengar]

last couple days I have been thinking about this, and tried to feel my way through my own feelings <--- WTF.......hear me out.

In my opinion, the best way (or state) to be when doing cold approaches, and for most interaction is one of 2 things.

1. Super Confident (should be confident 24/7, but elevate it a bit right before the cold approach)
or
2. I Dont Give a **** (DGS)

You may say these are the same, but when I go into either of these states, I feel differently than the other.

Confidence is sorta like the ID (forces the ego up)(drives us to survive).

DGS is sorta like superego (forces the ego down)(drives us to conform and not be extraordinary).


Bottom line: At least for me, recently, going the DGS mode is much more relaxing and successful when doing cold approaches (prolly the hardest part of the game for most (except maybe endgame)).
I am usually real and realistic about things in life, and when I go into the super-confidence state before a cold approach, theres always this slight feeling of......damn am i being TOO confident?!?
or If I get rejected is my confidence level unwarranted, etc.

I am working to change my super confidence mode for cold pickups, but just to help some people who are having a hard time with cold approaches, then change the state you are in.
Go with the DGS state and see how the next couple approaches go.


My example of a TRUE I DONT GIVE A **** FEELING is this:
If you have ever woken up for 8am class (after a late night of partying) and rolled out of bed, threw random clothes on and just walk to class looking like a total zombie. THIS IS THE FEELING. Your hair is jacked up, didnt brush teeth, still wearing slippers, clothes smell like ****, dont even have the right books/notebooks for this class, eyes still half shut, pounding headache, hungover, cranky, etc. All you want to do is get counted present for rolecall and THATS IT. The rest of the world could blow up and you wouldnt care. The biggest guy in the world could piss you off and you would just unleash fury on him no matter how big he is. Everyone is staring at you like WTF HAPPENED TO THAT GUY, but you dont even flinch, dont care, dont GIVE ONE G O D DAMN.
WHO ****ING CARES. YOU DONT ****ING CARE.
YOU CANT CHANGE WHAT PEOPLE THINK AND YOU WILL NEVER KNOW WHAT PEOPLE THINK

Just go do it. Live life. **** people who get in your way.

Try living by these 2 rules:

1. DONT WORRY about the little things in life.
2. EVERYTHING is a little thing.

 

[One on One]

Are you having success with your cold approaches?

 

[balengar]

yes successful.....but prolly cuz I am decently good looking (often get asked if I model or not).

 

[Life-Trainee]

Hmm, i should skip on sleeping for couple of days, get wasted, then dont sleep some more and go for cold approaches. Makes sense!

 

[One on One]

Originally posted by balengar
yes successful.....but prolly cuz I am decently good looking (often get asked if I model or not).

What is your usual approach?

 

[balengar]

dont really have a "usual" approach.....in the same way most guys dont have a specific ORDER of doing patterns or C/F or neg hits, etc.

its more of a natural pickup is how most of my friends describe it....prolly cuz I go in with (who the hell cares what happens) attitude and I will actually calculate if i actually want her number during the convo.

I believe most people get BALLS NERVOUS or something because an entire ****load of things are running through their mind right before they approach (thus the development of the 3 second rule).

So, I approach as relaxed as possible, NOT thinking (consciously) about getting her into bed, and just think.....hey this might be a very cool person to meet and get to know JUST AS FRIENDS. I guess I sorta trick myself into only thinking her of a LJBF material so I wont get nervous and screw up.

Then I try to BECOME the person (sounds weird as hell, but its basically like I observe everything, and project myself into her body). When you talk to someone when you are doing this, its a WEIRD FEELING and both of you will notice it and make a better connection (like mirroring her breathing and movements does).....you are prolly still thinking WTF, but its kinda like when someone is watching you that you cant see, but you have like a 6th sense that someone is watching you.....its like that !

Ok....to finally answer your question. Amazingly I almost never start with Hi.

Since I am decent looking, i will catch girls staring at me or checking me out, or doing double-takes, etc. If I like what she looks like, then I approach and just say "hey, do i know you , cuz i saw you staring at me like you know me?" <-- you gotta try this line, its great. Its a qualifier or neg hit sorta, cuz it puts her on the defensive cuz now she has to kinda explain why she was staring at you (even if she didnt technically STARE).

Goes:
1. hey do i know you from somewhere, cuz i saw you staring at me like you know me?
what?!? [nervous]
do I know you?
no.
oh ok, couldnt remember (or wasnt sure for a second there), im balengar.
im hottie (im hottie, that happens sometimes to me too).

2. hey do i know you from somewhere, cuz i saw you staring at me like you know me?
no...... (no....i dont think so)
oh ok, couldnt remember (or wasnt sure for a second there), im balengar.
im hottie (im hottie, that happens sometimes to me too).


If she doesnt clearly "check me out" or doesnt seem me that well, then I will approach and just say Hi, I am balengar.
------depends------
If she doesnt clearly "check me out" or doesnt seem me that well, then I will approach and get into her public zone (within 6 to 10 feet) and do something (look at magazine, check out something, ask someone there a random question, etc.)......just to get her to notice my presence. I then take it from there depending on how I feel. If we have eye contact and mutual smiles, then just approach and Hi, i am balengar. If she doesnt pay much or any attention to me, I will approach and ask a neutral question (wheres the bathroom)

If she approaches me (WAIT.....i mean if she comes into my public zone or even personal zone <3 feet), then I just turn towards her and genuine smile, Hi, im balengar.

Like I said, most of my approaches have not started with Hi.
THE MOST COMMON APPROACH for me will be a TARGETED QUESTION. By that I mean its specifically directed at her/herjob/the moment. Both of these start with what i mean by targeted questions:

Here are the last 2 pickups I did today in the last 4 hours today
1. Grocery store cashier........
they got you working here on weekends eh?
heh, yeah.
why? [qualifier]
cuz i go to school during the week.
oh yeah, where at?
local state college.
oh ok, whats your major?
marketing.
can you make a lot of money in that [grinning while asking]?
yeah, hopefully....[she smiles].
sounds cool. Im balengar by the way.
im patty (HB7)
yeah i know, its right on your nametag
[smiles with "duh" look on her face]
why are you getting protein bars [she asks the questions now interested]
cuz i wanna get big muscles.
[finished bagging the groceries]
well, i gotta jet patty (ALWAYS USE HER NAME OFTEN), gimme your number and we can go bowling or putt putt golf. [the HUGEST GRIN ON MY FACE SO SHE IS NOT SURE WHAT I REALLY AM ASKING HER TO DO]
ok #.

2. Nursing student in the hospital........
I am on rounds, and all the guys are dorky looking or are old. I am the only normal looking guy there. We approach a room, and she is waiting in the hall. As we approach she catches a glimpse of me, starts ****ing with her hair, primping herself.
turns her back away, and we go into the room across the hall.
She is in the doorway right accross the hall, staring into the room we are in.
I leave the group of docs and approach:

hey are you a nurse or nursing student?
nursing student.
oh yeah? and you gotta be here on weekends?!?
yeah its weird that way.
huh, yeah that is odd. Im balengar by the way.
Im stephanie.
so what year of nursing school are you in?
im a senior now, its my last year.
cool. how has it been?
its been ok, ups and downs.
whats the COOLEST thing about it?
seeing knowledge being put to work and seeing once-sick patients leave the hospital all well and better.
yeah...that is a cool feeling to be able to help people in a way that no one else can.
yeah.
[docs ***** me out from across the hall to get back over there to work]
oh ****...oops (acting as if her conversation was SO INTERESTING THAT I COMPLETELY LOST TRACK OF TIME)....i gotta go stephanie (USE HER NAME DAMMIT).....gimme your number and we can go out for drinks sometime.
ok #.


Its not hard to do at all. My favorite approaches are the targeted question ones....not the Hi i am balengar ones.
But this is prolly cuz i just view them as being the same as Hi, i want into your pants.
THE BEST targeted questions are good questions to begin with, but are partially funny or C/F.


hope this helps.