Diary of a Madwoman (BPD ex makes unusual offer)

[bigneil]

It had been about a month of NC and I figured the ex was gone forever.

But today she wrote and sent a link to a picture of herself that was published in a restaurant ad.

She also said she rediscovered all of her old writings from high school (circa 1993) and that she wants to mail the originals to me to read and wanted me to promise I'll mail them back.

Now, of course I'd love to read them - a glimpse of her at her purest back when she was a virgin, but I figure it must be some kind of bizarre trap.

As much as I know better, for the science of BPD it might be worth reading those letters.

 

[sexysuave]

Haha, what did you say to her?

If you get them I'd like to read them too, or at least get the cliffnotes on some of the basics. PM me if you're willing to share, I promise it's only for my self obviously, out of interest

You're a brave man if you do it, I'd stay away if possible since you've been doing so great. But, if you do end up giving in, and receiving the letters, at least hook it up with any knowledge gained and anything you may take away from it.

Once again, I'm not gonna be selfish, your best bet is to stay away :nervous:

 

[bigneil]

I haven't replied yet.

 

[Johnnyventana]

It would be an interesting unfiltered view into how they/she thinks. It's a weird offer though. Does the offer make sense to you? Aside from the hoover part.

 

[5string]

You are being hoovered.

Either maintain radio silence or get ready for more mindfvcking.

 

[bigneil]

I know it will hurt but I might take one for the team in order to do this research on BPD.

She's taking this approach because she knows how much I love her writing (best text I ever had).

BTW what does hoovering mean? Being sucked back in?

 

[bigneil]

To answer my own question:

1. Hoover

Being manipulated back into a relationship against your will with threats of suicide or self-harm, threats of harm to others or property, or threats of false criminal accusations. A "hoover" is relationship blackmail. This slang term is often associated with individuals suffering from personality disorders like Borderline Personality Disorder or Narcissistic Personality Disorder.

Example: "She hoovered me by threatening to kill herself."

 

[5string]

I know it will hurt but I might take one for the team in order to do this research on BPD.

She's taking this approach because she knows how much I love her writing (best text I ever had).

BTW what does hoovering mean? Being sucked back in?

Yep. When you bail on them due to their behavior, they usually come running back to rinse and repeat. It can be a vicious neverending cycle. They may even do it when they leave you which is very common as well.

Study the disorder right here on this site. Then protect yourself with your new found knowledge.

Be very careful here with your emotions and watch your six.

 

[Iceberg]

I know it will hurt but I might take one for the team in order to do this research on BPD.

She's taking this approach because she knows how much I love her writing (best text I ever had).

BTW what does hoovering mean? Being sucked back in?

If you want to re-connect with your ex, that's your business. But I think it'd be pretty naive of me to think that you're talking to her because of "research."

The problem with reconnecting with ex's, even if it's only on "friendship" terms is...you got her out of your life once. Whether it was a dramatic end or not. Now you're letting her back in. All the work and effort you went through to move forward is going to slowly be undone.

Hell, I've been banging one of my old ex's for a month. So I'm not trying to say I'm better than you. But, I want you to be truthful with yourself about what you're bringing back into your life.

 

[Atom Smasher]

If she's BPD, bigneil, she's just looking for her next attention fix. Mine has been contacting every two weeks, and I always tell her to get lost. Next time, there's only one thing for me to do. Radio Silence. No "get lost", no text reply whatsoever.

I have become formless and invisible. I guarantee she'll mail something to me once she sees I'm invisible.

Just a friendly suggestion to not respond to her. Don't forget, that soul-sucking vortex is almost supernatural in nature and some of her "essence" will be in your possession and she will know that. As will you.

I GUARANTEE that those writings, even though tucked away out of sight, will call to you. They will affect and change you. What I'm saying sounds a little bit "out there", I know, but that's how it is with a BPD woman. There is some kind of invisible force that affects a man's entire psyche. That's why I wasn't "right" until I got rid of every single thing my ex touched (no, she didn't touch that, so I'm still fully intact).

 

[snowdog]

It had been about a month of NC and I figured the ex was gone forever.

But today she wrote and sent a link to a picture of herself that was published in a restaurant ad.

She also said she rediscovered all of her old writings from high school (circa 1993) and that she wants to mail the originals to me to read and wanted me to promise I'll mail them back.

Now, of course I'd love to read them - a glimpse of her at her purest back when she was a virgin, but I figure it must be some kind of bizarre trap.

As much as I know better, for the science of BPD it might be worth reading those letters.

Hey, man. If she really got BPD, you should know the answer to this. There are plenty other people around where you can get interesting science from that aren't a part of your life (anymore)

 

[bigneil]

Good advice, guys.

While I responded to her first email (after waiting one day) and I said I'd like to see the letters, she responded to that immediately and it was loaded with questions about how I'm doing and when I'll be in her town for business again (LDR). I haven't replied.

Of course I have more interest in the letters than just for science, but after all I've read about BPD and as much as I obsessed over her, reading her teenage writings would be extremely interesting.

And yes, there must be something in those letters that will drive me crazy - and she probably knows it.

I had just started getting over her and accepting the fact that we had ended things on about as good terms as possible, all things considered (what amazes me the most is that I tolerated her as much as I did and (save for a few outbursts which she seemed to take great pleasure in) I never burned the bridge or was even mean to her once).

The fact I never lost it with her is probably why she's offering to trust me so much as to mail those letters to me. They must be priceless to her.

The reason I feel bad not replying is because I know how much it would hurt me if I wrote to her and she didn't reply. But in reality, it probably would hardly phase her if I didn't reply.

The worst part is, she and I have always had a connection. I actually predicted that she would write to me just hours before she did (when I hadn't heard from her in nearly 4 weeks).

 

[bigneil]

Maybe it's because I was never in such situation, but I don't understand how you can be "compelled" to go back to her as soon as she gives the slightest sign of existence once you guys broke up?

Parad0x, it will happen to you someday. It's a blessing and a curse.

It's certainly not a rational, logical or wise decision. It's just reality. She got to me somehow, to the point where I've dreamt about her 4 nights a week for 8 months. I even fantasize about her when I have sex with other (arguably hotter) women. She's the penultimate feminine object of desire and she knows it. I have to give her credit.

As John Lennon wrote for Gerry and the Pacemakers: "Wish I knew how you do it to me, I'd do it to you".

 

[5string]

bigneil

As far as these writings go, you may wish to think twice about reading them. It's probably her life story. There is a reason she would let you have access to them. She is manipulating you for her own purposes. And yes, you are being hoovered. Count on it.

The sex is out of this world huh? She's hot and talks like a little teenager huh? Turn you on? You dream about her, fantasize about her and she's all you think about. All you want to do is fvck her brains out. It's sooooo good isnt it? The most feminine little creature you have ever encountered. When it's good, it's the best isnt it?

She's in your head bigtime. You'd better realize this and unfvck yourself before it's too late.

Maintain radio silence for your own well being. BPD's are like a drug. When you get addicted, you'll either go into rehab, the hospital or you wither away into the shell of the man you once were.

 

[loveshogun]

So... not to make light of the situation, but BigNeil, are you afraid of something?

See, my rule of thumb is I can do whatever I want as long as I know I won't put myself in a bad situation.

Is reading these letters really that big a deal to you? I get "strange offers" from exes all the time. They're my exes. Every offer will be the definition of "strange." She can move on, can't she?

My guess is that this little situation must be a bigger deal than you're letting on, or you wouldn't have posted. Most people, going about their daily lives, probably wouldn't think twice about your situation. They'd read the letters, or not. No reasoning, no justifying. Just action. It's not exactly like the debt ceiling debate - there's no meat to feed any arguments on either side.

So, if there IS some issue you don't want to discuss with us, regarding this woman, I say tread carefully, because this woman still has a lot of power over you. This isn't an awful thing - we can probably assume she's not a psychopath. But, those who are easily manipulated make it easy for even the golden-hearted to abuse their power.

 

[Atom Smasher]

He stated what the issue is. She's BPD. If you've never experienced that kind of relationship, you can't even imagine the utterly insane dynamics that go on.

I never knew this even existed until last year when I started a relationship with one. It opened my eyes to a whole new world of insanity. The BPD woman literally sucks the spirit out of a man. There is no way to know unless you've experienced it.

 

[49au]

Quit deluding yourself about your motivations.

You are opening Pandora's Box and you will undo all the hard work you have done to get this unhealthy woman out of your life.

 

[loveshogun]

He stated what the issue is. She's BPD. If you've never experienced that kind of relationship, you can't even imagine the utterly insane dynamics that go on.

I never knew this even existed until last year when I started a relationship with one. It opened my eyes to a whole new world of insanity. The BPD woman literally sucks the spirit out of a man. There is no way to know unless you've experienced it.

I've gone through my share of crazies, and I've only learned one thing: doesn't matter whether you understand them or not. They're crazy.

You can't bring logic or understanding into an irrational battleground. What does the OP have to gain from dissecting the life and times of this woman that he has already (theoretically) kicked out of his life?

 

[Iceberg]

I've gone through my share of crazies, and I've only learned one thing: doesn't matter whether you understand them or not. They're crazy.

You can't bring logic or understanding into an irrational battleground. What does the OP have to gain from dissecting the life and times of this woman that he has already (theoretically) kicked out of his life?

Totally agree with that.

And this is targeted at the original poster: There's no need to understand. You identify the "crazy" and then you remove yourself from the "crazy". Gaining the knowledge of "Oh, she's crazy because her uncle gave her beer at 12 years old" doesn't help you in any way. So maybe you figure out why this girl is crazy....the next BPD you date might be crazy for 100 different reasons. So what?

As Atom Smasher said, the BPD sucks the energy right out of you. And she never changes. If she's lucky, one day she'll find a guy with the right "chemistry" to tame her. But most likely, she'll find someone weak that will tolerate her nonsense. But from your perspective, BigNeil, you shouldn't be interested in how she got where she is....you should be interested in how she impacts your life. And as you learned, it was a negative impact. These BPD chicks are addictive, which is why most guys on here will tell you to stay away.

 

[Jaylan]

neil...for all the arguments we have about how men and women are supposed to behave...I am going to role play as you in this response:

You are being an emotional woman and not a logically thinking man right now. Why should you care about some girl with apparent issues that you got out of your life a long time ago, as the poster about me stated.

/end roleplay.

However the real jaylan understands curiosity. And I also understand that black and white ways of thought such as "women are emotional, and men are logical" is silly thinking at best. Its all individual and varies person to person.

My real advice would be to tread very very lightly here. You miss her and the old times, its apparent. But when dealing with exes you always risk becoming emotionally attached to them, especially the more challenging girls.

Of course I think you should just get her out of your life completely so you can prevent any stress. But I dont think you will do that, so tread lightly like I said.

And for the love of god dont let her affect your plate spinning.