RecoveringNiceGuy
Don Juan
- Joined
- Jul 15, 2015
- Messages
- 73
- Reaction score
- 9
28 year old virgin and recovering nice guy checking in.
5 years ago I lived in my parent’s basement with no job and no friends. I’d had enough of being along and feeling worthless. I’d never seriously contemplated suicide because I feel it’s the coward’s way out, but it had crossed my mind.
In the last 5 years I’ve gone from making 25k to 75k. I went from having 40k in debt, now I have none. I met a best friend who taught me about fashion and you can put me in a room with 100 guys and I’m probably the best dressed. I went from 245 lbs to 175 lbs, and with the help of steroid use I’m mistaken for a male model on a regular basis. I worked on deepening my voice to sound more masculine.I learned how to talk to people anywhere, ask good questions, and get them to like me.
All of these things are not bad things to improve about myself, but it quickly became obviously that it was not increasing my success with women. It definitely made women more curious about me and it was easy to get numbers, however after one date or even just one conversation they’d quickly lose interest in me. They could easily sense that I was intimidated by women and that I wasn’t confident.
Last year I came across Dr. Robert Glover’s work, and earlier this year I came across Corey Wayne’s work. Both of their books have been extremely helpful and in the last year I’ve gone from being too afraid to even look an attractive woman in the eye, to making out with the woman in the dressing room of a clothing store less than 2 hours into our first date. I think I have a pretty good grasp now of what attracts women to men, but of course knowing what to do and knowing how to do it and knowing how to do it well are all completely different things.
I don't fear rejection from any one woman, I ask women out all the time and it doesn't bother me if they're not interested, but despite my progress I still have the irrational fear that I’m never going to be good enough to attract and have a relationship with a woman, or at least not the quality of woman I would want to have a relationship with. For example, that last woman I went out with we made out multiple different times, and even a few times I got bored, pulled away, and she pulled me back in for more, and the third makeout session she initiated herself. Despite this, I was irrationally fearful she wouldn’t want to go out again because I wasn't good enough and after 3 days I gave in and called her. I think I did pretty well at being confident on the phone with her and I do have another date with her scheduled for this Saturday, but deep down I still feel it is inevitable that I will screw up and she will reject me.
How have you guys learned to be more confident with women? At work and around other guys I'm extremely confident and have a DGAF attitude, but that confidence fades when I'm around a woman I'm attracted to.
Any books or other resources you recommend on self-image? I am reading Mastering a Healthy Self Image by Darrell Knoch right now.
5 years ago I lived in my parent’s basement with no job and no friends. I’d had enough of being along and feeling worthless. I’d never seriously contemplated suicide because I feel it’s the coward’s way out, but it had crossed my mind.
In the last 5 years I’ve gone from making 25k to 75k. I went from having 40k in debt, now I have none. I met a best friend who taught me about fashion and you can put me in a room with 100 guys and I’m probably the best dressed. I went from 245 lbs to 175 lbs, and with the help of steroid use I’m mistaken for a male model on a regular basis. I worked on deepening my voice to sound more masculine.I learned how to talk to people anywhere, ask good questions, and get them to like me.
All of these things are not bad things to improve about myself, but it quickly became obviously that it was not increasing my success with women. It definitely made women more curious about me and it was easy to get numbers, however after one date or even just one conversation they’d quickly lose interest in me. They could easily sense that I was intimidated by women and that I wasn’t confident.
Last year I came across Dr. Robert Glover’s work, and earlier this year I came across Corey Wayne’s work. Both of their books have been extremely helpful and in the last year I’ve gone from being too afraid to even look an attractive woman in the eye, to making out with the woman in the dressing room of a clothing store less than 2 hours into our first date. I think I have a pretty good grasp now of what attracts women to men, but of course knowing what to do and knowing how to do it and knowing how to do it well are all completely different things.
I don't fear rejection from any one woman, I ask women out all the time and it doesn't bother me if they're not interested, but despite my progress I still have the irrational fear that I’m never going to be good enough to attract and have a relationship with a woman, or at least not the quality of woman I would want to have a relationship with. For example, that last woman I went out with we made out multiple different times, and even a few times I got bored, pulled away, and she pulled me back in for more, and the third makeout session she initiated herself. Despite this, I was irrationally fearful she wouldn’t want to go out again because I wasn't good enough and after 3 days I gave in and called her. I think I did pretty well at being confident on the phone with her and I do have another date with her scheduled for this Saturday, but deep down I still feel it is inevitable that I will screw up and she will reject me.
How have you guys learned to be more confident with women? At work and around other guys I'm extremely confident and have a DGAF attitude, but that confidence fades when I'm around a woman I'm attracted to.
Any books or other resources you recommend on self-image? I am reading Mastering a Healthy Self Image by Darrell Knoch right now.
