Desperately Need Help

[DJAntonius]

I have been exclusively dating a girl, were both 27, for the last 5 months. She just came out of a 6 year relationship and we started casually dating immediately after; it was just random circumstance that we ran into each other as we knew each other from high school and just hit it off.

It has gotten pretty serious to the point where we sleep together almost every night, she has introduced me to her family and friends and I have likewise, and some serious feelings for each other have developed.

However her ex boyfriend of 6 years is hellbent on trying to get her back. Although she does not want to go back to him, she still considers him a best friend and wants to remain friends with him. However they hang out quite frequently, go to the gym together, etc. He will bring her breakfast to work and will make constant efforts to win her back over. Despite hanging out with him consistently, she swears she is done with him and will never go back, but says she wants to remain friends with him.

Am I being unreasonable in having a big problem with this? I mean understand its only been 5 months since they broke up and maybe she needed to obtain some closure, but I don't know how I am supposed to feel about this friendship they have when I know his intentions. She is a very loyal girl so I'm confident theres nothing sexually going on, but I don't want to even give that opportunity a chance to arise.

Does anyone have any experience or suggestions about this? Were not in an official relationship yet as we wanted to take it slow and give it time, but we basically act like we are in one. Thanks in advance.

 

[Greasy Pig]

If it really bothers YOU. That's all that matters and she should respect you enough to do what you ask. What you're adking is quite reasonable, and a reasonable person should be able to understand how such behaviour makes you feel.
How would she like it if the shoe was on the other foot?

 

[DJAntonius]

And in regards to when the shoe is on the other foot, she gets jealous and upset and makes it clear to me that she is upset, and then follows with "but your single so do whatever you want" basically expecting me to cease the behavior. Double standards.

 

[Between_The_Lines]

Not good, not good at all. She's keeping him around as an insurance policy in case you two don't pan out. By the way, not sure if it's happened (yet), but any time you two fight, guess who plays her favorite fluffy emotional tampon? Mauser's got the right idea - you ought to avoid becoming exclusive with her so long as she keeps him around the way that she's doing now.

 

[GS750]

Ex in the picture question...these are usually eerily similar. Usually the girl has an ex she is still in contact with and considers a "friend". Bullsh*t. She's selfish and not ready to close the door completely...yet. Since I have been on both sides of this situation I'll give it a shot.

I have been exclusively dating a girl, were both 27, for the last 5 months. She just came out of a 6 year relationship and we started casually dating immediately after; it was just random circumstance that we ran into each other as we knew each other from high school and just hit it off. She had just ended a LTR when you two hooked up. A red flag but not a dealbreaker.

It has gotten pretty serious to the point where we sleep together almost every night, she has introduced me to her family and friends and I have likewise, and some serious feelings for each other have developed. So things are going well. So far so good.

However her ex boyfriend of 6 years is hellbent on trying to get her back.And she knows damn well that he wants her back. Although she does not want to go back to him, she still considers him a best friend and wants to remain friends with him. Because she wants to keep him in her life. Reasons could be numerous; she misses him, attention, backup plan, etc.However they hang out quite frequently, go to the gym together, etc. He will bring her breakfast to work and will make constant efforts to win her back over. So she still sees him regulalry. This is not good.Despite hanging out with him consistently, she swears she is done with him and will never go back, but says she wants to remain friends with him.Because she's not ready to shut the door on that relationship.

Am I being unreasonable in having a big problem with this? Fvck no. You're being unreasonable to yourself by allowing it.I mean understand its only been 5 months since they broke up and maybe she needed to obtain some closure, but I don't know how I am supposed to feel about this friendship they have when I know his intentions. His intentions are that he wants her back. She knows it and still hangs around with him. She's disrespecting your relationship.She is a very loyal girl so I'm confident theres nothing sexually going on, but I don't want to even give that opportunity a chance to arise. But they have been a couple in the past...so a moment of weakness on her part is all it takes. He's just waiting for a chance to pounce.

Does anyone have any experience or suggestions about this? You will get lots of answers on this. And they will all be the same.Were not in an official relationship yet as we wanted to take it slow and give it time, but we basically act like we are in one. Thanks in advance.

First of all, you can bet your ass she would not tolerate this from you. No way in hell. She knows for a fact that he wants her back, and she still keeps him in the picture while she dates you. The whole she wants to "have her cake and eat it too" scenario. This is definitely a rebound situation. If her interest in you is high, then staying in contact with her ex should not be of interest to her. What you need to do is state how you feel about this to her. One time. If it continues then she's willing to risk losing you by staying friends with the ex. Girls pull this friends with ex's sh*t all the time and the only way you'll be able to get the upper hand here is to be willing to walk.


Similar thread: http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?p=2213930#post2213930

Read: http://www.girlschase.com/content/her-ex-boyfriend’s-still-picture-what-do

 

[Tictac]

'Diversify your portfolio' or pay the price.

Your choice.

 

[DJAntonius]

So as an update, I responded by telling her that I'm done for the reason that I cannot get more involved with her while she is still so close to her ex. She responded by begging me not to leave, saying that she has no problem cutting contact and seeing him less frequently in order to keep me around because she feels we have intense chemistry and doesn't want to lose me. I believe this because she has tendencies to remain friends with ex bf's as shown throughout her history and I do believe she is genuine about it.

I don't want to be controlling. The question now is do I demand she cut contact 100% or should I be ok with them speaking on occasion once in a while? Thanks again guys I appreciate your input a lot.

 

[Mr_Maximus]

So as an update, I responded by telling her that I'm done for the reason that I cannot get more involved with her while she is still so close to her ex. She responded by begging me not to leave, saying that she has no problem cutting contact and seeing him less frequently in order to keep me around because she feels we have intense chemistry and doesn't want to lose me. I believe this because she has tendencies to remain friends with ex bf's as shown throughout her history and I do believe she is genuine about it.

I don't want to be controlling. The question now is do I demand she cut contact 100% or should I be ok with them speaking on occasion once in a while? Thanks again guys I appreciate your input a lot.

she will see him less frequently to keep you around...that's B***S***.

You have come in to the relationship with a clean slate and no baggage.

Do you trust her hellbent ex who is trying to get her back? I didn't think so. tell her to sever ties with him and prove that "we have intense chemistry and doesn't want to lose me".