Decent at netgame, newbie to cold approaches

[Fowo]

Hey there!
I'll start off by mentioning I'm a 24 y. o. Pole living in Warsaw so be aware that yes, AWALT, but some things that work in US are culturally worthless here.

Very recently finished 4 years long relationship and planning to learn cold approaching finally. Been approaching girls at bars with a friend of mine and while we'd be able to jump into conversation and spend the evening with these girls I'd be treated with no real sexual/dating interest.

I've got some experience with Tinder and such (another side note: Tinder is used a lot here to find a relationship rather than casual sex, so it's a mixed bag who you'll meet there and you've gotta guess yourself most of the time before you meet a girl), in those few weeks I did manage to get 2 girls into fwb (one is 6,5, keeping her since she's good at sex, other is 7,5-8) as well as 2 one night stands.

So, I can meet a girl from popular sites here: Tinder, fb dates or Badoo (which is a rebranded Bumble) without having amazing photos and about 50% of time I'll lead it to the bedroom. My body is a little out of shape (working on it) but the inner game is decent enough to get some results with pretty girls, I've got interesting hobbies and been doing interesting stuff in the past and now.

The issue is when the girl doesn't have that initial interest that led her to go out with me I struggle in making her interested. I'm not acting desperate, I'm pretty chill and funny, although probably could be more 'alpha'. Got a decent voice that I've received lots of compliments on, being a hobbyist vocalist helped with that. Lookswise I'd put myself around 7, I'm slightly tall (in your units that's gonna be 6'0), main gripe here is the ~4kg of useless fat I'm getting rid of right now, that being said though I still do know how to dress so it's not something people really notice. Anything else that comes to mind is my body language probably isn't the greatest but don't think that's something I can really work on itself other than focusing more on better posture. In my previous relationship I did develop a nasty habit of walking with my head pointing low "programmer style", I blame my ex for being 30cm shorter than me lol. Anyway, something I'm aware of and trying to fix.

So far during approaching I'm mostly focused on just being chill and having fun without getting pushy, but as mentioned above this doesn't seem to work. I don't think I give off a vibe of a guy who fakely tries to be cool, truly don't really care that much.

I'm **** at dancing so I avoid nightclubs, the competition there is pretty high so I'm not that interested in it either way.
Any tips welcomed, cheers boys

 

[Stanley]

Welcome

You can fix your forward posture through working out and being aware of when you slouch and hanging your head low. I wore a back brace for a short period to help an injury heal and I noticed quickly how forward my posture had become. Losing the fat and hitting the gym will only help you in every aspect of your life and putting on some muscle and leaning out for summer bodes well.

You absolutely can improve your body language. Try taking up more space in general with your posture and while seated. It might feel odd at first but there are studies that show when you take on a confident relaxed body language (even when you aren't those things) your body and mood will match. Thus why a lot of people will give the advice of faking it until you make it so you normalize the behavior so it becomes apart of you genuinely. Gotta be confident

Charisma on command has good videos on youtube for that topic

TED Talk in Two Minutes: your body language shapes who you are

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If you struggle in making her interested, perhaps you really are not very interesting? Or at least not great at showcasing it. Are you a good conversationalist? Do you get the girl talking more than you? Do you turn up the charm and fun factor while with a girl?

Your hobbies may be interesting to you and other guys, but oftentimes not women. Read the room a bit and feel out whether the girl your chatting to is into the things you are, best way to do that is to get her talking and keep conversation flowing. Early dates you've gotta turn up the fun factor as much as possible. If you've been taking these girls to sit down dates and chatting try doing an activity instead.

 

[Fowo]

Losing the fat and hitting the gym will only help you in every aspect of your life and putting on some muscle and leaning out for summer bodes well.

I used to go to the gym for 3 years in a past and got a decent body at the time. Later had a lower back injury which prevented me from going out. After few years came back to it once I moved to Warsaw from my city but after few weeks I started to get really fckin bored. As for now, been doing some taekwondo but it's a little too chill for me and I'm still too well built under all of this fat to adjust to the feetwork speed required there, next week I'm switching to MMA instead. Dietwise doing a chicken breast + rice month rn (genuinely love variations of this combo), next month grabbing a diet boxes 5 days/week at 1800kcal per day. Right now my weight is 86kg, at 82 I'll start looking fine and at 80 I'm estimating I'd be around 15%bf which imo is good enough for everyday life. Planning to get to 82 and then we'll see from there

Try taking up more space in general with your posture and while seated.

Good one, I'll keep that in mind.

If you struggle in making her interested, perhaps you really are not very interesting? Or at least not great at showcasing it.

From my hobbies and interests, categorized by my experiences so far:

Not interesting for majority of girls: technology overall, computer games & esports, building keyboards, audio equipement, MMA, tenis, astronomy, sound design
Depends on a girl: working as a game designer (creative job), alcohols and co*ktail (cant believe I gotta censour this) nerd, listening to specific subgenre of rock/metal, philosophy, lucid dreaming, cinematography, dieting
Interesting for lots of girls: singing, been a craft bartender for 4 years, worked as a windsurfing instructor, traveled majority of europe and overall I'm quite knowledgable on different countries/cultures

And topics I personally dislike / don't know anything about / find boring: Cars/motorcycles, football, politics (the big 3 man interests I guess lol)

I like to think it's enough to stand out in a sea of people who don't have a single thing they're passionate about, though obviously it can always be better.
About showcasing it, when I set up a date through internet it comes on naturally during the conversation, when talking with strangers I just met I'll mention a thing occasionally if there seems to be an occasion to do that without looking like a dude who tries to prove how cool he is but it never seems to catch attention so I'm not really dwelling on the topic for too long.

Are you a good conversationalist? Do you get the girl talking more than you? Do you turn up the charm and fun factor while with a girl?

1. I like to think so, I don't struggle with people from majority of backgrounds unless they're those bitchy edgy or overly sexual girls, these are a turn off for me personally
2. When I meet them for dates yes, quite easily. Opposite with girls I just approached
3. This one is a harder one, I often try to but I get the impression it doesn't really work unless I have natural vibe with a girl

Read the room a bit and feel out whether the girl your chatting to is into the things you are, best way to do that is to get her talking and keep conversation flowing.

Again, something I'm attempting to do but seem to fail if I'm not vibing naturally and the girls will only continue the topic I threw in, oftentimes with no excitement or very politely. I'd ask more questions but I'm slightly afraid of giving off the vibe of an interview lol

I guess I should have thrown in another disclaimer, my body count is somewhere between 15-20 right now, in my country that's above average for sure though gonna be hard for me to say by how much exactly. What I'm trying to say, I do have some experience, it just doesn't seem to translate to cold approach or bar game very well and the only girls that, judging by the way they look at me, might get interested are 6 or lower. Sure, 6 is slightly above average but that's not the target I'm currently aiming at. If I'm to consistently get girls only below than my ex (between 7,5-8) I'll get f*cking depressed in few months lmao

 

[Stanley]

Man it sounds like you're doing fine and just not vibing with these select few girls. You don't have to bother with girls who aren't interested in you anyways if you don't want to. If you wanna work on confidence that would help in a lot of aspects if you think you are lacking in being 'alpha'.

You read like a guy with interests to me and I think a lot of the things you list that 'aren't interesting' to girls can be something of interest with a certain girl. I wonder if you give off relationship vibes too much? Perhaps that is pushing girls away that are looking for more casual experiences? I would lean into the music side of things with sound production and singing. Play to your niche. People like people that are passionate about what they do, so don't do anything to turn yourself down when talking with these girls. You don't have to 'impress' anyone, you've just got to own it and be genuine.

Also, if you've got a notch count "somewhere between 15-20" you've already beat out the majority of guys and only at the age of 24.

One thing that aided me in going out is having a single goal in mind, to enjoy myself above all else. That has helped me tremendously at attracting people in general. I'm often standoffish and a serious person so I need to in a way 'force' myself to let go and enjoy the ride. Each and every time I've done this the evening turns out better than I thought and because I go at it with no expectations I generally end the night on a high note.

Didn't get that girls number? Oh well, had a great time with some friends. Missed out on a chance to dance with a girl? That's ok I had fun chatting at the bar. As long as I have fun, that is all that matters, same thing when on a date. Out on a date with a girl and she isn't keeping my attention? Oh well... Girl talks about boring topics that don't interest me? Change the conversation to something that does. Girl doesn't seem to be very interested in what I have to say? That's fine there are other girls that will. If I'm not enjoying myself why bother? If that person doesn't do something for me why would I care about creating interest in them. I only want to spend time with people that I have some level of chemistry with where conversation just flows.

I like finding people that bring out the fun outgoing side in me and I don't spend much thought in attempting to get people to like or be interested in me. Ironically in adopting this mindset I've noticed people gravitating to me more than ever and I care far less what others think which has made me more confident in the process.

Perfect is boring!

She cheats on him! “Don’t you love him?” "Yes, yes I very much do,” and she speaks the truth. No, she sleeps around because SHE IS BORED. He dehumanized everything. She doesn’t have to work, doesn’t have to raise the kids, and doesn’t have to do anything. Of course she won’t leave him. And of...

bookofpook.com

Ooh La La!

But many guys do not have ‘ooh la la’ in their heads. Rather, they have, “Am I funny enough? Am I interesting enough to her? Am I doing this correctly with no mistakes? Oh heavens, help me!”

bookofpook.com

 

[Fowo]

Thanks dude, I'll take your advices and try to apply them, gonna see how it works out