Dealing with your boss in a confident manner

[MikeYikes122]

I'm only about eight months into really my first real job ever, and I've been coming across a problem.

I have three bosses. One of them is like my best friend. I'd never lie to him, and we talk about everything. The second one is five or six years older than me, but I've actually tried to take him under my wing a little bit. He has some serious social and health issues that he's dealing with. He is 30 years old and I don't think he has ever had sex. He is horrible with women and is too shy to even talk to a them. I'm trying to help him, but his health issues are very limiting and he physically cannot take girls out on dates. His father usually has to drive him everywhere he goes.

Anyway, my third boss is the one I have issues with. This guy is my 'main boss' I guess you could say. He is the one who signs off on my checks. Deep down he is a good guy, and I consider him a friend. He has some redeeming qualities, but he is extremely introverted and very socially awkward, some might even assume he is autistic. He doesn't know how to express himself socially, so he never raises concerns with me or tells me how to do my job. Instead, I just kind of use my own intuition to figure things out. It worked fine for the first five months of my job because I have a lot of experience in my field for my age, but the past three months I've sort of been on uncharted territory and I guess I haven't been doing things to my main boss's liking. And because of his lack of social skills and somewhat bizarre behavior, he has been unable to express his displeasure with me.

Yesterday he finally blew a gasket. We sat up a meeting over coffee and I was just assuming it was a somewhat cordial visit. But he had a tongue-lashing planned. He sat down and immediately asked me "Do you have any passion for this job anymore? Is this what you want to do with your life?" I was taken way aback by the questions and explained to him that I still liked my job, but I am only 25 and have a lot of life left to live (he is in his early 50s). He started to ream into, voicing complaint, after complaint, after complaint. He even went so far as to tell me that he could tell I was just doing as little work as I possibly could "just to get by". He even insinuated at one point that I was going to be let go in a few months if I didn't shape up.

All of this was of course untrue. My mistakes and gaffes mainly came because I am really inexperienced and no one has ever given me any guidance. I talked to my other bosses and both agreed that while I had some things to work on, my main boss was way off-base in his assertions and some proper training is what I need.

So my question is, how the hell do I handle a situation like this in a confident manner? Clearly, my boss is way out of line and incorrect. The entire time I had to sit there and listen to him ream into me, I was fighting off every alpha gene in my body that was telling me to counter back and tell him that it was his fvcking fault for being too lazy and socially awkward to train me. He even insinuated that his "7-year-old son could handle" one of my jobs. I nearly got up and slapped the hell out of him after he said that because (A) I have more natural talent than my main boss ever could dream of and (B) a comment like that was just unnecessary and inappropriate.

I left the meeting feeling like the school bully had just made fun of me in front of class for 20 minutes. I was dejected and down on myself big time for not standing up to him. Don't get me wrong, I stood my ground, explained my case, but I was really suppressing the urge to raise my voice. I left feeling like he still thought it was me who had been screwing up for the past three months and that I don't give a sh!t.

My question is, how am I supposed to handle this situation? I stated my case and wasn't disrespectful, but I still left feeling I had just let someone walk all over me. Or, is it just a part of everyone's life that bosses are going to be a$$holes who will sometimes make you feel like complete sh!t.

I also have the option of going to a good law school if this job doesn't work out. If anyone feels he was extremely out of line, I might give that option a lot of consideration in the next couple of weeks here.

 

[Skel]

Working for other people sucks. You have to put up with bull**** or you get another job. Just do a better job or find another one IMO.

 

[Centaurion]

It's a tricky situation. No matter how retarded he is, at the end of the day he is still your boss, and can/will decide your future within the company.

I would suggest that you take some time to cool off, and then go see him and ask him if he can be more specific in what he thinks that you havn't been up to par with. Tell him that you havn't received any formal guidance in the area that you are working with, and ask him what he specifically wants from you with regards to the work at hand.

And also start documenting everything you do.

 

[Mr. Wolf]

So my question is, how the hell do I handle a situation like this in a confident manner?

Do patch things up with your corrent boss as other suggested before..


Start searching for a new, and better job.. Go on interviews, and do interviews better, find out what's behind the company.. I.e. make sure you will like it..

Then, once you find a job, file 2 week notice and quit..



I've been down that road, and lessons learned suggest that if I'm not being appreciated for what I do, there is no point in doing it. It can only end up in firing.. Thus, to avoid things like this you are going on interview to interview them, not the other way around..

That's right, don't qualify yourself to them.. Assume you're qualified.. Make them qualify, because a healthy environment is what needed for you to achieve your potential. How many of your bosses are socially inempt? All 3 from what I gather.

Working with retards will not get you any place good.. Even if two of those retards are willing to change, you still have a 3rd one who I think is threatened by you..


Basically:


Healthy = a place that encourage you to grow..

Diseased = a place where they put you down so they don't have to pay you as much..


You start your diseased relationship when you enter bosses room for an interview and begin to lick his a55 to get a job.



P.S. Your 3rd boss isn't retarded, he setup a frame with you. It requires you to be his b1tch from now on. More work, less pay. Once you get on your knees you will make him happy. Use other 2 bosses as role models for what you need to be to survive there and make your big boss happily secure.