Dealing with the "I just got out of a relationship" excuse

[montius]

I have this recurring problem with some of my dates that when we get to the second/third/fourth date. Typically we watch a movie at my place, I start to do some heavy kino and we're making out. When I try to either take off some of her clothes or touch some boobs or ass she will either take my hands or just say no. I go back, and after some time I try again and again. On the third time she sits up, aborts everything and gives me a story that she "just got out of a relationship" and "It's not the right time, please dont be angry". I guess it sounds familiar to some of you.

With other girls I never meet any other ASD stories, it's normally no resistance with the same approach.

I need some tips on how to overcome this paticular problem and excuse when faced with it.

I've tried two different ways already, just ignore and continue which worked out terribly and just back off, do something else and come back, worked better, but still didnt get any further. At the same time I also always get alot of questions of what I think at the moment, do I still want to see her, what I want with her, and bla bla bla.

I feel it's a way for them to say I like your company, I like to makeout/cuddle with you and use you for emotional satisfaction, but I dont like you enough to f_uck you. I think they would f_uck Brad Pitt with no problem which makes me next them, but maybe it's salvagable with alittle more patience and/or doing something different?

 

[( . )( . )]

I feel it's a way for them to say I like your company, I like to makeout/cuddle with you and use you for emotional satisfaction, but I dont like you enough to f_uck you.

Most of the time yeah. Theres the whole "I'm worth it but but you gotta chip away my ASD" angle but I say phuck that, time is money and this isnt the 1950's.

I need some tips on how to overcome this paticular problem and excuse when faced with it.

I personally wouldn't even bother, NEXT.

Look at your watch "Ahh is that the time? sorry babe I have to get going. I'll walk you to your car."

 

[J Roc]

I need some tips on how to overcome this paticular problem and excuse when faced with it.

easy. you stop talking to her and holla at other women who are feeling you. NEXT!

 

[montius]

Thanks for the answers guys

Quick update:
The girl that I have been dating lately and caused me to create this thread called me yesterday. She said that I had misunderstood her and that she really really (she emphized alot on the word really ) wanted to continue dating her aslong we could wait with the sex. She went on that she felt it was too soon and that she wasnt ready for it. I only told her don't worry about it, which she replied with "Can I still see you?". I said I'm going away for a week, so we'll see when I get back. I know it's a little weak to maybe not end it straight there in that conversation, so hack on me for that.

 

[Nexus Polaris]

Not enough rapport. The attraction is obviously there, but from what you're saying, it doesn't sound like you've done enough to make her feel comfortable enough to have sex with you yet.

 

[montius]

Not enough rapport. The attraction is obviously there, but from what you're saying, it doesn't sound like you've done enough to make her feel comfortable enough to have sex with you yet.

You are probably correct, she did seem like a shy type of girl, but this was on the fourth date and the seventh time I met her in total (met three times before dating casually at gatherings/parties). Comparing her comfort level towards other women I've dated and slept with I thought I was in the clear, but obviously not.

I am indeed going away for a week and I didnt call it off completely, but I'm sceptical to continue dating as it would be on her terms. I have no idea if ever if she will be ready. Maybe I could do it if I up the comfort, flirting and teasing, but if it's worth it is another subject. Think it will be better to let this one go and focus on one of my other plates.

 

[joe henny]

Your coming off as too much of a nice guy...I use to have this problem. You have to come in as a bad boy reeking of evilness and she will be turned on by it

 

[x86]

Something is not quite right. You do know you are the prize right? It is a privilege for her to sleep with you... not the other way around. You have to answer her questions with that mind set.

You should not be asking "is it salvageable" but instead is she worth the effort. 9 times out of 10 the answer is no. I like using the red flag list as a guide. http://www.sosuave.net/forum/archive/index.php/t-30558.html

 

[nismo-4]

Order! Order! This court will come to order!

I have this recurring problem with some of my dates that when we get to the second/third/fourth date. Typically we watch a movie at my place, I start to do some heavy kino and we're making out. When I try to either take off some of her clothes or touch some boobs or ass she will either take my hands or just say no. I go back, and after some time I try again and again. On the third time she sits up, aborts everything and gives me a story that she "just got out of a relationship" and "It's not the right time, please dont be angry". I guess it sounds familiar to some of you.

Wow, three strikes! There's not enough attraction there for that level. Kill that nice-guy in you. I hope you weren't scared.

With other girls I never meet any other ASD stories, it's normally no resistance with the same approach.

Because the attraction was there.

I need some tips on how to overcome this paticular problem and excuse when faced with it.

You've got to ask yourself one question, is this girl worth the trouble? Well is she OP?

I've tried two different ways already, just ignore and continue which worked out terribly and just back off, do something else and come back, worked better, but still didnt get any further. At the same time I also always get alot of questions of what I think at the moment, do I still want to see her, what I want with her, and bla bla bla.

She wants to see if she has you dangling on hopes of getting to her pot of gold (pu$$y). A woman will typically decide just how far you'll get with her from jump street. What you need to do is just remain mysterious. Make her want you, which clearly wasn't done.

I feel it's a way for them to say I like your company, I like to makeout/cuddle with you and use you for emotional satisfaction, but I dont like you enough to f_uck you. I think they would f_uck Brad Pitt with no problem which makes me next them, but maybe it's salvagable with alittle more patience and/or doing something different?

Nearly any woman would move mountains and all for a date with Brad Pitt/ Usher/ Denzel/ etc. But you need to remain in your fame of being the prize she's trying to win over. You need to up the attraction, and use push pull tactics. If that fails, she might be with another man. This day and age, that may be the harsh reality of the situation.

Read betw- Good luck.

 

[f283000]

montius, how's your build up leading to the moment you get them to watch a movie with you?

It's great that you're getting them to a private setting by the 4th date but i'm wondering if you have built up enough attraction with them so that your private setting dates end up in sex.

There's a big difference between trying to get sex from her if the movie date at your place is the first time you will be even making out with her, to trying to get sex with her at your place after you been physical over several dates already, and you kept strong and consistent kino/teasing/negging and overall attraction building up to that point.

Any woman that gives you that excuse it just means you haven' gotten her hot enough plain and simple. Women will give you an excuse like "i just got out of a relationship" to deny you sex, but the next day they will be caught having sex at a party with a random a**hole they just met.

A woman will have sex with anyone at anytime if he pushes the right buttons and gets her hot.

Usually when a woman gives you an excuse like this it's because you came off as a nice guy and didn't get her hot enough, so she'll make you work double or triple to get at that pu$$y while a guy that she sees are more "alpha" she will give it up to him on the first date or 2.

You could still work to try to get at her just know that the value of her pu$$y has been raised, and she has the upper hand in this relationship and probably always will. The time expenditure is just not worth it like others have said. You could date other women in that time and work on your game so that your game is tight enough for women to start giving you what you want faster.

The more women you date, the more experience you get, the better your game gets, the faster you can get women to give you what you want. It's a simple equation.

 

[1 Bad Dude]

Heres whats going on. Her: "Montius is kinda cute. I wonder if he's a good kisser. Ugh. I'd like to make out with him BUT I know he'll try to fvck me and I don't want that." Of course you don't know this. Which is why escalation is preached around here. It tells you where you stand. So you try, like you're told, and you catch major static.

Here's how to recover from this:
1) De-escalate what's in her mind: "Whoa. Whoa."
2) Maintain actual situation: "I'm totally cool with just making out."
3) Calm her fear and restore comfort: "We don't have to have sex if that's what you're thinking."
4) Let her know she has a choice: "... OK?"

Put it all together like this: "Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. I'm totally cool with just making out. We don't have to have sex if thats what you're thinking... OK?" Start with a straight face and in a calm firm tone. Progress to a playful grin about half way through and lighten up the tone.

If she lets you back in, continue to make out some more but cut it short after about a minute. Something like: "I'm thirsty. Lets go get something to drink." said with a smile while getting up. Now. At this point you have to make a choice. You now know your value/her interest isn't that high and, as others have also said, you'll have to work to raise it. In my experience it's just not worth it. Assess your options and make a decision.

 

[montius]

montius, how's your build up leading to the moment you get them to watch a movie with you?

It's great that you're getting them to a private setting by the 4th date but i'm wondering if you have built up enough attraction with them so that your private setting dates end up in sex.

There's a big difference between trying to get sex from her if the movie date at your place is the first time you will be even making out with her, to trying to get sex with her at your place after you been physical over several dates already, and you kept strong and consistent kino/teasing/negging and overall attraction building up to that point.

I normally kiss close on the first date, and from there I continually escalate. With all the girls I've slept with it happened between the first and third date (not counting ONS). With this paticular girl I knew the attraction wasnt high enough after two dates. I kissed closed on the first, kissed alot more on second and more serious kino, makeout on the third. Especially the third date went extremely well, could really feel her digging me. So when I got her home on the fourth she was used to me touching her alot, making out, etc. I thought the attraction/comfort level was high enough at that point, but obviously not.

Some people mentioned I should get rid of the nice-boy within me. I have a theory I let it come back too much on this girl when I look back. As she is the shy, more quiet type of girl and her behavior towards me was very kind/friendly/good-girl type. I might unconsciously toned down the negging/teasing to match her, thinking it would be too much for her to handle. I changed my frame to match her in some degree which is not a good thing to do.

I normally do pretty well on dates, actually the biggest problem for me is getting the date with a girl that match my criteria. When I first got them to come on a date I know there is a good chance of success according to my experience.

I'm not making this thread to get this particular girl (will next her as I don't think it's worth the effort), it's more about trying to find out what I did wrong and avoid getting in this situation again. If I get in the situation again I think "1 Bad Dude" had a good answer on how to maintain control.

 

[Thundernuts]

yeah thats typically why you would post a thread to begin with, either you need advice or you are giving it. I mean its actually not hard being the alpha male, you just have to know what to do.

Example.

My first thread on this site was about this girl who i had totally given control to, i let her call the shots and everything. Eventually she blew me off and i got all afc and was like what the hell. After posting on this site i learned alot, read the book of pook, and was ready to handle that biotch. She calls me and after thirty minutes of talking she said " I love this new you" I changed, i took back control of the situation with her and she liked it. Now the fact that i nexted her is irrelevant but i did what she was going to do and i kept the control.

All women are slightly different. The only sure way to get in their pants is to be yourself, except throw in some James Bond. Always remember you are the prize not them, they want your c0ck, but they also want dominance as well.