Dealing with other peoples doubts

[2Rocky]

Even though I'm a grown man who runs a business, provides for a family, and keeps my affairs in order, I STILL run into people who seem to like to cast doubt on my decisions and actions.

"Are you really gonna wear THAT?"

"Do you think you ought to do (that thing)?"

"I'm not sure I would talk to them like that..."

"you think that is the correct decision?"

Usually these are people like parents and relatives who in the past, I valued their opinions and input. But these little comments still seem to chip away at your self confidence, making you wonder if you are making the right choice...

I looked around on the internet and found an article talking about this in regards to people and their acting career. These points were pretty salient to me:

​

So, how do you prevent OPD mind invasion?​

​

1. Recognize that OPDs aren’t even about you.
Anytime someone expresses doubt in your ability to make it as a working actor (or do anything else for that matter), what they’re really saying is that they don’t believe they could do it. What’s coming out of their mouth is a direct reflection of their own beliefs about what’s possible, for them, based on their own story. They’re talking about themselves. Every. Single. Time.​

​

2. Recognize that your courage triggers others.
You’ve chosen a challenging (and incredibly rewarding) path. When people who have chosen safe, predictable careers are faced with someone who is following their dream, it often triggers them. They’ll want to poke holes in what you’re doing as a subconscious way of telling themselves that they’re doing the right thing by not following their dream.​

​

3. Shield yourself.
It’s important to see OPDs about your acting career for what they are: attempts to bring you down. Even if the other person doesn’t realize that’s what they’re doing, and even if they think they’re doing you a favor, they’re not. You can shield yourself by limiting your time with that person, or where that isn’t possible or desired, imagine their words are tangible and you block them from hitting you by imagining yourself inside of a safe, protective bubble, or using a shield or magic bracelets like Wonder Woman wears. It may sound cheesy, but it’s something you can “do” in the moment that prevents OPDs from sinking in.​

​

4. Avoid trying To persuade others.
Trying to convince others you’re on the right path (when faced with their doubts) is a drain on your creative energy. Your decision to be an actor just is, you don’t have to justify it to anyone. When someone springs their OPDs with you, shield yourself in your mind, and then externally, you can nod, breathe, and say as few words as possible (like, “It’s going great”); but don’t try to convince them that their doubts are unfounded. Save your precious energy for bringing your vision to life.​

​

5. Craft a message for yourself, from the other person.
When OPDs get stuck in your head, try customizing the following message to fit your situation (swapping out the words for the ones they said) and reading it to yourself out loud, as if it’s from the other person (just don’t share it with the other person):​

​

“I am so sorry that I told you it’s not practical to become an actor and that you should do something else. I should never have said that to you; I was wrong. The most practical thing you could ever do is what you love. And it takes a tremendous amount of courage to be an actor. Honestly, what I said had nothing to do with you, it was about me and my own doubts, but I’m sorry for putting them on you. I’m actually really inspired by what you’re doing. I know you have everything it takes to succeed and I’m going to be cheering you on the whole way.”​

​

​

You can’t change the fact that you’ll always be exposed to OPDs, but with time and practice, you can arrive at a place where they have little effect on you​

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[jaymbrs]

Unless they're well versed or more experienced in the subject they're giving their opinion about, I don't pay attention to it.

 

[ubercat]

Thanks rocky nice article

I love #1 so here's my shortcut version of it:

Mentally I always think haters gonna hate. The defects with them not you.



Action Depends. If it's the Mrs complaining about your curated semi vintage collection of checked shirts. Half chuckle and ignore or shrug and grunt 'guy stuff' at her. If it's at work or in social group they re social climbing on yr back. How you deal depend on how bad and how often. I find pointed ignoring is good. Smirk or give a wtf look at them and physically half turn you back on them and change the topic talk to group or whichever friendly is close to you

It's like with chicks the one who responds with least effort turns the hater into a dancing monkey. If they keep going ask them if their week has been ok. I.e. point out to group they re OTT and killing the vibe.

 

[ubercat]

BTW family is tough. My sister's are extremely dominant people. I treat them like difficult stakeholders at work. Tell them they are wonderful agree with their ideas and ask them lots of questions. I would love to have a more honest relationship with them but they are not capable of it.

 

[Dr.Suave]

I love it when family, friends, and social circle try to give me advice. Most of them are a bunch of losers so all I have to do is the opposite of what they are advising. Its been working great so far.

 

[member160761]

Even though I'm a grown man who runs a business, provides for a family, and keeps my affairs in order, I STILL run into people who seem to like to cast doubt on my decisions and actions.

"Are you really gonna wear THAT?"

"Do you think you ought to do (that thing)?"

"I'm not sure I would talk to them like that..."

"you think that is the correct decision?"

Usually these are people like parents and relatives who in the past, I valued their opinions and input. But these little comments still seem to chip away at your self confidence, making you wonder if you are making the right choice...

I looked around on the internet and found an article talking about this in regards to people and their acting career. These points were pretty salient to me:

​

So, how do you prevent OPD mind invasion?​

​

1. Recognize that OPDs aren’t even about you.​

Anytime someone expresses doubt in your ability to make it as a working actor (or do anything else for that matter), what they’re really saying is that they don’t believe they could do it. What’s coming out of their mouth is a direct reflection of their own beliefs about what’s possible, for them, based on their own story. They’re talking about themselves. Every. Single. Time.​

​

2. Recognize that your courage triggers others.​

You’ve chosen a challenging (and incredibly rewarding) path. When people who have chosen safe, predictable careers are faced with someone who is following their dream, it often triggers them. They’ll want to poke holes in what you’re doing as a subconscious way of telling themselves that they’re doing the right thing by not following their dream.​

​

3. Shield yourself.​

It’s important to see OPDs about your acting career for what they are: attempts to bring you down. Even if the other person doesn’t realize that’s what they’re doing, and even if they think they’re doing you a favor, they’re not. You can shield yourself by limiting your time with that person, or where that isn’t possible or desired, imagine their words are tangible and you block them from hitting you by imagining yourself inside of a safe, protective bubble, or using a shield or magic bracelets like Wonder Woman wears. It may sound cheesy, but it’s something you can “do” in the moment that prevents OPDs from sinking in.​

​

4. Avoid trying To persuade others.​

Trying to convince others you’re on the right path (when faced with their doubts) is a drain on your creative energy. Your decision to be an actor just is, you don’t have to justify it to anyone. When someone springs their OPDs with you, shield yourself in your mind, and then externally, you can nod, breathe, and say as few words as possible (like, “It’s going great”); but don’t try to convince them that their doubts are unfounded. Save your precious energy for bringing your vision to life.​

​

5. Craft a message for yourself, from the other person.​

When OPDs get stuck in your head, try customizing the following message to fit your situation (swapping out the words for the ones they said) and reading it to yourself out loud, as if it’s from the other person (just don’t share it with the other person):​

​

“I am so sorry that I told you it’s not practical to become an actor and that you should do something else. I should never have said that to you; I was wrong. The most practical thing you could ever do is what you love. And it takes a tremendous amount of courage to be an actor. Honestly, what I said had nothing to do with you, it was about me and my own doubts, but I’m sorry for putting them on you. I’m actually really inspired by what you’re doing. I know you have everything it takes to succeed and I’m going to be cheering you on the whole way.”​

​

​

You can’t change the fact that you’ll always be exposed to OPDs, but with time and practice, you can arrive at a place where they have little effect on you​

​

​

​

Thanks a lot for your post. I deal with this more often since I improved myself and my situation a lot. The most "questions" I get are from effeminate males or masculinized females. The hatred they have for somebody who gets his life in order is insane.