Dealing with Negative Friends

[SamMalone]

I've become a real optomistic, friendly guy over the past year or so. Problem is some of my friends are extremely negative. They all make fun of each other, talk about a different person behind their back, and are just basically negative all around. I was ok with this for a while but it's really been getting on my nerves lately. Not to mention I've heard more "gay" bashing in the past 2 months (when I moved into my new apartments with my roommates) than I have in my whole life. Should I try to get these guys to change and make them happier people, or should I just ignore them like I have been, or get some new friends (even though I live with 2 of them and the other ones always come over to my place almost every day)? I'm just sick of all the negativity.

 

[skeeloo]

1stly i dont even think its a good idea to move in with friends id rather move in with some new guy than with friends becos theyll know everything about you and use that as amo when an argument starts.
oh and the gay bashing thing i see that alot by one particular friend infact 2 of them and i dont even bother calling them anymore they get tired and always call me
and when i forgive them they start all over with the jealousy again becos i get more girls and female attraction and im one of those dudes that dont conform to none im strong willed so they seem to have a problem with that.
i came to the conclusion to cut them off totaly .
but in your case you cant excape cuss you live with them:crackup:
if they bash you once its ok twice its ok but when it happens frequently you should know they are jealous of something......so my opinion if it continues say bye bye to them calling them on it will have an effect for a short while then theyll get back to the same thing again.
i give respect to those who give me respect and im happy i got 2 friends that understand that. the rest im done with

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

Dude, just get new friends that are congruent with your style. Either that or you could always revert back to an AFC so that you can fit in with them.

 

[SamMalone]

I would like to help these guys though, but so far these past few months, they're negativity has rubbed off on me than I've rubbed off on them. It's more "friendly" bashing, but you can only be called an ***hole so many times until you just get sick of it. And the gay bashing just makes me feel like a immature AFC again. What could I say to them to help them realize that we could be so much better than that?

 

[Fantasy]

Originally posted by SamMalone
I would like to help these guys though, but so far these past few months, they're negativity has rubbed off on me than I've rubbed off on them. It's more "friendly" bashing, but you can only be called an ***hole so many times until you just get sick of it. And the gay bashing just makes me feel like a immature AFC again. What could I say to them to help them realize that we could be so much better than that?

These don't sound like people that should be called "friends," especially by someone of your ambitions.

Although I admire your attitude I don't know why you think you should be the one to "save them." This can be no less annoying than a very religious person trying to push their beliefs off onto you. Besides, you are outnumbered and probably will have no more influence on them than their own parents.

They will only continue to bring you down. I urge you to find new buddies.

 

[ScrewIt]

Originally posted by SamMalone
I would like to help these guys though, but so far these past few months, they're negativity has rubbed off on me than I've rubbed off on them. It's more "friendly" bashing, but you can only be called an ***hole so many times until you just get sick of it. And the gay bashing just makes me feel like a immature AFC again. What could I say to them to help them realize that we could be so much better than that?

I have a friend particulary like that, sometimes he's in a bad mood just cause he's a pessimist so his "friendly" bashing comes in. There's no way he could ever bring me down cause im always in a good mood.

As fantasy said, no one wants be saved if they dont want to. you cant force your beliefs on someone no matter how righteous you think you are. Dont give them power over you, if you continue to do so you'll start becoming like them. if you cant handle it leave them. Friends come and go in life, no big deal.

 

[RedPill]

SamMalone, I can relate to this situation. You make improvements. You change yourself, and your personality for the better. New people you come in contact with like you, as now you're much more of a positive person. Unfortunately though, we all have a tax to pay for making poor choices, even if those choices we made were during our youth when we didn't know any better.

For some that tax could be taking a couple years to get the body you want, which is the price paid for the poor decision of neglecting your health for a decade. In this case, the poor choice made was spending years of your life building a social network that is full of chumps, negative people, and anti-social friends who are life's losers. There is a tax for this choice, unfortunately, and that is the time it will take you to start building a new social network.

Here is the course of action for this challenge. From now on, only spend your time hanging out with people who are positive, who are winners and lift you up. Be legitimately too busy to hang out with people like your old friends who bring you down. I'm not saying cut ties with them completely, but life is too short to waste time with the time-wasters of the world. The younger you're able to step back and make all the corrections you need to make to have the successful life you want to have, the sooner you'll get there. The compound effect of making changes earlier is enormous.

For me personally, the difficult part about rebuilding the social network has been leaving the party. So many of my friendships were based around getting wasted and wasting time. It's funny how people you once considered great friends get so jealous and don't wish to associate with you anymore when they see you getting successful. They have no clue why you wouldn't want to join in their loathing of the world around them. Blows my mind.

 

[ScrewIt]

Originally posted by RedPill
It's funny how people you once considered great friends get so jealous and don't wish to associate with you anymore when they see you getting successful. They have no clue why you wouldn't want to join in their loathing of the world around them. Blows my mind.

yup. there's really no helping it. if someone's being negative and closed minded, they get to a point where they dont want to change their lives around or even attempt at personal growth. Unfortunately there's really nothing you can do but move on with your own life.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

Originally posted by SamMalone
I would like to help these guys though, but so far these past few months, they're negativity has rubbed off on me than I've rubbed off on them. It's more "friendly" bashing, but you can only be called an ***hole so many times until you just get sick of it. And the gay bashing just makes me feel like a immature AFC again. What could I say to them to help them realize that we could be so much better than that?

Some people aren't meant to be helped, accept it. You can not save everyone. People react to situations in a manner that is most comfortable to them. Quit feeling that you have to justify your being keeping anyone elses house in order and just focus on your own.

 

[SamMalone]

Well, I was medically cleared to work out yesterday. I decided I would go today, and all they did was insist that it was stupid that I go and how pointless it is. Then when I got back they had fun making up different excuses I would have for not going again tomorrow.

People just don't want you to better yourself in any way for some reason. I guess they see me doing it and they feel worse about themselves, but you'd think they try to "keep up" with me instead of trying to drag me down to their levels.