Dealing with Jealousy

[Walk the Air]

Alright, heres the problem. I am an extremely jealous guy. I hate it, I know it stems from insecurity, and whatever else, but WHY! Honestly, it bothers me more then anything I can think of. From the simplest things. It doesnt take much. I dont get angry or violent, my mood just becomes subdued as I try to fight it down when it flares up. My girlfriend has never cheated on me, nor do I even suspect her of doing so. So why does this happen to me? Honestly, tell me anything you can, dont worry about being polite. More then anything, if you could give me pointers how to deal with it, cause honestly, I want to kill it, and bury it right now. Thanks.

Peace

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

I'll make a guess and ask if you usually compare yourself to other people. Think about it for a minute. If you do, stop it. It's the worse thing you can do. No two people are alike, comparing yourself with another person is like comparing apples and oranges.

Consider this, other than both of you being human, there isn't much that you could accurately compare to another person. You have lived different likes, met different people and have done different things. Given that, why waste your time comparing?

In a nutshell, if people need to compare themselves with someone, compare yourself with the person you use to be. Consider the things that you have learned from your experiences. Consider how your choices has helped you learn more and grow. If anything, compare yourself with yourself to make yourself a better person.

In a nutshell, comparing yourself with anyone else just breeds a air of competition. Think about how much stress you could put on yourself when you compare and feel that you have to compete to keep up. What if you did this several times a day? It would be possible that you could be putting yourself under undue stress for several hours a day.

Now ask yourself, what do you have to gain if you do that?

Just something to consider...

 

[ToP DoN]

suck it up...get some hobbies and stuff

 

[jseib]

Thats a good question... I don't believe theres any real way to kill jealousy in yourself.. If you trust the person your with 100% and have an easy going personality I believe you can avoid jealousy.. But if you don't trust her 100% or have an easy going personality I think your in trouble...

Maybe you just need a girl with a different set of moral values? To many woman think like hor's these days.. Sure it means its easier for guys to get laid but its harder on anyone whos in a LTR with a girl who has shakey values

 

[LouieVaton Don]

Its because of low self esteem , while you may come off as competantly confident, there still maybe issues that havent been touched upon. Once you are truly confident as in, completely comfortable that you can excell in all things. You wont be jealous of the next person because whatever quality it is that makes you jealous you can do and do it better. If you can find a way to adapt this mindset then you'll be cured.


On another note if your not ready to accept your girl being outgoing you arent ready for a relationship IMO. You can't be getting jealous because your girl is around with other guys, chicks look for that type of shyt specifically. If she finds out then she will take all your power and respect. Personally if I cant trust them, I just dump em because it won't be worth it.

 

[DJmonster]

What is your girlfriend doing to make you jealous?

If she is flirting with other guys, then its ok to get jealous. You shouldn't put up with that in an LTR. By flirting, I mean that your girl is showing romantic interest in another guy. By getting jealous I mean being intolerant of that kind of behavior, which would mean letting her know you don't like it, and ditching her if she does it anyway.

If all the small things bother you, like her talking to a male friend, then I'd say the issue is with your trust in her. Has she ever lied to you? If not, then you need to learn to trust her. I've found that with my girlfriend, just by telling her that I trust her makes me trust her more. If you don't think you could ever trust her, then you need to find another girl.

 

[Slickster]

Originally posted by ToP DoN
suck it up...get some hobbies and stuff

That is some funny sh!t!

 

[jbbrain]

I posted about this a little while back..I think it will help you...


I'm young, but I was having problems with jealousy mostly with my crazy ex gf and a little with my current gf, when I knew deep down there was no realisatic foundation to back any of my fantasies up.

I talked to my bro about it. Hes older, and has a shyt load of experience with girls. He told me the key to handling jealousy is a little word called perspective.

The trouble with trying to convince yourself that you're the "shyt" and that shed be crazy to leave you or cheat on you is that when it happens, that very fantasy about yourself that you used as your sole defense crumbles.

"Man, I'm the shyt, but she cheated in me with an obese gorilla!"

That won't help you. Rather, what helps is using your rationality as a man. You're obviously with this girl because deep down you trust her, other wise you wouldnt be with her, right? (I hope so)

Having a good healthy perspective of the world lets real world reality set in. It begs the question "I'm with her and I trust her, but WHAT WOULD ACTUALLY HAPPEN IF SHE WERE TO CHEAT ON ME?"

Are you going to marry this chick? Probably not. Chances are you like her, you might even like her a lot (or even love her), but what would your life be like if all of a sudden if she wasn't around. Would you be fine?

I know I would be. Thats how I'm getting over the jealousy thing. I let my girls do their own thing (as long as its not disrespectful to me) because at the end of the day I know I'm going to be fine with myself, all by myself, if they do decide to stray. I have my own shyt going on for me in this world. i learned that you can never really control anybody else's beahviour. Like many ppl have mentioned before, she will cheat on you at some point if that is her desire. The KEY is how you respond to this reality.

Perspective gives you the ultimate confidence. "Realize" that you don't "need" any chick (because in all reality noone really does, it's just that thousands of guys on this site are unaware of this at the moment) and jealousy won't faze you a bit.

This does not mean that you should be oblivious to your girl's actions. Be aware, but don't let all the small stuff get to you.


Why?

Because you're a man with perspective.

 

[PuertoRican_Lover]

Jealousy is a natural human emotion that arises betwen two individuals - whether it is healthy or not is based on the cause of the jealousy. Gives us an example.

Jealousy could warn us that something is out of place and not right. Or it could tell us that something is not right within ourselves.

I personally am intolerant of disloyalty or infidelity from a woman!

jeal·ous

jeal·ous (jel??s) adjective

1. Fearful or wary of being supplanted; apprehensive of losing affection or position.

2. a. Resentful or bitter in rivalry; envious: jealous of the success of others. b. Inclined to suspect rivalry.

3. Having to do with or arising from feelings of envy, apprehension, or bitterness: jealous thoughts.

4. Vigilant in guarding something: We are jealous of our good name.

5. Intolerant of disloyalty or infidelity; autocratic: a jealous God.

 

[playasupreme]

PuertoRicanLover put it best. Jealousy is natural, just don't let it consume you and make you a paranoid freako. Would it be cool if some guy wiped is as* with your favorite shirt?

 

[CLOONEY]

OK, jealousy is a BIG thing for MANY guys!!! I have to say I was a REAL jealous guy, but I dont know if I was any more jealous than any other guy out there.

All I have to say, is once you are completely happy with your life, and in your skin, you will not be NEARLY as jealous. Of course you will still sometimes, but not nearly as much. When you start to think of things that wil make you jealous, you have to take your mind off it straght away. You are only hurting yourself by being jealous.

 

[Blue Vaser]

She flirts with other guys - hey, that means I can flirt with other girls. Cool

My cure for jealousy - I don't care, I just say to myself: "Fuvck it" and have fun. Life is much, much better this way.