Hello Friend,

If this is your first visit to SoSuave, I would advise you to START HERE.

It will be the most efficient use of your time.

And you will learn everything you need to know to become a huge success with women.

Thank you for visiting and have a great day!

Dealing with games and flakiness

Matt Rogers

Master Don Juan
Joined
Jan 18, 2003
Messages
618
Reaction score
4
There seems to be a consesus amongst some people on this site that every time a woman plays games, acts flaky or disrespects you, you should call her up on it, next her or similarly punish her.

I have done this in the past and it works horrendeously badly. Here is why I think it does:

1. It shows her that she has the power to offend you and upset you, which immediately reveals you care about her. It is far better to smile and seem indifferent.

2. She will think you are a controlling jerk, especially when her excuses may be valid and she did have a reason for her behaviour

3. She has valid reasons for her flakiness and game playing. She does not have sky high interest level and doesn't trust you yet and feels the need to test you.

Here is a much better way to react.

1. Smile and don't let her know you are annoyed.
2. In some way distance yourself by not calling for a week. Don't be overly hasty to reschedule or supplicate to her. Also don't try and persuade her to change her mind or apply pressure on her.
3. Try again a week later and don't mention her behaviour again.
4. Always have back plans and back up girls.

Realise that if a girl tests you or is flaky it is most likely because you haven't yet raised her interest level high enough. Once her interest level is higher she will be more consistent and less difficult. Until then just be charming, don't let her get to you and don't make her your priority until she deserves it.
 

frank17

Don Juan
Joined
Jan 20, 2005
Messages
19
Reaction score
0
Age
37
This is just what I needed to read. There is this girl that I have asked like 3 times to go out... first her mom didn't let her, the second time it was her best friend's grandma's birthday ( which she said it was boring to death). And the third time it was yesterday I asked her to go to the movies after work ( 8 EST ) and she said that she had to drive to her father's house ( like 2 hour and something from where we live).

So that pisses me off that everytime I ask her to go somewhere she has an excuse. But I don't really tell her anything about her flakyn.. I just let it go like nothing.

And as you said I should raise her interest level, but its damn hard to do that when I just see her twice a week at work. Do you think I should try to set up something during weekdays?
 

Matt Rogers

Master Don Juan
Joined
Jan 18, 2003
Messages
618
Reaction score
4
Hi Frank. This is a common situation. When her interest level is not that high she will give you lots of excuses, many of which will be genuine, but when she becomes more interested you will fine even if she is busy she will make the time for you. However if she is making no mention of seeing you soon, or suggesting other dates then you should probably stop asking her out and concentrate on raising her interest level within the workplace.
 

Bonhomme

Master Don Juan
Joined
Jan 2, 2002
Messages
3,957
Reaction score
16
Location
Land of the Ruins
Do a Search

Check out "Anti-Dump's Machine" (or is it "Anti-Dump Machine"?). A truly interested gal will not flake, but whatever the case, a cool, unruffled attitude definitely is best.

Also, don't assume a gal has flaked if she doesn't come through. I had a first date set up with a gal at a show, and she didn't show up or call ... but she called me the next day saying "I'm such an azzhole...yada...yada..." She thought the concert was the following week! I just gave her some good-natured ****, and she's been reliable as clockwork ever since.
 

Matt Rogers

Master Don Juan
Joined
Jan 18, 2003
Messages
618
Reaction score
4
Hi Bonhomme I agree with the comment about Anti-Dump. But going for immediate high interest is going to stop you gettting with lots of girls you want. And a lot of initial high interest is solely physical. However once she gets to know you her interest level may rise if you are a charming DJ and with it her consistency.
 

What happens, IN HER MIND, is that she comes to see you as WORTHLESS simply because she hasn't had to INVEST anything in you in order to get you or to keep you.

You were an interesting diversion while she had nothing else to do. But now that someone a little more valuable has come along, someone who expects her to treat him very well, she'll have no problem at all dropping you or demoting you to lowly "friendship" status.

Quote taken from The SoSuave Guide to Women and Dating, which you can read for FREE.

RogueWarrior

Don Juan
Joined
Apr 16, 2004
Messages
115
Reaction score
0
http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?s=&threadid=68317

The poll results are interesting. More people prefer the technique of ignoring it and falling back to non-communication mode. Personally, I know this works. I've tried the calling her on her B.S. technique once and that got results insofar as she admitted her guilt.

A better question is which technique makes you more attractive. Clamming up makes you a challenge but being upfront garners respect.
 

Bonhomme

Master Don Juan
Joined
Jan 2, 2002
Messages
3,957
Reaction score
16
Location
Land of the Ruins
Interesting point, Matt

... going for immediate high interest is going to stop you gettting with lots of girls you want. And a lot of initial high interest is solely physical...
That makes sense. But The Anti-Dump Machine is what works for me. If a gal flakes, I cut her off and put the onus on her to win back my interest. I recently experimented with dealing with a "boomerang gal" by cutting her more slack and still asking her out her after she flaked (mainly because it was so good when we did talk or get together), but I ultimately had to next her. I've learned my lesson :).

Whatever the case, one has to make sure the gal knows what is unacceptable straight off. Thundercat has a good thread on this that's worth a read.
 

stalluproar

Senior Don Juan
Joined
Jan 15, 2005
Messages
234
Reaction score
0
Age
47
Location
Twin Cities Metro, MN
There are two routes you stop the bleeding when it comes to flaky women. The first way is when you set a date up, listen for any hesitation on her part when agreeing to hang out. If you catch any bit of it, no matter how little. Stop your conversation, redirect it. "Whoa, I'll tell you what, I have a pet peeve, and
I HATE it when people flake out on me. So if you're gonna flake, just tell me now. I'm only going to make plans if you're CERTAIN that you're going to be there." (Came from a recent DYD mailbag)If she gets upset, then you just weeded out a problem. Another way to stop the bleeding when she calls to cancel 2 hours before. Tell her thanks for the 3 hour notice, what are you going to do to make this up to me?
 

Royal Elite

Banned
Joined
Jan 28, 2005
Messages
749
Reaction score
1
Age
48
Location
NY
Originally posted by Matt Rogers

Here is a much better way to react.

1. Smile and don't let her know you are annoyed.
2. In some way distance yourself by not calling for a week. Don't be overly hasty to reschedule or supplicate to her. Also don't try and persuade her to change her mind or apply pressure on her.
3. Try again a week later and don't mention her behaviour again.
4. Always have back plans and back up girls.

Realise that if a girl tests you or is flaky it is most likely because you haven't yet raised her interest level high enough. Once her interest level is higher she will be more consistent and less difficult. Until then just be charming, don't let her get to you and don't make her your priority until she deserves it.
First off all flakiness doesnt come from low interest. Most of you cats here forget about that other element called "fear". Just look at this board, and see how "scared", and "cowardly", the guys here act when it comes to women and you are suppose to be the protecters. Now if Men act like when it comes to dating what do you think is going through a woman's head.

Never let time go pass to address the situation, that is a sign of fear. You always let them know they did something wrong ASAP. Your problem is you think verbal chistisment means you have to lose control and fly off the handle. No, you can smile tell her "no problem, but dont let this keep happen. My time is important." Then you move on. The thing is not to harp on it, but you always say something.

Always remember this one big rule-"other people dont know what is going on in your head". So you not speaking for a week but never addressing why she can come up with any of a million reason why. You let her know why and then as a punishment dont see her for a week.
 

It doesn't matter how good-looking you are, how romantic you are, how funny you are... or anything else. If she doesn't have something INVESTED in you and the relationship, preferably quite a LOT invested, she'll dump you, without even the slightest hesitation, as soon as someone a little more "interesting" comes along.

Quote taken from The SoSuave Guide to Women and Dating, which you can read for FREE.

Bonhomme

Master Don Juan
Joined
Jan 2, 2002
Messages
3,957
Reaction score
16
Location
Land of the Ruins
moot point

The gal I though might be blowing me off just was too tired and needed to hibernate. Probably avoided calling me earlier so as not to have to tell me she wasn't available last (Monday) night. Monday's her day off, and we've been on 2 straight Monday night dates. Back to what Royal Elite implied about gals' motivations.

Funny thing is this gal inadvertently stood me up on what was supposed to be our 1st date becuase she thought the show was the following week (chuckling). She called me back the next day apologizing profusely for having been "such an a$$hole."

So that reinforces the point that it's important not to assume anything.
 
Top