Dealing with flaking

[PumpedGuy]

Hoping some of you guys can help me here deal with a girl who is being a little flaky to say the least! We were meant to get together and do something on the weekend but about 6 hours before our date she txted me some lame excuse about having to do some stuff for college.

This girl was the one who wanted us to get together and she suggested it when we saw each other the weekend previous. When I try to organise something she is the one who flakes out of it.

We have both been seeing other people - I know she is seeing another guy but she has no idea I have been seeing another girl. I am betting she spent the weekend with the guy she is seeing and therefore had to flake on me as a result. Plus someone local saw me with this other girl on the weekend so no doubt she will find out I have been seeing someone else as well as pursuing her soon.

Obviously there are some big time games at play here with both of us. I know I have a huge advantage as the guy she is seeing lives so far away.

Any advice on what action to take here? How do I get control of this situation and make her pursue me?

 

[Lone_raider]

Honestly I've never had an answer for flaking. I always assumed it was lack of interest, or the girl was an attention wh0re who agrees to dates then flakes out hoping you will still pursue her so she can flake out again, thus getting her attention.

Girls with boyfriends/serious relationships obviously flake often and it happened to me today, not that I didn't expect it. Girls often just start flirting with me, and some of them, as I later find out, have boyfriends. When I hear this I don't even consider asking them out or even for their number. But it never fails, they find some way to give me their phone number by saying we should study together, or we should try and get in the same classes next semester etc. In my most recent case the girl said lets get together and study tonight, tossed her phone number at me and I gave her mine, she said I'll call you when I'm free but she never did, so I called her (well knowing an excuse was coming) and she totally flaked lol. Of course she has a boyfriend so it's obvious why, but it always baffles me why they go through great lengths to flirt with me in the first place, give me their numbers, set up a study date, coffee date, and then flake out on their own date! Why bother?

Anyway, I honestly don't worry about it, girls flake all the time, the goal is to have more then one girl lined up so the flake doesn't ruin your plans. I found this situation today amusing as I knew exactly what was going to happen, plus I have a date lined up on Friday with a non flake so it didn't bother me. I just laughed to myself after I hung up the phone, and chalked another one up to experience

 

[Reto]

Flakes... I've had my share. What they do is make plans with you, then break the plans when something better comes along. Basically, you are back up guy.

I forget where I read it, but don't make plans with a girl more than 48 hrs in advance. Less is better. The less time she has to find something else to do, the better.

There will always be flaky girls. Thing is, do you put up with it? If you do, you're being trained to. She'll continue.

Sometimes things really do come up. It's a case by case basis. 2 times... NEXT!

 

[JustDoItAlways]

Chicks flake for lots of reasons.

Most of the time, the flake happens because they were just looking for VALIDATION from you. Validation that they are an attractive female. This is far more important to women than we guys understand.

Getting a guy to formally ask them out on a real date provides that Validation for them, even though they had no interest in getting together in the first place. Getting the guy to phone them constantly provides that Validation. Attention Wh0res need lots of Validation, even from the same guy, over and over again.

The good thing about the Flake in cases like this is that you get to find out that this really is the situation. You find out for sure that she wasn't serious about you, that she just wanted Validation. You don't have to waste any more of your valuable DJ time and effort on her.

It is so common with women that you really shouldn't let it get to you at all. When it happens to you, just laugh it off and say to yourself "Holy sh1t, another chick looking for Validation. How many can there be."

But there are cases when the girl actually likes you but flakes because of the PRESSURE of the situation. You forced her into a corner where she has to give up her Saturday Night plans to be with you. The pressure and the stress gets to her and she takes the easy way out and flakes on you instead.

When you asked her out, you made it sound like the two of you were heading towards a serious relationship. She might like you but she doesn't know if she's ready to have a serious boyfriend what with all the hassles that that entails. She succumbs to the Pressure and takes the easy way out again and flakes.

So, in summary,

- its good when a chick flakes on you because you get to find out for sure if she was really interested or just looking for Validation.

- make the first get-togethers non-pressure-filled. Just a Wednesday night out for coffee, something fun, a drink. Skip Week-ends at first. When you ask her out, don't make it sound like you're going to get married the following week.