Dealing with 'fibs'.

[Axe]

I haven't really had much experience with this before and just wanted some input. I've recently caught my girlfriend in two minor lies. Basicly it was just things that I wouldn't really have cared too much about but she would lie about it because she thought I might get upset.

It's pretty easy to tell when it's happening and if I act suspicious she usually changes her story to what seems like *most* of the truth but there's usually a few minor details she leaves in that still seem fishy. From knowing her, I think she leaves those minor details in to try and make it sound like she wasn't just completely lying. We are both in highschool; however, I am much more mature/ expeirenced the then any of her past boyfriends and such. I think her maturity level is part of the reason she is doing this.

I'm just wondering how other guys would handle this. I do not want to come off as gullable or have this snowball to worse. At the same time though, I don't think there has been anything bad enough to qualify too much over reacting or Nexting.

 

[FitnessGuy]

I would break up with her. My girlfriend cannot lie, that is one of my rules. However all my girlfriends know this, I make sure they do if they want to be my girlfriend.

If a girl lies to me, and she isn't my girlfriend yet, she will never become my girlfriend.

 

[TesuqueRed]

Axe -- it sounds like you're dating beneath your abilities.

 

[PuertoRican_Lover]

Let me be straighforward - RUN!!!!! Never, mever, never associate yourself with a liar - it will be your downfall! Every lie is made to deceive!!!!! Why deceive?? Exactly, why would anyone deceive? To get their way amd to comtrol your thinking for their benefit and to your demise!!!! RUN!!!!

 

[Axe]

Originally posted by FitnessGuy
I would break up with her.

Originally posted by PuertoRican_Lover
Let me be straighforward - RUN!!!!! Never, mever, never associate yourself with a liar - it will be your downfall! Every lie is made to deceive!!!!! Why deceive?? Exactly, why would anyone deceive? To get their way amd to comtrol your thinking for their benefit and to your demise!!!! RUN!!!!

As I said in my post, I am not ready to do this at this time, simply because what her lies or fibs have been about. The only reason she lied was to avoid any kind of confrontation and she seems to be doing this because she is immature in some ways. Also, she is very shy which may be playing into this, I have seen her many times at restraunts not get what she ordered and refuse to tell them they made a mistake.

However, I do want to make sure these do not get out of hand and snow ball.

Originally posted by TesuqueRed
Axe -- it sounds like you're dating beneath your abilities.

In some ways, yes;however, a year or two ago, I was a complete AFC. Over last summer, I pulled a full 180. This girl is very popular with many circles of friends and there are dozens of guys (pretty much all AFCs) who would give their left nut to be with her. Many of these guys who were trying to "work on getting closer to her" really hate me now because I was able to come from out of no where and do what they had been trying to do for a long time and not reaching any success. Having this image casts a very good aura on me towards other girls I may wish to seek in the future.

 

[Hubris]

As long as you keeps your wits about you you should be fine.

I wouldn't fall in love with the girl though...

 

[PuertoRican_Lover]

You are rationalizing her lies when you don't even know why she is lying!! You assume it is because she is shy - never assume 'why' someone lies. The fact that you have seen this behavior a few times could be a sign that she is a chronic liar and has the potential and it seems the proclivity to lie. Are you to wait when it's a big lie that is against you to be mad, but not when she lies on other small details. Why not be straight up and ask her, "why do you lie?". Oh yeah, you might lose her. Nrver trust her completely, especiaally her fidelity to you.

It is not just the 'small' lie by itself that should be your concern, but also the "pattern of lies" that is deeply rooted in her behavior!!!!! These are the people we call "liars".

 

[Axe]

Originally posted by PuertoRican_Lover
Are you to wait when it's a big lie that is against you to be mad, but not when she lies on other small details. Why not be straight up and ask her, "why do you lie?".

This is exactly what I am asking for input on. What *you* think *I* should do. As I said, I have not really had expierience with somebody lying about small things like this. I do not want to wait for the chance it could be a big lie later. I guess I'm basicly asking for a way to call her on these lies and ask for more respect then that.

And please don't respond with "Next her". I do not go to a HUGE school or live in a large population so breaking up with somebody for what could be percieved as a stupid reason would only subtract from my image.

 

[PuertoRican_Lover]

Since you know the truth, you can just keep questioning her until her staements become contradictory to one another and the lie will be exposed due to inconsistencies in her story (which is inevitable, if you follow logic), and then she'll have to admit to you that she is lying. She may not say, "I/m a liar". Liars never do, but you will know she is a liar and shameless to be one!! Shameless liars are wicked people - if she is one then RUN!!!!!

 

[Axe]

Thanks, good advice. Feed back from other people is still appretiated though so I can decide actually what I want to do.

 

[ManOMan]

I think you also have to assess the circumstanc of the lie, (maybe you'de like to share with us what she lied about)

I have lied to my gf before, so she doesnt get upset (i.e. saying I had to work late, to get out of going somewhere boring with her, or to hang out with other friends)

but she tends to overblow a situation (YOU'd rather hang with friends than ME!!!??)

the lying was to spare her from feeling bad, but that doesnt make me not trustworthy

or does it?