It's been years since I've been in an argument with a woman. Even my last relationship which was 2 years; I can't recall an actual argument. I had a stronger frame than her.
The one before that was filled with arguing and trying to talk sense into her (get her to see things my way, etc). And to my knowledge, none of those arguments ever changed anything. She had a stronger frame than me.
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I prefer now to let them know very early on what I expect (and it's a very small list.) For example: My biggest pet peeve is a woman showing up really late for a date or flaking completely. I really can't think of anything else that makes me want to never see her again as much as this.
So I tell a woman very early on: "I like a girl who's reliable. Are you the type of girl who a) mostly shows up on time and doesn't cancel dates last minute or b) the type of girl who shows up when she wants and cancels when she wants?" Every girl answers "a", that's what I want (them to identify themselves with that). Then I'll tell a couple of stories about women who fell into each different category and how I dealt with it.... The women who ended up not being reliable get nexted even if they were a lot of fun and we have great chemistry and great sex (always mention that even though I had these things - I ended it still.) Then mention women who were great at being on time and not flaking; I talk highly of these women and how much fun we had, etc.
This is how I set boundaries. And over the first 2-3 dates - I'll have all my boundaries set.
So when she texts me "Sorry, I know we were supposed to hang out tonight, but my girlfriends dragged me out to the bar and now I'm stuck. Maybe I can still come over when I get home. I remember what you said about being reliable but there's nothing I can do about this. I didn't drive." (this is similar to a text I got in the past year.)
I at least know that I'm doing a good job of laying down the boundaries and making them known. And she at least knows the reason I stop talking to her (maybe I'll excuse this once in a while; because things do happen; but if a woman shows consistent signs of this - she's gets to see my walk away.)
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So, what does this have to do with what you're asking?
I feel she should already know what you find bad behavior. If not from you setting boundaries --- at least through common sense.
For example - she's flirting with another guy at the bar: You should never have to explicitly tell your girlfriend that she should not flirt with other guys; especially in front of you. This is common relationship sense; basic respect. (If she doesn't have it - next her now.)
But if it's some form of less common bad behavior - she should know ahead of time. Say.... You don't like when women get drunk at bars - I would explicitly tell her this (through story). May seem funny, but women take note of these things. And lots of guys don't care if their girlfriend gets drunk at a bar (but i know some who do.)
The reason I do this is NOT because I expect her to follow it. It's so I know that she knows my take on the whole thing. She knows the consequences of doing this. She knows THERE IS consequences of doing things.
And the consequence is the trump card - aka: my ability to walk away from her and the relationship at any moment regardless of feelings.
Read that again!
If she's into you, and feels you are willing to walk away - then bad behavior does not occur [often]..... So bad behavior (beyond just testing) occurs when one of these is not in good shape:
1) She's not into you.
2) Or she doesn't feel you're willing to walk away.
3) Or your boundaries are lacking.
Unfortunately, most men in relationships: 1, 2, & 3 apply all at once. And at that point - there's nothing they can do. Other than hand over their balls so their owner can keep them in her purse.
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If this is occurring on a regular bases in your relationship - I suggest you end it. There's plenty of women out there who won't be a pain in your @ss every time you go out together.
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Telling her not to do something directly.
Giving her the cold shoulder.
Looking at her in a disapproving way.
All those things.... Won't work unless she's into you still and fears losing you.
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also note: Most women will do things like this just to get a spike in emotions. They might be into you, etc. But they have some kind of malfunction (especially when drinking) that makes them just try to start things.... Every once in a while it is to be expected. If it's happening on a consistent bases - there's no reason to stay with her.
Now if you want to give a more specific question (what actually happened) - you'll get more specific answers.
Edit: D@mn this is long!
