Dealing with backstabbers?

[Firefly]

I posted this on the main group, but someone suggested I post this in this forum as well.

As I have posted before, I have been involved with a social group for the last couple of years, and built up a high profile in the group as a volunteer. I met quite a few girls through the group, but as a result, I also had quite a lot of resentment from the other guys in the group.

However, for the last year or so, because of work commitments, it was beginning to feel more and more like a chore to be part of the group and I had considered stepping down or reducing my involvement. Because more and more guys were finding out about the group, I was also finding there was a lot more backstabbing in my direction as well which was also putting me off.

A few weeks ago, I had a girl from the group with whom I had a one night stand a few months ago make a complaint that I had sexually assaulted her. She subsequently changed her story to claiming I took advantage of her, claiming she had been drunk and I had taken advantage of her. As a result, I lost my official position within the group and I decided I had enough of the whole thing and quit.

I have now learnt that the girl who had made the complaint had been very strongly encouraged to do so by another volunteer, who has now taken over the role of being the main social coordinator. It seems this was a very deliberate effort to oust me, so he could take over. This was a guy who spent months sucking up to me when he thought I could help him out socially, and as soon as the complaint was made, he writes me an email saying he will do his best to have me ostracised "because of what I did".

Now, I objectively, I realise that the guy did me a favour as the group was taking up a lot of my time, both with all the activities I was organising and because I spent so much time worrying about all the politics. I am taking on a graduate position this year which is very important to my career, and up until this happened, I was still stressing about how to balance both the demands of this job and my commitments to this social group (which in retrospect was stupid, because improvements to one's career should always take precedence over trying to pick up women). However, I found myself not being able to sleep yesterday because I was so pissed that this dude got one over on me, especially in such an underhanded manner. Can anyone suggest ways I can move on past this, and not allow it to continue to bother me?

 

[HalfAddict]

What would Chuck Norris do?

Just kidding, whatever you do, do not roundhouse kick him to the moon. Honestly, what can you do, it is clear these chumps are eating her story up, and she is not going to tell the truth. **** them I say, it is in the past continue on the path and defend yourself when necessary.

 

[Buddha_Mind]

Look--this girl has issues that you can't understand--I am giving you the benefit of the doubt that you didn't foce anything on her, and she went with it. Maybe she had buyers remorse after, or has some weird psychological thing with sex where she wasn't able to move past the fact she had a drunken hook-up.

When people are slandering you, you have two options:

(1) defend yourself and provide a counter-argument.
(2) ignore it and live your life knowing internally what is the truth.

In some cases, you can argue until you are blue in the face, but people are only going to see or believe what they want. Whatever perspective you have of yourself or the situation, they may NEVER be able to see.

Sometimes you can bring people into the light.

Other times it is best to entirely detach and focus on other aspects of life -- let the chips fall where they may, so to speak, and move on with life. At the end of the day, despite this having been a strong social outlet for you, that is all that it was. You still have your career, you still have yourself, you will be absolutely fine. Maybe the stress you've been experienced also will be alleviated now and you can simply enjoy spending that time in other more constructive ways for YOU.

I would say getting into a huge back and forth with this group is just going to compound the stress you are already experiencing. It's like any bad relationship -- at what point are you going to convince them of your side? So who cares, go into NC mode and just move on with your life. Fvck the crazy bishes and the people who love to spoondown drama. Who knows. Maybe that little twerp guy has the hots for her and is backing her up simply to get in good. You never know the depths of someone eles's motives other than your own.

PS--tell the guy who is bothering you to 'fvck off' if it'll make you feel better--no laws in that--call an @sshole as you see it.

 

[zekko]

Some people are master manipulators, sounds like this guy is one of them - manufacturing a situation to oust you as leader of the group and take your place.

I recall you talking about this group before, it's some sort of charity group or something, isn't it? You may have been creating some sort of bad karma by joining this group on one pretense, but actually just doing it because you wanted to use it as a dating pool.

As for the manipulator guy, best just to wash your hands and walk away from it. There's nothing to be gained by seeking revenge, and it sounds like it had become a toxic environment for you anyway.

 

[Buddha_Mind]

It comes with the territory. Get used to it.

People like this are called c@ck-roaches. Any man that has to resort to doing womanly things like this behind another man is no more than a coward. That's why it's called BACK-stabbing not FRONT-stabbing. You get it!?! F-R-O-N-T-stabbing!!? You get it?!. Pfsssh man you don't get it you're slow.

I don't know how old this chump is but "...males shouldn't be jealous, that's a female trait..." (Jay.Z). BUT now you see this man's character for what it truly is. A sham. He's a parasite not even worthy of acknowledgement. I wouldn't be surprised if their are others behind this guy that secretly don't like you because in situations like this it's always a pack or a group of people that look for an opportunity to oust the top dog. It's an age old tradition and now you have become a part of it. Welcome to the club!

Embrace it...enjoy it...and most of all love it for what it truly is. The disgusting underbelly of humanity, the seething emotions that remain hidden deep within our recesses until the right trigger or time exposes them for all to see. The jealous demons that are finally unleashed. I never understood why society and people in general tear those down who are the best representatives of human beings for all to cherish. We are quick to slander & defame those who have risen to glory, finding some fault or fabricating if their isn't any, and attacking their character.

Human-beings with their arrogance that surrounds us is transparent in situations like this. With time you will be able to see things like this quicker and faster without being fooled by empty flattery. (Like how the guy was sucking up to you). He's in pain...leave him be and alone with his demons for eventually they will destroy him. Don't let this bother you one bit and always remember that a man has nothing to prove until asked other-wise. Stay strong! :rockon:

^righteous post^

It's always easier for people to slander and talk sh!t than it is to generate a genuine complement and positive observation. People seem to enjoy cutting one another down over building one another up.

Fvck these bastards -- disconnect -- let them believe what they want -- inside of yourself is all you truly have to live with.

 

[englishman]

Backstabbing is hard to fight against. In my own life at the moment I'm on the recieving end of a lot of backstabbing, and although people on here are saying forget it, I dont think thats always your best policy.

Look at it this way, if your an OK guy and going about your life not messing anyone up and there are people behind your back saying that you are a bad guy who for eg...hits his mum and steals from charity boxes etc... then it's actually doing you a lot of harm.

In my experience backstabbers are a lot like bullies, in that if you actually confront them about what they are doing they will be shocked.

But unlike bullies who will often stop after that, the backstabber just goes further underground.

The only defence that I think you have against back stabbers is to

1. Let them know that you know what their up to behind your back.

2. If your lucky you'll know something about them and threaten to start a rumour of your own, like the guy is a flamer or is married and having an affair etc...

having said that if you can just walk from the group and it won't affect the rest of your life then it's not such a big deal. But if it's your family or your main job then it is a big deal.

Personaly I'd love to smack the guy in the face, I fvcking hate girly manipulative men who do sneaky **** like that, they deserve zero respect in my opinion.

PS I once bought and read a book that someone suggested on SS about this stuff about covert aggresives, In sheeps clothing by George K Simon, a good read.