Dealing with Alpha "friends"

[NeoKortex]

Hey,

Iam 28 and my girlfriend is 22 and we are living together and in a relationship for 18 month. Iam no native speaker so pardon my english

There is one thing that bothers me a lot to be honest. I have this guy in my social circle that i basically
can't avoid. He's an douchbag and jerk but very good with women. He's fun and confident and dominant and also very muscular. I know him for over 20 years and we used to be friends but right now he did a lot things to make me shut him out of my life.

Growing up with him i realized there are two kind of girls for him: one type of girls that think he's
funny and good looking etc. and one type of girls that think he's dumb and ignorant.

Iam afraid my girlfriend is the first type of girl. She likes him and the male attention he showers her with. When she isn't around he said things like "Iam going to steal ur girl if u don't do x for me hahaha" or "Iam texting with ur girl" ( i know for sure he isn't ) and then pets me on the shoulder like he's joking. I always try to act tough or funny because i say things like "well i ****ed ur ex, so its 1:1" or something and then laugh too.

It really bothers me though that he doesn't show me respect and that my girlfriend is into him.
I know he has ****ed other guys girlfriend and wives before. I asked a real friend of mine about this and he said he doesn't think my girlfriend is into this guy too much. So i wonder if my insecurities win over here? What can i do? I try to avoid this guy as much as possible at the moment.


Somehow it also decreases the value of my girlfriend in my eyes. Why can't she think of the guy as
arrogant and stupid? Why does she have to dig him. Well i guess attraction is not a choice.
I just dont want her to cheat on me with him.

Don't know how to feel or how to act.

Greetz

 

[John Winter]

You can act like him? It doesn't sound like he's being an ass intentionally to you it just sounds like that's the way he is.

You shouldn't worry about what she does or doesn't do with him until it actually happens because if anything you'll make it sound like an accusation.

She will take it that you're implying that she's a slut at worst and at best that you're intimidated by your friend.

When you talk to women, imagine you are the only man that exists alright?

 

[cola]

This is deeper than him. There is something about you that portrays weakness.
This guy or any other guy in your social circle should not feel comfortable joking about banging your girlfriend.
You must come off as soft.

You need to learn how to set lines for people and be willing to punish them if they cross them. Don't let anyone disrespect you bro.

You have two options
1. Next time the topic goes to your girlfriend pull him to the side. Don't do it in front of everyone, but tell him firmly:
"look man, we are cool and all but I don't play about my girlfriend. Id really appreciate it if you stop making jokes about banging her because I don't find that sh#t funny."

If he does it again, punch him in the face. If you can't or wont fight for your respect

2. Completely remove him from your life. Anyone in the social circle who has a problem with that remove them too, and if your girl has a problem with that ditch her and find a new one.

And dont ever let any man who bleeds the way you do disrespect you like that.. Some lines you just dont cross.

 

[NeoKortex]

Yeah cola ur pretty damn right. I must portrait weakness somewhere. Its weird because iam tall and huge, hitting the gym for ages etc.
It must be somewhere in my mind or in my linguistic. I have to think about that one deep though. How to portrait strength. I already
told him if he says another word like this we will never be friends again. Since then his behaviour changed towards me. Still my girl is into him which suxx.

 

[cola]

What do you mean your girl Is "into him"? Like flirting and stuff? Because it's a couple issues I want to touch on but don't want to offend you.

1. You should not be able to tell if your girl Is "into" another guy. Keep a close eye on her. From reading your post she doesnt sound very loyal

2. For the most part 22 Is too young to make a girl your girlfriend. They are at there peak sexual value and always looking for the better deal..

Just be careful. Hope for the best but prepare for worst

 

[fastlife]

Hard to say whether your friend is actually "disrespecting" you without actually seeing the dynamic.

I have some friendships where we all know we have value to girls--when one of us is in a relationship we'll give each other ****, mock flirt with each others' girls, but it's all out of respect. It's possible your friend projects a level of security onto you and your ability to keep your girl in line that, deep down, you just don't possess.

I have other friends that I know I'd actually be in danger of pulling their girls away from them--in those cases I'm super careful to be 'respectful' and to actively pump up my boy in her eyes. If he sees you as lower value, he's definitely clowning on you and being blatantly disrespectful.

Either way, the best thing you can do is to start emotionally detaching from your girl a little bit. If she jumps ship, good riddance--your 'friend' is doing you a favor. I mean, I get you sunk 18 months into this girl and live together and all that--but your mind and time are the two most valuable things you have and you're wasting both of them to keep some chick, who may or may not be all that into you, locked down. The more dramatic you get about all this, the lower value you'll appear--basically you'll ensure the negative outcome by putting in effort to prevent it. Better to put that effort into gaming new girls and letting your girl worry about keeping the relationship together.

 

[zinc4]

Dump your gf man and choose better friends.

I'd rather be by myself than in that situation.

Don't let anyone actively disrespect you.

Next time he says something like that ***** slap him in front of everyone and say you'll knock his teeth out if he continues.

But I'd just drop both of em if I were you. Sounds like you need to make changes with who you date and run with.

Edit: just saw your other thread how your girl knows you cheated on her. That changes things. Your boy is still way out of line though.

You need to have a convo with your girl and say you made a mistake but if she wants to continue revenge with these blatant acrs of disrespect, then it would be better to just go your separate ways than to remain in a toxic situation.

 

[LiveYourDream]

Next time he says something like that ***** slap him in front of everyone and say you'll knock his teeth out if he continues.

Women slap, not men. A man slapping another man will only earn him disrespect and laughs. If you are going to man up, then do it. Don't do it like a woman.

 

[Julian]

one thing i learned is that people dont disrespect you "as a joke". yeah its funny to them because they are clowning you but its not funny to you. i had a "friend" like this. basically we were cool but disrespected eachother quite a bit iin order to out alpha eachother.

anyway hes the same, jacked, ****y, funny, alpha blabla. Well one day I was in a bad mood. He happened to make some comment and i blasted him. It was a turning point for me. Dont take **** from anyone no matter what. I stood up, looked him dead in the face and adressed him by name then said "Right now your crossing the ****ing line with that **** your talking, your disrespecting me, so shut the fukk up or this is going to escalate physically".

Also DO NOT let things build up. Disrespect needs to be corrected the instant it is perceived. Do not go with it and joke around.

Keep in mind he outweighed me by 60lbs. Im ripped but dude is just bigger. He backed down/apologized blabla. Point is if you give an inch they take a mile.

For example, was out the other night with my girl and her friends (all female). Some douche was being c0cky or whatever and he said something like "blabla dont get in my squad". Like directed it at me. I didnt even comprehend what he said. But I squared up and straight said FUKK your squad. He didnt say ****.

It sucks it has to be this way because im very respectful and lowkey and people just wana be fukking azzholes. nah man...not on my watch.

 

[dutchmaster]

I don't know if I would consider this guy an alpha or your friend. Sounds like a narcissistic d1ckhead.. if ur girl is into him she herself prob has narc traits.

you should stop associating with these people

"roll around in the mud, you might come out covered in sh1t"

 

[zinc4]

Women slap, not men. A man slapping another man will only earn him disrespect and laughs. If you are going to man up, then do it. Don't do it like a woman.

You are missing the point, if a guy acts like a *****, slapping him like he is a woman is the ultimate insult if it's in front of others .

He will either back down or come at you at which point you knock him out.

Since you've obviously never done it nor seen it done go YouTube the movie Tombstone scene where Wyatt Earp slaps the bullying character played by Billy Bob thirton to get an idea what I'm talking about.

 

[raider87]

one thing i learned is that people dont disrespect you "as a joke".

There's a lot of truth in jokes.
Bullying is something that doesn't stop in high school, there's always going to be people trying to knock you down a peg or two to make themselves feel better. The worst period for men is probably between the ages of 18-25. A lot of guys can feel insecure, unsure of themselves and lack the knowledge & experience to deal with difficult people. This is the age range most males commit suicide I believe.

Do as Cola says, set a line and if someone crosses it punch them, if it's a woman ignore her.

Society will tell you different but there's nothing wrong with beating someone up for disrespecting you for no reason. Just make sure no one sees.

 

[logicallefty]

OP, In the end something has to be done about this situation. It could be handled any number of ways mentioned above and otherwise. My thought, try some humor. As you said you did. Just throw it back and act unphased.

Friend: I'm texting your girl
LL: ok, I'm texting Jessica Simpson

Friend: I'm gonna steal your girl
LL: haha ok well Don't forget Klenex to wipe yourself when the dream ends

GF: Your friend bla bla (something good)
LL: Yeah he's the 3rd most interesting man in the world
(if she asks I'm the 2nd most interesting man in the world, and the guy in the beer commercial is the 1st!)

 

[LiveYourDream]

You are missing the point, if a guy acts like a *****, slapping him like he is a woman is the ultimate insult if it's in front of others .

He will either back down or come at you at which point you knock him out.

Since you've obviously never done it nor seen it done go YouTube the movie Tombstone scene where Wyatt Earp slaps the bullying character played by Billy Bob thirton to get an idea what I'm talking about.

You are right, I missed that perspective completely. It's an entirely new one to me. Thanks for pointing it out to me and updating my awareness.

 

[Bible_Belt]

She likes him

If that's true, why stand in the way? Tell them they deserve each other. They can both fvck off...together. That's the attitude you need to have. That's the alpha attitude.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

If that's true, why stand in the way? Tell them they deserve each other. They can both fvck off...together. That's the attitude you need to have. That's the alpha attitude.

Let his a$$ take care of her, if she has stuff over your house tell her you'll pack it and drop it right in front of the OM's house.

 

[dutchmaster]

Let his a$$ take care of her, if she has stuff over your house tell her you'll pack it and drop it right in front of the OM's house.

lol fvck that tell her its in a bag outside waiting 4 her

 

[Darth]

I don't worry about alpha or not when with friends (actually I don't think in terms of alpha or beta...actually yes I do I think in terms of successful and loser). If someone is belittling you in any way, just cut them down with a cold remark if you know them personally. Forgive them but never talk to them again. If they're just an acquaintance, not even that (the comment).

 

[devilkingx2]

If he's actually legitimately trying to bang your girl **** him

If your girl is actually charmed by him romantically **** her, she shouldn't be capable of being charmed while she's in a relationship

If both then those *******s belong together **** them both

If neither then relax bro, nothing to worry about.

Starting fights makes you look insecure or hotheaded if you don't have a really good reason, so make sure she actually has a thing for him or that he's actually trying to steal yo girl before you do anything rash.

It'd look really bad to your gf if you started threatening men who talk to her, and it wouldn't do you wonders socially.

 

[Who Dares Win]

You are missing the point, if a guy acts like a *****, slapping him like he is a woman is the ultimate insult if it's in front of others .

He will either back down or come at you at which point you knock him out.

Since you've obviously never done it nor seen it done go YouTube the movie Tombstone scene where Wyatt Earp slaps the bullying character played by Billy Bob thirton to get an idea what I'm talking about.

Agree on that, a slap doesnt harm but humiliates, also the softer it is the more symbolic and "heavy" becomes.