Dating troubles

[Connor Talleur]

Hello fellow Dons,

I am currently in a relationship with a girl I am crazy about. She is fun, exciting, and edgy. I love it. But the issue is that she seems like she has a bunch of underlying emotional issues. What I mean when I say this is, the typical my "parents didn't pay attention to me when I was younger thing" and, she is also dating 5 guys and I am only one of them. I do not have an issue with her dating other guys. What I am worried about is that I am the guy she is just tagging along to get free meals, and to have someone pay attention to her. For example, just last week she invited me for a night out with her friends, but little did I know she invited a guy she used to date and he brought a girl with him. Am I being used to make this dude jealous?? or am I just being paranoid? In addition to this, later that night( after sex) she told me she liked me, and asked if that changes anything between the two of us? Background: I told her I like her when I was drunk at a party.. I know big mistake, but since have grown indifferent since how could she like me she is dating 5 other dudes?(Maybe she says this to all the other guys too?) I had no idea what to say so I said that I was indifferent... Later when I woke up I found her sleeping on the couch( probably because my response wasn't what she wanted to hear). Later the next day we had a school football game, she texted me, I waited a little to respond, then she never returned my text, that was on Saturday it is now Tuesday. Then later that Saturday night after not responding to me, I see on her Snapchat story her with a guy in her apartment at like 1 am. Is this chick just using me ? Or is she trying to make me jealous because I didn't give her the response she had wanted? Any and all advise is welcome. Would really appreciate some feedback, this chick is stressing me out. Also some background of this girl's state of mind, she has told me that she dates guys and then makes them into her friends( she wasn't popular at all in high school and has little to no girlfriends* friends that are girls). Should I drop her? Usually I would avoid girls like these like the plague, but I have a weirdly strong connection with this one that I can't quite put a finger on. Help a brother out.


Thanks in advance

-Conbonn

 

[Harry Wilmington SLW]

You have a "connection" because you had sex. Sex creates dopamine, which is designed by nature to bond you to a female when you have sex with her.

Unfortunately, this also results in the brain justifying actions she's doing that proceed to threaten this bond from continuing. For example: her inviting you out with friends as opposed to suggesting an actual date is typically a "low interest" signal. However, because of sex your brain will question why she would do this, in the hopes that it doesn't mean her interest in you is low.

Same thing with her not respond to you - the brain wants to believe it's just a mistake on her part, or that maybe she just forgot to hit you up, or that she's trying to make you jealous because she really DOES like you and is trying to test you. None of this is the case, but the brain wants to believe it to protect the ego.

Here's the reality of the situation:

1. You already know you are part of a dating rotation she has going on
2. Therefore, you can't be surprised when she's hanging with other guys
3. Any interest she may have in you is not high enough for her to stop seeing these other guys

At this point, you have to decide if you're cool being part of a rotation or if you'd prefer to be with a girl who only wants to see you. There's no right or wrong; it comes down to deciding what works best for YOU. And right now, based on your various questions, it doesn't seem like this is the kind of scenario you want to be in.

Hope this helps!

 

[Dingo]

You've already lost.... Spin plates...

 

[resilient]

...this chick is stressing me out.

Low quality plate. Too many red flags in your post to list them out. You can keep her in rotation while you search and land higher quality plates.

No plate should ever stress you out like this.

Don't let her use orbiters as leverage as power over you. I would walk now and find better plates.

Good luck.

 

[Connor Talleur]

Low quality plate. Too many red flags in your post to list them out. You can keep her in rotation while you search and land higher quality plates.

No plate should ever stress you out like this.

Don't let her use orbiters as leverage as power over you. I would walk now and find better plates.

Good luck.

Quick question, when we were drunk on our second date, she expressed to me that I was too good for her . And that I would just leave her once school started up again. She made it clear that her worry was that I was only in the relationship for sex and that I do not actually like her. She told me she thinks this because I am popular, have a lot of friends, am out of her league, and wouldn't think twice about leaving a girl like her. Like I said in the post I wouldn't usually mess around with girls like this ( not to brag but I am a good looking guy, and she is a 6 1/2-7), but have a weirdly strong connection with this one(mentally not sexually). Knowing this, do you think she is just trying to protect herself from getting hurt? Or do you think I am wasting my time and should find a more willing less complicated partner.

 

[Dingo]

Your only 21.... You got much to learn grasshopper... (we have all been there).....

Go read the Book of Pook... https://bookofpook.neocities.org/#ch-1

PLEASE READ IT.... it's short and sweet and it will answer many of your questions.

 

[Glassguy]

You should always be the mysterious guy who is spinning plates and talking to multiple chicks.

I'll be damned if I'm ever the plate getting spun.......get out now, cut your losses and be thankful that you've had sechs with her and move on.

Use this as a learning experience. You're living on the wrong side of the fence and it's irritating. Get on the right side of spinning plates and it's not difficult at all when your talking to/smashing several chicks. It makes life much happier and you don't have to put up with any one chicks sh!t.

 

[marmel75]

You are clearly more into her than she is into you. Bad sign.

You should be seeing other women as well, this is only a problem to you because you have all your eggs in one basket.